lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 my gf and I of 2 years BU, we had been off again and on again. Mostly because I wanted more and she wasn't ready. Meaning when we started dating within 3 months I wanted to be a couple she didn't. So we split for a month. She came back saying she missed me and wanted to date again. So we did. When I asked to be a couple again we began arguing again. We had a nasty fight to which she deleted me from everything. A few days go by and we talk and patch it up. During the talk I told her I did not like how she treats me with the push/pull. She finally came clean and said she was not ready because she was focused on work and not ready to be in a relationship and she still had some feelings for her ex. I then told her we need to slow down and she needs to work through those feelings before dealing with me. So I started dating others and she and took it slow. One night we got into another huge fight (alcohol induced).and we ended again. I thought for sure we were done. So I began to move on. 3 months go by and she starts texting me again. I this time ignored her text and didn't respond. Then she showed up to my house unannounced. I had another girl there. The other girl left, and she and I met and talked all night. This talk I told her I can not do this anymore and that I need to be left alone because she can not play with my heart like this. She said to me she had 3 months to think and process things and she could only think about me and how I treat her and she does not want to lose that and she would like us to focus on us. I told her she will have to prove this to me and I needed time to think about it. She started to make an effort. Then 3 months later she came to me and said "thank you for never giving up on me and I love you and want you to be my boyfriend". I was so happy and everything was smooth. We took trips and the whole 9. We still had our ups and downs. In October of 2013 she she got a promotion for work and had to move 500miles away. I threw her a surprise going away party with all her close friends there. I also bought us a trip to an island to celebrate. I then threw her a private one on one party where I changed my house into a bistro with rose petals on the floor. She loved it. A few other things I've done. Took her on her first trip to Canada, her first trip to an island. She has never had a surprise party thrown for her. I gave her countless firsts apple picking, circus just to name a few. And she said she has never been treated so well by any man, and she loves how I make her feel. She always said to me thank you for letting me be me and supporting my dreams and loving me for me, and she loves me (her actions supported and backed up her words). She has been there for me as well, supporting me at work, when I was in the hhospital, taking care of my dog, inviting me to all work events. Surprising me with gifts, and listening when I need a shoulder to lean on. In December (2013) she moved to her new location. We talked every night all night and still watch our favorite tv shows together via skype or on the phone. I sent her surprise things for her house and flowers. She sends me love notes. I went down to see her 3 weeks after she moved for 2 weeks spent Christmas and new years with her. We had a tiff while I was there. Now the core of our arguing she feels i may resent her later because she is driven by her career and not sure if she will want kids or ever get married. I have always supported her drive and never made mention of having kids anytime soon. I have mentioned to her that oneday I may want to get married (I grew up in a home where my parents have been married 48 years, and she grew up with an alcoholic mom who let her do whatever and her dad was never around). I only stated that I'd love to live together when she was ready. She said to me before her move she was looking at large apartments just in case I do move there. She does make statements such as "babe when we get married and have kids...." I went to visit her again 2 weeks later from (1/16-1/21/14)and we had a blast. I was set to go visit her again (2/13-2/18/14) for V day. Well two weeks ago she was at work and text me "baby i cant wait for you to come see me". That night she went out and was drinking, while out she was texting me smiley faces an d kiss faces, "I LOVE YOU" ETC.... she then called me and she was intoxicated and she was saying "baby I love you" "I miss you" "I can't wait to see you" "you should come see me now". I started to pack to go. While packing (while on the phone with her) she said she had been thinking about us today and she thought about how much i love her and how i always show her. She then said that she is trying to catch up to me with her love and she wants to love me equally the same. she flipped and started cussing me out. Then hung up on me. Called back crying and said she was done and she didn't want to do this anymore. The next day I didn't hear from her. So I sent a simple text to see what the hell was going on. She then Text me and said we need to talk. So I called. She was silent for 5 minutes when I said hello. I then spoke up and said it sounds like you want to end things but you won't say it. We talked for about 45 minutes. And I asked her do you want to end things? she said "no" I said do you want a relationship? she said "yes" I said do you want a relationship with me? she said "yes" I said well let's take it one day at a time,and by the end of the conversation she said I need time to think and I love you. So I hung up. The next day I hopped on a plane unannounced to see her and talk (I did this because during our conversation she said that the distance scared her and I told her the distance didn't mean anything and I can be there whenever she needed). When I arrived she was shocked and was not ready to talk. That night we cuddled all night and she held me tight, all night. I left the next day and gave her space, when I was leaving her apartment she still had all our pictures up and the letters I sent hanging on her chart. She then emails me 5 days later saying "when you came to my house unannounced 500miles away I realized I want to be in love with someone the way you are with me. I have been trying for 2 years to get those feelings and they have not come. I am thankful for you teaching me how to communicate and being patient with me. I don't want to do this but it is not easy to stay nor easy to leave". But its time to let go. Then she called me and was crying and saying that she is hurt, but she doesn't know what to do so she feels this is best. That was it.... Since the break up she has been on FB and Instagram daily but has not deleted me nor our pics. I am lost and in shock and confused please help.
pepperpot2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Sorry to hear this. I would just let her go and do NC. Let her face up to not having you around. You sound like a lovely guy and know how to treat a girl. Just disappear and see where it goes. You seem as though you are her safety net.
Author lvroflife Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 was doing NC for 2 weeks since the night we split.. I took a trip to Vegas where I am right now... She went on my FB last night and liked a picture I put up 5 days ago, Then 3 hours later she sends me a text, saying "Happy you made it Vegas!!! Enjoy". Why would she do that?
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 was doing NC for 2 weeks since the night we split.. I took a trip to Vegas where I am right now... She went on my FB last night and liked a picture I put up 5 days ago, Then 3 hours later she sends me a text, saying "Happy you made it Vegas!!! Enjoy". Why would she do that? That's why I deleted her FB. I didn't want that BC to show up and give a false sense of hope.
pepperpot2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 My ex has done 8 months NC with me after an 8 year relationship. Enjoy your holiday. You never know who you will meet. It's hard but leave her to it.
JunkYardDog Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Sorry for your pain lvr. You are a good man. One thing about these forums and asking what to do is that there is no magic pill. No one knows your heart, her heart, your relationship the way you both do. We are all here asking for answers and giving them at the same time. Personally, I dont do FB. I dont think highly of it, especially in troubled times during a R. It just causes an opportunity for more pain than anything. The truth is no one knows if you, or anyone else here will be together again. Theres so many variables and the only thing we truly have right now is NOW. I feel for you, my heart is a wreck too but you have always reached out to me in my short stay here. All I can say is do what your heart feels is right and expect the worst, that way when something different than that happens you will be prepared. Sometimes so much damage has been done its just easier and best if you pick up the pieces and heal. That being said, no one ever won anything quitting. I dunno bro, all I can say is I feel for you, be strong and whatever happens, happens. 2
Author lvroflife Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks JYD... I am not going to reach out to her.. I was upset she reached out to me with that half a55 text... I am healing myself I know I treated her well and did all I can to show her what a life with me would be like. So I need to stay confident in that.
Virgil876 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Funny that my ex deleted me on facebook after I've untagged and aet as "not shown on timeline", I do believe behaviours on facebook can mean a lot but your mileage may vary.
WYSWYG Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks JYD... I am not going to reach out to her.. I was upset she reached out to me with that half a55 text... I am healing myself I know I treated her well and did all I can to show her what a life with me would be like. So I need to stay confident in that. You treated her well. She seems indecisive but I feel her upbringing might have something to do w/ her issues. You seem very strong dealing with this. Yet I know it's hard to walk away. If you stay NC, she might realize where she stands and what she's missing. AFAIK, peoples core traits is hard to change (thanks, Oracle). You might go thru the same cycle over and over again. I wish I have a better answer to your question. Perhaps you'll meet another and move on. Stay strong, bro. 1
Heroeric Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Sounds like she doesnt know what she feels or thinks right now, well for awhile as it appears. But some people are like that, I've had a long term relationship end sorta similar to this, it's really really crappy when the ex comes out like that it almost makes you question where you could have went wrong. But the truth is she has alot of learning to do. Go NC and try to push forward, it's possible way later in the future she will see and learn what she needs to, but she just isn't ready yet.
Author lvroflife Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I have been questioning daily. And have been say "if I done this or if I didn't do that etc..."
David87 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Block her on FB, because it will do you more harm than good. Trust me.
WYSWYG Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 AFAIK people? AFAIK = acronym for "As Far As I Know".
Heroeric Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Try not to ask yourself where you went wrong, it took me a few months but I finally realized it wasn't me back when I was going through my break up. The sad thing is some people can be so so lovey and then become so cold, honestly I'm not sure what causes someone to do that but that's her issue. I don't think it's that she couldn't love you, but the fact that she can't really love anyone for an extended period of time right now. Perhaps trust issues steaming from childhood, who knows. But right now it's up to her to make her own path. 1
Author lvroflife Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Thank you Heroeric. And your points hit home. I am letting her be alone and figure it out.
JunkYardDog Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 The one thing that I try to remind myself of is asking would you ever do what they did to them. We all know the answer is no, thats why we are here. Why love and hold onto someone who doesnt love you like you do them for whatever reason? Its hard, man, so hard...but its the one thing that puts it all in perspective and it is what fuels NC. We dont deserve that, no one does. We deserve and have the right to be loved for who we are not for who we arent. Oh and that grass that they think is greener? Well, its really a mirage. Its a dirt lot and that nice stream flowing through it is just shards of broken glass. There is no such thing as greener grass, no such thing as no problems. 2
Author lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 I dont think this was a case of GIGS (Then again I could be wrong). And because I love her so much I would work anything out with her (except infidelity or financial lies). I am learning that this is true love, as even though I hurt so much I am not being selfish and trying to get my way, but am doing me with hopes of her finding happiness and knowing I will find happiness whether she come back or not.. Since the BU 3 weeks ago: Week 1: cried ALOT-Lost about 12 lbs, stopped eating didn't sleep at home and felt lost, was miserable Week2:forced myself to go to work, stayed at my house (Although only slept on my couch) signed up for kickboxing, started spending time with family more, evaluated the rlationship, took a sponatenous trip. Read a lot of articles and books, allowe dmy feelings to take control let them do what they are suppose to do and cried, cried, cried. She sent me breadcrumbs on during this week. WEEK3: started Kickboxing classes and it was great, appetite is back so I am eating regularly, started jogging and workingout HARD. Started playing basketball again, Gained some of the weight back and am doing more exercises to get in shape. Worked more, cried less, the urges to reach out to her are still STRONG I do not cave in. You definitely have to force yourself...I pray a lot so that has helped too... i ALSO LOOK IN THE MIRROR DAILY AND SAY WITH A SMILE "EVERYTHING WILL BE OK" 1
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