Hornylildevil Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Since I feel that way with my current "friend", I thought this would be the perfect place to pose this question. What signs have you got and what vibes have you got that you are being played and used? I'll start; one CANNOT be so busy with work, school, kids, too sick, etc. to at LEAST say "good morning" and "good night", it only takes a few minutes to do so. When it turns into days, something is amiss. Thoughts?
SYLLPalmer Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Relationship background? Age of kids etc, etc. Career details.
mammasita Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I agree to a point.....some people have different communication styles and that comes with getting to know someone......but yes, if someone is into you they will find time no matter what. 2
Tayken Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Something married people don't do more of either.....every relationship should have "date nights", and there should be daily "little notes" to each other via text, email, phone call to say.....just thinking of you, hope your day is going well, can't wait to see you, don't work too hard etc it takes a flippin' minute 2
pickflicker Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Since I feel that way with my current "friend", I thought this would be the perfect place to pose this question. What signs have you got and what vibes have you got that you are being played and used? I'll start; one CANNOT be so busy with work, school, kids, too sick, etc. to at LEAST say "good morning" and "good night", it only takes a few minutes to do so. When it turns into days, something is amiss. Thoughts? Do you need someone to say good morning and goodnight to you every morning? When living together, or spending multiple nights together, maybe, by why is this necessary while dating? And how is not doing it a sign that you're being used? 3
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Relationship background? Age of kids etc, etc. Career details. We've been seeing each other for almost two months. Her son is 5, her daughter is 17. She goes to school almost full-time and works as a waitress and says she has worked a lot more than usual because of a lot of employee theft. Thanks for asking but I really wasn't trying to make this about me, I just thought it may be an interesting subject. BTW, she has apologized for being distant and has asked for me to stay friends and to be patient with her, that her life isn't always so hectic. But I have my suspicions. I'm rather suspicious by nature anyway, not just because of a cheating, lying ex-GF years ago but because of a rather crappy childhood. I do have trust issues but especially when given reason not to trust!
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Do you need someone to say good morning and goodnight to you every morning? When living together, or spending multiple nights together, maybe, by why is this necessary while dating? And how is not doing it a sign that you're being used? I get your point BUT when you're spending multiple nights and especially when living together, do you really need to communicate everyday? You'll see them later the same day or at least in a couple days. Besides, in my case, there is of course more to the story. I really just thought this would be an interesting thread, I didn't intend on making this about myself, really, though I appreciate the advice.
pickflicker Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I get your point BUT when you're spending multiple nights and especially when living together, do you really need to communicate everyday? You'll see them later the same day or at least in a couple days. Besides, in my case, there is of course more to the story. I really just thought this would be an interesting thread, I didn't intend on making this about myself, really, though I appreciate the advice. But when you're spending multiple nights and living together you ARE communicating every day. If a day goes by without hearing from they guy you're just dating, is it really that bad?
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 But when you're spending multiple nights and living together you ARE communicating every day. If a day goes by without hearing from they guy you're just dating, is it really that bad? Maybe I'm confused. If you are living together, you shouldn't NEED to hear from someone everyday but it sure feels nice feeling wanted and thought of, right? When you are just starting to date and are at LEAST exclusive enough to commit to not having sex with others, shouldn't they try to stay in touch every day, just for a few minutes? I don't THINK I'm insecure, my lady friends also think there should be daily communication, at least when starting a new relationship. After a while, you get settled in and don't need it as much. But when you're first getting to know someone, I think a couple should keep up a certain level of interest.
pickflicker Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Maybe I'm confused. If you are living together, you shouldn't NEED to hear from someone everyday but it sure feels nice feeling wanted and thought of, right? When you are just starting to date and are at LEAST exclusive enough to commit to not having sex with others, shouldn't they try to stay in touch every day, just for a few minutes? I don't THINK I'm insecure, my lady friends also think there should be daily communication, at least when starting a new relationship. After a while, you get settled in and don't need it as much. But when you're first getting to know someone, I think a couple should keep up a certain level of interest. I think if 2 people are confident and independent, they shouldn't need daily communication. I don't think there's anything real meaningful in someone consistently messaging 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' to you. It just sounds like another chore to tick off during the day I'd rather they messaged me because they were thinking about me. But this doesn't ultimately answer the question - if a guy or girl is not contacting you every day, he/she is playing you? I would think if a guy/girl was consistently flaking on plans would be a sign that they were playing - or at the very least, were juggling more than one person. But people get busy, have lives, have things to do. Communication shouldn't slow down as a relationship progresses, it should increase. I think you have it backwards.
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I think if 2 people are confident and independent, they shouldn't need daily communication. I don't think there's anything real meaningful in someone consistently messaging 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' to you. It just sounds like another chore to tick off during the day I'd rather they messaged me because they were thinking about me. But this doesn't ultimately answer the question - if a guy or girl is not contacting you every day, he/she is playing you? I would think if a guy/girl was consistently flaking on plans would be a sign that they were playing - or at the very least, were juggling more than one person. But people get busy, have lives, have things to do. Communication shouldn't slow down as a relationship progresses, it should increase. I think you have it backwards. But that's my point! Again, this wasn't intended to be about my sorry plight and there IS more to MY story, I just wanted to get peoples signs they're being played. Now, as to your point. Aren't we saying the same thing? We've seen each other for almost two months. For the past 2 weeks + it has been flakiness galore for communication. We do live 45 minutes away, she has a son, 5, and a daughter that has more issues than NatGeo. Do I really want to involve myself with her, having a daughter that is seriously screwed-up is another thread. She has ONE day to herself a week. Well, two. But I'm trying to not be clingy or demanding. She does go to school almost full-time so what kind of jerk would I have to be to demand she be with me when she doesn't have her kid(s) (her daughter is rarely home, she says). Is it too much to ask to say hi and goodnight? 20 minutes a day, max!
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 But that's my point! Again, this wasn't intended to be about my sorry plight and there IS more to MY story, I just wanted to get peoples signs they're being played. Now, as to your point. Aren't we saying the same thing? We've seen each other for almost two months. For the past 2 weeks + it has been flakiness galore for communication. We do live 45 minutes away, she has a son, 5, and a daughter that has more issues than NatGeo. Do I really want to involve myself with her, having a daughter that is seriously screwed-up is another thread. She has ONE day to herself a week. Well, two. But I'm trying to not be clingy or demanding. She does go to school almost full-time so what kind of jerk would I have to be to demand she be with me when she doesn't have her kid(s) (her daughter is rarely home, she says). Is it too much to ask to say hi and goodnight? 20 minutes a day, max! 2 months? Jesus. That's barely dating. Look, you'll find that people are a lot more willing to communicate when you give them the space to miss you, and think about you. Demanding 20 mins of contact a night from the get go - seriously, how is the person supposed to miss you? How are you supposed to do anything interesting to talk about?
Roselyn Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Flaking is a big sign. A guy invited me for lunch, invited me to hang with him and his friends, and then bailed the next time we were supposed to see each other. I did not waste anymore of my time afterwards.
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 2 months? Jesus. That's barely dating. Look, you'll find that people are a lot more willing to communicate when you give them the space to miss you, and think about you. Demanding 20 mins of contact a night from the get go - seriously, how is the person supposed to miss you? How are you supposed to do anything interesting to talk about? Yeah. I cannot disagree with you. And yes, I do have trust issues, IF I'm given cause to. Again, there's more to my story than I'm letting on because I meant for this to NOT be about me, just about signs, lol! Thanks and I know you're right.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 But that's my point! Again, this wasn't intended to be about my sorry plight and there IS more to MY story, I just wanted to get peoples signs they're being played. Now, as to your point. Aren't we saying the same thing? We've seen each other for almost two months. For the past 2 weeks + it has been flakiness galore for communication. We do live 45 minutes away, she has a son, 5, and a daughter that has more issues than NatGeo. Do I really want to involve myself with her, having a daughter that is seriously screwed-up is another thread. She has ONE day to herself a week. Well, two. But I'm trying to not be clingy or demanding. She does go to school almost full-time so what kind of jerk would I have to be to demand she be with me when she doesn't have her kid(s) (her daughter is rarely home, she says). Is it too much to ask to say hi and goodnight? 20 minutes a day, max! Usually when people get flaky they're just not that into you anymore. Nothing you can do to change that, unfortunately. If she really liked you you wouldn't have to demand she be with you on her days off from the kids and the studying, she would be DESPERATE to be with you and make it happen. 20 minutes total of texting per day is not too much to ask, I mean I know I've mentioned it before on the board and I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to brag about my working life because it's not forever but I worked five months of 70 hour 7/days a week shifts last year and I'm doing the same again this year commencing the start of April (study, placement, job, voluntary work... and of course friends on top!) and I made space for a relationship to blossom. You can send a text while you're peeing and you do that several times a day. She sounds like too much hassle and drama.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah. I cannot disagree with you. And yes, I do have trust issues, IF I'm given cause to. Again, there's more to my story than I'm letting on because I meant for this to NOT be about me, just about signs, lol! Thanks and I know you're right. Not being prompt on the communication doesn't always mean that they are untrustworthy. Some people are busy. Particularly single parents! All you can do is let the other person know that you support them, and then let them come to you in their own time. In the meantime, live your life. Dating takes patience.
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Another thing; because of her schedule, we may not be able to do things together for some time, which I accepted. She is very ambitious and very hard-working, which I always respect and admire. And BTW, 3 of my 4 LTR's were LDR. The one that wasn't, she cheated on me! My wife and I were LDR until she came here from the Philippines and THAT was one woman EVERY man should want in their life! Another looked me up after 25 years when we went to HS together. My last LTR/ LDR I trusted but she didn't trust me and I DON'T cheat.
pickflicker Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Another thing; because of her schedule, we may not be able to do things together for some time, which I accepted. She is very ambitious and very hard-working, which I always respect and admire. And BTW, 3 of my 4 LTR's were LDR. The one that wasn't, she cheated on me! My wife and I were LDR until she came here from the Philippines and THAT was one woman EVERY man should want in their life! Another looked me up after 25 years when we went to HS together. My last LTR/ LDR I trusted but she didn't trust me and I DON'T cheat. Maybe you should think about dating more available people.
Author Hornylildevil Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Maybe you should think about dating more available people. Again, you're right, dating takes patience. And yes, maybe I should. But we already committed to not having sex with anyone else (her suggestion, I heartily agreed) and we do get along quite well. You know how difficult it is to meet someone you can talk with for hours. I guess after a month of us doing that, emailing and talking everyday, I got spoiled.
MissBee Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 But when you're spending multiple nights and living together you ARE communicating every day. If a day goes by without hearing from they guy you're just dating, is it really that bad? I get what Hornylildevil is saying. In dating things are still not stable and sometimes people need more contact to be secure that the person is into them and to know that things are progressing. If you live at my house, it's clear we're established so I don't need you to text me daily as I see you morning, noon and night. If I don't see you everyday then speaking to you daily or hearing from you is a lot more important and helps to build security. I think it's simply about the stage in the relationship. There is the very beginning where no, I don't need daily contact, but then it switches to where we've been seeing each other frequently enough and we're on that thin ice of building something and being exclusive and I need a lot more feedback to know what's up, then it evens out when we're established and secure and I go back to needing less daily messages as other things supplement it (like simply more face time/sleep overs etc) and I KNOW where we stand now.
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