Counseling After a Breakup

[mantlefan]

Hi All,

 

 

I am 7 months post-BU, 2 months post-finding out she left me for my friend. I am doing better than I was, I go out with friends whenever invited even if it doesn't sound that fun. When I am working hard or out having a good time, I forget about her mostly. But when driving or trying to sleep or when dreaming, she is always on my mind.

 

 

It's also tricky because we have to work together for my job occasionally. I keep the contact to emails only as much as possible. I think that's better than seeing her face or hearing her voice, but it making things harder, although for the job, assuming it only delays my healing and doesn't sabotage it, I think it is worth it. I only have a few months left at this job and the organization means a lot to me.

 

 

I guess where I am at now is that I WANT to stop loving her and missing who I thought she was, in my head. My heart seems to want to hold on. I want her to know that it was not OK, that there was no good excuse for her and my "friend" to be dishonest to me for 5 months, but that I want to forgive her someday.

 

 

I guess it's only been 2 months since I found out the real reason for the breakup. And only 3 months since she definitively told me she will not want to get back together, ever, which she said in November (breakup was in July), and late September she was still saying we might get back together.

 

 

Anyways, I feel like just maybe I am starting to realize that it really is over. But, I don't want to be stupid and lie to myself, and ignore the hope that I still have. I don't know much about therapy. Is it something that in my shoes, you would wait a little bit before pursuing? For those of you who went/go, did you wait for the dust to settle a bit, or did you think it better to go while it was still raw? I talk to a few friends a lot, and I know a Pastor who has shared a lot of wisdom. But I am wondering about the third option of therapy.

 

 

If I do decide to try therapy, what kind of therapist should I go to for a breakup? Maybe that is not an easy question to answer, but I am clueless. Pretty much everything I know about therapy is from the TV show Monk.

Edited February 24, 2014 by mantlefan

[Never Again]

I don't know much about therapy. Is it something that in my shoes, you would wait a little bit before pursuing? For those of you who went/go, did you wait for the dust to settle a bit, or did you think it better to go while it was still raw? I talk to a few friends a lot, and I know a Pastor who has shared a lot of wisdom. But I am wondering about the third option of therapy.

 

 

If I do decide to try therapy, what kind of therapist should I go to for a breakup? Maybe that is not an easy question to answer, but I am clueless. Pretty much everything I know about therapy is from the TV show Monk.

 

It depends on how deep the wound of the breakup goes.

 

Think of it like a real wound - if it was just a small slice, you'd slap a bandaid on it and heal all on your own.

 

If it was a deep gash, you want to seek help. If you wait until it begins to heal on its own before seeing someone, it'll likely get infected...and then the problem AND the treatment get a whole lot more intense.

 

Trauma has a way of adhering to you and changing your future behavior patterns. Take it from someone who knows. Had I sought help sooner, I'd be in a much better place now and maybe could've saved my last relationship.

 

Honestly, a general counselor or psychiatrist is usually fine. I've been seeing a grief counselor, but my problems are pretty specific.

[Chi townD]

Nope! nothing wrong with seeing a therapist and any individual therapist will do. Just let him or her know that you're having a hard time letting go of a past relationship. They'll teach you coping skills and give you exercises that will allow you to do that.

[ithappenedagain]

I would probably google ''relationship'' counselors in your area (depending if you are in a bug city or not). Good luck man!