MissNoname Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Hi. My bf and I have been dating for about four months. Everything is great. We are spending enough time together. Weve been spending weekends together. Weve been going on trips quite often. Hes sweet and attentive when we spend time. One thing that bothers me tho is about "'text and phone calls". He doesnt call or text when he says he will. He's reasons are he fell asleep or doesnt bother me during my work hours. I try to explain to him that if Im busy I wont reply and I will reply when I can. But when I text him, he texts me back right away. When I call him he picks up the phone always even when he was asleep and I woke him up unintentionally. He talks to me till hes falling asleep. What do you guys think? Sometimes I feel he doesnt think of me when were apart. I have exprssed it to him and he said its not true.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 He doesn't have to, because you bridge the gap. Want him to call you? Stop calling him. Simple. 5
Author MissNoname Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 He doesn't have to, because you bridge the gap. Want him to call you? Stop calling him. Simple. He texts and calls me randomly. What bothers me is when he says he will text or call but he doesn't.
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 There are three options here. I'm assuming you already talked about it & he hasn't changed. One, you can break up with him if it bothers you much. Two you can play his game. Tell him you will call at a certain time then don't. This may backfire. He either won't care or he'll think you aren't interested. Three, you can get over it & call him when he hasn't called within 10-15 minutes of when he was supposed to call you. As long as he's picking up the phone, in the long run, does it really matter?
soccerrprp Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 What bothers me is when he says he will text or call but he doesn't. He's never called or texted when promised? How many times has he done this? Is it frequent? He picks up or texts back promptly when you do, right?
Poppygoodwill Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Are you a person who is a frequent texter and caller to the people you know? Cause I am not and I don't think about texting people unless I have somethign specific to sort out with them. So it may be that you and he just have different views about the usefulness and importance of texting. Not excusing someone for not doing something when they say they will, but clearly in all other respects he's a great bf. This may be something you have to live with - don't expect him to text or call you. That will be your job in the relationship. There are always thigns we have to compromise on.
Zahara Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Reading your history with this guy, it seems that this is his pattern. Your last thread where you were a few weeks into being exclusive after 4 months of dating, you had an issue with him not revealing his supposed vacation plans to you. Instances whereby he wouldn't even respond to you after several attempts to get him to communicate, and even then just replied that he was busy and that was about the only response you got. You either cope with the way he communicates with you or you leave the relationship and find someone that wants and can communicate openly with you.
Author MissNoname Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 There are three options here. I'm assuming you already talked about it & he hasn't changed. One, you can break up with him if it bothers you much. Two you can play his game. Tell him you will call at a certain time then don't. This may backfire. He either won't care or he'll think you aren't interested. Three, you can get over it & call him when he hasn't called within 10-15 minutes of when he was supposed to call you. As long as he's picking up the phone, in the long run, does it really matter? Thats what I do, if he says he will call me tomorrow and by night time he hasnt called, I call him and he picks up the phone always. If hes asleep and wakes because hea phone is ringing and its me calling he picks it up. If I texts him, he texts right back unless hes asleep. He told me that if he doesnt text back quickly to call him to wake him up because most likely hes asleep.
Author MissNoname Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Reading your history with this guy, it seems that this is his pattern. Your last thread where you were a few weeks into being exclusive after 4 months of dating, you had an issue with him not revealing his supposed vacation plans to you. Instances whereby he wouldn't even respond to you after several attempts to get him to communicate, and even then just replied that he was busy and that was about the only response you got. You either cope with the way he communicates with you or you leave the relationship and find someone that wants and can communicate openly with you. The trip was unplanned and he apologized for not letting me know. Apparently that week we had some misunderstanding and did not talk for a couple days. He was giving me some time to cool down thats why he didnt tell me about the unexpected trip. The phone calls he didnt pick up because he was asleep but he called me as soon as he saw I called him. We had a long talk when he got back and we cleared everything. Since then he always picks up my calls right away. Texts me right away except when hes asleep because he cant hear the sound of incoming texts.
Zahara Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Since then he always picks up my calls right away. Texts me right away except when hes asleep because he cant hear the sound of incoming texts. So, what's the issue then? Is it that he doesn't text and call when he says he will because he is asleep? He can't be sleeping 24 hours straight through the days? If he doesn't text or call when he says he will because he was asleep, then he could have done it before he fell asleep. Look, it doesn't take but 10 seconds to send a quick text. If he doesn't like to call, texting works perfectly fine. My ex used to text me sometimes when he was sitting on the crapper because he was busy at work. Communication isn't that difficult when someone wants to communicate. All I'm saying is that something as simple as picking up the phone or spending 20 seconds hitting some alphabets to say how is your day going shouldn't be analyzed to death. Either accept that he can't reciprocate the way you want him to when it comes to communication or find someone that doesn't make you this insecure. Edited February 24, 2014 by Zahara 2
Author MissNoname Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 He's never called or texted when promised? How many times has he done this? Is it frequent? He picks up or texts back promptly when you do, right? Yes he texts me back promptly. He answers all my calls but when he says he will call or texts mostif the time, he never did.
pickflicker Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yes he texts me back promptly. He answers all my calls but when he says he will call or texts mostif the time, he never did. Then it looks like you need to make a choice. Either you live with the fact that he might not text when he says he does, but that he's attentive in other areas, or look for something that fits your needs better.
Treasa Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I would have ended it with this guy based on other things, and this would just be the final nail in the coffin. Are you still not allowed to go to his house?
Author MissNoname Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 So, what's the issue then? Is it that he doesn't text and call when he says he will because he is asleep? He can't be sleeping 24 hours straight through the days? If he doesn't text or call when he says he will because he was asleep, then he could have done it before he fell asleep. Look, it doesn't take but 10 seconds to send a quick text. If he doesn't like to call, texting works perfectly fine. My ex used to text me sometimes when he was sitting on the crapper because he was busy at work. Communication isn't that difficult when someone wants to communicate. All I'm saying is that something as simple as picking up the phone or spending 20 seconds hitting some alphabets to say how is your day going shouldn't be analyzed to death. Either accept that he can't reciprocate the way you want him to when it comes to communication or find someone that doesn't make you this insecure. He initiates texts and calls. If I ask him to call me, he calls me. If I have something I want to discuss with him, he's open to it. I talked to him about this issue and he said he would stop it.
Author MissNoname Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I would have ended it with this guy based on other things, and this would just be the final nail in the coffin. Are you still not allowed to go to his house? Im allowed to go. Its not that Im not allowed, the timing wasn't just right. We have opposite schedule, he works morning, I work night. But we somehow making it work. He's making alot of effort to see me. Even after his work, he drives to me so we can spend time. We live 30 miles away from each other. He's also been asking me to meet his family.
Phantom888 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I'm confused. Maybe he is super busy? Or maybe he is bad with the phone. He should be wooing you like mad at 4 months. Not texting/calling when you're supposed to shows sign of flakiness. What's his REAL excuse? 1
Author MissNoname Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I'm confused. Maybe he is super busy? Or maybe he is bad with the phone. He should be wooing you like mad at 4 months. Not texting/calling when you're supposed to shows sign of flakiness. What's his REAL excuse? That he fell asleep or he was doing something work related. When he says he will call or text and he never did, I call or text him and he either asleep( he wakes up by ring of the phone) or he was in the middle of working something on his laptop. He is a great bf otherwise. Despite his busy schedule, he makes time to see me and adjust his schedule if needed. If I want to see him, even hes tired he comes visit me after his work. If I want to hear his voice, I call him and he picks up all the time( even late at night). When were together, I have his undevided attention. He spends as much time as he can with me ( including getting home really late even he has work the following morning). Even if he isnt feeling well, he drives to see me even for a little bit( even to just take me out for dinner). We are going on a trip this weekend. Its a 3 hour drive and hes willing to drive because Its a place that I want to see and he wants to take me( hes been there many many times).
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