johnww92 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) My ex broke up with me few weeks ago ever since then I tried no contact a few times but it only ever lasted a week. We had a few fights since then because she wouldn't explain to me fully why she broke up with me. Last week we made up then I said we can we friends when we moved on and our ready and she agreed so I decided to go NC again and it lasted a week until the last night when I got really drunk I started txting her saying that I love her and miss her and she didn't reply. Yesterday I started texting her again want some answers but she just replied with few words and same thing over again. Anyways then I dropped the subject and started talking about normal stuff and she told me she doesn't want to talk to me so I asked does she not like me as a person anymore and she replied she does and then I asked why won't she talk to me then and she didn't reply then I said I thought she still wanted to be friends and she ignored that too. I dunno whats wrong she never had a problem talking normally to me before but yesterday she acted like she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I don't know what to do I'm moving on and started to slowly get over her but she seems like she doesn't even care about me anymore and it kinda complicates things because we have a few mutual friends who we both hang out with and now its just wierd. I never did anything to hurt her so dunno why she feels this way. Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 She broke up with you. She doesn't have to have anything to do with you any more. That's what a break up is... 1
Author johnww92 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 She broke up with you. She doesn't have to have anything to do with you any more. That's what a break up is... Yeah but she said before she wanted to be friends.
Minneloa Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah but she said before she wanted to be friends. This is a very common line dumpers use to ease their guilt. They often don't really mean it.
Author johnww92 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 This is a very common line dumpers use to ease their guilt. They often don't really mean it. No you don't get it we have met at partys and stuff since, we where still cool and talked and had fun, she did legitly want to be friends until the **** yesturday.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah but she said before she wanted to be friends. People say that to allieviate their guilt. Unless two people have a bond that means a friendship post-break up that would be mutually beneficial to maintain (ie, like children), then there really is no need. She was just trying to be kind.
erklat Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 No you don't get it we have met at partys and stuff since, we where still cool and talked and had fun, she did legitly want to be friends until the **** yesturday. Did you engage in romantic relationship with her to pursue being demoted to a friend now? Being friends with your ex is a really bad idea. 1
Minneloa Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 My ex broke up with me few weeks ago ever since then I tried no contact a few times but it only ever lasted a week. We had a few fights since then because she wouldn't explain to me fully why she broke up with me. Last week we made up then I said we can we friends when we moved on and our ready and she agreed so I decided to go NC again and it lasted a week until the last night when I got really drunk I started txting her saying that I love her and miss her and she didn't reply. Yesterday I started texting her again want some answers but she just replied with few words and same thing over again. Anyways then I dropped the subject and started talking about normal stuff and she told me she doesn't want to talk to me so I asked does she not like me as a person anymore and she replied she does and then I asked why won't she talk to me then and she didn't reply then I said I thought she still wanted to be friends and she ignored that too. I dunno whats wrong she never had a problem talking normally to me before but yesterday she acted like she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I don't know what to do I'm moving on and started to slowly get over her but she seems like she doesn't even care about me anymore and it kinda complicates things because we have a few mutual friends who we both hang out with and now its just wierd. I never did anything to hurt her so dunno why she feels this way. It sounds like your questions about the breakup and expression of love demonstrated to her that you are not ready to be "just friends." This lack of readiness on your part is completely understandable, as it is difficult to transition from romantic to strictly platonic. From her perspective as the one who chose to end the relationship, however, it is a burden. Simply put, she does not want to deal with your emotions as her ex. I think it would be wise for you to step back and go No Contact with her until your feelings have settled and you have healed. This may take awhile, but it's better than chasing someone who has detached emotionally from you. You might find that once you have mended from the breakup you are no longer interested in her friendship. Sending good thoughts, M.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 It seems she's trying to initiate no contact but unsure how (or unable to) to fully go about doing so for fear of hurting your feelings. Tbh, I am a firm believer in NC and thus also believe you should just leave this girl alone. Just because you used to share a deep, intimate bond with someone doesn't mean those feelings will last indefinitely nor does it mean that person is guaranteed to feel the same after the relationship ends. IMO, she really just doesn't want anything more to do with you. Does that suck? Yep. But that's the harsh reality of life sometimes.
almond Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 She agreed to a friendship, but you did not respect the boundaries. You got drunk, and repeatedly messaged her declaring your love, and telling her you missed her. You then messaged again the next day demanding answers from her. You made her uncomfortable and now she does not wish to continue speaking to you. You are clearly not ready for a friendship with this girl. She does not want to be with you, but you cannot accept this yet. Cutting all contact will be the best thing for both of you. 4
Author johnww92 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 She agreed to a friendship, but you did not respect the boundaries. You got drunk, and repeatedly messaged her declaring your love, and telling her you missed her. You then messaged again the next day demanding answers from her. You made her uncomfortable and now she does not wish to continue speaking to you. You are clearly not ready for a friendship with this girl. She does not want to be with you, but you cannot accept this yet. Cutting all contact will be the best thing for both of you. Ok I think you're right. Was my fault I guess NC will have to do but I tried it 3 times before and only managed to last a week each time before contacting her :/
Jmk21 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Stay strong brother! We've all been there and made mistakes. Disregard and move on 1
Tripz Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 John, I feel your pain, I really do. Dec 4th, I discovered my wife of 25 years was having a long term (2 years) affair with a good friend (former, obviously) of mine. She didn't move out until Feb 2nd. For two months, as I was reeling in agony of being so utterly betrayed, all I ever asked from her was to just sit down, like two grown adults, with so much time behind us and talk about what actually lead to our demise. I got nothing, other than her saying, "Our journey together is done". I knew once she moved out, any amount of communication that I could gather while she was still in our house would become nil and so far, that has been her way. Even when it pertains to our son, (pick up/drop off times, other little things, etc), I'm the one that seems to text or call first. She has literally turned me into a stranger. She neither kind or helpful, even when I do something for my son that she benefits from, too. She may say a quick thanks, but I think she still thinks, or assumes, my "kindness" is some ploy to get her back. Because of the circumstances, I KNOW she is having to suppress an immense amount of guilt, but she's so prideful and headstrong, I imagine even she has found a way to justify it or not even think about it. Here it is, almost 90 days later and I don't think she'll ever come to a point where she will be mature and ask to just sit down and talk. That has been the hardest thing through all of this and I'm just now starting to get past caring. She will wish that she had at least "finished" this relationship better and left it "cleaner". I know her and once this first lilly pad she's hopped to, sinks, and it will, she'll need me for something. It'll be too bad, cause now I'll have completely moved on and will let her drown on her own. It didn't have to be this way, but it was entirely her choice. In your situation, you should probably start to focus on the fact that you will never get some answers and just do your best to figure them out on your own. You do this long enough and that particular pain will subside, I promise. After awhile, you won't hardly think about it. Experts say that what we are all going through is actually more difficult than someone close to us dying. I can believe that. I wish you very well in this struggle and never feel like you can't continue to post about it until you are blue in the face. That's what this place is for. Without this place, I don't really know what I would have done. It wouldn't have been good.
Author johnww92 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 John, I feel your pain, I really do. Dec 4th, I discovered my wife of 25 years was having a long term (2 years) affair with a good friend (former, obviously) of mine. She didn't move out until Feb 2nd. For two months, as I was reeling in agony of being so utterly betrayed, all I ever asked from her was to just sit down, like two grown adults, with so much time behind us and talk about what actually lead to our demise. I got nothing, other than her saying, "Our journey together is done". I knew once she moved out, any amount of communication that I could gather while she was still in our house would become nil and so far, that has been her way. Even when it pertains to our son, (pick up/drop off times, other little things, etc), I'm the one that seems to text or call first. She has literally turned me into a stranger. She neither kind or helpful, even when I do something for my son that she benefits from, too. She may say a quick thanks, but I think she still thinks, or assumes, my "kindness" is some ploy to get her back. Because of the circumstances, I KNOW she is having to suppress an immense amount of guilt, but she's so prideful and headstrong, I imagine even she has found a way to justify it or not even think about it. Here it is, almost 90 days later and I don't think she'll ever come to a point where she will be mature and ask to just sit down and talk. That has been the hardest thing through all of this and I'm just now starting to get past caring. She will wish that she had at least "finished" this relationship better and left it "cleaner". I know her and once this first lilly pad she's hopped to, sinks, and it will, she'll need me for something. It'll be too bad, cause now I'll have completely moved on and will let her drown on her own. It didn't have to be this way, but it was entirely her choice. In your situation, you should probably start to focus on the fact that you will never get some answers and just do your best to figure them out on your own. You do this long enough and that particular pain will subside, I promise. After awhile, you won't hardly think about it. Experts say that what we are all going through is actually more difficult than someone close to us dying. I can believe that. I wish you very well in this struggle and never feel like you can't continue to post about it until you are blue in the face. That's what this place is for. Without this place, I don't really know what I would have done. It wouldn't have been good. Wow man I dunno what to say that sucks, Like this is happening to me over a girlfriend but a wife of 25 years I really cant imagine the pain you must be going through and how you're actually going through it. You must be really strong bro! Yeah I feel the same eventually when she sees I stopped trying to contact her she will reach out and try to talk to me but at that stage hopefully I'll be over her and I just won't care and I'll blow her off like she did to me and see how she likes it. Thats my plan I sent her so many messages 2 days ago with hardly any responses so now I'll go full NC till I healed fully. Thanks for sharing man just shows I'm not on my own in this situation! Hope things get better for you!
Author johnww92 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Long story short my ex of few months broke up with me because things got serious too fast and it was too much for her. We tried again after but she just couldn't do it and said she lost feelings for me. Ever since then I have been trying to get answers and would sometimes spill my heart out as you do when you where drunk. Eventually she would stop txting back and me being a dumbass I would txt her again and she would sometimes reply with short answers but then ignore me again. I never txt her during the week because I have been trying N/C but when I get drunk on Saturdays I would text her and keep txting her Sunday then eventually stop again. A few weeks ago I kinda lost it and started sending her 3 or 4 messages after no reply and she completely ignored me. I realized what I did and apologized and told her it won't happen again because I wasn't being myself and she said don't worry she wants to be friends but cant if I keep bringing up the past. Anyways we had a small random chat then and I haven't txt her since its been a week now and I have no more urge to text her but have I pushed her away forever now? Like I know after we broke up she still had some sort of feelings for me but did all that txting make her think I'm a creep and kill all attraction? I'm not trying to win her back, I'm moving on but I feel really bad for all the texting.
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Long story short my ex of few months broke up with me because things got serious too fast and it was too much for her. We tried again after but she just couldn't do it and said she lost feelings for me. Ever since then I have been trying to get answers and would sometimes spill my heart out as you do when you where drunk. Eventually she would stop txting back and me being a dumbass I would txt her again and she would sometimes reply with short answers but then ignore me again. I never txt her during the week because I have been trying N/C but when I get drunk on Saturdays I would text her and keep txting her Sunday then eventually stop again. A few weeks ago I kinda lost it and started sending her 3 or 4 messages after no reply and she completely ignored me. I realized what I did and apologized and told her it won't happen again because I wasn't being myself and she said don't worry she wants to be friends but cant if I keep bringing up the past. Anyways we had a small random chat then and I haven't txt her since its been a week now and I have no more urge to text her but have I pushed her away forever now? Like I know after we broke up she still had some sort of feelings for me but did all that txting make her think I'm a creep and kill all attraction? I'm not trying to win her back, I'm moving on but I feel really bad for all the texting. It's cool, everything will be alright because you saw what you did wrong and you apologized for it. She knows you are going to have more restraint now and that shows strength not weakness. Keep up the NC and move forward and maybe cut down on the drinking a little bit so you don't have a relapse.
Author johnww92 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 It's cool, everything will be alright because you saw what you did wrong and you apologized for it. She knows you are going to have more restraint now and that shows strength not weakness. Keep up the NC and move forward and maybe cut down on the drinking a little bit so you don't have a relapse. You have no idea how much that made me feel better haha thanks!
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 You have no idea how much that made me feel better haha thanks! Shyte I did that once too and now I've cut down on the drinking and now I'm feeling way better. I've done the begging, pouring out your heart, and the non stop text and calls and it sucks when someone you used to hold so close can't feel what you're feeling. You just gotta not give a f--uk about it like they have and become indifferent.
nic05 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I have gone absolutely stir crazy on text at my ex boyfriend before... I'm talking dozens of messages... He said I was nuts. I was. But I realised the error of my ways, apologised and gave him space. Three months later he was begging to get back with me. We didn't get back together, it would have been wrong. But my point is that I'm sure that event will be forgotten in the grand scheme of things. If she wants to be with you, she'll come back. And as someone pointed out above, it's usually when you act like you don't give a crap anymore.
SurplusIndifference Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) Yeah but she said before she wanted to be friends. She probably did want to be friends, but she probably also doesn't want to deal with drama. Edited March 9, 2014 by SurplusIndifference
gothicrose Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I think that if you're worried about whether you've pushed her away forever, you're not as moved on as you think you are. Don't keep bugging her, a text every now and again is fine but don't do the drunken texting thing. Read some of my threads for an example of the worst way to deal with an ex....don't make the same mistakes as I did.
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