He asked me how many people i've slept with!!

[HokeyReligions]

First of all, if you come to know a woman, and she is the type of woman that you are attracted to then her "number" should not be important. I think if you met a 25 yr old who has had 87 partners, then there should be other very OBVIOUS signs that she has issues.

 

A 25 yr old who has had 7 partners?? WTH is that? If she had sex at 17, that's less than 1 person a year. How many people stay in lasting relationships under 25?? Hell, most people don't even know what they want or what they're looking for under 25. And then you have all these naive girls that fall for a guy, have sex with him, and think they're exclusive, only for the guy to disappear once he's gotten it in. Should they then be considered whores because they fell for the okey doke one too many times? Or let their feelings get the best of them?

 

Some people need to get a grip. Sex is a natural human act. If you want a nun, visit a monastery, but don't expect women everywhere to be saving themselves for your glorious golden penis!

 

You don't get to tell other people how they should feel or what benchmarks they should set for themselves. Your criteria are YOURS not everyone else's. Why does it bother you when people have differing opinions? If the OP is going to be influenced by any responses she will pick the ones that as ready support her beliefs and feelings and discard the others.

[pickflicker]

Zero.

 

But tell me this, are you saying that a woman who has only been with one or two guys, cannot have wild sex?

 

Who said anything about the first time?

 

If a woman lost her virginity to her boyfriend, and they've been sleeping together for a year, she can't be confident in bed and have great sex?

 

No, that's disgusting too.

 

But that's not what you said.

 

Yes, she can have great sex. Will she have great sex with the next guy? No idea - because his pleasures will be different.

 

Variety is the spice of life... I'd encourage everyone to use their 20s for variety, and their 30s for monogamy.

[fortyninethousand322]

But that's not what you said.

 

Yes, she can have great sex. Will she have great sex with the next guy? No idea - because his pleasures will be different.

 

Variety is the spice of life... I'd encourage everyone to use their 20s for variety, and their 30s for monogamy.

 

That's great and all but a) not everyone is interested in "variety" and b) not everyone can actually find a sexual partner...

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

You don't get to tell other people how they should feel or what benchmarks they should set for themselves. Your criteria are YOURS not everyone else's. Why does it bother you when people have differing opinions? If the OP is going to be influenced by any responses she will pick the ones that as ready support her beliefs and feelings and discard the others.

 

Oh wait, am I lost?? I thought this was a public forum where people give their opinions?? Somebody point me in the right direction.

[oldshirt]

Just read the replies in this thread from the people who say they want disclosure of numbers and you'll see why I always preach never disclosing numbers.

 

 

People want to know your number for one sole reason and that reason is SO THEY CAN JUDGE YOU FOR IT.

 

 

 

 

They want to judge you and determine your character, determine your values, determine your morals, determine your worthiness as partner vs your worthiness as a hook up, determine your health/disease status and determine how you treat puppies and orphans based soley on a number.

 

 

If you want someone to judge your worth as human being based soley on a number, tell them how many people you have been to bed with. They will jump to their own conclusion in a heartbeat.

[pickflicker]

That's great and all but a) not everyone is interested in "variety" and b) not everyone can actually find a sexual partner...

 

So if my blanket advice doesn't apply to you, don't take it. This isn't a one-on-one session.

[reggie500]

Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

 

If and ONLY IF you are serious about the person, the correct response is to always tell the truth. Everything will sort itself out in light of the truth. I defy a anyone to say otherwise in light of a potential long-term relationship.

[fortyninethousand322]

So if my blanket advice doesn't apply to you, don't take it. This isn't a one-on-one session.

 

Just pointing out areas in which in wouldn't apply...

[Guy On The Couch]

First of all, if you come to know a woman, and she is the type of woman that you are attracted to then her "number" should not be important. I think if you met a 25 yr old who has had 87 partners, then there should be other very OBVIOUS signs that she has issues.

 

A 25 yr old who has had 7 partners?? WTH is that? If she had sex at 17, that's less than 1 person a year. How many people stay in lasting relationships under 25?? Hell, most people don't even know what they want or what they're looking for under 25. And then you have all these naive girls that fall for a guy, have sex with him, and think they're exclusive, only for the guy to disappear once he's gotten it in. Should they then be considered whores because they fell for the okey doke one too many times? Or let their feelings get the best of them?

 

Some people need to get a grip. Sex is a natural human act. If you want a nun, visit a monastery, but don't expect women everywhere to be saving themselves for your glorious golden penis!

 

Primal.

[pickflicker]

Just pointing out areas in which in wouldn't apply...

 

It doesn't change my opinion. I strongly encourage people to use their 20s to experience variety. Different jobs, different friends, different living situations, different travel, different sex.

 

There's plenty of time to 'settle down'.

[Hornylildevil]

Just goes to show ya, whatever a woman tells you, multiply by 4.

[reggie500]

If and ONLY IF you are serious about the person, the correct response is to always tell the truth. Everything will sort itself out in light of the truth. I defy a anyone to say otherwise in light of a potential long-term relationship.

 

I just want to point out that my advice is based on the possibility that you are with one of "those guys" who care about this sort of thing. It's best for you to discover this in the beginning.

[RedRobin]

For some people it's something important to consider when investing their heart and emotions in someone else.

Say you have sex with a woman you're dating who's 25, and you're her 87th. What can you read into the sex on her part? Nothing..

Whereas a woman who's the same age who's slept with two guys previously, within relationships? Well she probably has some degree of affection for you at the very least.

 

I'd take a woman for whom sex and love are entwined to marry and have my children any day, over someone who can have sex with any Tom, Dick or Harry. It's just logic that someone less readily sexually attracted to others is less likely to cheat - less temptation. And then she'd have to develop feelings for them first too...

 

I also feel that someone who can turn off their emotions and become a sex automaton (casual sex) would be more of a candidate for affairs later on. Look at the behaviour of the wayward spouses in the infidelity threads, they are rather adept at burying guilt and detaching from their emotions.

 

I don't get why more liberal ladies here get indignant about the question. What are you ashamed of? When dating, you'll judge a guy on his job, status, friends, family, looks. That is your right. So why can't a guy judge you for this, if he feels it's important?

Your past makes you the person you are today, right?

 

And yes I am a low count, non-hypocritical guy.

 

 

I'm a woman and I feel the same way about a guy.

 

 

I give zero license to 'biology' and 'sowing oats' baloney.

 

 

I've dated guys who were shocked that I gave a damn about this... Interestingly, I've never had to ask for numbers. They always confessed them voluntarily and/or they were pretty upfront about their values and background.

 

 

If they confess to casual sex or FWB, I'm outta there.

[fortyninethousand322]

Just goes to show ya, whatever a woman tells you, multiply by 4.

 

What if she tells you zero?

 

4x0 is still zero...

[MuffMan6969]

Since its just a guy you have been "talking" to, when he asked you how many guys you have slept with, a good response would have been:

" Do you mean this week, or in my lifetime?"

Then you move on to someone who isnt so insecure....

[oz-missy]

So I'm gathering this guy is wanting to find the "virginal" one. How many people you have slept with is nothing to be ashamed of nor do I believe it's something to hide. As long as you're safe and you've enjoyed yourself why oh why should it be a problem to anyone else?

 

Side note - I find it rich in our society that the number of men women have slept with will label her a potential slut, yet if a man sleeps with many women he's either applauded or given the label player. Men who are after the "virgin" solely from what I have experienced have some sort of superiority complex. Wanting to own the woman from her sexual side to her emotional and practical day to day workings.

 

Find a guy like this and run away. Now.

[Leigh 87]

Most men want their partners to have some sense of purity to them.

 

Honestly I'm turned off if a woman under 25 has been with more than 5 guys.

 

Yes I'm aware of the double standard, also because I'm 32 and have been with more than 5 but less than 10 women. Though on average, it equals one woman a year since I became sexually active.

 

I guess I can accept a woman having two new partners a year but I hope that at some point of time she was in a relationship for more than a year and stuck to one guy, which would keep her number low.

 

 

 

Purity my ass.

 

 

I had two long term relationships. East lasting over two years.

 

I slept around for a 5 month period and the rest of my adult life was in

term relationships OR I had no sex at all unless I was in a relationship.

 

So yeah. I don't normally have more than one partner per year, on average, 99% of the time. Minus a 5 month promiscuous period.

 

I don't see the point of purity. My values and my vagina, quiet frankly, are akin to that of a low number woman.

 

I don't see how my values are different to a woman who has low numbers. Just cos I briefly slept around it doesn't mean I value sex differently to them now....

[somedude81]

Why would you be confident in your abilities if you've only had sex with one man? No matter how many times you've had sex?? I had sex with my husband for 10 years and he thought he was god's gift to the vagina. It wasn't until after we divorced and I started dating again that I realized he didn't have a flippin clue!

You realized he didn't have a clue, not him. That doesn't have to do anything with his confidence.

 

It's simply common sense that somebody would be more confident in their sexual abilities the more times they have sex, regardless if it's with the same person or not.

 

I certainly got more confident in my sexual prowess the more times I had sex with my ex when we were dating. I started to figure out what works for her, my stamina improved and I tried new things and dumped ones that didn't work.

 

Why would the same not apply to a woman?

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Sex is about quality not quantity. Its about feel.

 

Ive had sex with both promiscuous and conservative girls. Ive had good and bad sexual experiences with both types of women. More than enough promiscuous woman have sub par bed skills.

 

Its really about empathy and feeling. A woman who knows how to read her partner, connect, and cares about his enjoyment, is a woman who makes a great lover. Bad lovers dont read emotions and dont communicate. So Id say both you and your ex sucked. Men and women who dont speak up are one in the same.

 

Lol. I didn't even read all this, just skimmed it, but you're quite wrong. I spoke up PLENTY. My ex was so egotistical that even me telling him wasn't enough to convince him that he wasn't doing it right. Even with something as simple as kissing. When he kissed me, he would suck half my face, and I would have to wipe saliva off my chin! I told him how much I disliked this, but he was convinced that this was how you were supposed to kiss and I was doing it wrong. Same exact thing in the bedroom. He watched a lot of porn and despite what I said, was convinced that treating me like a pounding post was the way it was supposed to be done and I just needed to adapt and learn to like it.

[pickflicker]

Purity my ass.

 

 

Have to agree. Most guys I've been with do NOT think this way. They appreciate that I've refined some techniques through trial and error...

[Leigh 87]

I'm a woman and I feel the same way about a guy.

 

 

I give zero license to 'biology' and 'sowing oats' baloney.

 

 

I've dated guys who were shocked that I gave a damn about this... Interestingly, I've never had to ask for numbers. They always confessed them voluntarily and/or they were pretty upfront about their values and background.

 

 

If they confess to casual sex or FWB, I'm outta there.

 

 

Whatever.

 

You could be missing out on a guy who has slept with a high number, who has the same values as a low count guy.

 

I don't have different values to that of a low number woman. I only have sex within committed relationships.

 

I don't engage in casual sex.

 

I have in the past, but it doesn't mean I do it anymore or I am more prone to doing it.

 

In fact, having tried casual and FWB, I am very sure that I immensely disliked it and will never try it again.

 

 

 

I am not sure why a persons sexual past determines their values towards sex NOW, in the present.

 

 

 

Not all people who have slept around, such as myself, have different values to you. People change.

[fortyninethousand322]

Personally, I wouldn't feel "good enough" for a woman who had slept with lots of guys.

 

I mean, come on. If you could have any guy you wanted, why in the world would you pick me, the guy who hasn't even kissed a girl?

[pickflicker]

Personally, I wouldn't feel "good enough" for a woman who had slept with lots of guys.

 

I mean, come on. If you could have any guy you wanted, why in the world would you pick me, the guy who hasn't even kissed a girl?

 

You're right, but it's not your lack of experience. It's your defeatist attitude.

[somedude81]

Just because you can have mind-blowing sex with one person, doesn't mean you're able to have it with someone else. We're all wored differently.

How is that related to what I said?

 

I was talking about "wild and crazy" sex, and a reason why a woman who has only been with a very small number of men wouldn't be capable of that.

 

The girl with 10 one night stands is exposed to more variety. She's likely to be more confident than anything else. Good in bed - I don't know. Confident, a very good chance.

I don't see how her being exposed to more variety can lead to her being more confident.

 

Confidence comes from knowing you can do something successfully. The more times you do that thing, the more confident you are.

 

Though maybe that's not how a woman's sexual confidence develops, I don't know.

 

Maybe a woman could possibly be only with one man for her entire life, have sex thousands of times and never develop and sort of confidence?

[fortyninethousand322]

You're right, but it's not your lack of experience. It's your defeatist attitude.

 

Perhaps. I think it's a chicken and egg type of thing.

 

I'm just saying how I would feel...