denjones Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Just split from my girlfriend of 4yrs. She got very drunk and threw me out of the family home on Christmas day of all days. I was gutted. Recently I have found out she slept with another guy 3 weeks ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. I cant eat, sleep and feel physically sick. I can't stop imagining the pair of them together, it hurts so much as I still love her so damn much. I'm struggling to get through the days. Each day seems like a never ending emotional torture. I actually dread tomorrow as I know I'll wake up the same and will struggle through the day. To be honest I think at the moment I would be better off gone, as I can't see any end in sight out of this nightmare I'm in :-( It's easy for people to say keep yourself occupied, time is a great healer, don't think about it. But what if you can't do those things? Where do you go from there? I can't see any way forward :-(
JunkYardDog Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Den,,,bro,,,,we know its hard to have something like this go down and happen but listen. Nothing, no one, especially someone who did you like that, is EVER worth your life and happiness. Your thoughts are normal, I know it hurts man, but you have to look at it through a different perspective. Shes a POS just like mine, I thought the same stuff, so hard to deal with and think about. Dont let those thoughts control you. See it for what it is and thats one of a coward. They are cowards, weak, self centered, selfish people. You dont need that, you are worth way more and deserve way better. Face the pain bro. Cry, scream, let it out, just dont do anything that would make the people that REALLY love you hurt forever. Be strong for them. Its not worth it. Come here and vent, ask, let it out...theres people that care here. 3
Grumpybutfun Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You need to get angry...she cheated on you and threw you out of your family home. She isn't the person you thought she was. You are in love with your idea of who she was, not who she ended up being. Don't let her live rent free in your head. She is a cheater and liar and doesn't deserve it. In support, Grumps 2
Author denjones Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Hey, thanks guys. I know exactly where you're comming from, I really do. I seem to be getting a lot of up and down days at the moment. And yesterday was a extremely down day for me. I know this sounds silly to most, but I keep thinking things like ''Does she kiss him the way she used to kiss me? Does she prefer him to me in bed? Does she make the effort for him the way she used to do for me?''. You know, things like that. And once you start letting thoughts like that in, it's pretty damn hard to get them out again. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame the guy in the slightest. I mean, as far as he was concerned she was single. But I just feel a couple of weeks out of a 4yr relationship was a bit soon for her to think about moving on so quickly. And then that makes me think, was all this going on while we were still together? This has really started to affect me if I'm honest. I've got a damn cold (which I only ever get when I'm feeling run down). I've lost weight, can't sleep hardly at all. And generally feel like crap. And this is NOT normally me! I mean, I'm the current Global and British bench press champion. I'm usually fit as the proverbial fiddle. And the way this is affecting me is starting to make me feel really angry, cause this is not who I am :-( Strong in body maybe, but weak in love it seems. Really finding it hard to let her go emotionally and pick my life up before all this nightmare began....... How can someone who professes to love another move on and sleep with someone else within weeks of breaking up? I just don't get it. Does that mean she didn't lover me and her words were hollow? Oh I don't know...... Ps: What's a POS? <<<<< Sorry, newbe alert! Cheers
lvroflife Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 POS- Piece of s*** Bro. Being honest with you, right now she may not be thinking about you. Chances are she is on a high because of the newness of the new guy. He is a rebound. How long it will last... Who knows... But he is a band aid covering her void. Some day she will have to face her emotions and feelings of the BU. When the newness dies and reality sets in and they start to see the realness of each other things in their relationship are going to change (when the blinders come off). It will be 1 of 2 changes. 1) they will connect and keep going 2)they will see the relationship for what it was a rebound. Then she will face all the emotions held in from the BU. At this point she will either decide to be alone and try to move on from both you and the rebound. Or she will think did she make a mistake in breaking up with you. Your job is to focus on you. Get back your confidence and become a BETTER you. Should she come back and you decide to give it another go, stay doing YOU and make her work for you. You are now the prize. 1
somecamel Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Just split from my girlfriend of 4yrs. She got very drunk and threw me out of the family home on Christmas day of all days. I was gutted. Recently I have found out she slept with another guy 3 weeks ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. I cant eat, sleep and feel physically sick. I can't stop imagining the pair of them together, it hurts so much as I still love her so damn much. I'm struggling to get through the days. Each day seems like a never ending emotional torture. I actually dread tomorrow as I know I'll wake up the same and will struggle through the day. To be honest I think at the moment I would be better off gone, as I can't see any end in sight out of this nightmare I'm in :-( It's easy for people to say keep yourself occupied, time is a great healer, don't think about it. But what if you can't do those things? Where do you go from there? I can't see any way forward :-( I really do feel for you mate, i went through the same with my first serious GF in my younger years, she cheated on me when I was still with her and as much as I hate to put it into your mind, you deserve the truth, all denial does is prolong the pain, this **** was going on when you were together, you know this but you probably couldn't admit it to yourself. After my 2nd serious relationship has just come to and end, this forum is a bit of a god send (i'm agnostic:P), I've learnt so much and it's made this breakup so much easier and has given me a lot of strength. Keep with us and keep this thread updated on your journey.
Downtown Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 How can someone who professes to love another move on and sleep with someone else within weeks of breaking up? I just don't get it. Does that mean she didn't love me and her words were hollow?No, Den, it doesn't mean that if your exGF has strong BPD traits, as you say (in Cali's thread) you now suspect. As I tried to explain in that thread, a BPDer does "splitting," wherein she will put all conflicting feelings out of touch of her conscious mind. Hence, while she is "splitting you black," she will be completely out of touch with her loving feelings toward you. Likewise, while she is splitting you white, she will return to idealizing you and be out of touch with her negative feelings toward you. Consequently, it is common for BPDers to flip from loving you to devaluing you in only a few seconds -- as though they've simply thrown a switch in their minds. And they can flip back again just as quickly. Yet, because a BPDer experiences those feelings intensely while being in touch with them, her feelings are both intense and unstable. This is why a BPDers feelings are sometimes described as being a mile wide and an inch deep.
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