ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Terrible day for me today. I feel super stressed out and have a high level of anxiety. It's almost like a drank 20 cups of coffee. The feeling sucks. Going on 6 weeks post Breakup. I think I am feeling like this because last night I heard about her through this mutual friend.. We were all out at a local brewery and this Ally girl (who we NEVER even hung out with ) just starts babbling about how she saw my ex out a few weeks ago. I told her to please stop talking about her - but this chick is an AIRHEAD.. She wouldnt stop. She said she was at this bar with some guys all day... Never in a million years did I expect to see Ally last night and never in a BILLION years did I expect her to run into my ex.. I've been a mess all day because of this. Just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks everyone
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I just heard about this natural product called St. Johns Wort. It is supposed to be great for mild depression. It also is great for Anxiety, Stress, OCD, etc.. You can purchase it at pretty much any grocery store. Has anyone tried this out as an alternative for prescription meds? St. John's Wort - What Should I Know About It?
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I saw that online as well and I'm not sure how/if it works. My anxiety level is high today. I'm on Day 10 of NC. I've had about 2-3 days of NC where my anxiety levels were low and it seems to ramp back up whenever I am reminded of something. I'm a fitness trainer and I lost about 10 lbs of muscle in 3 weeks of extreme anxiety/stress/not eating. I resorted to vaporizing(weed) here and there to build my appetite and I also bought an antihistimine called Ketotifen Fumarate that has appetite-enhancing side effects (along with drowsiness and others) -- has helped me get to sleep a little, when combined with melatonin of course.. I'm not sure if I would recommend doing everything I'm doing.. but I feel your pain. Immediately following the break-up I was having re-occurring panic attacks.. it was terrible. They subsided after a couple days.. but anxiety levels are still high. I force myself out of the house to do things from time to time or just pick up extra hours at work. Have you been NC? If so how long?
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Hey man, thanks for replying.. Sounds like you know exactly how I am feeling. It's weird. The stress and anxiety comes in waves - like you mentioned. It will be good for a few days, and then, BAM... I've noticed Sunday's are typically when my stress and anxiety is at it's peak. Maybe because Sunday's were our chill days.. I just feel extra lonely on Sundays.. Sorry about your muscle loss. That's gotta be hard on you - considering your job revolves around helping others gain muscle. I smoke weed also so that helps a little with my loss of appetite. I mainly use it for sleep purposes. Today I couldn't even stay still. I forced myself to get out and do stuff.. Went on a walk, visited a friend, went to the grocery store, went to Starbucks, etc etc.. Getting out helps. I have been NC pretty much the entire breakup (6 weeks) outside of a few (and by a few I mean only 2 or 3) texts regarding me setting up time to get my stuff.. We lived together, and I was the one who moved out, so I had to text her to get the last of my stuff... I had my friend grab it, as I knew if I saw her it would set me back... So pretty much NC since the split.. No direct breadcrumbs from her either. Although I HAVE heard through the grapevine that she has been asking some people if they knew where I moved to and how I was doing.. What about you? I havent read your story so that will give me something to do tonight. I hope you can get some sleep tonight. Take care buddy
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Weekends are the worst for me. I have more free time on weekends and since my self-esteem is lower than usual I don't really go out much. I plan to change this, but I don't want to force it quite yet. I spend all day yesterday in my room and I still haven't left the house. I'm about to go to the gym right now with one of friends and it'll probably be the best hour of my weekend. What is your history with your ex? Are you the dumper or dumpee? We dated for a year and a half. It was wonderful. First woman I've ever dated with a child, though. We could only see each other once, sometimes twice a week.. and she only stayed overnight 2-3 times a month. We have a lot of lifestyle differences because of how family oriented she is and how important her child is.. and I'm a loner. My mom died when I was 19 and my father left when I was 11. I've been on my own for 10+ years and as much as I love family and want family.. I don't have much family influence and she felt like we were just too different. Summer was THE best summer I've had in awhile.. but Winter was the worst, I put less effort in.. and she broke it off for "space" .. she kept contact closely for weeks and then I found out she started exclusively dating a new guy she had told me that she had NO intentions of dating and they were just friends. Obviously there are much more details to the story, but she started lying to me after the break-up because she wanted to keep me around for her own selfish reasons.. kept insisting that she deserved better and to be treated better... maybe it's her way of relieving guilt. We could have worked it out.. I still think we can, but I'm not going to let her use me anymore.. she had broken up with me before to "think" about things -- maybe the fact that we only got to see each other once or twice a week made it too hard to continue.. either way.. I gave her a PROJECT for valentines day (i made it two weeks prior.. she started dating the guy on feb 5th) I still gave it to her even though I didn't want to after being so angry about her dating.. when she clearly told me she wouldnt be dating anyone FOR A LONG TIME... after she got my gift, it held all my feelings and intentions for us.. I went strictly NC. I've received 6 texts, 1 phone call, and she's texted my room mate to see if I had "blocked her" from my phone.. I have not responded to anything although I want to so badly. Her texts are small talk.. "Thinking about you" "Missing you" "Hope you are feeling better" "Is this you cutting all ties?" "Wow that hurts" .... etc... she hoped that I would stick around as a backup.. and she has hopes for us down the road....ohhhhhhhhh please... I hate games.
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Good for you for going to the gym today. Even if it is only for 1 hour, try to make that 1 hour of taking your mind off of her. I also just got a gym membership a few weeks ago, but with my work schedule, I am finding it hard to schedule time to go.. I need to change that. I heard working out releases endorphin's - which is good for people undergoing stress, anxiety etc etc. You sound like a great guy. For you to give her something that meant so much to you, AFTER hearing about her recent new ''fling'' speaks loudly for how much you truly loved her. I am sorry that she jumped right into a new relationship. That speaks loudly for the type of person she is too. You know? As for me, I am the dumpee.. Like always.. I somehow always get dumped. But with my recent ex, it really hurts. Loved her SO much. We even lived together.. But we fought a lot. Just over stupid crap. But the fights would escalate to screaming matches. Looking back, they were not healthy at all. But at the end of the day, we always worked things out. Her reasoning for breaking up with me was that she was just ''over it'' with the fighting and me not following through on stuff. I sometimes wish she would throw out breadcrumbs to me like your ex. Not in hopes of getting back together, but just knowing that I am still on her mind... But good for you on not writing her back. Personally, I don't want my ex knowing anything about me. Mainly because she broke my heart with her decision to quit on the relationship. I have the philosophy that she turned her back on me so she doesn't deserve to know anything about me at all. Does that make sense? Anyways, go hit the gym hard. Get that muscle back. Eventually your self esteem will come back too. And the beauty about your job is that usually there are some hot girls that go to the gym 1
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Before taking anything that increases serotonin, see your doctor. St John's Wort reacts with loads of other medications. Possible Interactions with: St. John's Wort | University of Maryland Medical Center Specifically, ladies who read this, it can interfere with the birth control pill. Zoloft, a mild SSRI prescribed by a doctor on the other hand, does not. Nor does it interact with half the things on this list. Just because it's a herb, doesn't make it better. Has a doctor diagnosed you with depression? If not, I would not suggest taking anything relating to depression or anxiety until you have been properly diagnosed.
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I haven't been diagnosed or anything like that. I am normally a pretty happy person, however the breakup has obviously paid its toll on my mental state. I am not on any other medicine either so I dont have to worry about possible interactions with other medications.. I will research it more though. Thanks for the message.
WantanS4 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 All of this you guys are going through; Normal. Happened to me, for a WHOLE 3 months pretty much. See, at least you don't work in the same business as your ex. That took a toll on me. You know what helped, time. And yes, i took sleeping pills.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I haven't been diagnosed or anything like that. I am normally a pretty happy person, however the breakup has obviously paid its toll on my mental state. I am not on any other medicine either so I dont have to worry about possible interactions with other medications.. I will research it more though. Thanks for the message. Please try a regular exercise program and if you are feeling blue, that is what the doctor is there for.
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Please try a regular exercise program and if you are feeling blue, that is what the doctor is there for. I guess I have never really wanted to take prescription meds for depression. I've actually never really been a fan of prescription medicines in general. When I heard about St. John Wort it sounded like a good thing to try.. I've been researching it, and from what I have been reading I am not too worried. But I recently did get a gym membership, so I am going to get back on track with working out.. Just gotta find time. I work 11 hour days, so the last thing I really want to do is hit the gym.. But you know what.. If it will make me feel better, than I gotta pick my lazy butt up and JUST DO IT
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Gym was great. I usually can't sleep on days I don't get to vent. Feeling pretty drained physically and emotionally tonight. I'm with you man. I usually put all of my heart into a relationship or I don't get into relationships. Greatest risks come the greatest rewards... and the greatest consequences. Breadcrumbs can be temporarily satisfying, but they are disrespectful too. She's gonna find a way to make me look like the selfish one for going NC. I think it's best that they don't know what's going on in our lives. They don't know that our lives are bad.. they don't know if our lives are good. Fact is, it can't really get much worse from here on out unless we allow it to. I'm sure I'll continue to mope here and there with more progressive efforts to better my life. I'm not going to pretend everything is OK and lie to myself, but things do seem to get better - just ever so slightly. We deserve better than someone who doesn't want us, don't we? I live in a pretty crummy town and I don't think I'll ever meet a quality woman around here or I already would have. My only option to meet people is to open up my window to long distance relationships. It's still too early to date, but it's a nice thought. I think we can't picture finding another amazing person or feeling that way again anytime soon -- but it's definitely in the realm of possible.. but less possible if we feel we aren't worthy or if we don't put forth the efforts. The pressure of rejection is overwhelming during these stressful times, too.. I believe my ex truly loved me.. she certainly still has feelings for me.. and doesn't have closure yet, but I'm not allowing that as she is the dumper and chose to leave me.. I just wonder how she can move on so quickly? I don't like that I want her new relationship to fail, but I do want it to.. I mean they don't deserve to work out, especially since she wasn't even fair to him by deceiving him (he doesn't know she was keeping contact with me for some time). I looked at her FB twice during the 10 days of NC and the second time I ended up blocking her (she wasn't my fb friend at all during these 10 days but i got curious) .. but seeing a photo of her and the new man together just crushed me. Also read a comment from her friend saying.. "You and the new boo look happy together! Congratulations!" -- with her response being.. "I am so so happy! So is [her sons name]!" -- as if she is implying she wasn't happy with me? She said the same thing when we were dating.. and her son wasn't unhappy.. My gut tells me she's putting on an act because her conscience is telling her she isn't sure about these impulsive decisions she's made.. I guess only time will tell.. sorry to hijack your thread with my problems I'm going on a rant. I'm sorry that your relationship ended the way that it did.. I was with someone for 6 years and we did escalate to screaming and high strung emotions to the point of unhealthiness.. if it means anything.. that was my longest relationship (6 years - different ex) and we are friends now. I am actually OK with being her friend.. we are fair to each other and respectful. 1
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I guess I have never really wanted to take prescription meds for depression. I've actually never really been a fan of prescription medicines in general. When I heard about St. John Wort it sounded like a good thing to try.. I've been researching it, and from what I have been reading I am not too worried. But I recently did get a gym membership, so I am going to get back on track with working out.. Just gotta find time. I work 11 hour days, so the last thing I really want to do is hit the gym.. But you know what.. If it will make me feel better, than I gotta pick my lazy butt up and JUST DO IT Prescription medicines have been refined over years and years of research, and are dispensed under the supervision of a doctor and a pharmicist, with your dosages carefully monitored, and usually used in conjuction with other therapies. They are perfectly safe, when you are being monitored and taking the correct dosage. Problems can be corrected, because someone is supporting you. If you have a bad reaction, a doctor can monitor your dose or prescribed an alternative. The fact that St John's Wort is available at the supermarket, with no regulation whatsoever, no one monitoring you taking it, how much you're taking, and what you're taking them with, means that they are the complete opposite of safe. It's ridiculous how people can just buy herbal medications with no regulations. Either the companies producing them are confident that they'll do nothing to help you (placebos), or the industry has gotten so out of control that it's beyond regulation. Use your head. You do not want to screw around with ANYTHING that modifies your brain chemistry, without proper supervision. In extreme cases, serotonin syndrome (too much of a SSRI - herbal or otherwise) can cause high blood pressure, hyperthermia, renal failure, shock, seizures and coma. THAT is why a doctor must monitor you. You cannot self-diagnose depression, and you cannot self-medicate and hope it goes away.
Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 This post will illicit some mixed responses. But here goes. For the stress: The medication Buspar. (THIS IS A NON-ADDICTIVE MEDICATION). For the appetite loss: Periactin or Megestrol (both easily acquired via doctor just like buspar). God bless and good luck. Neither are addictive, thus why I recommend them.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) This post will illicit some mixed responses. But here goes. For the stress: The medication Buspar. (THIS IS A NON-ADDICTIVE MEDICATION). For the appetite loss: Periactin or Megestrol (both easily acquired via doctor just like buspar). God bless and good luck. Neither are addictive, thus why I recommend them. Neither are SSRI's. Things like Xanax are, but that's a benzo - totally different class. Simple SSRI's (sertraline, fluoxetine) are not addictive. They do not create addiction, or foster it, they simply need to be started and ended gradually because you are adjusting the serotonin levels in your brain. St John's Wort is the same. I am not advocating that the OP take an SSRI, I am advocating that she does not take anything without speaking to a qualified physician first. Edited February 24, 2014 by pickflicker
Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yes flickr that is good advice, everyone should indeed consult a doctor before taking anything mind altering. That's why I am ok recommending those medications -- you need to see a doctor to get them.
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Don't worry about hijacking my thread with your issues.. LOL. You have issues, I have issues - so let's talk about them! I'm glad you had a good workout, and it sounds like you might get some sleep tonight - which is also good! I totally can relate to her throwing NC back in your face. She will look for something to use against you - even though she was the one who decided to leave!! That is just being selfish if she goes that route. She needs to understand that she broke your heart. You have to do whatever it takes to heal your heart. No Contact is a powerful start. Dont stress too much about finding someone in your part of town. I am 100% confident that you will meet someone who will completely take your mind off of your current ex.. My last big breakup before this current one (again I was the dumpee) was the longest relationship I have ever been in. We dated for almost 5 years, and also lived together. We moved across the country together too. She cheated on me less than 2 months of us moving to our new state... My heart was CRUSHED. I never thought I would get over her. It took a long time - but guess what.. I met someone who completely took my mind off of her.. Unfortunately, she is the reason I am now on this site! But my point is you will be ok. Someone will come into your life and you'll be happy again.. If you are ok with doing the Long Term stuff I say go for it! 1
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Where are you from my man? I don't have PM privileges yet but if you want to vent/talk my email is [email protected]. Seems we are experience similar things right now.
dontgiveuponme Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Im facing the same problem right now..Even though i got different issue because my ex,the dumper comes back and ask me for a 2nd chance after an affair!! Breakup happens 4 weeks ago and i have a breakdown.Depression,loss of appetite and lack of sleep...I even wake up at 2 or 3 am crying because of bad dreams.Multivitamins,Vitamin B and exercise helps me a bit. Im also drinking this soyamilk in hope it stops losing more weight but thats all i can do..my depression and lack of sleep still bad.
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Strengthen your mind! I also get weak very often. But don't let the person you loved define who you are now because of a decision they made on their own. Don't let them MAKE you be miserable! You deserve to be happy! Demand that you will do whatever it takes to find happiness without anyone else's help but yourself. It's easier said than done as I am very weak during the night and early mornings, but trust me.. we are more in control of our own happiness than we think we are.. 1
bubblesbursted Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Don't worry about hijacking my thread with your issues.. LOL. You have issues, I have issues - so let's talk about them! I'm glad you had a good workout, and it sounds like you might get some sleep tonight - which is also good! I totally can relate to her throwing NC back in your face. She will look for something to use against you - even though she was the one who decided to leave!! That is just being selfish if she goes that route. She needs to understand that she broke your heart. You have to do whatever it takes to heal your heart. No Contact is a powerful start. Dont stress too much about finding someone in your part of town. I am 100% confident that you will meet someone who will completely take your mind off of your current ex.. My last big breakup before this current one (again I was the dumpee) was the longest relationship I have ever been in. We dated for almost 5 years, and also lived together. We moved across the country together too. She cheated on me less than 2 months of us moving to our new state... My heart was CRUSHED. I never thought I would get over her. It took a long time - but guess what.. I met someone who completely took my mind off of her.. Unfortunately, she is the reason I am now on this site! But my point is you will be ok. Someone will come into your life and you'll be happy again.. If you are ok with doing the Long Term stuff I say go for it! Hey hey I hope you are feeling okay? I am sorry about whatever happened like I said , Whoever the hell she was with cant match upto you ! Remember you are an amazing person? And can I just say the same thing for you? I am 100% confident that you will meet someone who will completely take your mind off of your current ex.
Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 MixedMinh, I too, lost about 10lbs of muscle mass in about 30-40 days and that's on a 178lb frame. I know it was muscle and not fat, because I could see the skin on my arms and forearms start to wrinkle. People have also noticed that I've lost weight in my face. I'm not a trainer, like you, but up until Dec 4th (D-Day and Divorce discussion) I was in the gym daily. Really sucks, too, because I was starting to blast past a rather long plateau and starting to make some awesome gains. Damn, starting over sucks and I'm so friggin weak compared to where I was 3 months ago! So all of this to just let you know, I'm right there with you bro! Just don't do what I did Friday....I overdosed on Caffeine. OMG! I had about 6 cups during the morning and then was offered a pre-workout powder right before I started lifting at 12 noon. Two scoops of some potent stuff and I wasn't even thinking about the caffeine levels. I started feeling my heart race and started sweating about 20 minutes in. Then I started getting nauseous and had to leave. I came back to my office and googled "caffeine overdose" and sure enough, I had all the symptoms. So I managed to get home. It took about 5 hours to subside, but with everything else going on and my constant high stress levels, I actually got a little concerned. I have a blood pressure cuff and my first test said 178/108 with pulse at 112! Holy crap!
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Tripz, I was around 176, then dropped to 166. I am putting some of that muscle back on right now. I'm weighing around 168-169. I'm skinnier than before, my abs seem to show more(yay) but I've lost a bit of size/strength. I'm happy I'm on my road to recovery both mentally and physically. I'm not a fan of stimulants.. I take a pre-workout certain days that I'm dragging, but I try not to mess with my CNS too much. Hope you can recover as well bro.. glad to help if you need it.
Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Looks like we are right at the same weight. I have noticed a little off the gut, as well, but abs, as you know, come from eating the right foods. I'm just not that disciplined yet. I'm mostly disgusted with my chest and arms. Had just broke the 16" barrier (pre-workout) on both arms and now they are back to 14". It's just so hard to eat. It literally took me 3 hours, nibbling at a sandwich the other day, to eat the whole thing. I am sleeping well again, though, which is one of those really important things that I've never had issues with before. The first 30 days into this crap, I could hardly sleep 2 hours without waking up and that was after lying there for hours. Getting good rest was key for me to be able to deal with the rest of the stress and problem this has caused. But, 90 days into now and I'm slowly coming to terms with it and am finding peace at last. I was together with her for 25 years, so I imagine that has played a bit into it, too. Just like not knowing how to date anymore, I'm also a novice on breakups. Never too old to learn I suppose! I'm heading into the gym in about 30 minutes, so I'll let you know how my chest workout goes! Keep on, keeping on, brother!
MixedMinh Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Nice! You are doing a great job. Today is chest/triceps for me as well. 25 years with someone? I'd call that a success. Don't think you SHOULD know how to date or how to handle break-ups. I'm a bit envious of you! You must be really special to have kept something that meaningful for that long. Look at it positively! Sleep is real tough for me -- I have been going to sleep between 3 and 7 AM due to anxiety/insomnia. We will fight through this together!
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