Author Mommame2 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 This IS the same guy who had his kids for the weekend (rarity) and wanted to leave the 12 year old to watch the 4 and 5 year old...so he could come "hang out" at my house at 9:00pm. That's not a good guy...I have to remember that.... As a mother...if my ex did that...and I found out...I would probably turn him into CPS! Oldshirt...do you think THAT behavior is okay?
GoreSP Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 This IS the same guy who had his kids for the weekend (rarity) and wanted to leave the 12 year old to watch the 4 and 5 year old...so he could come "hang out" at my house at 9:00pm. That's not a good guy...I have to remember that.... As a mother...if my ex did that...and I found out...I would probably turn him into CPS! Oldshirt...do you think THAT behavior is okay? 12 years old is old enough to babysit one evening. Especially since at 9pm, the 4 and 5 year olds will be sleeping...
BradJacobs Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 This IS the same guy who had his kids for the weekend (rarity) and wanted to leave the 12 year old to watch the 4 and 5 year old...so he could come "hang out" at my house at 9:00pm. That's not a good guy...I have to remember that.... As a mother...if my ex did that...and I found out...I would probably turn him into CPS! Oldshirt...do you think THAT behavior is okay? He might be quick on the trigger so he wasn't planning on being gone long.
HappyLove Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I think you are expecting way too much from a stranger you met online that you only knew for TWO WEEKS!!!!!!! 1
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) There one thing you're overlooking in all your manbashing and misanthropic fervor Red Robin - she actually likes him and is very attracted to him and wants to be with him. I get the distinct impression he likes her to a certain degree as well. We can all go on the Oprah Winfrey Show and hate men till the cows come home but that doesn't change the fact the only thing that stopped this from being nights of passion was he didn't want to close the door on other options yet. If you want to think every man is just a lecherous predictor out to use and abuse every delicate little 38 year old virgin that just got out of a 13 year marriage that's your business. But vilifying and demonizing some guy that that she has feelings for and who hasn't actually done anything wrong isn't going to help resolve the situation. I may have a completely opposite view on this situation than you but I at least recognize she has feelings for him and I'm not just knee-jerk bashing him because some other mistreated me in my past. Yea. Whatever. I'm not man bashing. I'm *sshole bashing. This guy is an *sshole. She was upfront from the beginning and he should have respected that. If anything, YOU are the one with a low opinion of men if you think it's women's job to control their d*cks for them. I personally believe his d*ck is attached to HIS body and he should have walked away when she told him what she was looking for in the beginning.... rather than acting like a sneaky 10 year old. But he didn't. That makes him an *sshole. Not a 'man'... Real men don't need to lie.... or pretend to have feelings or whatever dafuq they want in order to steamroller or manipulate someone into doing what they want. If the situation was reversed, I'd feel the same way... I've criticized women for being manipulative users too. yea... and about her liking him... I get the sense that is past tense. Used to like him. Might have been friendly even, had he been upfront. Sounds like that ship has sailed. Let's see how many other bridges he can burn while he sows his oats. Me personally.... I don't know any CEOs who act that irresponsibly... he's on a downward spiral, for sure. I hope he pulls his head out of his backside soon. Edited March 5, 2014 by RedRobin
Raena Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 This IS the same guy who had his kids for the weekend (rarity) and wanted to leave the 12 year old to watch the 4 and 5 year old...so he could come "hang out" at my house at 9:00pm. That's not a good guy...I have to remember that.... As a mother...if my ex did that...and I found out...I would probably turn him into CPS! Oldshirt...do you think THAT behavior is okay? I was doing overnight babysitting by the time I was 12 or 13 so yeah, it's not that far out of the realm. It all depends on if he planned on leaving them all sleeping and sneak out though. When I babysat, I knew I had to stay awake until the children's parents came home or stay on the couch with a close ear to their rooms if it was overnight. It also depends on how responsible that 12 year old is. I was very responsible, who knows if this child is.
Author Mommame2 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks for your support...and all the input here. I will say that I believe I am partially to blame but I was VERY upfront with the guy... so I do believe he manipulated me .... to a degree. PART of the problem here...is that I am recognizable and he used his home as a place to take me, so I didn't have to be in the public eye....and I appreciated that. But, because of that, there were liberties taken....that wouldn't have happened, if we had real dates. So...I realize I have some responsibility too. However - the OTHER part of all of this....is that when I laid out the options for him AFTER this ...he wanted to sleep with me....date me...but then also go to other events with other women. He kind of used my media exposure against me....telling me that he didn't want me to feel awkward...by going to ALL events me. Yea. Whatever. I'm not man bashing. I'm *sshole bashing. This guy is an *sshole. She was upfront from the beginning and he should have respected that. If anything, YOU are the one with a low opinion of men if you think it's women's job to control their d*cks for them. I personally believe his d*ck is attached to HIS body and he should have walked away when she told him what she was looking for in the beginning.... rather than acting like a sneaky 10 year old. But he didn't. That makes him an *sshole. Not a 'man'... Real men don't need to lie.... or pretend to have feelings or whatever dafuq they want in order to steamroller or manipulate someone into doing what they want. If the situation was reversed, I'd feel the same way... I've criticized women for being manipulative users too. yea... and about her liking him... I get the sense that is past tense. Used to like him. Might have been friendly even, had he been upfront. Sounds like that ship has sailed. Let's see how many other bridges he can burn while he sows his oats. Me personally.... I don't know any CEOs who act that irresponsibly... he's on a downward spiral, for sure. I hope he pulls his head out of his backside soon.
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks for your support...and all the input here. I will say that I believe I am partially to blame but I was VERY upfront with the guy... so I do believe he manipulated me .... to a degree. PART of the problem here...is that I am recognizable and he used his home as a place to take me, so I didn't have to be in the public eye....and I appreciated that. But, because of that, there were liberties taken....that wouldn't have happened, if we had real dates. So...I realize I have some responsibility too. However - the OTHER part of all of this....is that when I laid out the options for him AFTER this ...he wanted to sleep with me....date me...but then also go to other events with other women. He kind of used my media exposure against me....telling me that he didn't want me to feel awkward...by going to ALL events me. I believe you've taken your share of the responsibility. He's kind of a loser, if you ask me. Wants unprotected sex, leaves his young children home alone, can't be upfront, needs to date/screw lots of women. I can only imagine how well he runs his company... AND you found this out in two weeks... Not too shabby... 3
oldshirt Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 what this all boils down to is you two had differing sets of values, goals, mores and objectives of the relationship. This is why we date. It's so we get out and do things with people and get to know then to see if we click and match up on a variety of different topics. It's basically an interview and tryout process to see if this is someone we want to make part of our daily lives and potentially have a home and family with. this was quickly determined that this was not the guy for you nor you the woman for him based on each of your current values and objectives. It simply didn't work out. You'll probably have a number of these and perhaps even a lot before one works out and sticks. Just because it didn't work out and you two weren't a match doesn't mean that you are obligated to demonize each other or think badly of them. It just means you weren't compatible enough for the relationship to keep moving forward. 1
hpjunke Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 My dad always says ...You will find out if he or she is really into you when you stop the sex or tell this guy that you are ..
Author Mommame2 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 True. Well I Initially said that I would still want to get to know him but just not sleep with him. He said that's what he wanted... Didn't want to end it. So I hung out with him that night and toured his business /building. I kissed him to lighten up the mood and he said he was surprised I kissed him after the way he realized he "accidentally" misled me. I told him that I still liked him... The next night he wanted to come to my house. And his amount of contact really dwindled. So I just cancelled and called it off. He was far less frequent about texting so I realized it was not going to work. So yes. Take the sex off the table... And he wasn't the same guy...
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Just because it didn't work out and you two weren't a match doesn't mean that you are obligated to demonize each other or think badly of them. It just means you weren't compatible enough for the relationship to keep moving forward. You are absolutely correct. Had he walked away instead of trying to press his luck with her after what she told him... then yes. No ill will at all. This guy? No. People who lie and manipulate don't get that. He's not a jerk because he wanted casual sex or a FWB. He's a jerk because he lied to try and get that FROM HER. Not sure why you or other people keep letting this guy off the hook for that. Edited March 5, 2014 by RedRobin 1
GoreSP Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 True. Well I Initially said that I would still want to get to know him but just not sleep with him. He said that's what he wanted... Didn't want to end it. So I hung out with him that night and toured his business /building. I kissed him to lighten up the mood and he said he was surprised I kissed him after the way he realized he "accidentally" misled me. I told him that I still liked him... The next night he wanted to come to my house. And his amount of contact really dwindled. So I just cancelled and called it off. He was far less frequent about texting so I realized it was not going to work. So yes. Take the sex off the table... And he wasn't the same guy... When you first told him you wouldn't sleep with him unless you are in a relationship, he didn't change. Basically you've been acting pretty flaky, cancelling dates and plans since so he probably assumed you weren't interested. I mean really, 15 pages over this? 1
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 True. Well I Initially said that I would still want to get to know him but just not sleep with him. He said that's what he wanted... Didn't want to end it. So I hung out with him that night and toured his business /building. I kissed him to lighten up the mood and he said he was surprised I kissed him after the way he realized he "accidentally" misled me. I told him that I still liked him... The next night he wanted to come to my house. And his amount of contact really dwindled. So I just cancelled and called it off. He was far less frequent about texting so I realized it was not going to work. So yes. Take the sex off the table... And he wasn't the same guy... I don't understand why you even wanted to get to know him. There is nothing about this man worth knowing. He's a bad parent and an opportunist. Invest your time in getting to know someone that is a good human being and will enhance your life in some way. 2
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Not agreeing to go to his house or have him come to hers is hardly a date... Or a plan. She gave him plenty of opportunities to illustrate that he wanted to develop an emotional connection. Obviously... More BS on his part. He is a liar. Plain and simple. 15 pages to help her navigate around his misleading garbage. Yea.. These dirtbags can cause a lot of confusion with their crap...
oldshirt Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) T;dRobin;5565572] He's not a jerk because he wanted casual sex or a FWB. He's a jerk because he lied to try and get that FROM HER. Not sure why you or other people keep letting this guy off the hook for that. Because he didn't lie or manipulate. You are conjuring that up for some reason. He would've been lying and manipulating if he had blown sunshine up her butt and said he'd be exclusive with her. She was laying there nekkid as a jaybird in his bed, red in the face, breathing heavy and wanting him to ride her like the last bullride of the PBR campionships. He Knew she wanted him. If he was anywhere near as as manipulative and underhanded as you make him out to be, he would've sang like a bird and said every word she wanted to hear. Instead he told her the truth which he knew would have ended up being no poontang for him that night. He knew she would've done him if he said what she wanted to hear and he knew she wouldn't if he was upfront with her. He choose to tell the truth and chose to end the night with an unreleaved stiffy. If he's a playa that cons women into bed by lying to them and manipulating them, he sure sucks at it. Edited March 5, 2014 by oldshirt 3
Divasu Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Yeah I am not seeing where he lied or manipulated her either. Then again, I only read the opening post: Yesterday I told him that I would only have sex with someone when we are in an exclusive/solid relationship. His response was part of him wants to take commitment slow and measured but everything in him wanted to jump in 100 percent. I said I understood. How is the above deceitful or manipulative? And if someone said to me "baby I'm all yours" in the midst of making out, I would presume that meant sexually. It's not really his fault that you took that comment the wrong way and/or placed any deeper meaning into it. 1
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Why do I think that he lied and manipulated? Because they talked about all this before she went to his house. If they had different goals, he should have backed away then. As it is... He inserted just enough information to give himself a bit of plausible deniability... But not quite enough for her to make a clear choice about going forward... That's manipulative.... She said what her needs and expectations were in advance. He should have walked away. He didn't. That makes him the *sshole... ...and I guess for some of you... You set a pretty low bar of integrity for men. Like I said before... It's not up to women to bring the GD polygraph to every date. It's his job to be upfront from the get go....and go date women who are ok with casual sex... Not try to sneak one past one who isn't ...and this is exactly why I don't date men with a history of casual sex or FWB... Because most of them have to do what this guy did and weasel their way into it...it's only in their mind that the woman was ok with it most of the time.
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) And if someone said to me "baby I'm all yours" in the midst of making out, I would presume that meant sexually. It's not really his fault that you took that comment the wrong way and/or placed any deeper meaning into it. Well... For people who have a history of casual sex... I imagine that is true. For people who don't have a history of casual sex, they wouldn't. It is his fault if she stated her expectations in advance. Which she did many times. This is why people who prefer casual sex need to stay away from those who don't. Your responses and attitudes are diametrically opposed. Someone who is used to having sex in the context of a committed relationship is used to emotional content being a natural part of sex. That is what he was trying to exploit... While leaving himself just an eensy weensy bit of wiggle room so he could back out later. Those who don't attach emotions to sex would naturally assume such words mean yea.. Treat me like your walking dildo tonight baby... Or ... This hole is all yours big guy... And think nothing of it. ...and the difference for me here is that I don't think she has anything to be ashamed about. She did her part. He was the liar and is the only one who has anything to feel crappy about... But again... You all are waaaaay to used to guys not owning their own d*cks...looks like. Boys will be boys and all that. Edited March 5, 2014 by RedRobin
GoreSP Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Well... For people who have a history of casual sex... I imagine that is true. For people who don't have a history of casual sex, they wouldn't. It is his fault if she stated her expectations in advance. Which she did many times. This is why people who prefer casual sex need to stay away from those who don't. Your responses and attitudes are diametrically opposed. Someone who is used to having sex in the context of a committed relationship is used to emotional content being a natural part of sex. That is what he was trying to exploit... While leaving himself just an eensy weensy bit of wiggle room so he could back out later. Those who don't attach emotions to sex would naturally assume such words mean yea.. Treat me like your walking dildo tonight baby... Or ... This hole is all yours big guy... And think nothing of it. ...and the difference for me here is that I don't think she has anything to be ashamed about. She did her part. He was the liar and is the only one who has anything to feel crappy about... But again... You all are waaaaay to used to guys not owning their own d*cks...looks like. Boys will be boys and all that. Seriously, OP is 38 years old. It has nothing to do with casual sex or not. She has her wrongs in this story too and it's important she recognizes them so she doesn't make the same mistake again. She can't go through life blaming everyone else every time she does something stupid. Also, I don't see why 'people who like casual sex' should stay away from those who don't. I am fine with casual sex and I've had casual sex. If I meet someone who isn't into casual sex and never had casual sex, why would I stay away from him? The fact I'm fine with casual sex doesn't mean we wouldn't be a good match and it doesn't mean I won't be able to commit to him and stay faithful. Unless the guy has a real problem with my number of partner, which, to be honest, is still pretty average considering... And because I don't always associate sex and emotions, doesn't mean I am not capable to do so in the right situation. OP's boy is probably the same and she most likely freaked him out when she started flaking out and breaking things off.
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Edited: you meaning general 'you'.... Not 'you' personally
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Seriously, OP is 38 years old. It has nothing to do with casual sex or not. She has her wrongs in this story too and it's important she recognizes them so she doesn't make the same mistake again. She can't go through life blaming everyone else every time she does something stupid. Also, I don't see why 'people who like casual sex' should stay away from those who don't. I am fine with casual sex and I've had casual sex. If I meet someone who isn't into casual sex and never had casual sex, why would I stay away from him? The fact I'm fine with casual sex doesn't mean we wouldn't be a good match and it doesn't mean I won't be able to commit to him and stay faithful. Unless the guy has a real problem with my number of partner, which, to be honest, is still pretty average considering... And because I don't always associate sex and emotions, doesn't mean I am not capable to do so in the right situation. OP's boy is probably the same and she most likely freaked him out when she started flaking out and breaking things off. OP is 38 years old and was 22 when she got married. Not exactly playing the field. She has accepted responsibility for her part. She knows now not to take a guys word for things... And not to go over to a mans house. Congrats... One more woman is a little more jaded because douchebag has to act like a little boy and has to see what he can get away with instead of being upfront from the get go... I don't appreciate advice that insists that men aren't responsible for their sexuality and it is up to women to read their minds or bring a polygraph. At what point exactly are men supposed to be honest about their goals and expectations in your world?? I have my doubts that people who make a habit of casual sex know what the right thing is... Obviously in this case... You thought it was perfectly fine for him to ignore her stated expectations and plow forward anyway.
Divasu Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Well... For people who have a history of casual sex... I imagine that is true. For people who don't have a history of casual sex, they wouldn't. It is his fault if she stated her expectations in advance. Which she did many times. Why would anyone assume otherwise... You're basically suggesting that a comment made by a man you've known for two weeks is some declaration of a commitment, when it's not. The OP needs to learn not to place such high importance on words that carry very little weight. And, not go over to a man's house and get physical with him, AFTER he's already told you he's not on the same page. You're giving this guy way too much power/credit... 1
BradJacobs Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Take the sex off the table... And he wasn't the same guy... Welcome to 10 pages ago. Happy that you came to your senses finally. 1
RedRobin Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Why would anyone assume otherwise... You're basically suggesting that a comment made by a man you've known for two weeks is some declaration of a commitment, when it's not. The OP needs to learn not to place such high importance on words that carry very little weight. And, not go over to a man's house and get physical with him, AFTER he's already told you he's not on the same page. You're giving this guy way too much power/credit... Monogamy isn't a commitment. Not sure why people have such a hard time with monogamy. That's all she was asking for. Jeez. No, he didn't tell her he wasn't on the same page until afterwards... not beforehand... big fat coward sleezeball. Edited March 5, 2014 by RedRobin
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