MoooOinkBaaa Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It's been over five months now and I'm starting to calm down. I don't feel angry as much. I want to feel angry again because at that point I felt unstoppable and felt happier. Now I just feel like this is it, the rides over go back to my day to day crap. I still feel a little angry but I feel....disappointment. I feel like I'm on a downer. Is this the end of the emotional rollercoaster ride?
erklat Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Yeah I feel the same. There will be low days. I feel like I have reached the point where I think wistfully about our past. The pain and panic have subsided. I think that communication with her would no longer be a threat to my emotional well being. That is the point of NC. It took five months for me too. Nearly the double of how long we saw each other. I am in a good place in nearly all aspects of life. Reconciliation would most likely be possible if we start communicating with each other I found myself during this period. And I found I don't want just any companionship, touch etc whatever goes with a romantic relationship. I want hers... You will know, it is a good place to be in NC when you know you're a bigger person now.
BC1980 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I think it's different for everyone. My anger was intermittent. I would get super angry for days at a time or even hours at a time, but I would calm down pretty quickly. I haven't dealt with a great deal of unabated anger. I'm always amazed at this roller coaster. Around the holidays, I sunk into my lowest depression when I hit the acceptance stage. I have read that is common, to experience another wave of depression at the end. I truly don't know if you "get over" a loss. Maybe it just begins to have less and less relevance to your life.
BC1980 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Is this the end of the emotional rollercoaster ride? I've been doing better than ever for the past month, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like I'm playing defense. I hope it only goes up from here, but I don't know at this point.
Itspointless Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 This question made me remember an old post and my answer. Oh, and that line, time heals all wounds - well, what if it doesn't? I'm really afraid I will always feel this way. It could end up for some people that they never find a new love and can't forget the old one. It does. Just sometimes the wound will itch and all the sensations that come with an itch will be there: don't scratch to hard. At other times it will propel you to tell stories that will make you smile. It will become an image you get used to as a part of you, or better said it will become part of your life-story. Just do not expect a quick fix, things like these cant be fixed that way if the person we are grieving about does not come back in our lives, and even than. These things will become part of us just like a scar does. In fact we wouldn't be the same person without these memories. Remember the scar for the pain where untouched skin had been before and for the joy that your skin was able to heal as well as it could. In my experience this is how life goes on.
Never Again Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 You'll have motivation from within as you settle out. The anger phase is like a sugar high - it gets you revved up, but the crash is pretty gnarly. That, and the stages of grief aren't linear - sadness and being a downer right now might just be part of your progression. I wouldn't try to hang onto the anger phase. It's nice and all, but it's fueled entirely by holding onto the past...but remembering how you were wronged and how much the other person infuriates you. Holding onto a grudge like that is toxic, even if it provides forward momentum. Life is too short to be spent nursing animosity or registering wrongs. Here, have Rafiki. 1
Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 It took me almost a full 90 days to even get to the angry phase, if I can even call it that. I was so in shock of the reality that I not only lost my wife of 25 years, but that she had been in a long term relationship with a friend and I didn't even know it. All my friends and family couldn't believe I wasn't angry, but I simply just didn't feel that emotion. Then, early last week, a lot of pent up feelings of anger started to emerge. That was NOT good. Some of the thoughts I had were so completely evil that it shocked me. Through those anger emotions, I just kept thinking about my son. Every time I felt the anger begin to boil, I'd just picture my son and how any actions on my part would affect him. It helped. Now, I no longer feel those angry feelings and I'm glad. I do not like them, nor do I really think they are healthy. Normal, certainly, but I realized quickly that they do or did not help me move through the healing process faster. Personally, I would not be wishing to keep them (angry thoughts), but everyone is different. I am simply choosing to think of my ex and the good times we had, not the bad, because even though I disagree with how we ended this (Sooo many loose ends and questions left unanswered), the vast majority of our very long term relationship was wonderful. Aside from how she is now and how she's been the past few years, she's really a wonderful woman and mother. I choose to not taint her overall memory with her current sins. She alone will have to deal with her own actions. But, that's how I'm learning to cope with this. I have too many responsibilities to allow myself to get too caught up in revengeful or vengeful attitudes.
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