cruepain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 i was a virgin when i started dating my girlfriend. she has had sex with 4 guys. i'm very paranoid because im always worried i will be really bad and that i can't compare to the others how can i get over this?
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Long long long ago (being that I'm 41 now) - I had the same concerns. My attitude was pretend you've been there before. While you may not be great at it. There is some natural instinct to the process. If there is chemistry between the two of you..even better. I don't think you can 'practice' - so, to me, there are two choices: 1) ignore it 2) tell her. It really depends on 'her' personality on how she'd take you telling her. It's a scary proposition - I know. I wish I had better advice. You could do research..but I have a hunch that would make the experience more odd and less natural.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Be yourself, be attentive to what she likes in bed, be open to what she says she likes and let it develop on its own. I am much older than you, I have had many lovers and the one that blew my mind away with his love-making was a man that had only ONE partner in his whole life. So variety will not make you a better lover.
Chalkdust89 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I don't really believe that people are bad or good at sex. What makes sex bad is a lack of communication and confidence. If you figure out what she likes, and it is also something you like, it will be good sex. Every guy and girl is different and will be turned on by different things, so what works for one person might not work for another (which is why you could have really great sex with one person, but do the exact same things with someone else and have the worst sex of your life). Every time you sleep with a new person, you are starting with a blank slate. So use that to your advantage! Don't just go in and hammer away. Take the time to explore her body and ask her what feels good. Though, that being said, don't ask her every five seconds if she's enjoying herself. You'll be able to tell if she is.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Though, that being said, don't ask her every five seconds if she's enjoying herself. You'll be able to tell if she is. Very very important piece of advice!!!!! Don't ask. be confident and natural and go with it. She'll verbally or with her actions give you feedback. Asking is a MOOD KILLER. DON'T..don't even ask afterwards.
TXGuy Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 i was a virgin when i started dating my girlfriend. she has had sex with 4 guys. i'm very paranoid because im always worried i will be really bad and that i can't compare to to other guys how can i get over this? Get lots of practice in with this one. Hopefully, you can climb the learning curve quickly. If so, she will no longer care that you were inexperienced I. The past. If things don't work out here you will have more experience for the next one.
pteromom Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I don't really believe that people are bad or good at sex. This is true. Focus first on giving and secondly on receiving. Make her pleasure your main focus. If you do end up orgasming before she does sometimes, ask her if she wants to come, and if she does, use your hand/mouth/toy/etc. to make sure it happens for her. If she doesn't, that's ok too. Women don't always have to orgasm. Don't get annoyed by it and be loving and sweet. Snuggle her and ask her if there's anything else you can do for her. Pay attention to her cues. If she arches toward you, moans, says "yes", whimpers, breathes heavily, it means she likes what you are doing - do more of it. If she pulls away, gets quiet, moves your hand/mouth, or fidgets, it means you aren't quite there and should try something different. When you aren't having sex, ask her what turns her on and what turns her off. Ask her what her perfect sexual experience would be. Ask her what her fantasies are. Ask her if there is any place she thinks it would be fun to have sex. Then make it happen when you get back in the bedroom. Flirt with her outside the bedroom. Hold her hand. Kiss her neck. Tell her she's beautiful. Share food with her in a sensual way. Run your finger lightly up and down her thigh. Whisper that you want her so bad. Make your time leading up to sex its own kind of foreplay. Remember that it isn't a competition between you and those other guys. This is about you and your gf exploring each other and sharing your feelings with each other. Has nothing to do with anyone else or anything that has happened before. When something goes wrong, communicate so it can be fixed for the next time. Don't get anxious and weird about it. Understand that sometimes you are going to have bad sex. Sometimes, one or both partners just aren't into it enough, or things just aren't fitting together right for whatever reason. That's OK, and the best course of action is to not make a big deal out of it, give her a massage instead, go have sandwiches together, and try again later. The less drama you have around sex, the better your sex life will be.
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