, Lonely, Hurt.

[LazyTee]

Here's my story.

 

I met this girl in college (UK) age around 17 we met as friends first, we got along really well, had imitate conversations, giving each other advice, making each other laugh. At the time we both were in another relationship. About a year later when we both broke up with our ex-partners we started to talk even more, became more flirtatious and just had fun being free and single. Then Valentines day comes and I asked her out, she wasn't so sure at first because she was talking to another guy for about 2 months or more and that other guy expected to be her valentines but in the end chose me. I took her out, we had a great night. She came back home and we just slept spooning each other to sleep.

 

About 11 days later she asked if I wanted to be her bf and I agreed, it was so surprising.

After about a 2-4 months she called me to another room while we were in class because I could tell she was upset and asked if she wanted to talk about it, she said that I changed and became more immature and annoying and feel like that the relationship wasn't the same as it were, I agreed with her because this is my first proper relationship and my immature mind, I thought I had to be a prick in order to keep her on her toes, I thought if I was always such a sweet heart then it makes me look like a push over and the relationship gets boring and dull but it took the opposite effect and ending up hurting her more, so I told her this and she could understand and we carried on our relationship, everything was good, very good intact she truly felt as though there would be no love like her else where if something happen towards us.

 

Our second breakup was when I just got surgery done Jaw surgery to be specific and due to that I was bed bound at home, while she was in UNI 4 hours away (she lives at a accommodation there). The first week of recovery I was in a depressed state and the only thing that could cheer me up and get my mind off the pain was hearing her voice and just talking about her day, We kept doing this every night for the past 3-4 days but then when ever I try to call her or she calls me she's busy socialising with people she lives with and so I didn't want to stop her and said don't worry it would be ok go have fun while I was stuck at home upset, in pain and just hoping she would call me later. She didn't and thats what got me angry. I took out all this anger towards her and it was too much for her to handle, so the night before I came back she called me and wanted to end it, it was very vague and she said she rather speak to me in person then do this over the phone, I came back to UNI where i also live at the same accommodation as her but in a different flat. When I saw her she explain what happen and how it was affecting her, I agreed and thought yeah this must be the right thing to do because I hate seeing her so upset, we both cried and was scared to lose each other but I didn't give up I told her my side of the story and she understood and I asked for another chance, she agreed. Again we loved each other like never before, I bought her sentimental gifts, photos of our dog we bought together, treated her to dinner, to make up for what has happened.

 

Third breakup we were laying in bed and basically I went for a kiss and she moved away, I asked what is wrong she kept on replying nothing, its nothing, and told me to leave it, but my stubborn self I wanted to know because I was hoping it woundnt relate to anything about our relationship but she didn't reply for awhile. In the end after constant nagging she told me and started to cry a lil, she said she lost feelings for me and it was so vague, she felt as though she rushed into a relationship too because of her previous ones and when I came in. I said don't worry we will sort this out lets go to bed and talk about this tomorrow. The next day she told me the reasons as to why.

 

Im the type of person when you speak I talk for awhile and explain useless details in a story Im telling, that got very annoying to her, I ask stupid questions, but the top 2 was the fact my jealousy got out of hand with another guy and the fact I don't listen to her.

 

Backstory on jealousy of this other guy:

Basically at my accommodation we have no chairs in our bedrooms and she was staying with this other guy constantly but in his bed laying down. I thought nothing much of it first until I kept seeing her there most of the time. We spoke about this and basically what she told me because everyone of our friends had something that was either annoying, lived too far, had to go work so had to sleep early and plainly just didn't enjoy being with for a long period of time, and I completely understood that and what she said wasn't made up, it was true. The only alternative she has would be to stay with this guy because literally this guy was so chilled out, no hassle, makes her laugh, just brings out the best in her. This guy is a single guy. She doesn't want to stay with me constantly because it would get both of us to the point where we would be killing each other, this is why she chills elsewhere. When I do chill with her this guy and a couple of our flat mates it was arrogating me because he makes her laugh and just makes her so happy (maybe its different view to other people) so I got upset sometimes and make remarks at her and storm off out of the room, she comes up later and we talk I tell her how I feel and she said, she doesn't like him in that way, she said 'who's bed do I come up every night to sleep?'. She then said was it because I don't trust her with another guy? I told her it wasn't that, its the fact that another person is taking so much attention from me and she understood. A couple nights she would sometimes asleep in his bed and I would get so angry because I just live upstairs and it isn't so hard to come up. I told her this and she said I know but you got to understand thats who I am, when I'm so tired i cannot move and I know this was in her persona but one night it was too much for me to deal with we just came back from the club and basically went out with the flatmates that are downstairs (where she usually chills) I go with them and we talk, have fun and chill, then I got to a point where I was tired and told them Im going up to sleep (was expecting my girl to come up with me but she didn't, she said she would be up in a min) I then exploded because I waited 2 hours and she didn't come up, I then went downstairs to check on her and she fell asleep in his bed again!, I was so angry, I called her, text her asking when you coming up? but then I just didn't want to feel clingy and just had to wait it out which made it worse, I stormed downstairs she woke up and came upstairs I got so upset and punched the wall right in front of her threatening to punch up the guy. She was shocked and felt so bad so she apologise and we both fell asleep.

 

We spoke the next day about him, saying that because I didn't know him it was affecting me a lot because all I saw of him was what made me pissed off and for me to get to know him would reassure me he isn't the guy that would try anything, and now after she broke up with me I realise he is such a cool guy.

 

I think to myself what if this happens to every guy she meets? she's worried about that, I said trust me it won't, its just knowing your in another guys bed, sleeping in it makes me go crazy, but its not as though she chooses the bed, its because when watching a movie everyone gets comfortable and snuggle up in bed, she said 'imagine sitting on a chair hours on end, wouldn't you think its uncomfortable?' and I completely understood so I tried just changing the way I think and it started to work.

 

Backstory for not listening:

 

Before we were in a relationship I found it hard to listen to people because of my family problems, when we got together she thought i might change because I loved her and she loved me, but I didn't change as much, and it was affecting her to the point we lost communication partially, which when something serious happens we misinterpret it wrongly. She said imagine speaking to a brick wall all day long and then that brick wall has the cheek to say (You didn't tell me this) I listen to everything you say and take everything into consideration but you don't listen to me most of the time and that hurts.

 

Its not just her I don't listen to a lot of people and everyone even states that.

 

 

Back to the breakup:

She said I can't deal with it anymore and rather remain friends because of this whole thing everything she said she made up her mind. There was no me saying anything to get her back. She wanted to be single and so I said fine ill remain as friends because Id rather want her in my life then not at all (I thought). So we watched Toy Story 2 together and that agreed tonight would be the last night that we will sleep together. I asked her 2 questions that were my last while we watched the movie. Would you want to be in a relationship with me in the future? You think we can be together in the future? She said 'I don't know' to both of them, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! I feel as though she doesn't want to hurt me any more by saying yes which makes me think it gives me a chance to get her back, and she didn't want to say no because she scared she might hurt me even more.But when she said it, it was though she was confused.

 

Yesterday me and her spoke to our flatmates and said we broke up but remain friends but I was so nervous when I said it because I was scared how they might change. The guys my guy friends might flirt with her, which would get me very angry.

 

Situation I am in now:

I feel alone because our group of friends we see each other a lot when we hang around with the friends, and seeing her beautiful face just makes me so depress because I know she's no longer mine. So I lock myself in my room and just be lonely and try keep myself occupied. It hurts more because I feel so alone in this all and my family is hours away. I am in uni and I feel like leaving and just going back home at least I will have family there to help me get through this but she told me after the whole break up conversations that why would you let this relationship affect you that much, to leave uni and go back home, what would you have? you would have no work, you wouldnt be in university, your mum is already going through something stressful which would make you stress out even more, its just stupid. And when she told me this it just hit home, that I love being here more then home because its so stress free but I just can't handle being here knowing she's around that hurts. (BUT I STILL WANT TO SEE HER!) She even gave me more advice like move to another accommodation if thats the case that way you wouldn't have to see me, and I said but I love the friends I made here and wouldn't want to make any new ones at this point.

 

Someone please give me guidance!

 

So I told her your right it isn't the best to be home at this point in time and to try get through uni so I stayed and we became friends, I chilled with her and friends for the pass 2 days but it just hurts me because when I see her I just want to cuddle her, kiss her, and just feel loved. What Im most worried about is knowing she would be with another guy soon or worst with another guy I already know, I don't think I would be able to cope.

 

She told me before if I do change those bad aspect about myself then there would be a high chance we would get back together but she said she doesn't want me to change cause of her. What does this mean after everything she said after this about not wanting to be in a relationship?! I thought to myself, maybe she's giving me time to mature on my own and basically stand on my own 2 feet. And when I can prove that to her she would take me back but take it slow, Is it worth it? Because we both want to be together but the problem is just getting to her more. She dropped out of uni and has a lot of time to spare to because uni was getting stressful for her(she's going to re-do next year).

 

btw she never cried to another guy ever, I was the first person to make her cry and apparently its a "capricorn' thing. Im cancer btw lol.

 

My question is what should I do?

 

She texted me after we had dinner together with friends today 'Hey you! how are you?' should i reply ... I'm so confused

Edited February 24, 2014 by LazyTee

[LazyTee]

please help