infullcolor Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm not sure what to think about this one. Astute opinions welcome. I've been with a particular guy for almost 2 months now, we've seen each other about 10-12 times or so. I've met some of his friends, he's met some of mine. He was extremely eager the first couple of weeks, texting frequently and then slowing down to every other day or so (which is fine by me, I'm not the avid texter). All signs--aside from the fact that I typically have to be the one to ask "hey, what's your schedule?"-- point toward him being decently interested. While we'd reached the first two bases by the second date, I made sure to vocalize that I wanted to wait a while before sex because I liked getting to know the person beforehand, discuss STDs, etc. He obliged. So, finally, I felt it was appropriate to go further and we did the deed. It wasn't spectacular (is first-time sex ever?) but he got off so I'm assuming it was alright. It was a bit weird after since it was late and he had to get up early, and being that I like my own bed, I retired back home. Now, almost a week later, he hasn't called, texted, anything. It's been a few months for me, but damn, could the sex have been THAT bad? Think he was just using me? Seems after a 2 month wait I'd eliminate some riff-raff, but perhaps not. Thoughts?
Sivok Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Have you tried reaching out to him? Guys put A LOT of pressure on themselves in bed. Maybe he's beating himself up if the sex wasn't fantastic? It's a two-way street. Reach out to him. 3
Author infullcolor Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Have you tried reaching out to him? Guys put A LOT of pressure on themselves in bed. Maybe he's beating himself up if the sex wasn't fantastic? It's a two-way street. Reach out to him. Oh I was an idiot and forgot this tidbit, I guess I should correct myself. I did. Friday I asked if he wanted to stay in and hang out (essentially insinuating adult times) and he said he was tired. TIRED. I haven't said anything since to give him space, or whatever. It's been since then he hasn't responded. Apologies my first post was wonky Edited February 25, 2014 by infullcolor
Phantom888 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 He's not interested. Not that the sex was bad, but maybe chemistry was off. It happens. Sometimes you don't know till you do the deed. If there was strong enough connection to begin with, some people would try to work out that chemistry deficit together. Some people don't think it's worth it if the bond isn't strong enough. 3
baseddizzle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yep I have to agree with the post above, being a guy myself, we will try whatever it takes to score with a female we find attractive, including building it up (texting, meeting friends, etc.) and once we score, it's bail time. If there's a connection while doing the dirty, a guy finds it to be attractive and will purse, if not, then nope. Try to reach out to him one more time but with a more subtle approach, like asking him to meet you at a cafe or something so you guys can chat. If he gives you another excuse he's not interested. I know because I am guilty of doing this myself 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 It wasn't spectacular (is first-time sex ever?) but he got off so I'm assuming it was alright. Yes, it can be. First time with my guy, it was so amazing we did it 3 times that night, and once more in the morning. It appears his interest has gone south. I would not waste anymore time on this. Better things to be had.
Author infullcolor Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Bah, no good. We get along really well, talk for hours and have a strong connection intellectually (as lame as that sounds) so I guess I'll follow up once more and see if he wants to give it another go. Sigh, oh well. 1
Ok Good Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Bah, no good. We get along really well, talk for hours and have a strong connection intellectually (as lame as that sounds) so I guess I'll follow up once more and see if he wants to give it another go. Sigh, oh well. I suggest you think of things this way: you shared your awesome company with him multiple times you then shared yourself physically with him where he clearly enjoyed himself then YOU reached out to HIM to meet up and he denied you by saying he was tired?! and you're thinking of contacting him AGAIN? you're starting to pursue him which sadly, devalues you you have already given ALOT you need to simply fall off his radar (no further initiated contact ever!) get super busy in your life to distract yourself and let HIM show YOU how much he is interested in you 4
love1336x Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Someone once told me if a guy does not talk to you within ten days, to leave them alone. There are not worth your time and effort. (after you make the first move like throwing them a text, or phone called) To me it sounds likes he used you. This happened to me once, but i should have known... I dated a man for about 2 months, but I never met any of his friends, family... and on the weekends he would VANISH. (usually i know a man likes me when his introduce me to his mom, or his best friend) He would tell me, "Oh where I am at my phone gets no service" I dunno at the time I didn't really care that much. I decided to sleep with him, and yeah. He didn't talk to me for couple of months until he wanting to get some again. I ignored him for a while and he was texting, calling me like crazy. lol. Then I told him I had a boyfriend... He seem like hurt. He was like, "So fast?" Ehhh, you live and learn. I say ignore him, even if he does contact you again. You don't need to chase a man... 1
Emilia Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Someone once told me if a guy does not talk to you within ten days, to leave them alone. Make that 3. 3
KathyM Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I typically have to be the one to ask "hey, what's your schedule." Sounds like you were the one making an effort in the relationship and he was not that invested. Sounds like he was not that into you, from what you've said, and the phone contact started falling off before you even had sex. Sounds like he was just hanging around long enough to get you to put out, and when you did, he did a disappearing act. He got your "parting gift", and now he's on to the next woman.
Tayken Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 o, finally, I felt it was appropriate to go further and we did the deed. It wasn't spectacular (is first-time sex ever?) but he got off so I'm assuming it was alright. It was a bit weird after since it was late and he had to get up early, and being that I like my own bed, I retired back home. Now, almost a week later, he hasn't called, texted, anything. It's been a few months for me, but damn, could the sex have been THAT bad? Think he was just using me? Seems after a 2 month wait I'd eliminate some riff-raff, but perhaps not. Thoughts? As and ye shall receive...so I'll give it to your straight . From personal experience, there have been women that I have made a move on vice versa, and found that after getting to 3rd base, there was no urge on my part to want to go there again....even though they wanted to see me again Perhaps it's that "spark" you lot speak of? After doing the "deed", they didn't appeal to me like they did prior
kaylan Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Girl bails and doesnt spend the night after our first time having sex? Especially when this sex followed numerous dates? Yeah Id pull back assuming she wasnt that into it or into me anymore. Id let her show me she was still very interested. And just so women dont get it confused...just because he busts a nut, doesnt mean he had a great O. Theres a difference. Sex can be bad despite blasting one out. Ive had to will myself to orgasm in the past during a bad hook up. So I wouldnt be surprised if he felt the sex and chemistry was lacking too...especially after you decided to leave the same night. Edited February 25, 2014 by kaylan
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Sometimes the chemistry is just 'off' when you finally sleep with someone. You can't really predict if it's going to work in bed or not. It doesn't necessarily mean he was using you, just that he's decided you're not right for one another after the sex. I wouldn't overthink it. He's clearly not interested though, don't chase him. Move on.
Author infullcolor Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 If he no longer wants to see me, fine, whatever, **** happens-- but I would like some sort of closure. Is it appropriate to want some sort of "thanks, but no thanks" type call/text? And if he continues to not contact me, for me to ask outright if he would like to continue seeing me? After 2 months I feel I deserve something (not necessarily a reason, just the statement). By then it would be obvious, but I would appreciate the words straight from the horse's mouth. 1
Author infullcolor Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 just move on OP, itll do you better. This is an issue I have with dating in general-- not necessarily this specific case. Why should it be ok for one person to disappear after you've invested time and energy in one another? I ALWAYS let the person know I am no longer interested in pursuing something romantic, because I believe this shows respect. It's really not a difficult thing to do, and I don't know why society has accepted people acting so cowardly. 4
kaylan Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 This is an issue I have with dating in general-- not necessarily this specific case. Why should it be ok for one person to disappear after you've invested time and energy in one another? I ALWAYS let the person know I am no longer interested in pursuing something romantic, because I believe this shows respect. It's really not a difficult thing to do, and I don't know why society has accepted people acting so cowardly. Some people just arent courteous or lack backbone. Ive accepted this. You should to. Sorry. 2
CaliGypsy Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You aren't wrong. It's not ok. We (society) just know that there are crappy people like out there, and that you telling them they suck isn't likely to have any impact on them.The advice the other posters are giving is not because they are justifying how that guy acted...but to spare your feelings from any further hurt from you contacting him again. You shared something special with him and it was definitely crappy of him not to contact you again.. Even if it was to tell you he felt there was no connection.
carhill Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 It was a bit weird after since it was late and he had to get up early, and being that I like my own bed, I retired back home Tip: When waiting that long (2 months/10-12 dates) to make love, don't go home after.
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