hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Ok u guys may know my back ground if not.... Im 22 hes 24 together 1 yr 8 months...he is my first true love, longer term and firt one i have slept with So we got back onto the topic about me feeling rejected. I get turned down alot for sex but when he wants it boom im there cause i love it and him! So everytime i ask why he rejects me alot he says "i dont know" that seems to be his standard cop out answer for everything. I know he isnt cheating....he says he loves me and tell me all the time and he says im beautiful sexy yadda yadda. So like what the hell....he said maybe hes tired, stresses (these are starting to get old) and he said maybe I feel I dont have to be like that sooo much because i know I have u now and i dont have to try to hard. So let me get this straight you are 24 and ur shutting down already. He has been with women before...not me he is my first so its like whoa....im still new at this I have lots i wanna do, try and get to know my own body. Now here is my situation. Im young i have alot to learn, see, try and expieriment....I love him with all my hard and it makes me sick to my stomach that I would even think about leaving him because he is amazing in all other aspects but this being a big part of a relationship plus it still being something im discovering what do I do. Its not like we dont have sex its just its a whole lot less often and i will get turned down alot. Ok so he tired or he has to work in the morning cool.........but dont tell me u aint yanking one instead of me ya know. I need some inputt on this. I feel like im stuck with being so inlove with him sex doesnt matter and feeling like im still young and i dont want to feel like im not worth the effort. Maybe there is a comprimise or soemthing i can do..... PLEASE
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 let me also add, He isnt the biggest communicator, he grew up in a family where there isnt much affection and feelings communication. So he does try to take the easy way out of the whole feelings talk....but he is straight forward...he wants to leave he will say, he wants soemone else he will say, if he is unhappy he will say, he loves me , is happy with us he will say. So im confused. Maybe this is the way he is when it comes to sex and opposite when i first met him cause he was trying so hard to crack the code...lol So maybe its backwards...maybe he hasnt backed off he just tryed harder in the beginning. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm I dont wanna split with him but i wanna happy with what we have and sometimes im skeptical...but it could be me overanalyzing as some of u here know i do
very-confused-girl Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Hello, from what you wrote I think the problem really might be in one of the things he said = he does not need to try hard now cause he already has you. Even that he is mentioning other reasons for his lack of lust, I think that the main reason is the one I mentioned above. The other reasons - like that he is tired etc - he might mention maybe just to reduce the impact on you, so that you wouldnt be that sad and you wouldnt feel guilty about his lack of appetite. The problem is, that he is still a boy, so he might have these emotinal ups and downs which can result in this. My exboyfriend was like this either. I was into sex a lot, he was at the beginning as well, but once he felt like I was "his" and he didnt need to put effort into anything, his lust was suddenly reduced. Your boyfriend is most likely one of the guys who feels attracted to lack of interest. I will explain it in a second. This happens a lot to young guys, but when they start to feel that they already wan the girl´s attention, they might get a bit bored. And on the other side - once a girl is refusing and being distant, the guy is doing crazy stuff to conquer her. If you are in a relationship it still does not mean, that he should feel sure with you and you should stop playing the games. I mean the real true relationship is not about playing games, the love is unconditioned. But unfortunately maybe your boyfriend is still immature and he is not on that emotinal level to have this kind of relationship. Unfortunately with young guys you sometimes HAVE to play a bit. Sometimes you have to step back in order to get extra amount of atention from him. I mean to be honest I am in a stage of like, even that I am 23, but I am already tired of having a guy that I need to play games with. Therefore I have chosen to have much older boyfriend. But I suppose you love your boyfriend and you want to make him crave for you again. So in that case you really should do something to show him that he shouldnt be taking you for granted. You have to be a little bit cunning. I am not absolutely making you to do something disrespectful, not at all. Be the word cunning I mean for example let him know - in some kind of a subtle way, that even other people do find you attractive. Be confident, have your friends. Dont act like you are absolutely dependent on your boyfriend. Sometimes when he tells you "what are we going to do tonight"...you can purpousefully say "I am sorry I have already some plan for tonight, we can see each other tomorrow" I mean dont do this refusing so often, you cant take it to the other extreme, just let him know, that you are not stalker in his life. Try also to be sexy, buy yourself some sexy clothing and walk around in his flat dressed nicely but dont even initiate any sexual activity. Be a little bit "cold princess". You will see that he starts to crave for you more.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 very very good post thanks u ae absolutly right on this. I just realized and let me know if this sounds off that when i go to see him and am quite confident and carry my self in a more sexy manor his changes...........maybe my lack of confidence if killing the mood sorta speak.....very good idea though I need to start feeling better about myself then it will maybe make him a bit scared that other guys are attracted to my confidence too I mean but the wya he talk about it he doesnt mean any harm or to hurt anyone.....he is very very very laid back and i see this not needing to try attitude in other things in his life too not just us
very-confused-girl Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 exactly. I mean when I was 18 I was the same. When the guy was too loving and caring and acting like being completely devoted to me, I was sort of turned off a bit. But then I grew up. Remember that guys usually grow up a bit later. He is really in a position where you need to be a bit playful. He is not in a position where he can appreciate the unconditioned love. He is too young for it. Really, be a little bit unaccessible and it will work!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 yes i see what u are saying. Well im going to work on my confidence and i think he wil come around. Maybe i should try initating more too...i think he like me persuing him....he was always the persue-er
very-confused-girl Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 pursuing him? But thats completely the opposite of what I am saying, my friend. Pursuing is whats could drive him away, you have to be a little bit of a princess, like I mean unaccessible. Be hot, sexy, naughty, but dont make it easy for him to get you! I mean to certain extent, of course. You wouldnt want to become too much of it either.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 hehehe i will try that it may help my confidence too!!
very-confused-girl Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 it definitely will. Dont let him think that he has you for granted! My parents are still conquering each other and they have been married for 25 years
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 this realtionship stuff isnt easy...lol
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