Eggplant Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart?
Tony T Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Only a coward would do that and doing so would make him or her the most unhappy...miserable person on the planet!!! 5
Author Eggplant Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Only a coward would do that and doing so would make him or her the most unhappy...miserable person on the planet!!! Or would it be better to not marry at all, and raise a family alone, regardless of a child's need for 2 parents?
Author Eggplant Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Or would it be better to not marry at all, and raise a family alone, regardless of a child's need for 2 parents?Answering my own question, it would be better to not marry at all. It would be miserable to have to somehow tolerate some random guy's I didn't even give a **** about. I'd probably hang myself. And I'd never lie about my feelings. He'd just have to know that my love wasn't part of the deal. I don't know why I asked this question.
anne1707 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I got into one relationship so I could have sex with her, didn't really love her at all... but marriage is a bigger step. I wouldn't go that far. There definitely have to be feelings if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with a person. But you did marry her.
anne1707 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 No.. I'm talking about my ex. I thought you only started dating your wife for sex too. 1
lollipopspot Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 No, it would be better to make yourself strong enough so that you can't be destroyed by someone else, even if they decide it's time to move on without you. 1
Author Eggplant Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 No, it would be better to make yourself strong enough so that you can't be destroyed by someone else, even if they decide it's time to move on without you.So you can love without being vulnerable?
lollipopspot Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 So you can love without being vulnerable? Being vulnerable does not mean being destroyed if they leave. In the end, all you have is yourself anyway - that's your most important relationship.
Els Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 If you do that, you'd definitely destroy your OWN heart. Such a self-fulfilling prophecy. 3
David87 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Sounds like a very bad idea, because it's better to love and suffer after then not love at all, even worse being with someone just for sex.
MissBee Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? Nope. While being vulnerable to love leaves you vulnerable to heartbreak, life itself leaves you vulnerable to the unexpected, to pain, to death, etc but you still have to choose to live as best as you can. So no, I would much rather marry someone I loved than someone I don't just so my heart wouldn't be broken. 2
Shepp Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? This used to be my girlfriends philosophy, not just with regard to marriage but to dating, sex, everything. It sucks tbh! She'd jump from random bloke to bloke she didn't even like rather than risk putting her heart into something cause that could end up hurting. But what I always tried to say to her was whats the point? whats the point of having a fully intact heart if your not using it - its like being alive without living. Who dares wins. I believe that its worth risking heartache for love....I hope that she believes that too now. And in regard to the specific question - what kind of environment Is that to raise kids in? A)love can hold a relationship/family together in the hard times, and B)what kind of example is that for the kids your bringing up in that relationship? is that the relationship you'd want your kids to strive for? 4
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I got into one relationship so I could have sex with her, didn't really love her at all... but marriage is a bigger step. I wouldn't go that far. There definitely have to be feelings if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with a person. And this is why your marriage is suffering. You married for the wrong reasons. 2
xxoo Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 So you can love without being vulnerable? Love, loss, joy, pain....this is living. This is life. To avoid loss is to avoid living itself. That doesn't mean we should be reckless. Use good sense, but also accept that loss is part of life. It's unavoidable. Scary, I know! 6
mukkrakker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 somebody you didn't love… never destroy your heart? I don't understand the question. If you don't love them how can they destroy your heart? 1
Shepp Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Love, loss, joy, pain....this is living. This is life. To avoid loss is to avoid living itself. That doesn't mean we should be reckless. Use good sense, but also accept that loss is part of life. It's unavoidable. Scary, I know! That's truth if I ever saw it!
soccerrprp Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? Eggplant, what rubbish are you trying to convince yourself of now? Come on.
iris219 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 She'd jump from random bloke to bloke she didn't even like rather than risk putting her heart into something cause that could end up hurting. I don't understand how anyone could do this. It sounds masochistic. I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable with someone else. 1
yellowmaverick Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? No. I married solely for love, and even though my H cheated and broke my heart, I would do it again (minus the cheating, of course). I couldn't have married anyone else. 1
newmoon Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? I've thought about this, and wondered if I'd do it. I think I could marry someone who loved me but who I didn't love in return. Same result.. no heartbreak. Although I'd likely be miserable from the lack of interest in the person.
Author Eggplant Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Eggplant, what rubbish are you trying to convince yourself of now? Come on.Never take whatever I post after 1 in the morning too seriously. Just typing impulsively. 1
Shepp Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I don't understand how anyone could do this. It sounds masochistic. I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable with someone else. Well I think it kind of is - ONS's & short flings, or her, was just self destruction basically. I agree with you, i couldnt do it! but she put emotional and physical intimacy in different stratospheres so I guess that made it easier. For a long time we was just friends and she'd stand in the rain & watch my football matches, take my nan shopping and cuddle up with me & play monopoly. But she'd tell you that her motto on guys and relationships was to ****, then move to your side of the bed and don't touch me - she was jst going through sone stuff, it was self destruction.........but, I couldnt live like that, same as i couldnt marry someone i didnt love, but for me an emotional and physical connections are linked.
guest572 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Would it be better to marry and have a family with somebody you didn't love, so that he/she could never destroy your heart? That would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. Wouldn't you be destroying THEIR heart in the process?
escafeld Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I don't understand the question. If you don't love them how can they destroy your heart? I was thinking the same, and how does would marrying them and having children with them insulate the OP from loss anyway?
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