Jump to content

He asked me how many people i've slept with!!

nellynellz

By nellynellz
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

nellynellz New Member

nellynellz

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted

when you are young, under 30 say, I think men want to know that you are kind of still pure, I know it sounds awful, but stick to 2, if not, you will lose him or get used by him, some will tell you to be honest, but that is not wise since he sounds so fussy as it is

  • Like 1
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

Did you then ask him how many women he's hooked up with? I certainly hope so. I would've told him to go pound sand. It's none of his business. You should not have lied, though. Why lie? Are you ashamed? You shouldn't be, since I presume you are an adult and made the decision to hook up with each one of those seven guys.

  • Like 8
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many???

 

I think Clia is right.

 

I would have replied,

 

"Lucky for you, more than one.

Lucky for you, fewer than 50.

 

How 'bout you, Casanova? What's your score on the 'girls I've screwed' front?"

And then I would have hung up.

 

Judgemental creep.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 6
pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted

Put down the phone. Never ever answer that question, and immediately dump anyone who has to know. F*ckwits, the lot of them.

  • Like 7
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

I have no problem with this question. All my partners and I have discussed sexual history and number of previous partners. I have a conservative number and wouldn't want to be with a guy who'd had tons of sex partners.

  • Like 8
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

Lying isnt good, because if he ever finds out or has an inkling that you lied...your relationship will be on the rock. Lies are a terrible starting foundations.

 

And that article is crap. 7 is no biggie at all. Personally I judge based on when someone lost their virginity and the average number of partners per year after that. 1 to 2 partner average doesnt bother me. And this covers periods of low partner counts due to relationships, and periods of flings due to singledom.

 

If someone my age (late 20s), averaged 3 or more partners a years since losing their virginity in their teens, thats just too much for me. So be realistic OP...Id say average number of partners for people in their late 20s is around 13, based on everyone Ive talked about sex with in my life. Though studies and surveys Ive read seem to show slightly higher or lower counts over ones lifetime.

 

Personally I have no problem answering the question once I know a girl decently enough. If I barely know a girl, I sidestep the question and let her now she can find out later. I would never lie. Its better to be honest, or just say youre not comfortable answering

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Sivok Established Member

Sivok

Posted
Posted

It goes both ways - I never really ask but I get asked from time to time. I mean, if it's pretty high, the partner might think you're a philanderer/wanton - if it's pretty low, then they may worry about quick attachment.

 

I never really took it personally though, I'm a bit surprised at all the negative reactions here :o. Sounds like his delivery sucks though.

  • Like 1
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

Never answer that question with a number or ballpark figure again.

 

 

If someone is going to get pissy about it, let them walk, it's all going to blow up eventually anyway.

 

 

Read a few of the countless posts on here about people blowing a cog when they find out however people their partner has been with and you'll quickly learn that it is a no-win scenario and no matter what you say, it can and will be used against you.

 

 

What you have done in the privacy of your own bedroom is your business and your business alone. Your doctor has a medical need to know if you are sexually active or not. Noone else on the entire planet has any right to know your personal business.

 

 

If someone is of a religious or cultural group that places great emphasis on virginity and can only marry a virgin, they have a right to know if you are virgin or not. whether that number is one or a hundred has no bearing. I simple, "I am not a virgin," is all that is required.

 

 

Two things are going to doom this relationship. The primary is that you lied to his face about your notch-count. Some how, some way, he is going to find out about the lie and then you are going to look a thousand times more slutty and more scheming and more devious than someone who has been with 7 people. He will have just cause to dump you because you have sold him a fraudulent bill of good and have misrepresented yourself on a topic that he finds very important.

 

 

The other thing that will likely doom this relationship since the fact that he was so serious about it and wasn't going to take any deflection on it means that he likely even be bothered and have issues with 2. It will take awhile but it will start eating at him and he won't let it go and either he will drive you nuts and you'll ditch him, or he will continue to downward spiral and he'll lose trust and respect for you and either start treating you badly or he will just move on.

 

 

In the future if anyone else ever asks that again, don't answer it. Take your body count to the grave. If someone is serious about it, matter of factly tell them with a straight face and serious tone that you are an adult who is no longer a virgin but any other details of your personal life behind closed doors is no one else's business.

 

 

If they have an issue with that, LET THEM WALK. Let them walk because they can't handle the truth and it will cause a breakdown anyway.

  • Like 3
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
I have no problem with this question. All my partners and I have discussed sexual history and number of previous partners. I have a conservative number and wouldn't want to be with a guy who'd had tons of sex partners.

This.

 

Though Im sure my number is rather average, Ive never had issues discussing this with real relationship interests. If a chick balked at my asking, Id gladly bail or be dumped. Usually they ask me first or volunteer the information themselves.

 

I enjoy that sort of transparency. I want her to know all of me and I know all of her. Mutual and total acceptance is something I can enjoy.

  • Like 3
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time on and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

 

I have to say though, if you're 45, 7 is quite conservative.

If you're 17.... Well, let's just say you've been a little busier than even I would expect! But hey....

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted (edited)

Also, a 26 yr old woman with 13 partners, but lost her virginity at 16 doesnt bother me. But the same girl, same partners, but lost her virginity at 23, is a bit more alarming. Its all about that balance between risky casual sex, vs more monogamous relationship or exclusive dating sex.

 

I totally get that many people will have periods where they go down both roads. But its very alarming if a woman has a history of a lot of risky casual behavior. I like a healthy balance =P

Edited by kaylan
  • Like 1
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time on and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

 

What do I think?

 

I think I would never ask about a girl's past. Don't ask, don't tell is a pretty darn good policy, IMO.

 

I don't need to know who or how many men you slept with nor do you need to know how many women I haven't slept with. The end.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 3
Phantom888 Established Member

Phantom888

Posted
Posted

I think it's only okay to discuss if you are in a serious relationship. It shouldn't even come up if you are merely "dating", because it shouldn't matter. The only reason why in a serious relationship you would want to know is that you want to be sure the person you are planning a future with doesn't have a sexual history that is too different from yours.

 

Let's say you used to party hard as a young person and slept with a lot of people. If your life partner has almost no sexual experience, he will not be able to empathize with your experiences. This is part of compatibility and life experience that are important in a serious relationship. Also, let's say your partner used to use women for sex only, and never respected women. Wouldn't you want to know? You shouldn't have lied. You should have told him the truth and let him process it. He has the right to know if he plans to be serious with you.

 

Again this only matters if the relationship is at a deep level. IMHO.

  • Like 1
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
I think it's only okay to discuss if you are in a serious relationship. It shouldn't even come up if you are merely "dating", because it shouldn't matter. The only reason why in a serious relationship you would want to know is that you want to be sure the person you are planning a future with doesn't have a sexual history that is too different from yours.

 

Let's say you used to party hard as a young person and slept with a lot of people. If your life partner has almost no sexual experience, he will not be able to empathize with your experiences. This is part of compatibility and life experience that are important in a serious relationship. Also, let's say your partner used to use women for sex only, and never respected women. Wouldn't you want to know? You shouldn't have lied. You should have told him the truth and let him process it. He has the right to know if he plans to be serious with you.

 

Again this only matters if the relationship is at a deep level. IMHO.

Yeah, I only care a lot when the girl is a relationship prospect. Or also if Im concerned about my health in a casual situation. In which case Ill prolly just not sleep with her anyway =P

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted (edited)

I have slept with a lot of men.

 

At least twice your number.

 

I also don't have to tell men since I am very tight downstairs and I have the aesthetically pleasing type of vagina. Guys I have told my numbers to didn't believe me and think I am a near - virgin (very stupid, they obviously have a poor knowledge in the area of human physiology/biology).

 

I told my boyfriend and he didn't judge me or think any less of me.

I only enjoy sex in the context of loving relationships. I dislike casual sex, and I only slept around and accumulated my high number count in a 5 month window of my adult sexually active life; the rest of my adult life has been in committed, 2 plus year relationships.

He chose not to let a 5 month slutty period dictate his entire perception of me.

I mean, I TRIED casual sex and disliked it. How are my "values" different to a pure, loyal and conservative person? I too, only enjoy and value sex in the context of a relationship. I didn't enjoy casual and did it as a form of punishing myself because my self esteem was low after a break up and toxic relationship.

 

I got therapy regularly for a period due to my slutty behaviour as it did damage me.

 

I would not tell a man I only just met. It took a couple of months for me to tell my current boyfriend.

The FWB I had before him who fell in love with me, his reaction was the typical ignorant idiot reaction:

" omg Leigh 87, I cant believe you have slept with THAT many men, GROSS"

" but your vagina is so tight and neat looking" (:lmao: what a dumb arse....)

" I thought you have better values"

 

HAH!. hahahaahhahahah!

 

VALUES!

 

He earns nearly 200K per year, childless, SELDOM if EVER gives to charities.

I am a flipping STUDENT that works events serving drinks, and still I give money and A LOT of my clothes to charity every week or so! I am dedicating my life to be (studying at college) towards being a social worker, because I want to dedicate my life to helping the less fortunate.

My ultimate dream is to build a shelter for dogs so I can rescue them ALL.

Most importantly, I DON'T have lose morals regarding sex; I only enjoy sex in the context of loving relationships and the sleeping around period was brief and I hated it. I did not enjoy casual sex and I won't try it again since I know it is not for me.

 

Many men WILL judge you for your numbers.

 

They will decline you as a girlfriend, and pick a girl with "lower" numbers who is probably not a better person than you and who is NO less likely to cheat than you.

It is debatable whether these girls with " conservative" numbers actually DO have different "values" than you do when it comes to sex!

For all we know, you could have messed around during college and then, as an adult with a professional job, grown out of it altogether!

 

Tell him once he truly gets to know you.

A few guys have been humbled by my numbers once they got to know me and I told them; they said " wow, you are not "that type" at all, I guess women that sleep around are not all "like that" (the negative connotation associate with high numbers).

 

 

 

7 is nothing anyways:o I have slept with at LEAST 17

 

My boyfriend has slept with less than 10, so.....

Edited by Leigh 87
  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

Most men want their partners to have some sense of purity to them.

 

Honestly I'm turned off if a woman under 25 has been with more than 5 guys.

 

Yes I'm aware of the double standard, also because I'm 32 and have been with more than 5 but less than 10 women. Though on average, it equals one woman a year since I became sexually active.

 

I guess I can accept a woman having two new partners a year but I hope that at some point of time she was in a relationship for more than a year and stuck to one guy, which would keep her number low.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Anybody who would ask that Q before even meeting you doesn't deserve an answer. How rude. He's probably really insecure & who needs that?

 

During that discussion before you are intimate with somebody my answer is "Enough so that I know what I'm doing but not so many that I question my own morals." I follow up with medical facts: no IV drug users, nobody who was HIV positive, negative test results etc.

 

Nobody gets the exact # because it's none of their business. If they can't handle that, we're not compatible, which I would rather know before intimacy.

Conners Established Member

Conners

Posted
Posted
Ugh omg. This guy Im talking to just asked me how many guys ive hooked up with. Is it just me or is that rude or what!!?? I didn't know what to do. I told him that he'll never know, in a jokingly cute way. but he didn't find it cute or funny. He said, seriously tell me, i need to know before we go any further. So i did, and i lied. I said 2, even though its really 7.

 

How many is too many??? I read an article one time and it said if your number is anything over 5 lie about it, no matter what lol.

 

what do you guys think????

 

how old are you??

7 isn't even bad in my opinion unless you're under 18?

 

I lied to my ex and told him 6 when it was 10.

If he can't accept you then who cares..

 

The reason guys ask is because they don't wanna risk getting something or he could of heard a rumor about you?

My ex told me had been 15 girls and then I found out later on it was around the 30 mark so I went and got myself tested asap. haha

LEEVIT2F8 Established Member

LEEVIT2F8

Posted
Posted

I'll make you feel better. I couldn't even tell someone if they asked. I can however tell them how many women I've slept with that I cared about. And to me that is a much different thing.

 

I would actually prefer the woman I'm with to have a decent amount of experience. And I think most people get obsessed with numbers because of their own sexual insecurities.

 

You shouldn't have lied. You have nothing to be ashamed of at all. Either this guy can get over the fact you haven't been sitting on a block of ice waiting for him to show up or not. Just my 2 cents though.

Conners Established Member

Conners

Posted
Posted
Most men want their partners to have some sense of purity to them.

 

Honestly I'm turned off if a woman under 25 has been with more than 5 guys.

 

Yes I'm aware of the double standard, also because I'm 32 and have been with more than 5 but less than 10 women. Though on average, it equals one woman a year since I became sexually active.

 

I guess I can accept a woman having two new partners a year but I hope that at some point of time she was in a relationship for more than a year and stuck to one guy, which would keep her number low.

 

WHOA women under 25 who have been with with under 5 guys!!

This day and age I know girls who are 16 that have been with 30+ guys.

I fear for the future.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
WHOA women under 25 who have been with with under 5 guys!!

This day and age I know girls who are 16 that have been with 30+ guys.

I fear for the future.

Under 16 and been with 30+ is disgusting.

 

I'm sure there are women out there who are 25 and have been with 5 or less guys.

 

From my point of view, I prefer a woman who has not engaged in casual sex.

Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

Posted
Posted

This topic is always so funny. I love how so many men want you to be damn near pure and as close to virgin status as possible, yet act like a porn star in the bedroom.

 

I don't think I've ever been asked my number, and though it's not high, I would be rather put off by the question. Ask me if I'm STD free, what my views are on sex, my goals in life, my accomplishments, ask me about who I am as a person. If your main concern is what my number is, then you can kick rocks. We have nothing further to discuss.

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
This topic is always so funny. I love how so many men want you to be damn near pure and as close to virgin status as possible, yet act like a porn star in the bedroom.

Do you believe the two are mutually exclusive?

 

I see no reason why a woman can't have wild and crazy sex and have only been with one guy.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted

Women ask me more then I ask them. They assume ive gotten around lol. So trust me, its not just guys worrying about this.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...