Author poor boy Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 You need to get a grip. You're letting some 20 year old that can't seem to handle her life very well make you jump around like you're on hot coals. Act the confident and educated military man that you are and find your self-respect and your dignity. The most unattractive thing a man can do is to chase a woman that doesn't want to be with him. You said yourself she jumps from guy to guy, YET you want to ask her ex if she's treated him the way she is treating you? What don't you comprehend? If she has jumped from guy to guy, how do you think she treated them? You're idealizing and romanticizing two months of what transpired between two people that were on their best behavior during the honeymoon period. You are 25 years old. You are in the navy. You are working on your degree. You haven't even scratched the surface of what life really has to offer you. You're being very shortsighted. Thanks zahara, I think you're right. I really did like this girl a lot, and was pretty awesome to her. I gave her the best I had, which incidentally will be better than pretty much any guy could give her round here. I was blindsided by this break up, really didn't see it coming. And obviously it is inexplicable to me what has happened. But yeah as you say I do need to get a grip. Just because she dumped ne doesn't mean I'm not good enough or that she's better or can do better. Its just another incorrect decision in her life, maybe that she'll regret, but I can let it bring me down anymore. I've let it all adversely affect my university studies, my diet, my gym and my relationships with friends and family the last five weeks. It's unacceptable that, and I deserve better. Thank you again, your words then actually have inspired me more than you know
Zahara Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks zahara, I think you're right. I really did like this girl a lot, and was pretty awesome to her. I gave her the best I had, which incidentally will be better than pretty much any guy could give her round here. I was blindsided by this break up, really didn't see it coming. And obviously it is inexplicable to me what has happened. But yeah as you say I do need to get a grip. Just because she dumped ne doesn't mean I'm not good enough or that she's better or can do better. Its just another incorrect decision in her life, maybe that she'll regret, but I can let it bring me down anymore. I've let it all adversely affect my university studies, my diet, my gym and my relationships with friends and family the last five weeks. It's unacceptable that, and I deserve better. Thank you again, your words then actually have inspired me more than you know I just don't want you to be shortsighted about this, especially when you are knowingly dealing with someone that really isn't worth your efforts. You do deserve better. You sound like you have your life in control and should be in a relationship with someone that can reciprocate emotionally and mentally. I understand that you're hurting and you're struggling with what was and what could have been but sometimes when all arrows are pointing south, you have to just accept that what in your mind had potential may never translate the same way to the other person. And if she has treated guys in her life this way, it's her pattern. And most times we think we're the exception, we're different but in the end, we're not. If we were the exception, we'd still be with them. Look at it as a blessing. You spent two months with her. I'm not minimizing your pain but thank god you didn't spend years with her. So, if you give it just a little bit of time -- go back to the gym, your friends and family, hit the books, start eating healthy -- set a goal to INVEST IN YOURSELF AGAIN, you'll get past this and I kid you not that soon enough you'll knock yourself silly for dragging yourself down over this girl. 1
Author poor boy Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) I just don't want you to be shortsighted about this, especially when you are knowingly dealing with someone that really isn't worth your efforts. You do deserve better. You sound like you have your life in control and should be in a relationship with someone that can reciprocate emotionally and mentally. I understand that you're hurting and you're struggling with what was and what could have been but sometimes when all arrows are pointing south, you have to just accept that what in your mind had potential may never translate the same way to the other person. And if she has treated guys in her life this way, it's her pattern. And most times we think we're the exception, we're different but in the end, we're not. If we were the exception, we'd still be with them. Look at it as a blessing. You spent two months with her. I'm not minimizing your pain but thank god you didn't spend years with her. So, if you give it just a little bit of time -- go back to the gym, your friends and family, hit the books, start eating healthy -- set a goal to INVEST IN YOURSELF AGAIN, you'll get past this and I kid you not that soon enough you'll knock yourself silly for dragging yourself down over this girl. Yeah I think I do deserve better. It's unfortunate I can't have that 'better'with her, but I guess I can't change her. Do you think there will ever be a person that changes them making the patterns they make, or that they may forever be like that until maybe they're old and washed up with bad reps? Sometimes I feel better about it, but then again I get feelings of rejection (even though I never really got rejected as I went out with her for two months), shock as I never saw this coming, sadness that she's gone, panic that I may not be with her again etc. I've been like a broken record for weeks. I think her method of dumping me, by ignoring me for days then texting me when I asked her to do something saying she doesn't wanna see me, then blocking me on fb, stinks really. Someone like that is not a nice person really hey. Do you ever think that everything happens for a reason? And how about the idea that in the future we may yet be together again? Would you ever entertain such ideas yourself, or have too much pride and self respect as to not take someone back who treated you in such ways? Do you think I messed up the play it cool approach to the breakup by sending a loveletter to her? I've not chased her much though, just that letter two weeks after bu and knocked at her house a couple of days after that. Nothing else, no texts or calls or anything. Maybe if I keep up no contact I Kay hear from her one day? I see what you're saying and others have said that to me, that I'm fortunate I was only with her for two months. If this had happened after 2 years, or worse after moving in or having kids, it would kill me. I guess I just worry most of all, that I'm to blame for this breakup in some way, maybe if I did this or that differently. But overall, I feel like I got most things right and gave it a bloody good go. It's easier for me to deal with it if I think that it's her fault and it ended basically just because of her personality, and that it was probably inevitable. I gather that her last bf was just left without reason like me, except they were engaged and lived together after a year together. He must've felt a lot worse than me. I guess I just need to let it go for now hey. Edited February 24, 2014 by poor boy
Zahara Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Of course, people can change. But change happens when someone reaches a point of self-awareness and reflection, realizing and accepting that there is something wrong, something that isn't working for them or isn't beneficial to them in terms of how they are choosing to live their life. Introspection has to be had. Without that, change cannot happen. And sometimes even when people do want to change, choose to change, it doesn't always work out that way. It's not a guarantee. I have to wonder if it's really the "amazing" that's causing you to dwell or whether it's just the rejection that has hurt your ego. Everyone panics when they think about never seeing someone they love. It's normal. It's what you will feel when you detach from someone that you once had in your life. But just as how you got used to her when she was in your life, you will accustom yourself to being without her, it will just take time. And when you care/love someone, you take considerable measures to let them go gently and kindly. When you deal with someone that is selfish and immature, you deal with someone that doesn't take your feelings into account. The thing is, you are contributing to your own pain by keeping in contact with her. It doesn't matter what and who she is, the reality is that she has ended it with you and it's over. Go NC. The idea that you may be together again? Squash that. You don't even know what you're having for lunch tomorrow. You're creating hopeful fantasies in your mind. And that's the worst thing you can do. It keeps you stuck and holding on. Focus on the reality at hand. Focus on a future, for you. So she left her last bf the way she left you, and they were engaged and lived together for a year -- yet you wanted to reach out to her ex and ask him how she treated him? You're not thinking straight. This is her pattern. Open your eyes. Don't let it go for now, just let it go. 2
Author poor boy Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Of course, people can change. But change happens when someone reaches a point of self-awareness and reflection, realizing and accepting that there is something wrong, something that isn't working for them or isn't beneficial to them in terms of how they are choosing to live their life. Introspection has to be had. Without that, change cannot happen. And sometimes even when people do want to change, choose to change, it doesn't always work out that way. It's not a guarantee. I have to wonder if it's really the "amazing" that's causing you to dwell or whether it's just the rejection that has hurt your ego. Everyone panics when they think about never seeing someone they love. It's normal. It's what you will feel when you detach from someone that you once had in your life. But just as how you got used to her when she was in your life, you will accustom yourself to being without her, it will just take time. And when you care/love someone, you take considerable measures to let them go gently and kindly. When you deal with someone that is selfish and immature, you deal with someone that doesn't take your feelings into account. The thing is, you are contributing to your own pain by keeping in contact with her. It doesn't matter what and who she is, the reality is that she has ended it with you and it's over. Go NC. The idea that you may be together again? Squash that. You don't even know what you're having for lunch tomorrow. You're creating hopeful fantasies in your mind. And that's the worst thing you can do. It keeps you stuck and holding on. Focus on the reality at hand. Focus on a future, for you. So she left her last bf the way she left you, and they were engaged and lived together for a year -- yet you wanted to reach out to her ex and ask him how she treated him? You're not thinking straight. This is her pattern. Open your eyes. Don't let it go for now, just let it go. Yeah I guess she will only change if she does it at her own accord. Its annoying that I didn't get the chance to speak to her face to face when she wanted to break it off with me, as for one I'm really good at persuading people so may have been able to change her mind ha, and for two it would've been nice to hear it straight from her and ask her the questions I wanted to know the answers to. the It's probably a combination of ego, love and rejection and loss that's made me feel so bad. Plus the lack of control in the situation, the way she's done everything almost seems as if she's deliberately set out to hurt me as much as possible. In the days following the bu, she was changing her fb profile pic all the time to great looking photos of herself, which she hadn't done before, and was flirting with other boys openly and putting statutes like I'm having a great day today the day after she ended it. That was so terrible, and then after she got no reaction she blocked me, bad person that ey things I wanted to know. But yeah it's very selfish what she's done, inconsiderate, no way I'd be so cold as to do that. I just wish she hadn't lead me on to believe she was so into me if she wasn't. Who knows what's gone on inside her head. Yeah I suppose I can't live in hopeful fantasies. Although deep down I'll always probably have a little hope and be open to that idea, but certainly not in the near future, if ever as you say. I guess I'm just wired differently to her and a lot of other people, if I ever get with a person in a relationship and I like them a lot as she liked me, and they treat me nice etc and we have good times, I'd never want to leave them. And if I did, I wouldn't lead them on and certainly wouldn't end it via ignorance and text and blocking. It's a terrible thing she did to me and she must know it, maybe she even gets a kick out of it there are poisonous people like that aren't there. I'm gonna try and get back into my gym and uni work and routines again now. I've got a kind of date with a nice girl from my uni class (so she actually has some integrity as she works and studies not sits at home doing nothing excerpt going out on the drink every night), so maybe I'll see how that goes and see what happens there. I don't feel ready for anything proper with someone else just yet, but I like this girl and she's prettier than my ex too lol. Edited February 24, 2014 by poor boy
Recommended Posts