connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone. This is my first ever post on here do nice to meet you all. I have a dilemma I am currently in with a girl, I will start from the beginning. About 8 months ago I met a girl called Caroline. I got invited to a party by a friend and as soon as I walked in I noticed this beautiful blonde talking to somebody in the corner of my friends living room, I honestly couldn't take my eyes off her. So the night progressed and I decided to pluck up the courage to go and say hi and see how things went and we hit it off instantly and when I asked her to dinner her face seemed to light up and we exchanged numbers. The following day we texted nonstop and I couldn't wait for dinner, i took her out for dinner and there was an instant connection ; conversation flowing etc and it just felt great that is met somebody like her. We decided to go out on another date and to cut a long story short we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend after about 1 1/2 months of going out and spending time together. I honestly believed she was the one this early into the relationship so after around 2 months of dating she moved into my house and we were both just so happy together and the sparks were still flying. I am just going on too much now so I will move on to what occurred recently. Basically 3 weeks ago she told me she had been invited to a party with a friend and asked me to go but unfortunately I was going to see some family members in another part of the country so I couldn't, she told me she didn't want to go anymore and all that. I insisted she went and she did end up going, anyways the next morning I logged into my Facebook and I had a message from somebody I knew who went to the party and she had told me that Caroline had been talking to this guy and had ended up kissing him and maybe doing more and when I read this my mouth just dropped and I was shell-shocked and couldn't believe it, of course I rang her up to speak to her about his and she instantly started to cry so I said I will speak to her when I come home. So I got home and we spoke and spoke and she said she was drunk and regretted kissing him (she insists they did no more) and that she would do anything to get me back and she said it was a big mistake. I told her I needed some time to think abut things and decide what I wanted to do, 2 weeks have passed now and she had been trying to contact me and I don't know what to do - my heart says give her another chance but my head says move on. A similar thing happened to me in high school and I need envisaged this happening again...I don't know what to do? Edited February 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Jeesh man...if after 2 weeks you still don't know what to do - then cut her loose, and let her go. It was a drunken indiscretion. I'm not saying it was right of her, but if it's been a fortnight and you're still angsty about it, it's not going to go away and you're not going to get past this. Free her, free yourself and move on.... I personally think you're making a bit too much of a drama of it, but hey - if that's the way you are, that's the way you are. Ok. Tell her you can't come to terms with it, and let her go.
Author connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I have been a bit of an idiot about it, haven't i? I think it's because it happens to me in earlier life and that is why this is affecting me so much. I think I shall arrange to meet with her tomorrow and see if she wants to give the relationship another go because I do honestly believe she loves me and wants to be with me. Thanks for your advice.
milwinlol Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 If you know this girl well enough you'll be able to tell whether her words and apologies were sincere or not.... Maybe it was just a drunken mistake.... remember you haven't been in a relationship with each other for that long - not that that really matters. Look we all make mistakes, some more regrettable than others. The good thing is: 1) she didn't try and keep it from you 2) she didn't try and lie through her teeth 3) she apologized straight away It's up to you to go with your gut....... How much does this woman mean to you? Could things ever go back to how they were before? Can you forgive and forget a silly, drunken mistake?
Author connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks for the reply, it is much appreciated. This girl means so much to me, I've never loved anybody as much as her ever and she completes me and understands me. As for the relationship going back to normal I honestly think it can if we both put this behind us and I want to try to do so. I've known her long enough to tell when she is telling the truth and her apology seemed genuine and sincere. I think I will give her another chance and try and forget about this. Hopefully I don't regret this... 1
milwinlol Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I really hope you can both put it behind you.... You sound like a really nice, genuine guy, so, yeah, good luck!!
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I have been a bit of an idiot about it, haven't i? I think it's because it happens to me in earlier life and that is why this is affecting me so much. Look, I totally gt the 'once bitten twice shy' bit - but this is 2 different people - and that said, in fairness to you - you should explain to Caroline that the reason you've been AWOL for 2 weeks is because your past experience played on your mind, and you felt it was just history repeating.... Put that to her, and she will understand more clearly precisely why you have reacted the way you have.... I think I shall arrange to meet with her tomorrow and see if she wants to give the relationship another go because I do honestly believe she loves me and wants to be with me. Trust is a hard one to mend.... But I think if you both agree to move on, and promise honesty, transparency and good communication, it may well get off the ground. But she must understand that such an action - even if it DID involve alcohol - was disrespectful. Don't resort to recriminations - but be honest about your feelings.
Author connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Wow, another great reply! To find somebody as helpful as you after only just joining is just amazing. As you said trust is hard to mend and you are exactly right as in the future there is a chance I could get paranoid about where she is, who she is with etc..
Author connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I really hope you can both put it behind you.... You sound like a really nice, genuine guy, so, yeah, good luck!! Thank-u so much. You seem nice yourself and I also hope we can put it behind us, thanks for all your help.
Author connor91 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Weill it's getting late here now, so I am going to bed. I will update you all on what happens and hopefully I will bring some good news.
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Good Luck, let us know how it goes, Connor...
milwinlol Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Can't wait to hear how it goes!! -Millie 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Weill it's getting late here now, so I am going to bed. ..... Oh come on...it's only half past eleven.... put kettle on! Edited February 24, 2014 by TaraMaiden 2
Author connor91 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 UPDATE - Hi guys. It's 20:27 now and I was planning on coming on much earlier but due to work commitments I have not had much time. I didn't get as much sleep as usual last night as I was thinking about the whole situation, so I woke up at 8 am and decided to have a protein shake and go running to wake me up and clear my head. After I had been running I was debating whether to call or text Caroline, In the end I decided to give her a text which said 'Hi Caz, hope you are well. As you can imagine the last 2 weeks have been hard for me but I would like to meet up and discuss the situation if that is okay with you.' Didn't hear anything for about 30 mins and I wasn't too worried as I had texted her quite early. About 1 1/2 hours after texting I got a reply which said 'Hi Connor, it's great to hear from you again. Meeting up would be great to discuss things x.' I was quite happy that she had said this so I left it for a bit then said 'I will text you the details later on.' So we are meeting up on Friday, I can't wait. Let's hope we sort things out.
milwinlol Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Sounds like she's up for making another go of it...which is great!! You sound chuffed. Any idea what you're gonna say to her yet? Maybe we could help?! haha. xx
Author connor91 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Sounds like she's up for making another go of it...which is great!! You sound chuffed. Any idea what you're gonna say to her yet? Maybe we could help?! haha. xx Hi Mille, Thanks for the reply, I hope you're right when you say that it sounds like she is up for it. I really do hope so because I've never met anyone like her. At the moment there is a lot going through my head about what I want to say to her, any tips would be appreciated. Are you new here by the way? Any particular reason why you joined? X Connor
milwinlol Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Remember not to over-think things too much...you don't wanna get yourself in too much of a muddle, if you do you'll end up meeting up with her and blurting out a load of crap you don't mean and haven't really thought through. Maybe just explain to her why you thought you needed some space for a few weeks, that you needed to think, and hope she understand really... Don't go into too much detail, just tell her the truth really. That you're willing to forgive her and that you both need to be honest with each other... Where are you two meeting? Yeah, i am new....stumbled across the site and it intrigued me...so i thought i'd become a member. Am enjoying it so far, i'm nosey you see, so it's great. haha! Millie x
Kopite Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Look, I don't want to be the downer in this thread but for me getting drunk is no excuse for anything. If she is doing these things at this point so early on when you are supposed to be at that nice happy honemoon stage, then imagine how it will be like later on. Also, this is the first time she has gone to a party alone since you've been together, and this is what she does?? Really?? Jeez... 2
Kopite Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I guess my point here is that you are still so early in your relationship and you have already developed trust issues through no fault of your own. Time to rethink if you really want to follow through with his in my opinion.
d0cholliday Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I agree with Kopite. But since you are meeting her, she cheated you, and I also don't tolerate that. If you believe you should give it another go, if she is really worth it, then try, but don't make it easy for her. If a partner cheats, I look at it as the other side did something wrong, in your situation you probably failed as a BF at somepoint, so try to figure out where did you fail, if you did fail, maybe you didn't and she is just a person who can't be thrusted. Try to look indifferent, cool, and don't say much, let her do the talking, you just sit down and listen, also if awkward silence happens, leave it be, she needs to interupt it. If you think she is genuine and she'll do whatever it takes to get back you let her, but make it hard for her, cause she needs to gain your thrust, or you'll find yourself in a thrustless RS, and you'll end up wondering all the time. That's my opinion
Author connor91 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks for the advice people, I appreciate it. I understand that it is early in the relationship and she has already cheated but I am willing to give her a chance, as I would definitely regret it if I didn't. As for not making it easy for her I have already thought about this, don't worry... 1
Author connor91 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Remember not to over-think things too much...you don't wanna get yourself in too much of a muddle, if you do you'll end up meeting up with her and blurting out a load of crap you don't mean and haven't really thought through. Maybe just explain to her why you thought you needed some space for a few weeks, that you needed to think, and hope she understand really... Don't go into too much detail, just tell her the truth really. That you're willing to forgive her and that you both need to be honest with each other... Where are you two meeting? Yeah, i am new....stumbled across the site and it intrigued me...so i thought i'd become a member. Am enjoying it so far, i'm nosey you see, so it's great. haha! Millie x Yeah I totally understand the overthinking part, I've done this with girls in the past and it Isn't a good idea at all. I think it's better to go in with an open mind. I will certainly be honest with her about the situation as I'm quite an up front guy I just hope I don't give in to her too easily because she has one of them faces that makes me crumble, I can't seem to say no to her haha. We are going to a local cafe bar, well that's what I've planned anyway. What do you think? To be honest I like looking at other peoples situations too and that's the main reason why I joined. I'm a personal trainer and I am a very masculine guy but it's strange I seem to enjoy the whole subject of relationships and love. Connor X
d0cholliday Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Yeah I totally understand the overthinking part, I've done this with girls in the past and it Isn't a good idea at all. I think it's better to go in with an open mind. I will certainly be honest with her about the situation as I'm quite an up front guy I just hope I don't give in to her too easily because she has one of them faces that makes me crumble, I can't seem to say no to her haha. We are going to a local cafe bar, well that's what I've planned anyway. What do you think? To be honest I like looking at other peoples situations too and that's the main reason why I joined. I'm a personal trainer and I am a very masculine guy but it's strange I seem to enjoy the whole subject of relationships and love. Connor X Remember, women love honesty only if it doesn't hurt them. So be careful when you are being honest. My honesty burned me so many times, I can't even count them. And easily you can end up being completely honest and you realise that the other side doesn't appreciate it at all. So be careful, pick your words, and don't be afraid of silence, silence is gold, and sometimes you just need to shut up and let her talk. You go meet her up, try to look cool, and let her speak, she invited you, so go, and let her speak.... You don't need to explain yourself to her, she cheated. If she is a normaln person she should know that cheating is a NO NO. So let her talk, you can be honest later, and there is enough time for you to explain your actions, if you need them to be explained. Good Luck 2
milwinlol Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Yeah I totally understand the overthinking part, I've done this with girls in the past and it Isn't a good idea at all. I think it's better to go in with an open mind. I will certainly be honest with her about the situation as I'm quite an up front guy I just hope I don't give in to her too easily because she has one of them faces that makes me crumble, I can't seem to say no to her haha. We are going to a local cafe bar, well that's what I've planned anyway. What do you think? To be honest I like looking at other peoples situations too and that's the main reason why I joined. I'm a personal trainer and I am a very masculine guy but it's strange I seem to enjoy the whole subject of relationships and love. Connor X Sounds like you're all ready, you don't need any more advice!! Haha! No, seriously, you know what to do, you know what you're going for, you just need to listen, and take in what she says. Good luck! Millie xx
Author connor91 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Sounds like you're all ready, you don't need any more advice!! Haha! No, seriously, you know what to do, you know what you're going for, you just need to listen, and take in what she says. Good luck! Millie xx Hi Millie, Tomorrow is the day, I'm looking forward to it but obviously a bit nervous because I'm not how it will go. It will either go Really well or horribly let's hope its the first one. Had to keep the reply short because I'm busy tomorrow with work and obviously me and Caz meeting up so it will be a looooong day. Will speak tomorrow and tell everybody how it goes. Connor X
Recommended Posts