He asked me how many people i've slept with!!

[Leigh 87]

I just want to add: Never Lie!

 

I omit my number to guys I don't actually know well, as it is frankly none of their business.

 

If a boyfriend asks I tell them though, even though I am totally ashamed of my numbers and they do not reflect the sorta girl I am now.

 

 

If a guy was otherwise really into me yet decided to leave me based on my promiscuous 5 month period (out of 10 years being sexually active), it would totally be his loss.

 

I would tell him "oh well, your loss then, I am still the woman you fell for. Higher numbers than you prefer doesn't change my value system right now in the present, nor does it mean I advocated casual sex even whilst doing it"

[OpheliaSong]

I want to screw for fun in the future with someone who can handle no strings. I hired a male escort. Any man that can't deal with that isn't the open minded non judgmental man I want. I am beautiful, educated, successful and I will be very rich so if my lack of conforming to values I think are antiquated and misogynistic keeps him from me, I am not missing out on anyone of interest. Puritanical thinking makes people boring, self righteous and hypocrites. Have your values, bathe in them, but don't try to push them on me. Not interested. This whole men can do what they want but women must be almost virginal is so misogynistic, I am surprised at the judgment involved by guys I thought were modern.

[pickflicker]

I really dont care one bit about the opinions of women who do not want me.

 

Good stoushing with you. Good luck with it all in the future.

[fortyninethousand322]

I want to screw for fun in the future with someone who can handle no strings. I hired a male escort. Any man that can't deal with that isn't the open minded non judgmental man I want. I am beautiful, educated, successful and I will be very rich so if my lack of conforming to values I think are antiquated and misogynistic keeps him from me, I am not missing out on anyone of interest. Puritanical thinking makes people boring, self righteous and hypocrites. Have your values, bathe in them, but don't try to push them on me. Not interested. This whole men can do what they want but women must be almost virginal is so misogynistic, I am surprised at the judgment involved by guys I thought were modern.

 

Well, I judge guys who tell me that they sleep around just the same...

[somedude81]

You are hypocritical then....because men and women should be held to the same standard. We aren't wafting flowers.

So the double standard is okay? Men can do whatever they want, but women must be almost virginal...maybe that is what you believe but most modern women are not going to be almost virginal and they sure as heck aren't going to want to be with a guy with a grandpa attitude.

It's a hard feeling to explain.

 

Honestly, I believe it's wrong for men to sleep around as well.

 

I have never been proud of my sexual past or the number of women I've been with.

 

No, I don't believe I will have any trouble finding women who haven't been with that many men. My ex had only been with one guy before me, and I doubt that she is a rare case.

[Leigh 87]

You gotta realize, that for those with a conservative past, they will say actions speak louder than words. Which is true. While you may share viewpoints with them about sex and relationships, your actions havent always backed up those beliefs.

 

 

 

Yet my actions 99% of the time do back up my actions.

 

What I did for 5 months out of over 10 years since I first became sexually active is no indication of what my overall values are.

 

It is how I act the vast majority of the time that dictates the sort of person I am today.

 

The way I am living right now shows no signs that I am promiscuous or that I value sex different to conservative folks?

 

Sort of like a employee who is late twice out of an entire year; some employers would let him go for that reason, even he is by all accounts an otherwise outstanding worker.

[pickflicker]

It's a hard feeling to explain.

 

Honestly, I believe it's wrong for men to sleep around as well.

 

I have never been proud of my sexual past or the number of women I've been with.

 

No, I don't believe I will have any trouble finding women who haven't been with that many men. My ex had only been with one guy before me, and I doubt that she is a rare case.

 

If she tells you the truth about her sexual past, that is...

[kaylan]

I want to screw for fun in the future with someone who can handle no strings. I hired a male escort. Any man that can't deal with that isn't the open minded non judgmental man I want. I am beautiful, educated, successful and I will be very rich so if my lack of conforming to values I think are antiquated and misogynistic keeps him from me, I am not missing out on anyone of interest. Puritanical thinking makes people boring, self righteous and hypocrites. Have your values, bathe in them, but don't try to push them on me. Not interested. This whole men can do what they want but women must be almost virginal is so misogynistic, I am surprised at the judgment involved by guys I thought were modern.

Id hope this sentiment is the same for women who cant accept men who have used escorts or prostitutes.

 

However, you should know that in your situation, its far easier to find a regular man whos capable of NSA sex with no emotional attachment than the other way around. So I couldnt really equate the two anyways.

[Leigh 87]

I want to screw for fun in the future with someone who can handle no strings. I hired a male escort. Any man that can't deal with that isn't the open minded non judgmental man I want. I am beautiful, educated, successful and I will be very rich so if my lack of conforming to values I think are antiquated and misogynistic keeps him from me, I am not missing out on anyone of interest. Puritanical thinking makes people boring, self righteous and hypocrites. Have your values, bathe in them, but don't try to push them on me. Not interested. This whole men can do what they want but women must be almost virginal is so misogynistic, I am surprised at the judgment involved by guys I thought were modern.

 

 

 

I personally abhor casual sex outside a relationship, having tried it myself, however; I totally wouldn't judge a girl or guy for doing as you have done.

 

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.

 

My good friend is with a dude who has slept with 40 women and slept around every weekend.

 

He fell head over heels for her from day ONE. He totally change instantly upon meeting her. Trust me he is smitten.

 

So men that sleep around can sometimes just be enjoying themselves until they find a girl they are truly into. And women can also conduct themselves in this way and yet still make loyal partners.

[somedude81]

If she tells you the truth about her sexual past, that is...

Hopefully she will.

 

I never had any reason to doubt that my ex was lying about her past.

 

It will be great if the next girl I go into a relationship with is also that open and honest.

[oz-missy]

I personally abhor casual sex outside a relationship, having tried it myself, however; I totally wouldn't judge a girl or guy for doing as you have done.

 

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.

 

My good friend is with a dude who has slept with 40 women and slept around every weekend.

 

He fell head over heels for her from day ONE. He totally change instantly upon meeting her. Trust me he is smitten.

 

So men that sleep around can sometimes just be enjoying themselves until they find a girl they are truly into. And women can also conduct themselves in this way and yet still make loyal partners.

My partner is a fair bit older than me and has had a lot more sexual partners than me. I don't judge him. I do give him sh*t for it, not because I actually care but because it gets a rise out of him, and I tell him that's all I'm doing it for. He seems to care more that his "number" is high than me. I tell him that I don't care, I love him for who he is not who he's shagged in the past.

[SJC2008]

I think when a poster opens up a can of worms and they don't respond after the OP, the thread should be locked. Especially if they're new.

[pickflicker]

Hopefully she will.

 

I never had any reason to doubt that my ex was lying about her past.

 

It will be great if the next girl I go into a relationship with is also that open and honest.

 

And what about you? Are you going to be honest about your sexual past?

[somedude81]

Hopefully she will.

 

I never had any reason to doubt that my ex was lying about her past.

 

It will be great if the next girl I go into a relationship with is also that open and honest.

And of course I'd be honest if she wants to know the exact details of my past. Thankfully my ex didn't ask and I didn't have to disclose everything. But I did give her a broad general over view of the past five years and how in the past I only slept with women I did not care about.

[pickflicker]

And of course I'd be honest if she wants to know the exact details of my past. Thankfully my ex didn't ask and I didn't have to disclose everything. But I did give her a broad general over view of the past five years and how in the past I only slept with women I did not care about.

 

Do you expect full disclosure from the next girl, or are you going to adopt 'don't ask don't tell'?

[OpheliaSong]

It's a hard feeling to explain.

 

Honestly, I believe it's wrong for men to sleep around as well.

 

I have never been proud of my sexual past or the number of women I've been with.

 

No, I don't believe I will have any trouble finding women who haven't been with that many men. My ex had only been with one guy before me, and I doubt that she is a rare case.

 

But isn't that hypocritical considering that you slept with people you didn't love and a fair number at that? You know I think you are great, but don't you think that by judging people for what you have already done, that isn't fair?

Personally I won't care about stuff like that for me, but you are going to miss out on some great women if you stick to the whole women should be near virgins regardless of my sexual past stance on things.

[somedude81]

Do you expect full disclosure from the next girl, or are you going to adopt 'don't ask don't tell'?

A mix of both.

 

Some disclosure to give me an overview to see what her general view of sex is and what her current values are.

 

I didn't ask how many guy's she's been with, she volunteered that information herself.

 

I'm more concerned with a woman's current views on sex than what she did in the past. Though I would like to know if she's ever cheated.

 

So to answer your question, it does lean more towards don't ask don't tell. The last thing I want to happen is to ask if a woman if she's done anything crazy in her past, and then she tell me she once slept with 10 guys at a party.

[somedude81]

But isn't that hypocritical considering that you slept with people you didn't love and a fair number at that?

 

You know I think you are great, but don't you think that by judging people for what you have already done, that isn't fair?

I do understand that it comes across like that. All I can say is that I've changed and my values have shifted.

 

So then, it's only fair of me to accept a woman that has a past as long as her values currently match my own.

 

 

Personally I won't care about stuff like that for me, but you are going to miss out on some great women if you stick to the whole women should be near virgins regardless of my sexual past stance on things.

At this point I'm not sure. Sometime down the line I may really like and get close to a woman that has a colorful sexual history and I'll have to decide how important that is to me.

[ThaWholigan]

I understand that a lot of women are sensitive to slut-shaming (hell, I'm a guy and I don't really like it either), but the truth is people are gonna jjudge you for whatever you do. My meagre sexual experience is pretty much all casual in nature, with occasional intimacy sprinkled in. I'm inbetween two camps - don't have enough exp for some, no relationship minded actions for others.

 

Personally, I don't really care about a number. Doesn't bother me. And guess what? I've been judged for that too! (White knight, simp, Captain Saveaho - I've heard it all everytime I've expressed this particular view).

Normal - I've got skin like a rhino, I'll live. I suggest that when it comes to criticism of your life choices, you have to learn to accept it and take it in your stride. Because everyone gets it. You could do the greatest sh-t in the world and some cunt will jugde you for it. So what?

 

F-ck 'em.

 

Edit: besides, probably a roll bread anyway. A toast.....

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Just read the replies in this thread from the people who say they want disclosure of numbers and you'll see why I always preach never disclosing numbers.

 

 

People want to know your number for one sole reason and that reason is SO THEY CAN JUDGE YOU FOR IT.

 

 

They want to judge you and determine your character, determine your values, determine your morals, determine your worthiness as partner vs your worthiness as a hook up, determine your health/disease status and determine how you treat puppies and orphans based soley on a number.

 

 

If you want someone to judge your worth as human being based soley on a number, tell them how many people you have been to bed with. They will jump to their own conclusion in a heartbeat.

 

Frankly, I have no problem with that. Why should it bother me that a guy will judge me and my desirability/quality by the number of sexual partners I've had when I'm going to be doing the exact same thing to him?

 

To be honest, I could meet a guy, have a great conversation/date and feel a definite attraction, but if he tells me he's been with say, 50 women, all of that almost instantly dies. It's not even a conscious decision. Something in my brain goes "Nope" and that's that. All I see is an endless road of insecurity, fear about infidelity and sexual jealousy ahead of me and I'm not putting myself through that.

 

Given that, OFC I'm going to be okay with a guy having the same standards.

[William]

It appears the thread starter has been banned so don't expect any responses from them. Upon review, it appears a commercial link was involved so we'll just close this and leave the responses for now.

Edited February 25, 2014 by William