heartbroken7320 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me because she felt that lately we acted more like friends than we did boyfriend and girlfriend. We ended on good terms. She also told me that she loved me, but not in the way that you love a boyfriend. These feelings started a few weeks back. I was also her first boyfriend, so she doesn't have the dating experience that other girls might have. We have a class together and sitting away from each other is not an option. Today, she smiled at me when I walked in...I guess as a courtesy, but we didn't speak other than that. So will not contacting her outside of class help in my situation or hurt me? I feel like her lack of dating experience and just knowing her, she is not the type to go back to anyone begging for a second chance. That's just not her. Of course I'm not going to make any advances over the next week or two anyways so we can both have the space we need, but after a couple weeks would it be appropriate for me to begin making small talk and to see if she wants to meet for lunch or dinner?
Never Again Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 No Contact will work, but not for what you want. It'll help you heal and get over her and be confident and normal again. It'll also show that you're strong enough to maintain personal boundaries. Other than that, it won't help anything. If she likes what she sees, she'll come back. If she doesn't, she won't.
Author heartbroken7320 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Here's the thing. Over the last few weeks, I have been super stressed between school, work and personal situations. I literally had no free time, and when I was free, I spent time with her. I was constantly thinking about other things in life, and it made me less outgoing and friendly. But it has finally hit me that I was in an unhealthy spot emotionally and I think this could've been part of what allowed our relationship to be pushed aside. I have cut back on working hours and have dropped a biology class because I realized it's been my main stress cause and I no longer have a passion for biology after the last few months. I'm finally going to have some time to get my head in the right place. So as time passes, if I want to explain to her that I think this could have been one of our problems (I am absolutely positive that I'm about to be in a better emotional place in my life), should I do so?
Never Again Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Feel free to read my threads. I was in a worse situation than you, but suffered the same sort've effects. I quit the job that stressed me out and went to grief counseling. I got myself together (she found out through a mutual friend), but I never told her. However, she knew. Your ex knew you were being different too. Know what a significant other SHOULD do if their partner is down and acting unsexy? They ask what's wrong and the HELP! They offer support, and if the load becomes too heavy because the stress/sadness/changes last too long, they speak up and say "I want to help, but it's too much." Anyways, the answer is no. It won't change anything. Become that person again on your own. Don't bother trying to tell her or share. If, once you're 100% healed and moved beyond the breakup, you still want to say something...you can make a quick "I'm sorry for how things ended" remark...but by then, you won't care enough. 1
incendia Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) It sounds like maybe she needs some 'life experience' dating other people to appreciate or even understand what you meant to her. Which is stupid, but sometimes how these things work. NC is good for getting your own emotional strength back and not acting intense. That's always embarrassing afterwards cause there's also a limit where you feel things are going beyond what you'd consider normal communication methods. Personally, I'd say cool to being friends and make yourself a little less available so you can have some time to yourself during the breakup before transitioning (straight away) into being friends. But if you genuinely feel too emotional to being friends, then just straight up tell her right now friends isn't a good idea and you still have feelings. The thing with NC is if it's sole purpose is used to win someone back it never works, generally speaking, but if you use that time for yourself to work on you & being happy again… that feeling good about self energy will be attractive to her and other people to be around. Hope it all works out :) Edited February 25, 2014 by incendia 1
monsoon281 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Here's the thing. Over the last few weeks, I have been super stressed between school, work and personal situations. I literally had no free time, and when I was free, I spent time with her. I was constantly thinking about other things in life, and it made me less outgoing and friendly. But it has finally hit me that I was in an unhealthy spot emotionally and I think this could've been part of what allowed our relationship to be pushed aside. I have cut back on working hours and have dropped a biology class because I realized it's been my main stress cause and I no longer have a passion for biology after the last few months. I'm finally going to have some time to get my head in the right place. So as time passes, if I want to explain to her that I think this could have been one of our problems (I am absolutely positive that I'm about to be in a better emotional place in my life), should I do so? It doesn't matter man. There is no explaining. Your best chance for both reconciliation or healing and getting over it is to maintain NC. Let me share with you.. I was dumped about a month ago in a similar situation.. was having trouble and stress at work and after one month of not "being fun" my gf dumped me from a two year relationship.. she had been hounding me about marriage for the past six months. Some people are INCAPABLE of nurturing. Do you really want to build a relationship with someone that will kick you when you need their support? NO! Think about it. Life is rough there will be more stressful times in the future.. you need someone that can be there for you. They aren't stupid.. they knew you were at a low and selfishly decided to only think of themselves. Major red flag. You were not on a year long depression where she tried to help you and you still couldn't cope... no support = selfish. Stand up for yourself and walk away.
Author heartbroken7320 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I wouldn't even consider that she was kicking me while I was down. She didn't know how much pressure and stress I was under. I did as good of a job of hiding it as I possibly could. I think that's what caused me the most damage. It's not like I'm going to have trouble if she turns me away again so there's not much of a concern of not contacting her for the sake of my sanity. I know I'll eventually recover. I'm overall a pretty confident guy with a good head on my shoulders, I just got into a little funk and now I lost my favorite thing in the world.
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