2 and a half months later, I'm STILL sad about an e-mail breakup.

[tricolors]

Sad, angry, confused. A nearly year long relationship, and I get an e-mail breakup. What the ****, man. Refused to ever talk, never got a clear explanation. We go on a typical date one night, and a few days later I get e-mail of ten goddamn sentences saying "it's not you, it's me," "sorry I'm using this medium to break up with you," and "we can still be friends if you want."

 

I mean, JFC. "We can still be friends if you want." After that. And after nearly a year of never arguing in person, and since she refused to actually talk to me that week by any medium, I went on a hateful text tirade against her, telling her every possible insult I could think of, cutting, personal insults. I feel bad about that, too. But you know what? Should I even feel bad? I should, on a moral level, because the things I said were nonsense I didn't really believe, and they were cruel.

 

But she broke up with me by e-mail and refused to talk. That's bull****.

 

If I could go back in time, I'd never respond to her e-mail. I'd just walk away, block all the numbers, and forget about it. Which is what everyone told me to do...but that's a helluva lot easier said than done when you're all emotional and blindsided.

 

What a goddamn hideous thing to do to someone.

[Kopite]

Sad, angry, confused. A nearly year long relationship, and I get an e-mail breakup. What the ****, man. Refused to ever talk, never got a clear explanation. We go on a typical date one night, and a few days later I get e-mail of ten goddamn sentences saying "it's not you, it's me," "sorry I'm using this medium to break up with you," and "we can still be friends if you want."

 

I mean, JFC. "We can still be friends if you want." After that. And after nearly a year of never arguing in person, and since she refused to actually talk to me that week by any medium, I went on a hateful text tirade against her, telling her every possible insult I could think of, cutting, personal insults. I feel bad about that, too. But you know what? Should I even feel bad? I should, on a moral level, because the things I said were nonsense I didn't really believe, and they were cruel.

 

But she broke up with me by e-mail and refused to talk. That's bull****.

 

If I could go back in time, I'd never respond to her e-mail. I'd just walk away, block all the numbers, and forget about it. Which is what everyone told me to do...but that's a helluva lot easier said than done when you're all emotional and blindsided.

 

What a goddamn hideous thing to do to someone.

 

I'm in a particularly bitter mood this evening so I will join in with you . She's weak and a coward and deserves f*ck all sympathy from you.

 

It's funny though. I did the opposite. I was calm and collected and basically just showed how disappointed I was rather than show any anger. I wanted her to feel really guity. Sometimes, I wish I had really been angry with her though. Don't feel bad, pal. (you'll probably feel bad later, but for now, who cares?)

Edited February 24, 2014 by Kopite

[tricolors]

I'm in a particularly bitter mood this evening so I will join in with you . She's weak and a coward and deserves f*ck all sympathy from you.

 

It's funny though. I did the opposite. I was calm and collected and basically just showed how disappointed I was rather than show any anger. I wanted her to feel really guity. Sometimes, I wish I had really been angry with her though. Don't feel bad, pal. (you'll probably feel bad later, but for now, who cares?)

 

See, that's exactly what you SHOULD do. Turn it around on them. I didn't, though. I gave her the moral upper hand by saying all that angry **** towards her.

 

The angry thing does NOT WORK, I know it from personal experience. It isn't good revenge. The best revenge is ignoring and/or saying something nice back, or that you're disappointed, like you said.

 

I screwed everything up with my response. On the other hand, I know I made her hurt pretty badly by the things I said. Quite badly. I told her very, very personal insults, which prompted her PARENTS to e-mail me and admonish me. This is a 40 year old woman, mind you, whose parents were speaking for her.

 

I regret saying nasty things to her for a number of reasons, most of which because I didn't really believe them, I was just trying to be hurtful...but it goes against the grain of my character to have done such a thing.

 

Whatever, though...she'll wallow in enough pain. I'm a way better position in dating life than she is.

 

She will NOT easily find someone to replace me who treated her as well as I did. Hell, she was single for six years before me.

[forgetmenot75]

Yeah. She's immature. Delete the email and never contact her again. If she contacts you, ignore. that's your best revenge.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Tricolors,

 

It is a cowards break up. Many people can't be the hero. I'm sorry it happened to you. It happened to me too.

 

Just take comfort in knowing it wasn't about you...it was all about her inability to put someone elses needs first.

 

xo

[tricolors]

Yeah. She's immature. Delete the email and never contact her again. If she contacts you, ignore. that's your best revenge.

 

She's 40 years old. You'd think she'd know better.

[tricolors]

Tricolors,

 

It is a cowards break up. Many people can't be the hero. I'm sorry it happened to you. It happened to me too.

 

Just take comfort in knowing it wasn't about you...it was all about her inability to put someone elses needs first.

 

xo

 

Yeah, I know.

 

Regarding not being able to put someone else's needs above yours...yeah...while she was largely good to me, nothing could ever be compromised on her part. Always had to be her time, her schedule, despite the fact she doesn't even work full time. It was bull****. And then that to end everything.

[Sandy99]

I would either continue being sad for a while and eventually it will wear off. Or if you really went on an angry tirade and you feel embarrassed or like you really made an error of judgement. You could send her one last email and tell her you were just angry and hurt about the email break up. But that you've moved on, you accept the break up now, and you just wanted to apologize for the tirade because it was out of line.

 

So anyway, you really have two choices it seems. But either way, it sounds like you'll still be moving on, so which ever gets you there faster do that.

[Popsicle]

She probably knew that you would not let her break up.

 

Somehow your thread is helping me with my healing.

Edited February 24, 2014 by Popsicle

[Chi townD]

A lot of people say that they wished they put their Ex's on blast when they break up with us, whether it be through text or email. It might make you feel vindicated at the time. But, it usually brings them here feeling guilty about how THEY (the dumpee) handled everything.

 

 

Personally, I am a big supporter of not saying anything at all. For two reasons. One, it helps you to move on, leaving him or her in your wake. Out of sight and, hopefully in time, out of mind.

 

 

And number two, it's a better way at getting back at them. When you blast them and call them every hateful thing in the book, well, they now know how you feel towards them. Your silence would speak volumes. You would give them absolutely NOTHING. They have NO IDEA where your head is at. They don't know how badly they hurt you. They have no idea if you're sad or angry. They have no idea if you just don't care or if you hate them....nothing. They don't know and for some Ex's, it drives them insane not knowing.

 

 

So, in a way, it's torture for them, but it's self inflicted torture. You're not doing anything besides what they asked you to do which is not be a part of their lives anymore.

 

 

And in a way, YOU are teaching him or her a lesson. That you can just dump someone and expect them to be okay with it. To teach them to take a personal inventory of themselves and realize that their actions can hurt someone and not to expect people to be happy about their decision.