littlemermaid Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 this is so hard. I have been doing so well too for the past few weeks. This Friday it will be a month since I've seen him. He didn't ask for NC, but the last time I saw him he was struggling hard with his guilt and she kept calling while I was with him which made it that much worse. In the end, when I left I said, "I won't come back again," (which me coming to see him is the only way we can see each other, we cannot even communicate text/phone/fb she monitors), and he said, "You can still come back...you are still my friend," which he had just been telling me how every time he's with me he is uncontrollably attracted to me and it either makes him do things he feels bad about later (cheating, though we have never gone all the way) or he is mean to me and tries to kick me out to stop himself from doing stuff with me. So I said why would I come back for more of that, and he said, "Okay then...then it's probably best if you don't, but I will see you at XXX (a public place that I knows I am at certain days and times every week)." Well he hasn't been there, in almost a month, and I don't know if it's because he's really busy or because he is trying to get me to come see him again (before when he hasn't showed up for a while makes me go see him and he knows it). So tomorrow is a day that I know it would be "safe" to go see him...I want to so much...but then again, right now he doesn't know what I am thinking, he doesn't know I am missing him, thinking of him...but if I go there he knows, and he has the power to kick me out, or hurt my feelings...but I want to see him.... 1
Lady2163 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 this is so hard. I have been doing so well too for the past few weeks. This Friday it will be a month since I've seen him. He didn't ask for NC, but the last time I saw him he was struggling hard with his guilt and she kept calling while I was with him which made it that much worse. In the end, when I left I said, "I won't come back again," (which me coming to see him is the only way we can see each other, we cannot even communicate text/phone/fb she monitors), and he said, "You can still come back...you are still my friend," which he had just been telling me how every time he's with me he is uncontrollably attracted to me and it either makes him do things he feels bad about later (cheating, though we have never gone all the way) or he is mean to me and tries to kick me out to stop himself from doing stuff with me. So I said why would I come back for more of that, and he said, "Okay then...then it's probably best if you don't, but I will see you at XXX (a public place that I knows I am at certain days and times every week)." Well he hasn't been there, in almost a month, and I don't know if it's because he's really busy or because he is trying to get me to come see him again (before when he hasn't showed up for a while makes me go see him and he knows it). So tomorrow is a day that I know it would be "safe" to go see him...I want to so much...but then again, right now he doesn't know what I am thinking, he doesn't know I am missing him, thinking of him...but if I go there he knows, and he has the power to kick me out, or hurt my feelings...but I want to see him.... I keep coming back to this post and thinking I will have a burst of inspiration. Do,your best to put yourself first. Because it sounds like he isn't going to. 1
Author littlemermaid Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Well I know, that he isn't. It's not like I put him first either, we are both married. His wife is my friend, it's a bad situation. I want to see him, to go to him as a friend and see how he is...
Popsicle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I say leave well enough alone. It can't go anywhere good and he knows it. 1
herself Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Many of us undetstand and relate well to your feelings of longing to see him and hear from him. The only thing I can tell you is my friend and I are both married as well & he is also friends with my H.....and he suffered SO much with guilt, we never slept together either, it was an EA and the chemistry you could cut with a knife....but in the end, the guilt got so bad, and we were so in love and emotionally tangled that it broke us. I even have a hunch he started to see me as a liability or just the guilt induced by wanting to be with me sexually made him feel so awful that I became tainted in his eyes. Like a bad memory because he wished he could only have that pure innocent love with only his wife and I inspired him to be a less honest, corrupt petson, so I had to be pushed out? Idk. Its the only way I can explain, But this guilt of his (your MM) isnt going to fade. It gets worse, so if you can let go....I think it would be good, cause hes trying to do the right thing, but for us, it feels so WRONG. 1
cozycottagelg Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 What if you went to see him and acted happy and relieved that you both were over? Then you could see him as a friend, but not let him get to you or hurt you? If his wife if your friend, you will have to see him sometime. Don't let him catch you off guard. Go there, be happy, fake it till you make it!
Author littlemermaid Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Many of us undetstand and relate well to your feelings of longing to see him and hear from him. The only thing I can tell you is my friend and I are both married as well & he is also friends with my H.....and he suffered SO much with guilt, we never slept together either, it was an EA and the chemistry you could cut with a knife....but in the end, the guilt got so bad, and we were so in love and emotionally tangled that it broke us. I even have a hunch he started to see me as a liability or just the guilt induced by wanting to be with me sexually made him feel so awful that I became tainted in his eyes. Like a bad memory because he wished he could only have that pure innocent love with only his wife and I inspired him to be a less honest, corrupt petson, so I had to be pushed out? Idk. Its the only way I can explain, But this guilt of his (your MM) isnt going to fade. It gets worse, so if you can let go....I think it would be good, cause hes trying to do the right thing, but for us, it feels so WRONG. Herself, What you have written sounds so familiar, it is very much the same with us as well. I definitely feel that he feels that way about me now, and although I know there is nothing I can do about it, it hurts a lot. We have known each other several years and he was often a bit flirtier than a friend's husband might be, but I never thought he was the type of person who would cross the line...which made the day that he did that much more shocking to me. I honestly couldn't believe that it was really happening, that he was saying and doing the things he was. I had been attracted to him but tried to ignore it because I thought nothing would ever happen and then suddenly it all came spilling out of him so I went with it...we came very, very close to having sex that day, and probably would have except I was having my period and didn't want that with our first time. with our next (and last so far) physical encounter, his guilt was much stronger and he kept begging me to "Help him be good," but I didn't, and now I'm the bad one, the one he has to stay away from because the sexual attraction he has for me has made him someone he didn't think he was capable of being. I guess he didn't think he was the type of person who would cross the line, either...and it's a good bit easier to blame it on me. So he doesn't want to see me...but I'm pretty sure I'm going to see him this weekend in her presence and I'm worried about that. Edited February 25, 2014 by littlemermaid
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