What can i do to get her back now or maybe in the future?

[poor boy]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me three weeks ago for no apparent reason, and I've been left very confused as to what I should do or what I did wrong in the first place.We were only together for seven weeks, and I know that is not a very long time but it was really great and we connected a lot. I know people will say things like, it couldn't have been that great for her, or I should've looked for the red flags etc, but it really was great and there was nothing wrong.*We met through mutual friends and hit it off straight away. She's 20 and I'm 25, which is a bigger difference than I gave attention to really. I feel the only thing I did wrong was rush in and be too much too soon.

 

I told her I loved her after a couple weeks, and I invited her to my family's place for Christmas. She seemed happy with this, and told me she loved me too, and reciprocated by inviting me to her family's beforehand on Christmas also, which went really well. She would often tell me how I'm the best boy she's ever met, and normally she goes out with more 'bad boys' and she likes the change with me. She was talking about the future and saying how she wanted to spend many more months with me like we just had.*I trusted everything she said, and stupidly fell for her. The last time I saw her, we went out and had a great evening, and she stayed in mine. Excuse the crude information, but we had sex many times also. Everything seemed perfect. Then the next day she went home, and we texted a little that day and the next day as she was out with friends on a night out. She seemed slightly distant from these texts. Then I text her Sunday and she ignored it.

 

I left it then for a couple of days and didn't hear from her so called and tested her Tuesday saying do you wanna do something? She took ages to reply and simply said I think we should leave seeing eachother, I just need time on my own for a while. I was devastated. I left it then. Her fb statutes for a few days seemed to be deliberately trying to get a reaction from me, flirting with other boys and stating what a great day she was having etc. Then on Saturday at midnight, after getting no reaction off me, she deleted and blocked me off fb.*After two weeks I caved and sent her some roses and a loveletter saying how much I cared for her and want her back. She ignored it and it's now a week on.*She has already had some other serious boyfriends, and even been engaged and lived with one at 18! She's also had around 20 jobs including working abroad which is crazy for someone so young! She currently doze nothing and lives at home with her mum. She seems to have commitment and and/or trust issues perhaps. She never believed me when I told her nice things and I know she's been hurt in the past and has also been on antidepressants. She also told a mutual friend that she knew I'd been checking through her phone while she was asleep in bed, which was completely untrue.

 

The last time I seen her she did something strange, and said I've forgotten my phone password and tried guessing it. She then said do you want to have a guess at it and I said there's no point as I don't know. She proceeded to get her phone password wrong until it reset and then she said oh well I have no password now, if anyone gets my phone they'll be able to see everything. I didn't think much at the time but this is pretty weird. I do love her tho and want her back. Is there anything I can do. Please no more on or plenty more fish in the seas I want to know if theres any action I can take. I think maybe if I could speak to her face to face as that hasn't happened since our break up.

 

There is also a mutual friend we have I could contact, except this friend would definitely tell her I've been asking. My ex goes on nights out in the same place every weekend and I know I could 'bump into her'. Any thoughts?

Edited February 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Philosoraptor]

She's nuts and bounces from guy to guy. Honestly from what you've said, I think she likely met someone the night out with her friends and wanted to give him a try. She may have cheated on you that same night, who knows?

 

The real question is based on how she has been, what you know about her, etc., why would you want her back? She seems like a mess and you can find someone you not only connect with better, but is much more stable.

[CelticGibson]

"She would often tell me how I'm the best boy she's ever met, and normally she goes out with more 'bad boys' and she likes the change with me."

 

This statement says it all. She's 20. She's having fun and not thinking of anything serious, and nor should she. You were the "Nice guy". She's telling you that she prefers bad boys (confident lads that do not give their hearts away so easily) and that you are not it. Don't take that as a compliment. It's a put down to be honest. You basically rushed in and broke the cardinal rule by saying you loved her after a few weeks. You sent her a love letter (always a dreadful thing to do) and some roses (even worse). That's like saying "here's my balls. Do whatever you want with them. I am yours to f*ck around with without question". You were not a challenge for her to win over. You became a doormat and girls have little respect for doormats...

 

I would say you are dealing with someone who has a lot of growing up to do. You had your chance with her and it's done now. Unless she comes straight out and tells you she wants to try again, you won't have a chance. In the meantime, accept that you have been friendzoned, go no contact and move on to find another girl that will prefer you over the "bad boys" and do not rush in so fast the next time..

 

Take your time...

[poor boy]

"She would often tell me how I'm the best boy she's ever met, and normally she goes out with more 'bad boys' and she likes the change with me."

 

This statement says it all. She's 20. She's having fun and not thinking of anything serious, and nor should she. You were the "Nice guy". She's telling you that she prefers bad boys (confident lads that do not give their hearts away so easily) and that you are not it. Don't take that as a compliment. It's a put down to be honest. You basically rushed in and broke the cardinal rule by saying you loved her after a few weeks. You sent her a love letter (always a dreadful thing to do) and some roses (even worse). That's like saying "here's my balls. Do whatever you want with them. I am yours to f*ck around with without question". You were not a challenge for her to win over. You became a doormat and girls have little respect for doormats...

 

I would say you are dealing with someone who has a lot of growing up to do. You had your chance with her and it's done now. Unless she comes straight out and tells you she wants to try again, you won't have a chance. In the meantime, accept that you have been friendzoned, go no contact and move on to find another girl that will prefer you over the "bad boys" and do not rush in so fast the next time..

 

Take your time...

 

Thanks for the reply. I know I did rush in, and feel very regretfully over that now. I don't know if I should feel so full of regret that I messed up something really great, or if, as some of my friends say, it wouldn't have lasted anyway as that's the type of person she is and has a short attention span. The funniest thing is, that even though I was a good boyfriend, I never really felt that interested in her until she binned me and since I've been devastated. That's if it indeed is that reason she left me, anything could have happened really, maybe I'll never know. It's just so sad to lose someone in the honeymoon stage when it seemed like all systems go so to speak.

She is a quite attractive girl, but does not really have a lot going for her. She lives at home with her mum, goes from menial job to job, and has no education prospects and isn't very intelligent. I actually feel like people would say from the outside, that I can do better as I'm a decent looking guy and confident with women, I just fell for this girl stupidly. I guess if she likes the bad boys, maybe she'll have to learn from that by personal experience. Two of my best friends were dumped by girls who wanted the bad boys, but then after being burnt by them came crawling back. One took them back and one didn't. I feel confident that she will look back at this in the future when she hasn't heard from me in a while, and realise what a great guy I was. I wonder if that'll ever be enough for her to contact me again. But by then maybe I'll have met someone better? Do you think that in the future, maybe after she has grown up a bit, I should contact her and see about meeting up? One things for sure, whether I was too nice or not, I wasn't deserving of being lead on and used and dumped in such a terrible way. That's not cool, and I've been hurting real bad for 3 weeks now. So much so I've fell behind in university, not been eating as much, and my friends are sick of me talking about her! She obviously has no regard whatsoever for my feelings or state if mind, as it was so much more convenient for her to bin me by text and delete me off fb. Is no contact the only option I have now? Or would accidentally bumping into her on purpose be an idea? Thanks very much for the replies guys I appreciate it.

[SCJACK]

Thanks for the reply. I know I did rush in, and feel very regretfully over that now. I don't know if I should feel so full of regret that I messed up something really great, or if, as some of my friends say, it wouldn't have lasted anyway as that's the type of person she is and has a short attention span. The funniest thing is, that even though I was a good boyfriend, I never really felt that interested in her until she binned me and since I've been devastated. That's if it indeed is that reason she left me, anything could have happened really, maybe I'll never know. It's just so sad to lose someone in the honeymoon stage when it seemed like all systems go so to speak.

She is a quite attractive girl, but does not really have a lot going for her. She lives at home with her mum, goes from menial job to job, and has no education prospects and isn't very intelligent. I actually feel like people would say from the outside, that I can do better as I'm a decent looking guy and confident with women, I just fell for this girl stupidly. I guess if she likes the bad boys, maybe she'll have to learn from that by personal experience. Two of my best friends were dumped by girls who wanted the bad boys, but then after being burnt by them came crawling back. One took them back and one didn't. I feel confident that she will look back at this in the future when she hasn't heard from me in a while, and realise what a great guy I was. I wonder if that'll ever be enough for her to contact me again. But by then maybe I'll have met someone better? Do you think that in the future, maybe after she has grown up a bit, I should contact her and see about meeting up? One things for sure, whether I was too nice or not, I wasn't deserving of being lead on and used and dumped in such a terrible way. That's not cool, and I've been hurting real bad for 3 weeks now. So much so I've fell behind in university, not been eating as much, and my friends are sick of me talking about her! She obviously has no regard whatsoever for my feelings or state if mind, as it was so much more convenient for her to bin me by text and delete me off fb. Is no contact the only option I have now? Or would accidentally bumping into her on purpose be an idea? Thanks very much for the replies guys I appreciate it.

 

I'm in a similar situation.. we dated for 2 months, everything seemed great, then she became distant, broke up with me out of no where with unanswered questions running through my mind. I probably gave my heart too fast too.. and did write a letter to let her know my thoughts. It wasn't much of a love letter though.. I probably made a stupid mistake last night of posting something that makes it seem like i'm saying "I love her" she probably saw it already so no point in deleting that post... I didn't do anything wrong to her either.. I hate how girls do that to us "nice guys" it's not really in us to have the "jerkish" personalities... why do we always have to get burned while all the jackasses get the glory... :/ Someday I hope she realizes who she walked out on and I hope they come running back.. but those changes are almost impossible... sighh. We are in the same boat buddy... stay strong and go NC.... it'll only hurt more trying to fight it and cling onto hope that she will come back... :/

[poor boy]

I'm in a similar situation.. we dated for 2 months, everything seemed great, then she became distant, broke up with me out of no where with unanswered questions running through my mind. I probably gave my heart too fast too.. and did write a letter to let her know my thoughts. It wasn't much of a love letter though.. I probably made a stupid mistake last night of posting something that makes it seem like i'm saying "I love her" she probably saw it already so no point in deleting that post... I didn't do anything wrong to her either.. I hate how girls do that to us "nice guys" it's not really in us to have the "jerkish" personalities... why do we always have to get burned while all the jackasses get the glory... :/ Someday I hope she realizes who she walked out on and I hope they come running back.. but those changes are almost impossible... sighh. We are in the same boat buddy... stay strong and go NC.... it'll only hurt more trying to fight it and cling onto hope that she will come back... :/

Hi jack, yeah it's certainly a tough draw that's happened to both of us, and I feel for you as I completely know how you feel. If she would've been straight with me from the start and said, look, I like you but this is moving too fast or I'm not ready for anything serious then at least I would've understood and stepped back. But to be cut off is pretty terrible. Ill never know for sure why this happened which is what kills the most. It could be something bad like she just didn't have any feelings for me, or it could be something slightly more flattering like she felt I was too good for her and she dumped me first. Wishful thinking that one though. I suppose jack, that if they were willing to discard us so thoughtlessly, then they probably aren't very nice people and wouldn't have been right anyway. And also maybe it's better to happen after a couple months than after a couple years or after having kids etc. Valentines day feels pretty miserable today haha.

Are you just planning on staying NC now then? Do you retain any hopes or likelihoods she'll ever contact you? I guess another thing about it only being two months, is that they don't have as much of us to miss as they didn't invest much time in us. Do you have an email, I'd be interested to keep contact and see what happens with us

[Sugarkane]

Stay in NC amd find someone more mature.

[SCJACK]

Hi jack, yeah it's certainly a tough draw that's happened to both of us, and I feel for you as I completely know how you feel. If she would've been straight with me from the start and said, look, I like you but this is moving too fast or I'm not ready for anything serious then at least I would've understood and stepped back. But to be cut off is pretty terrible. Ill never know for sure why this happened which is what kills the most. It could be something bad like she just didn't have any feelings for me, or it could be something slightly more flattering like she felt I was too good for her and she dumped me first. Wishful thinking that one though. I suppose jack, that if they were willing to discard us so thoughtlessly, then they probably aren't very nice people and wouldn't have been right anyway. And also maybe it's better to happen after a couple months than after a couple years or after having kids etc. Valentines day feels pretty miserable today haha.

Are you just planning on staying NC now then? Do you retain any hopes or likelihoods she'll ever contact you? I guess another thing about it only being two months, is that they don't have as much of us to miss as they didn't invest much time in us. Do you have an email, I'd be interested to keep contact and see what happens with us

 

Yeah, I feel as if they probably didn't care about us enough to even talk to us about it, instead just cut us off and expect us not to ask questions. Questions and assumptions fill my mind everyday on why, but it'll just tire you out and end up making you feel worse. We will never get that closure and we will never know why.. the only thing we can do is try to move on. I do wish to reconcile with her, but since it lasted so short, I doubt she'll ever come back.. which sucks so much since I've known her for 3 years and been interested for all 3 years. And when I finally get my glory time with her, she ends it so short and the friendship is basically non existent now. It makes me so mad that everything I did for her means nothing, and our friendship meant nothing. If i had known it would end that short I wouldn't have gotten into that relationship because it really wasn't worth "losing" her for all this. I agree with you, they aren't very nice... several of my friends warned me but I never listened because I wanted to see for myself. She was pretty cold about the breakup and after as well. They seem so thoughtless and don't care about how we feel. In a sense yeah it's probably better for us that it ended quickly... things happen for a reason right? But in my own mind, that's not what I want and that's not what you wanted either. We both wanted to be with them regardless... Valentines day does suck! I thought I would be able to spend valentines day with someone for once but nope... spending it alone again...feels like a curse.. I never had anyone on valentines day before

 

Yeah man.. for now I'm not going to contact her. There are times when I want to but I force myself not to. I've already got rid of all of the hopes and I wrote a letter, tried to meet up, tried to make small conversations and she just seems to avoid me and not want to see me. It hurts even more because I didn't do anything wrong.. it's not fair at all... I know she wants to be friends, but what she's doing now she's not really allowing me to be... but it doesn't matter, why should I work to be friends with her when she's the one who dumped me? Anyways... I wouldn't try to hold hope and wait for her to contact.. it's best to just move on. They don't deserve us bro. It's their loss. Sorry I'm kind of venting here as well haha and yeah I do have an email but not sure if Ls will let me post it on here D:

[poor boy]

Yeah, I feel as if they probably didn't care about us enough to even talk to us about it, instead just cut us off and expect us not to ask questions. Questions and assumptions fill my mind everyday on why, but it'll just tire you out and end up making you feel worse. We will never get that closure and we will never know why.. the only thing we can do is try to move on. I do wish to reconcile with her, but since it lasted so short, I doubt she'll ever come back.. which sucks so much since I've known her for 3 years and been interested for all 3 years. And when I finally get my glory time with her, she ends it so short and the friendship is basically non existent now. It makes me so mad that everything I did for her means nothing, and our friendship meant nothing. If i had known it would end that short I wouldn't have gotten into that relationship because it really wasn't worth "losing" her for all this. I agree with you, they aren't very nice... several of my friends warned me but I never listened because I wanted to see for myself. She was pretty cold about the breakup and after as well. They seem so thoughtless and don't care about how we feel. In a sense yeah it's probably better for us that it ended quickly... things happen for a reason right? But in my own mind, that's not what I want and that's not what you wanted either. We both wanted to be with them regardless... Valentines day does suck! I thought I would be able to spend valentines day with someone for once but nope... spending it alone again...feels like a curse.. I never had anyone on valentines day before

 

Yeah man.. for now I'm not going to contact her. There are times when I want to but I force myself not to. I've already got rid of all of the hopes and I wrote a letter, tried to meet up, tried to make small conversations and she just seems to avoid me and not want to see me. It hurts even more because I didn't do anything wrong.. it's not fair at all... I know she wants to be friends, but what she's doing now she's not really allowing me to be... but it doesn't matter, why should I work to be friends with her when she's the one who dumped me? Anyways... I wouldn't try to hold hope and wait for her to contact.. it's best to just move on. They don't deserve us bro. It's their loss. Sorry I'm kind of venting here as well haha and yeah I do have an email but not sure if Ls will let me post it on here D:

 

Yeah its difficult to accept isn't it, especially as you say being completely cut off and given no explanation. Ive no idea what's happening in her head. I'm not a stupid lad, and I can very well tell when a girl is interested in me, and I've never seen a girl more interested in me than her. Every time we were together she couldn't keep her hands off me and couldn't stop touching me and having sex. She couldn't stop telling me how I was the best lad shed ever met, it's crazy how we've only known eachother a couple months, she thinks we're the real deal and hopes we will be together a long time etc. Never been told things like that before. And I believed it. I just can't accept that she has completely forgotten about me after that, or that theres no part of her that wants me back. I just want the truth and could accept it no matter what it is as it's all I want. My options are limited now, I can't really knock at her door as its been too long, I've already sent her a letter and .ni reply. I don't see the use in phoning her, and a text will probs be ignored. She's blocked me on fb. So therefore I can either 'bump' into her (who knows how that would go down) or contact one of our mutual friends. Thing is with them, they are more her friends and would almost certainly tell her I've been snooping. I kind of feel like if I don't speak to her face to face, I'll never know how she feels.maybe the longer I leave it the worse chance I'll have. It's either they or keep NC l, but does that ever really work. I'd actually be really willing to accept meeting her again in the future, giving her time to grow etc, but obvs there's no guarantees with things like that. I honestly believe that if I leave things as they are now, I'd quite easily be able to get her hack in the future, really confident about that, as she will probably be going down a had path from now, and I will become more successful in uni and date other women and become more confident. Maybe I should just do that. Do they not allow us to send emails to eachother privately here?

[SCJACK]

Yeah its difficult to accept isn't it, especially as you say being completely cut off and given no explanation. Ive no idea what's happening in her head. I'm not a stupid lad, and I can very well tell when a girl is interested in me, and I've never seen a girl more interested in me than her. Every time we were together she couldn't keep her hands off me and couldn't stop touching me and having sex. She couldn't stop telling me how I was the best lad shed ever met, it's crazy how we've only known eachother a couple months, she thinks we're the real deal and hopes we will be together a long time etc. Never been told things like that before. And I believed it. I just can't accept that she has completely forgotten about me after that, or that theres no part of her that wants me back. I just want the truth and could accept it no matter what it is as it's all I want. My options are limited now, I can't really knock at her door as its been too long, I've already sent her a letter and .ni reply. I don't see the use in phoning her, and a text will probs be ignored. She's blocked me on fb. So therefore I can either 'bump' into her (who knows how that would go down) or contact one of our mutual friends. Thing is with them, they are more her friends and would almost certainly tell her I've been snooping. I kind of feel like if I don't speak to her face to face, I'll never know how she feels.maybe the longer I leave it the worse chance I'll have. It's either they or keep NC l, but does that ever really work. I'd actually be really willing to accept meeting her again in the future, giving her time to grow etc, but obvs there's no guarantees with things like that. I honestly believe that if I leave things as they are now, I'd quite easily be able to get her hack in the future, really confident about that, as she will probably be going down a had path from now, and I will become more successful in uni and date other women and become more confident. Maybe I should just do that. Do they not allow us to send emails to eachother privately here?

 

Mine doesn't like talking about how she feels. I tried talking to her face to face but she just avoids it.. that's when I decided to write her a letter and just give her all of my thoughts. She replied saying she knows it seems like she's ignoring me but she's not... it sounds like she's putting blame off of herself if she says SHE KNOWS it seems that way yet still says she's not. and then tells me she'll still talk and wave if she see's me in school.. and that is just toruring me.. because I want so much more..

 

Every situation is different, as time passes I feel like my chances are getting less and less and right now I feel like it's just gone already. And the thought of her being able to talk to other guys and not me is killing me. That's why its best to stay NC for yourself to heal and get over it first before attempting to reconcile.. trying harder now will only annoy her more and make us look weak and desperate...they won't change their minds unless they felt massive guilt.. I feel like I'm the one going down the hard path as girls don't come around me too often... and she is attractive so she has no problems finding or getting attention from other guys... deep down I hope she finds a ****ty one and she'll come back to me but there's no point in hoping for anything. If you think about trying again in the future, it'll have to be at least 6 months to a year before attempting to try and talk to her to start a new relationship.. if she is single by then..but chances of getting back are very slim so it's best to not dwell on it and just move on and when the time comes you could probably just contact her and see what happens from there. There are days when I feel okay.. but today just sucks! Kept thinking about her but I wish it didn't. It's making me nonproductive...

 

They do let you but you have to have like 100 posts and your account needs to be on loveshack for at least a month I believe.

Edited February 15, 2014 by SCJACK

[poor boy]

Mine doesn't like talking about how she feels. I tried talking to her face to face but she just avoids it.. that's when I decided to write her a letter and just give her all of my thoughts. She replied saying she knows it seems like she's ignoring me but she's not... it sounds like she's putting blame off of herself if she says SHE KNOWS it seems that way yet still says she's not. and then tells me she'll still talk and wave if she see's me in school.. and that is just toruring me.. because I want so much more..

 

Every situation is different, as time passes I feel like my chances are getting less and less and right now I feel like it's just gone already. And the thought of her being able to talk to other guys and not me is killing me. That's why its best to stay NC for yourself to heal and get over it first before attempting to reconcile.. trying harder now will only annoy her more and make us look weak and desperate...they won't change their minds unless they felt massive guilt.. I feel like I'm the one going down the hard path as girls don't come around me too often... and she is attractive so she has no problems finding or getting attention from other guys... deep down I hope she finds a ****ty one and she'll come back to me but there's no point in hoping for anything. If you think about trying again in the future, it'll have to be at least 6 months to a year before attempting to try and talk to her to start a new relationship.. if she is single by then..but chances of getting back are very slim so it's best to not dwell on it and just move on and when the time comes you could probably just contact her and see what happens from there. There are days when I feel okay.. but today just sucks! Kept thinking about her but I wish it didn't. It's making me nonproductive...

 

They do let you but you have to have like 100 posts and your account needs to be on loveshack for at least a month I believe.

 

It's tough if she isn't wanting to talk to you, do you see her often at school? What age are both of you? I'm 25 and my ex is 20. It must be tough for you to be seeing her since being broken up with. I haven't seen sight of or heard anything from my ex since she broke up with me. I wish I could be more like these jackasses like you say, and just think of women as a piece of meat, but I'm just a romantic that loves to love.

I feel the same as you, in that no contact seems like tho only option, but at the same time every day of not speaking to her feels like my chances lessen. Are you not normally so good at pulling women? I'm normally not so good myself, and probably a part of tho reason I fell for her so much is that I haven't had a gf for 3 years since I was in the forces so got attached really quick. I actually went on a date today with another girl who goes to my university and seems a much better person. Not a slag, doesn't like bad boys, doesn't go out getting drunk all the time and is probably better looking than my ex. I hope that this may go somewhere, but the sad thing is I still feel like I want my ex back so much even more than this girl, which kinda makes me as bad as my ex in a way in that I want the 'bad girl' more than this nice girl. I don't want to be like that.

I kinda agree with you about the reconcile time, if I don't see her anytime soon, I'm gonna have to give it some serious time to comoekteky heal before I ever approach her again. I've even deleted my fb as Idon't want to be tempted to check her profile ( through my other account as I'm blocked on main one), pictures of her looking good on evenings out just kills me. Thing is, presuming they would want us back in the future, would it be a good idea for us to spend all this time healing just to get addicted to these people again? And as you say they may be with somebody new by then. The only thing that can match my burning need to talk to her and see her over this, is my compete fear of seeing her and speaking to her in case of more rejection, I don't think I could take it. I caved last Sunday and actually knocked at her door, but no one answered anyway. I don't think she was in, and maybe it was for the best that she wasn't. I really would like to speak to her face to face, and that could only be achieved via going to where she goes on nights out at weekends, which wouldn't be weird asshe knows I go there sometimes too. But I'm afraid of what I might hear, I think it's the only reasonable chances I've got of getting her back if I make her see me and she then may feel her feelings for me surface as it's obviously a lot easier for her to not feel anything when I'm not around.

[SCJACK]

It's tough if she isn't wanting to talk to you, do you see her often at school? What age are both of you? I'm 25 and my ex is 20. It must be tough for you to be seeing her since being broken up with. I haven't seen sight of or heard anything from my ex since she broke up with me. I wish I could be more like these jackasses like you say, and just think of women as a piece of meat, but I'm just a romantic that loves to love.

I feel the same as you, in that no contact seems like tho only option, but at the same time every day of not speaking to her feels like my chances lessen. Are you not normally so good at pulling women? I'm normally not so good myself, and probably a part of tho reason I fell for her so much is that I haven't had a gf for 3 years since I was in the forces so got attached really quick. I actually went on a date today with another girl who goes to my university and seems a much better person. Not a slag, doesn't like bad boys, doesn't go out getting drunk all the time and is probably better looking than my ex. I hope that this may go somewhere, but the sad thing is I still feel like I want my ex back so much even more than this girl, which kinda makes me as bad as my ex in a way in that I want the 'bad girl' more than this nice girl. I don't want to be like that.

I kinda agree with you about the reconcile time, if I don't see her anytime soon, I'm gonna have to give it some serious time to comoekteky heal before I ever approach her again. I've even deleted my fb as Idon't want to be tempted to check her profile ( through my other account as I'm blocked on main one), pictures of her looking good on evenings out just kills me. Thing is, presuming they would want us back in the future, would it be a good idea for us to spend all this time healing just to get addicted to these people again? And as you say they may be with somebody new by then. The only thing that can match my burning need to talk to her and see her over this, is my compete fear of seeing her and speaking to her in case of more rejection, I don't think I could take it. I caved last Sunday and actually knocked at her door, but no one answered anyway. I don't think she was in, and maybe it was for the best that she wasn't. I really would like to speak to her face to face, and that could only be achieved via going to where she goes on nights out at weekends, which wouldn't be weird asshe knows I go there sometimes too. But I'm afraid of what I might hear, I think it's the only reasonable chances I've got of getting her back if I make her see me and she then may feel her feelings for me surface as it's obviously a lot easier for her to not feel anything when I'm not around.

 

Yeah, I've always been friendly to her but she is treating me like I cheated on her or screwed her over. I see her sometimes at school it's kind of rare though. I want to see her but then it just hurts when I do. She's 23 and I'm 22. She broke up 2 days after my birthday as soon as we could meet.. I made the mistake of crying and asking alot of questions (Couldn't help it at the time).. and she looked cold the whole time, the look in her face.. :/

 

That's how I got her to like me at first I didn't care about her as much because I was friendzoned for all those years. Eventually after she did like me that's when I became too attached and too caring.. maybe we can focus on that in the next relationship.. and not give out too much of ourselves.. nice guys these days just don't get anything... I wonder if these girls will change and prefer nice guys in the future when they mature.. they seem pretty immature right now and only want that crazy excitement and don't know what they want.

 

I know it feels like chances are going down, but that's because you still cling on hope that she will change her mind. At this point, most likely, the more you try, the further it will push her away. I'm okay I guess but I meet females through mutual friends. I find it kind of weird just walking up to a random girl to make conversation. I haven't had a gf for about 3 years as well. We want what we can't have. I guess it's just human nature... I know what you're feeling with not having any interest in any girls but the one who just left us. I don't have motivation to even try talking to new girls sometimes because I just don't feel it right now..confidence is alittle low after break up. Since you were in the force, I think it might be easier for you lol.

 

Yeah I've had urges to check fb and I gave in and looked at her profile and it hurt so much.. I'm not doing that again.. lesson learned. I know what you mean.. it's probably not worth trying to get back them even in the future, but who knows.. maybe they would have completely changed or matured.. but hopefully we will be with someone new and much better

 

Trying to see her face to face will give you a little bit of closure maybe but with how similar both of our girls are, she probably doesn't want to talk about it and bringing anything up about the relationship will only annoy her more as she might take it as you can't move on and just accept the fact that she made her decision. You'll walk out feeling even worse than before, trust me.. the only way you would feel better is if she said she wanted to come back and if she wanted to then she would. Anything that you do trying to convince her will only come off negative to her. There's no need to tell her how you feel because she already knows how you feel since she broke it off and left you with all these feelings. Her seeing you might work but most of the times it doesn't. It will just remind her of what she did to you and annoy her even more because she doesn't want to deal with it. Just my 2 cents though.. you can try it and let me know how it goes. I'll be here for you bro.

[Lifegoezon]

Guys I really feel for you, you're obviously suffering. But I'm afraid you might be missing the point. NC is for you. So you can heal and move forward without your ex. For good. You both sound like you expect to endure a period of NC and then try to get your exes back. That will just delay your recovery. I know it's hard to accept but our exes don't want us any more. That's why they're exes. You need to stop plotting future attempts at reconciliation and truly work on getting over the BU. Believe it's over. If the dumper ever wants you back they will let you know and you will get to choose whether you want to give them any more chances. Breakups waste enough of your energy and time without postponing the inevitable for months while you wait for the 'right' moment to stick your hand back in the fire. Please stop thinking about reconciliation and start really working on recovery. You can do it. We all can. Best of luck.

[poor boy]

Yeah, I've always been friendly to her but she is treating me like I cheated on her or screwed her over. I see her sometimes at school it's kind of rare though. I want to see her but then it just hurts when I do. She's 23 and I'm 22. She broke up 2 days after my birthday as soon as we could meet.. I made the mistake of crying and asking alot of questions (Couldn't help it at the time).. and she looked cold the whole time, the look in her face.. :/

 

That's how I got her to like me at first I didn't care about her as much because I was friendzoned for all those years. Eventually after she did like me that's when I became too attached and too caring.. maybe we can focus on that in the next relationship.. and not give out too much of ourselves.. nice guys these days just don't get anything... I wonder if these girls will change and prefer nice guys in the future when they mature.. they seem pretty immature right now and only want that crazy excitement and don't know what they want.

 

I know it feels like chances are going down, but that's because you still cling on hope that she will change her mind. At this point, most likely, the more you try, the further it will push her away. I'm okay I guess but I meet females through mutual friends. I find it kind of weird just walking up to a random girl to make conversation. I haven't had a gf for about 3 years as well. We want what we can't have. I guess it's just human nature... I know what you're feeling with not having any interest in any girls but the one who just left us. I don't have motivation to even try talking to new girls sometimes because I just don't feel it right now..confidence is alittle low after break up. Since you were in the force, I think it might be easier for you lol.

 

Yeah I've had urges to check fb and I gave in and looked at her profile and it hurt so much.. I'm not doing that again.. lesson learned. I know what you mean.. it's probably not worth trying to get back them even in the future, but who knows.. maybe they would have completely changed or matured.. but hopefully we will be with someone new and much better

 

Trying to see her face to face will give you a little bit of closure maybe but with how similar both of our girls are, she probably doesn't want to talk about it and bringing anything up about the relationship will only annoy her more as she might take it as you can't move on and just accept the fact that she made her decision. You'll walk out feeling even worse than before, trust me.. the only way you would feel better is if she said she wanted to come back and if she wanted to then she would. Anything that you do trying to convince her will only come off negative to her. There's no need to tell her how you feel because she already knows how you feel since she broke it off and left you with all these feelings. Her seeing you might work but most of the times it doesn't. It will just remind her of what she did to you and annoy her even more because she doesn't want to deal with it. Just my 2 cents though.. you can try it and let me know how it goes. I'll be here for you bro.

 

So horrible to be treated like that isn't it, like you don't even know them and they're a different person, and then when they're gone it feels so sad like you never even met them at all. It's such a lot of grief to deal with. I've done what you done too bro, in the past, crying in front of her begging for another 'chance'. It never worked then and I doubt it would've worked this time, so I played it cool for a couple weeks then sent my loveletter to no avail again. I've actually felt so bad since that I kind of wish I would've begged immediately after while I had the chance. I remember a girl I dated once, dumped me via text too so I rushed round to her house straight away and begged and pleaded her to stay. It worked and we stayed together for another 6 month's, but she continued to treat me badly and I was sad, and she eventually cheated on me and dumped me anyway. I wish I had some kind of mind control technique over her haha.

Yeah I agree, we would do well to learn how to rein ourselves in in future and not show them how much we like them, and also to genuinely not like them as much either aswell, because if you do like them a lot, they can probably tell and exploit it anyway. Yeah they both do seem immature and looking for drama, which is a shame as we're obviously better people that they just didn't appreciate, and also sad because my ex seemed so genuinely happy with me. I would like to think that they will one day realise that these bad boys are not right and we are, and come running, its happened for my friends in the past, but even if that happens, could we ever really trust them again and why would it be a good idea to let someone pretty evil like that back in to do it to us again?

I actually smoked abit of weed lastnight, and ended up having a major panic attack because of it, which intensified when I started thinking about her, and I'm still feeling really messed up off it now. It was so scary, I hope it goes away soon I'll never do that again!

I guess you maybe right, anything we did may well push them further away. I think if it was happening the other way round, it'd make me want to get rid even more. NC does suck tho, especially when you want closure. Thing is, I honestly believe that if we keep our dignity, they may well become interested again in what we're upto and why we aren't calling, I know I would become curious. Yeah bro stay Away from her fb, I know I won't be looking again . I don't know if this new girl likes me or not, but it looks promising. Even tho my mind is still thinking about my ex, when I was with this other girl yesterday I felt really good and enjoyed myself. She's a much more decent woman aswell, didn't want sex on the first date like my ex lol. Maybe I should focus on that.

Perhaps you're right, it might not work out as well as I imagine meeting her face to face. It would literally be the only option tho if I wanted to speak to her. And as you say if she ignored me or shut me out, then it would really hurt. Cheers bro I'm here for you too

[poor boy]

Still no news heard. Five weeks on now, I don't know what else I can do except maybe speak to her face to face. Probably she wouldn't like that being as cowardly as she is. I really need help

[poor boy]

is there any chance of getting her back now or in the future?

 

My ex Laura left me five weeks ago now. We were only together for 2 months but it was a pretty amazing relationship, from both sides I'm sure. I'm 25 and she is 20. I think she's a little immature and fickle to be honest, as she's already had some other boyfriends and left them, even been engaged at 18 and lived with one of them! She's already had around 20 jobs to boot, including working abroad for the summer as a holiday rep.

 

She is also abit of a selfish person, who just leaves jobs and ignores friends that she's made arrangements with when it suits her. And she is very cranky and has been on antidepressants before. She also told me that she likes bad boys and normally goes for that sort, but liked the change with me. So perhaps from the outside it would be said that she might not be the right girl anyway.I feel the only mistake I made was maybe moving too fast in the relationship. I hadn't had a gf in a while and made the mistake of getting carried away quickly.

 

I told her I loved her after a month, and introduced her to my family on xmas day.I often complimented her a lot also. However, she seemed to feel the same and told me the same things back, and also often complimented me about how I'm the best guy she's ever met, how it's crazy we've only been together a couple months, and I feel like someone she's been with for ages. She said that shes had the most amazing couple of months with me and hopes their will be many more to come. She also introduced me to her family on xmas day earlier on. So the signs were good and it looked like she was interested.The last time I saw her, she stayed at my place after having a few drinks with me. we had the most fantastic night, our best yet, and had a really passionate time all evening and the next morning.

 

She left in a taxi the next morning. She then went out with friends and after that cancelled on me and ignored me for a few days. Then she finally got in touch with a cold text to say she didn't want to see me again and needs time on her own. She blocked me on fb a few days later!I have no idea what happened, I'm pretty sure however there was no one else but you never know. I've sent her a love letter to no avail, and knocked at her house once in the last five weeks, that's all I've done. She has completely cut me out. What I want to know is, why did this happen?

 

Is there anything I can do to reconcile either now or maybe in the future? And also, should I even want to be getting back with somebody who treats me this way or should I forget all about her?Thanks in advance

Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add paragraphs and merge into similar topic

[Zahara]

It would serve you best to let this go and move on with your life. You're idealizing what you had with her based on what you experienced during the very early stages of the honeymoon period. Everything is fantastic in the first few months.

 

Reality is that she is:

 

1) Immature

2) Fickle

3) Selfish

4) Depressed

5) Cranky

 

Coupled with the fact that she is 20 and not even wanting to be in a relationship, you shouldn't be sitting around and waiting. Move on.

[SCJACK]

Still no news heard. Five weeks on now, I don't know what else I can do except maybe speak to her face to face. Probably she wouldn't like that being as cowardly as she is. I really need help

 

I know how you're feeling. Few times I have broken NC and I actually reached out to her and as a result I was incredibly crushed far beyond repair. If I hadn't reached out I know for sure she would have never contacted me anyways so I would be in the same position experiencing the same thing you are now except I am feeling worse off than you are at the moment.

 

I saw her one day walking with a friend and I was with mine, I know she saw me but I pretended to look at my phone and seem busy. She ignored me and kept walking even knowing I was there. Another day it was raining really hard and I felt the need to text her as I did see her that day and I told her to drive safe if she's still driving home, it's raining hard so be careful. I asked her if she could see me next week and she said she had a test so maybe few days after that. The reason why I wanted to see her is because I had just went through an operation today and I felt the need to tell her since she asked me about it awhile ago. I wanted to see her so I can feel a comfort blanket because I felt worried and scared going through this operation. I really just wanted to have a nice meet up but it didn't happen. The next day I actually sleep texted her, and it was out of my control but I was worried about my health and always thinking about her so we had a decent chat that didn't last too long. I felt good about it being able to receive texts from her but soon she got cold and said some hurtful things like she was pushing me away and didn't want me. Last night I texted her asking how her day was and to summarize what happened, she said some really hurtful things to me including taking something I intentionally said to actually make her feel better and be nice about it, she took it as it was creepy and she knows I would never do anything that is remotely creepy to her but yet she said it anyways and it hurt me so much. I was only trying to be nice, yet she gave me a mean and cold and hurtful message back. I feel almost as if she was doing it on purpose. I was so crushed I actually ended up crying that night because I don't deserve to be treated that way when I know i'm just trying to be nice and caring.

 

Anyways. I had the operation today, and to tell you the truth, I was nervous and anxious and I was shaking beforehand and the only person I thought about was her. When I got out of the hospital I was still on drugs so I wasn't thinking straight, I ended up texting her saying sorry and said I needed to talk to her and idk if she cares to hear what i need to say but I want to tell her some things. she replied "Jux get rest" I sent about 4-5 texts that were decently long and that's all I got from her.

 

Trust me, stay NC don't do the same mistakes I did. You will feel even more hurt especially if she responds in a way my ex did which was rude and mean. Because after all this experience, I feel as if i'm pushing her further and further away. (at this point to me it doesn't matter because i'm so far into it I know she won't come back and the fact that she was being so mean to me, angers me and makes me not even want to stay to be friends or see her. I deleted my fb, removed my instagram, and took every action I could to get rid contact with her, except the main contact of texting on viber.. Stay strong bro, keep your dignity. I lost mine.

[milwinlol]

Sounds to me like she's still trying to find herself. She doesn't know what she likes, what she wants to do with her life, who she wants to be with, so she's trying out her options. The fact that you say she's had a lot of very different jobs and been with lots of guys, even though she says she likes 'bad boys', this is probably utter bulls**t, all girls say that but we don't really mean it...

 

These things don't necessarily mean that she's immature or fickle as such....for some people it just takes more time to find themselves, especially ones that are easily influenced, by the media or my family and/or friends.....this means that they just follow others, repeat what they hear others saying and never really have their own opinion. I don't think that you should give up on this girl, she obviously had a great few months with you....you just need to be a bit patient. Maybe ask her her opinion on things......and listen, wait for the answer...

 

You can't rush these things, but they will happen.

Hope this has helped somewhat?

Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Remove bold and add paragraphs

[Hoosfoos]

Attracted to badboys = dealbreaker

[Never Again]

You're idealizing what you had with her based on what you experienced during the very early stages of the honeymoon period. Everything is fantastic in the first few months.

 

DING!

 

That's why so many people are addicted to it. We're on our best behavior, everything is giddiness, mystery, excitement and butterflies.

 

OP, that's what's suck in your head right now. That phase generally ends around 12-18 months for most people, and it's like wearing rose colored glasses. The relationship seems perfect and so does the other person, and everything is defined by that euphoric giddiness, mystery, excitement, and attraction.

 

Usually, when relationships fall apart this early, it's due to HUGE incompatibilities, or because one person simply wasn't in it enough even BEGIN the honeymoon period.

Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[poor boy]

Sounds to me like she's still trying to find herself. She doesn't know what she likes, what she wants to do with her life, who she wants to be with, so she's trying out her options. The fact that you say she's had a lot of very different jobs and been with lots of guys, even though she says she likes 'bad boys', this is probably utter bulls**t, all girls say that but we don't really mean it...

 

These things don't necessarily mean that she's immature or fickle as such....for some people it just takes more time to find themselves, especially ones that are easily influenced, by the media or my family and/or friends.....this means that they just follow others, repeat what they hear others saying and never really have their own opinion. I don't think that you should give up on this girl, she obviously had a great few months with you....you just need to be a bit patient. Maybe ask her her opinion on things......and listen, wait for the answer...

 

You can't rush these things, but they will happen.

Hope this has helped somewhat?

 

Maybe you're right, but unless I know the reason why she broke it off with me I'll never know what hope there is for us for sure. I'm starting to feel a little better now and get back on with my life. In a strange way, I think this break up is remolding me as a stronger and more astute person with a better outlook on life and relationships. However, I still want her back. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with her, but I haven't seen her for five weeks now so it weirdly feels like we've never met at all. I think that she may be getting over me easier like this, with the whole out of sight out of mind thing.

 

I don't want to give up on her, I'm 25 and I've never met a girl that I felt like that about before. A lot of people have told me she's obviously a bad person and a player, but I was so sure that there was genuine and real feelings in her toward me. She seemed so into me it was unreal. I just can't fathom what happened, I've been studying a lot of relationship advice, and honestly even in hindsight it still doesn't make sense. There were no red flags, or warning signs or lack of interest in her, it is crazy and I don't know what happened. Maybe she has a mental problem of some sort as to why she leaves men and jobs like this. I knocked at her door the other week and she ignored it and then put on fb omg I'm so freaked out right now which I thought was really cruel mad heartless.

 

I still feel that she would have feelings for me if she were to see me, maybe she's shutting them out in some way. I know her best friend wants her to not be with me as my best friend dumped her recently so now then can be single together.

At the same time though, she's left me really upset and down and out and hadn't even the decency to let me know face to face, or give me a proper reason. She just lead me on and ditched me. It has broken me the last few weeks. I feel like maybe I need some time away from her to sort myself out and grow as a person also. But I don't mind whether I get her back immediately or not, or even if she has other boyfriends between now and whenever we may reconcile. I believe in second chances but maybe not third.

 

If I get back with her in the future I want to be ready for it next time and not be rushing in and making all the same mistakes I made before. I do love her and I don't know if it's wrong but I don't think I will ever give up hope of getting her back one day. Maybe for now though I need to move on

Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote and add paragraphs

[poor boy]

DING!

 

That's why so many people are addicted to it. We're on our best behavior, everything is giddiness, mystery, excitement and butterflies.

 

OP, that's what's suck in your head right now. That phase generally ends around 12-18 months for most people, and it's like wearing rose colored glasses. The relationship seems perfect and so does the other person, and everything is defined by that euphoric giddiness, mystery, excitement, and attraction.

 

Usually, when relationships fall apart this early, it's due to HUGE incompatibilities, or because one person simply wasn't in it enough even BEGIN the honeymoon period.

Yeah that is probably a big part of the reason I'm feeling so down. It ended between us before it even really got going, and it was such a great time we had. I was stupidly idealising all the things we might do together and put all my eggs in that basket. I went too far too soon and have been left resultantly hurt badly.

There were no incompatibilities between us really, we had some things in common and some differences, but we always got on really well and had a great laugh, she even said to me that she gets on with me like a best mate but fancies me too. All these things she said to me really got in my head, she was wrong to do this to me it's so cruel. I don't know whether she meant them all but it seemed like she did and I'm not easily fooled.

With all due respect to her, she doesn't do anything with her life and I'm probably if anything a catch for her lol, as I'm good looking, confident, been in the navy and am in uni. I'm so confused, but I don't see what else I can do except maybe give it time. But even then there's no guarantees so that worries me. I'm even tempted to message her ex bf on fb to ask him if she done anything like this to him, might help me understand. But also he might think I'm strange and if it ever got back to her, which it probably wouldn't, that wouldn't look good

[poor boy]

Another thing of possible importance, is that she has trust issues. When I asked her out, she said yes as long as you're the faithful type. Whenever I told her I loved heat or that she was beautiful etc, she never believed me. She seemed a little insecure maybe. She told me the boy she was engaged to had messages on his phone off another girl so she left him for that. Seems a little flippant to me. And also, she had this crazy notion that I was looking through her phone at night when she was sleeping at mine. I heard this from a couple of different people as it got back to me, and I was confused as I did no such thing. The last time we went out for a drink, she did something strange and said I've forgotten my phone password, I'll have to guess it, and then asked me to guess it. I thought it was strange at the time, but she must've really been thinking I'd been looking on it. Maybe the trust issue is what prevented her from taking it further with me. I don't think I'll ever be over this girl completely, there is something special there whenever we're together. I need to think.

[Zahara]

Yeah that is probably a big part of the reason I'm feeling so down. It ended between us before it even really got going, and it was such a great time we had. I was stupidly idealising all the things we might do together and put all my eggs in that basket. I went too far too soon and have been left resultantly hurt badly.

There were no incompatibilities between us really, we had some things in common and some differences, but we always got on really well and had a great laugh, she even said to me that she gets on with me like a best mate but fancies me too. All these things she said to me really got in my head, she was wrong to do this to me it's so cruel. I don't know whether she meant them all but it seemed like she did and I'm not easily fooled.

With all due respect to her, she doesn't do anything with her life and I'm probably if anything a catch for her lol, as I'm good looking, confident, been in the navy and am in uni. I'm so confused, but I don't see what else I can do except maybe give it time. But even then there's no guarantees so that worries me. I'm even tempted to message her ex bf on fb to ask him if she done anything like this to him, might help me understand. But also he might think I'm strange and if it ever got back to her, which it probably wouldn't, that wouldn't look good

 

You need to get a grip. You're letting some 20 year old that can't seem to handle her life very well make you jump around like you're on hot coals. Act the confident and educated military man that you are and find your self-respect and your dignity. The most unattractive thing a man can do is to chase a woman that doesn't want to be with him.

 

You said yourself she jumps from guy to guy, YET you want to ask her ex if she's treated him the way she is treating you? What don't you comprehend? If she has jumped from guy to guy, how do you think she treated them?

 

You're idealizing and romanticizing two months of what transpired between two people that were on their best behavior during the honeymoon period. You are 25 years old. You are in the navy. You are working on your degree. You haven't even scratched the surface of what life really has to offer you. You're being very shortsighted.