Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I consciously tell myself it's over I want it to be over I want to move on But I don't feel like I am accepting it. I still feel in a relationship. HOW do I get over it? She's with another guy practically. For God's sake, seriously.
ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I know how you are feeling. It's like you are trapped in a small jail cell and cant escape. You try climbing the walls, but just fall down again. It sucks. You know it is over, you know she is with someone else, yet somehow someway your heart doesn't want to let go of her. I am looking for the same answer man.. So far it seems like ''time heals all wounds'' is the common answer. That and going NC. What is your story? How long did you date her and how long has it been since the break?
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks brother. We dated 4 years. We were engaged. She told me out of the blue she lost the attraction. Then she started "talking" to our somewhat mutual friend (her coworker) immediately after. Shadiest **** I've ever seen. When I found out she was over at his house, I FLIPPED on her for lying. Called her a pathological liar, ripped her apart. Told her he's a loser and good luck, and wait til he finds out who the real her is. I'm glad I snapped, I left with my dignity. I've wanted to break NC every day lately but I REFUSE to give her that power. I left on a powerful note and I can't let her have that back. We've been broken up since Feb 3rd.
latergater Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks brother. We dated 4 years. We were engaged. She told me out of the blue she lost the attraction. Then she started "talking" to our somewhat mutual friend (her coworker) immediately after. Shadiest **** I've ever seen. When I found out she was over at his house, I FLIPPED on her for lying. Called her a pathological liar, ripped her apart. Told her he's a loser and good luck, and wait til he finds out who the real her is. I'm glad I snapped, I left with my dignity. I've wanted to break NC every day lately but I REFUSE to give her that power. I left on a powerful note and I can't let her have that back. We've been broken up since Feb 3rd. You are being really hard on yourself - trust me! You broke up Feb 3rd? Of course you are not accepting the fact that its over. It's raw - you haven't even had enough time to come up for air. She's already with someone else? WOW -- that was fast (rediculous). So .. this is the deal -- love yourself -- and work on yourself and do whatever you need to do to feel better and get past this -- take the time you need! There is NO deadline to reach here -- so let a bit more time pass.
brokeNlost Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 may I jump in on this conversation aswell? I too need to know how to accept that it's over. I dated my ex for 4 years and one day after we broke up (literally 14 hrs later) she met up and dated her now new bf and not only that she even tried to start a fight between me and him. I feel your pain OP
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 latergater thank you, your advice is accurate and I accept your advice. Dang broke, you and me are in the exact same page. Creepy how small the world is, and sad that it's filled with girls like these. I don't break NC because I tell myself that someone doing this isn't worth trying to get back with. Clearly the girl I thought she was was simply an illusion I had created based on what I wanted to see. THIS is the real her. Same goes for your girl. BTW guys add me on skype. Not necessarily to video chat, but to use it as a chat client. This goes for everyone. My skype name is fox_thomas_z
brokeNlost Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I don't break NC because I tell myself that someone doing this isn't worth trying to get back with. Clearly the girl I thought she was was simply an illusion I had created based on what I wanted to see. THIS is the real her. Same goes for your girl. You took the words right out of my mouth. I also thought I was in love with her but now I realized that I was in love with the person I thought she could become. We broke up 5 months ago and today would have been our 4yr 6-7 months anniversary and I been on NC for 2 months and trust me it getting better but it's still hard for me to let go completely
SadNLonley Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I am looking for the same answer man.. So far it seems like ''time heals all wounds'' is the common answer. That and going NC. Thats what I keep hearing too, but in my heart i still feel like we are in a relationship even though we haven't spoken in 3 months. Part of me feels like we both love each other still, but neither of us are taking the steps to contact one another. Luckily for me i dont think another woman was involved, and actually think he is still alone (like me). Just need to figure out how to get it out of my heart that he isn't mine anymore. Sometimes I want him so bad that I think I can almost force him to call or text me. ha. hasn't happened, but the feelings are so strong. I am also realizing how lucky we were to find each other after both our divorces. So many compatibilities. Almost like we were meant to be together. Now looking out to the dating world, no man even appeals to me at all. Just dont get how alot of times the other person can find someone so quickly and move on when you've been so in love. Come on time..... Heal me already!!!
ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Part of me feels like we both love each other still, but neither of us are taking the steps to contact one another. Just need to figure out how to get it out of my heart that he isn't mine anymore. Sometimes I want him so bad that I think I can almost force him to call or text me. ha. hasn't happened, but the feelings are so strong. Wow. I totally have had those exact same thoughts. In my situation, my ex used to tell me all of the time she never had stronger feeling for any of her previous boyfriends than she had with me. Hell, her family told me the same thing! I would like to believe that she still loves me and thinks of me.. I but that could just be false hopes. And I also got a giggle when you said you almost feel like you can force them to contact you - but it never happens. I sometimes feel that way too. It's like when I am having a breakdown, I tell myself that she can feel my pain and that she will call or text me.. Kinda like mothers have that weird 6th sense with their children - when they feel like something is wrong. 1
forgetmenot75 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Well, she found another guy and felt hard for him. Sh..ith happens. you should have seen red flags before all this happened, maybe you decided to ignore? Are you condemning her because she doesn't love you anymore? you should work on yourself now.
jphcbpa Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 read this on another site.... "I think that the best way to "let go with love" is to think of it as total acceptance. Of the circumstances, of the dynamic and of the person. If they are being authentic, then to honor the relationship and the person --- then letting go, if it must happen --- it is accepting that that person is acting in accordance with their beliefs, and that is really all one can ask. It doesn't make it easier. Letting go of what the future might have been, letting go of hope --- is the hardest thing to do. But by keeping your own heart open to the possibilities that are inherent in your own future, you can cherish what you shared and accept that the universe will continue to unfold before you. I believe we are all here for a reason....and to learn our "lessons". And those lessons we do not grasp will continue to manifest themselves until we understand them. For me, trying to control the outcome or the other person --- has been a long standing issue. So,--- letting go with love has allowed me to not become bitter or jaded. By accepting that I may not know why, and accepting that it just "is" --has made it easier to move on. And while none of it was easy I have come away from it all transformed... not broken hearted, but broken open. Looking at life.through a new lense." 1
monsoon281 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Let it go man. I'm in the same boat as well. My gf of two years left me a month ago For the same loss of passion reason and moved on so quickly it was insulting to me as well (we were also planning on getting married). You must realize this is a poor reflection on them and not you. They are not secure enough to stop and look at themselves and what they learned from the relationship. It also shows how lucky you are to escape someone who flip flops in their emotions so quickly. The best revenge you can have is to never contact them again and have a nice life. This is also the best way to heal. Edited February 25, 2014 by monsoon281 1
Roses777 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 This is what I am going through too. Parts of me have accepted that it is done but then there are shards left that think I could fix things up. She lives roughly twenty minutes away so that makes it tougher (for me, at least). Knowing that she is still living there makes it worse. My ex was bipolar II and probably a few other things. She has found a few replacements and now seems to have fallen for a guy that doesn't even live in the same city. He lives like 88km away. Not sure how well that will go for them but letting go after 4 years together for me has to happen. It's just a very gradual thing. It is hard because we shared so many good memories that were tainted by her habitual lying, cheating, etc. She moved on so fast because she is unstable and is in tough times. Better to know now than after marriage, kids and moving in again. As someone wrote above, that's life. Everyone deserves to be with someone that is capable of loving in a normal relationship and without medication, my ex cannot do that. The cycle will just repeat and repeat.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 time & no contact heals all wounds... just don't keep picking at them! its gonna be hard, and you're going to miss them everyday, but there is NOTHING else you can do. its a chemical imbalance in your brain and it will pass. promise dude. 1
amaysngrace Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Start paying attention to other girls when you're out of your house. Look at every single one of them but don't get busted doing that or you'll look like a creep but definitely notice them.
robbysurfs Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I read this book "the power of now" mentally it really helped me. That combined with the gym running and other physical activities I basically worked it out literally. Take care of yourself physically/mentally maybe some therapy if needed to get back to the guy you were before all this bs and in time it will have less of a hold on you trust me. 1
tlegend Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Start paying attention to other girls when you're out of your house. Look at every single one of them but don't get busted doing that or you'll look like a creep but definitely notice them. I've done this exact method except I make it a point to flirt with them. I don't ask for their number, I simply compliment them or flirt with the intention of leaving in 15 seconds. I got 3 numbers in 1 day. 2
thefear Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 time & no contact heals all wounds... just don't keep picking at them! Great point, I know I'm picking at my wounds. I'm NC but all I do is think of her and think of ways in the future it could work. Ironically, those are the things that make it even less likely. I need to let go, just need to figure out how. 1
jphcbpa Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Great point, I know I'm picking at my wounds. I'm NC but all I do is think of her and think of ways in the future it could work. Ironically, those are the things that make it even less likely. I need to let go, just need to figure out how. just keep NC and let go of the rope little by little. do not beat yourself up or feel ashamed for caring deeply. 1
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