freebird31 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 My friend told me that maybe i should reach out and be the bigger person and wish my ex a happy birthday. And let me tell you all the reasons that i WILL NOT do this. 1) I am afraid that it will just open the wound. I am not over him. It has been 5 months since we have last spoken and i have made so much progress. I dont want this to be a set back 2) He might say something to me that might be absolutely heartbreaking. And i have suffered through enough heart break this past year. Therefor, no thanks. 3) He broke it off with me. Me reaching out to him would really mean that I would be putting all pride aside. I mean yeah, i would be the bigger and better person. But for reasons number 1 and 2, it is just not worth it right now. 4) If perhaps his birthday was later in the year, i might consider it. But it only has been 5 months NC. 10 months since BU. One birthday should not justify whether we talk again. Maybe another time. If ever I decide to reeach out, i want to mend fences and have an adult conversation. Not just a "happy birthday" wth, NO. And that shouldnt happen until I have really healed. Really healed. SO NO, i cannot and will not wish him a happy birthday. Although, i do hope he is having a happy birthday. Just becuase I am not telling him it, doesnt mean that I dont feel it or wish good things upon him. Just loving from a distance now.. 3
tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Good for you, don't do it. You don't need to open up those bad feelings again. Of course you wish him well, and would love to tell him Happy Birthday but it will only end up disappointing you I am sure. He might respond in a way you don't like, or not at all and you will feel stupid for even making the effort. My ex CAME to my birthday party and didn't even talk to me the entire night, let alone wish me a happy birthday when he was there, or on my actual birthday... So why bother messaging someone you haven't talked to in 5 months. Doesn't mean you are the bigger person. It just shows him you still care, and if you're still in a place where you need to be NC then stay that way!!! 1
Author freebird31 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Good for you, don't do it. You don't need to open up those bad feelings again. Of course you wish him well, and would love to tell him Happy Birthday but it will only end up disappointing you I am sure. He might respond in a way you don't like, or not at all and you will feel stupid for even making the effort. My ex CAME to my birthday party and didn't even talk to me the entire night, let alone wish me a happy birthday when he was there, or on my actual birthday... So why bother messaging someone you haven't talked to in 5 months. Doesn't mean you are the bigger person. It just shows him you still care, and if you're still in a place where you need to be NC then stay that way!!! I really would love to wish him happy birthday. But gosh, totally not worth it. And yeah i do still care, which is prob a huge indicator why i should stay NC for a long, long time.
realfriends Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Good job. The temporary relief is not worth the wakeful of regret. Stay strong.
Xemyd Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I'll admit that for the past month or so I've been considering wishing mine a happy birthday when it's his (soon), but after reading this I don't think I will.
STM206 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 The good thing for me is my birthday is before his, so no text from him means no text from me lol. Seriously though, I don't think it's worth it. All youd get back is "thanks!" If that. 1
realfriends Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 *week-full And like someone said, the best they can say is Thanks. More than likely it'll just set you back, which as you stated you don't want.
Author freebird31 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 TBH, I feel a little bad. Like I hope me not wishing him a happy bday adds to any hate he might have for me.
guest572 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You are right, i don't see any good coming out of this. I don't see how it would make you "the bigger person" either. He dumped you, stuff his birthday. You shouldn't feel bad about not wishing him a happy birthday.
TxJD79 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Very smart move on your part. My ex and I did strict NC after the break. It's not as if we signed a contract or made a pact about it. But I didn't reach out to him and he didnt reach out to me until....2 months after the breakup, i did send him a message asking if he'd like to talk and he said no it would be too hard. Then 4 months after that, the anniversary of his brother's passing came up so i sent him a 1 sentence message about that. (i was with him when he got the news about his brother 2 years ago and helped him through all that so i felt like it would be appropriate). He responded with a nice message thanking me and asked me to give my nephew and dog a hug from him. And that's that. his birthday comes up in may but if i dont hear from him between now and then, i wont reach out. Not to be mean but for the same reasons freebird31 listed.
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I always wonder about "friends" that make these types of ridicilous suggestions.
JDPT Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Today is 2.27.2014. A Thursday just like any other.
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