Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm only 90 days into this hell and no where NEAR recovered. However, I am seeing how far I've come and that things are getting much easier. Someone mentioned that once you phase past the sheer shock and numb stage, you will have extreme pendulum swings in emotions. I felt that last week, which was about week 11 since D-Day, for me on a 25 year relationship. I'd go several hours without thinking about my ex and then think about her, the situation and feel my blood boiling, almost to a rage. This week, I don't really feel much at all for her. Maybe a twinge here and there, but even thinking about her cheating on me with a close friend, doesn't seem to make me angry or anything. It just is. Last night, I had to pick up my son from her apt. I was worried a little, that upon seeing her, I'd have uncontrollable emotions well up, but I didn't. She was pleasant, I was pleasant. I even helped her hook up a cheap surround system I found for free. It actually made me feel good to do that, even though I know her dead beat drunk of a boyfriend would be there later enjoying my efforts. Good, you schmuck...these are things YOU should be doing for her. LOL. Anyway, I know I'm not recovered, but I found something today that made sense and thought I'd share parts of it here. (I did not write this): -------------------------------- Anytime you do not feel anger, blame, self-pity, bitterness, or resentment, then you are experiencing recovery. If you think of your former spouse less often than you used to, this is a sign of recovery. If you are living in the present more than you are dwelling in the past, you are recovering. When you look back and see where you have been, that means you are in a position of recovery. “I look back and think, ‘Wow, I’m not in that hole anymore. I’m almost to the rim. I’m peeping over the edge here,’” says Jane. George shares a story that a friend told him: “George, last night I was watching television, and I laughed right out loud. I said to myself, How can I be laughing? I’m being divorced.” George’s response to his friend was “This is a sign that you’re healing. Let it happen.” Recovery does not mean you will not feel pain again. Painful moments will occur unexpectedly for several years. Be aware that this will happen, and when those painful moments hit you, be prepared to deal with them by countering them with prayer, positive memories, or reaffirming statements. You can always look back and see how far you’ve come. --------------------------------------------- What are some of the things that those of you who feel "recovered" can tell those of us still coping??
London_girl_1985 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm only 90 days into this hell and no where NEAR recovered. However, I am seeing how far I've come and that things are getting much easier. Someone mentioned that once you phase past the sheer shock and numb stage, you will have extreme pendulum swings in emotions. I felt that last week, which was about week 11 since D-Day, for me on a 25 year relationship. I'd go several hours without thinking about my ex and then think about her, the situation and feel my blood boiling, almost to a rage. This week, I don't really feel much at all for her. Maybe a twinge here and there, but even thinking about her cheating on me with a close friend, doesn't seem to make me angry or anything. It just is. Last night, I had to pick up my son from her apt. I was worried a little, that upon seeing her, I'd have uncontrollable emotions well up, but I didn't. She was pleasant, I was pleasant. I even helped her hook up a cheap surround system I found for free. It actually made me feel good to do that, even though I know her dead beat drunk of a boyfriend would be there later enjoying my efforts. Good, you schmuck...these are things YOU should be doing for her. LOL. Anyway, I know I'm not recovered, but I found something today that made sense and thought I'd share parts of it here. (I did not write this): -------------------------------- Anytime you do not feel anger, blame, self-pity, bitterness, or resentment, then you are experiencing recovery. If you think of your former spouse less often than you used to, this is a sign of recovery. If you are living in the present more than you are dwelling in the past, you are recovering. When you look back and see where you have been, that means you are in a position of recovery. “I look back and think, ‘Wow, I’m not in that hole anymore. I’m almost to the rim. I’m peeping over the edge here,’” says Jane. George shares a story that a friend told him: “George, last night I was watching television, and I laughed right out loud. I said to myself, How can I be laughing? I’m being divorced.” George’s response to his friend was “This is a sign that you’re healing. Let it happen.” Recovery does not mean you will not feel pain again. Painful moments will occur unexpectedly for several years. Be aware that this will happen, and when those painful moments hit you, be prepared to deal with them by countering them with prayer, positive memories, or reaffirming statements. You can always look back and see how far you’ve come. --------------------------------------------- What are some of the things that those of you who feel "recovered" can tell those of us still coping?? The weekends are the worst for me. Most of my friends are coupled up or live too far away to see me so I just end up dwelling on things. It doesn't help that each w/e feels the same either. Nothing new really happens. I had a terrible day yesterday, almost to the point where I had a panic attack, but I got through it. I think that the best sign that you are recovering is when you start to realise and celebrate that each day is taking your further and further away from the situation. Every time I get into bed at night I mentally tick off another box on a calendar and think... I got through this day without him... it's getting closer to the day where I won't think of him at all.
Never Again Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Here's the rub: You know when you're recovered, when you've stopped wondering if you're recovered. It'll dawn on you, sure, but that kind of happiness and acceptance will come without you realizing it at first. 1
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