battlehard Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Hi guys Do any of you dumpees feel this frustration? I'm 5 months post break up, fully NC and by all accounts I'm pretty sure I'm doing everything right to move on and be happy. I go out, I have fun, I try to keep myself busy, I laugh, I don't lie to myself that everything is fine all the time, I don't really have any false hope of her coming back. I've even finally taken her off the pedestal we all love to place our exes on if we get dumped. I can now see her faults again, I know she's not an angel and I know there are great girls out there. However... I just can't get myself to stop missing her, to stop wanting her and to stop feeling that sinking dark cloud feeling that pretty much has the final say in everything I do. I can have a great day with great people but when I go to bed it's her that I think of. It's really really frustrating. Why am I letting someone who I know isn't the greatest thing to ever live do this to me? It really does just frustrate me that I can't kick this. People told me I'd feel better fairly soon but to be honest other than the initial progress I made I've been completely stuck for a long time and it's starting to get to me now. Do you feel that frustration at yourself?
somecamel Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Hi guys Do any of you dumpees feel this frustration? I'm 5 months post break up, fully NC and by all accounts I'm pretty sure I'm doing everything right to move on and be happy. I go out, I have fun, I try to keep myself busy, I laugh, I don't lie to myself that everything is fine all the time, I don't really have any false hope of her coming back. I've even finally taken her off the pedestal we all love to place our exes on if we get dumped. I can now see her faults again, I know she's not an angel and I know there are great girls out there. However... I just can't get myself to stop missing her, to stop wanting her and to stop feeling that sinking dark cloud feeling that pretty much has the final say in everything I do. I can have a great day with great people but when I go to bed it's her that I think of. It's really really frustrating. Why am I letting someone who I know isn't the greatest thing to ever live do this to me? It really does just frustrate me that I can't kick this. People told me I'd feel better fairly soon but to be honest other than the initial progress I made I've been completely stuck for a long time and it's starting to get to me now. Do you feel that frustration at yourself? How long were you with her for? The age old rule is that it's the time together halved is the time it will take you to get over them.
Author battlehard Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 1.5 years. Maybe I am being impatient but it's more the lack of any progress than the fact I'm not fully over her. Doing everything I can but just standing still.
somecamel Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 1.5 years. Maybe I am being impatient but it's more the lack of any progress than the fact I'm not fully over her. Doing everything I can but just standing still. I suppose it all depends on how intense the relationship was, 5 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, I bet it's better now than what it was when you first split?
Author battlehard Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I haven't yet, no. I'm open to the idea and maybe that would be the big step I need to heal. I just really really want this feeling to be gone!
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I haven't yet, no. I'm open to the idea and maybe that would be the big step I need to heal. I just really really want this feeling to be gone! From my own experience, the only way to get over a woman, is to get on somebody else.
Author battlehard Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 From my own experience, the only way to get over a woman, is to get on somebody else. I hope you're right man, if that doesn't do it I'll be absolutely lost. Thanks for the help.
somecamel Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I hope you're right man, if that doesn't do it I'll be absolutely lost. Thanks for the help. Get yourself onto some online dating sites just to have a look, I don't know where in the world you are but there are plenty out there, check out Tinder on Iphone and android. I think you need to get some self confidence back my friend
Musing Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 From my own experience, the only way to get over a woman, is to get on somebody else. Tread lightly on this. This is exactly how my codependency issues started. Going from one, to another, to another made me lose myself in the process and stunted my emotional growth. I got into a nasty habit and essentially turned humans into band-aids...it all made me reliant on being in a relationship, which enabled me to make very unhealthy choices. It's a slippery slope. So be careful. What I have been doing is, whenever I get frustrated over missing my ex, is that I focus on myself. Cliche but so true. What is it about me that is different from my ex? I concentrate on that. In what ways am I superior than my ex? I focus on that. What things do I like that my ex didn't? I focus on those. And so on. Realizing exs are human and taking them off the pedestal is the first part of the equation. It's simply the first step. It'll take time but self reflection and soul searching does so many wonders.
somecamel Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Tread lightly on this. This is exactly how my codependency issues started. Going from one, to another, to another made me lose myself in the process and stunted my emotional growth. I got into a nasty habit and essentially turned humans into band-aids...it all made me reliant on being in a relationship, which enabled me to make very unhealthy choices. It's a slippery slope. So be careful. What I have been doing is, whenever I get frustrated over missing my ex, is that I focus on myself. Cliche but so true. What is it about me that is different from my ex? I concentrate on that. In what ways am I superior than my ex? I focus on that. What things do I like that my ex didn't? I focus on those. And so on. Realizing exs are human and taking them off the pedestal is the first part of the equation. It's simply the first step. It'll take time but self reflection and soul searching does so many wonders. I ran straight into dating within a few weeks, albeit my situation was slightly different. The dates were a disaster but did I learn from then, definitely. He's been 5 months split, as long as you have enough self respect in yourself go for it, when was the last time you got dressed up? Sorted out your hair, sprayed some nice aftershave on?
Author battlehard Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 He's been 5 months split, as long as you have enough self respect in yourself go for it, when was the last time you got dressed up? Sorted out your hair, sprayed some nice aftershave on? Most weekends! That's my problem here, I'm doing it all, I'm out there, I laugh, I have fun, I try my very best not to sit around feeling sorry for myself. At the end of each day and at the start of the next I wish I still had her and it doesn't seem like that's fading even slightly. In previous heartbreaks I recovered pretty fast, nothing has felt like this before. Guess I'll just have to deal with it.
deathandtaxes Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 From my own experience, the only way to get over a woman, is to get on somebody else. Haha! I heard it was to get UNDER somebody else!!
OzHeartache Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 This x2 ! I did the same, ive allowed my self to fall deep for these last couple of women and although the relationships were pretty good, the last 2 dumped me with the "Its just not happening / not feeling the spark" lines Its a massive blow to the ego especially when you are doing all you can (probably too much). I've had to stop and try and realise why I let myself get sooooo down....... I need time on my own (even though im definatley happier in a relationship and having someone to share my life with ) Also had a 1 night stand on Sat............... Definatley didn't help get over the ex Tread lightly on this. This is exactly how my codependency issues started. Going from one, to another, to another made me lose myself in the process and stunted my emotional growth. I got into a nasty habit and essentially turned humans into band-aids...it all made me reliant on being in a relationship, which enabled me to make very unhealthy choices. It's a slippery slope. So be careful.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Tread lightly on this. This is exactly how my codependency issues started. Going from one, to another, to another made me lose myself in the process and stunted my emotional growth. I got into a nasty habit and essentially turned humans into band-aids...it all made me reliant on being in a relationship, which enabled me to make very unhealthy choices. It's a slippery slope. So be careful. What I have been doing is, whenever I get frustrated over missing my ex, is that I focus on myself. Cliche but so true. What is it about me that is different from my ex? I concentrate on that. In what ways am I superior than my ex? I focus on that. What things do I like that my ex didn't? I focus on those. And so on. Realizing exs are human and taking them off the pedestal is the first part of the equation. It's simply the first step. It'll take time but self reflection and soul searching does so many wonders. I think the primary factor is how long it's been since the break up. You do need time to cope and heal, focus on yourself, be single, and all that stuff. Though once you've reached that point, I believe moving on to a new person is essential to letting go of feelings for ones ex. I've been single for nearly three months, was with her for six, and I know that if I don't move on to a new girl, I could end up missing and crying about her for another three months. The hard part is not to move on when it's too soon, and avoid a rebound. Haha! I heard it was to get UNDER somebody else!! Heh, however you prefer it
deathandtaxes Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It's a pun. How do you get OVER somebody? You get UNDER someone else! Anyways, I don't think it helps all that much. It can especially compound problems if you're not careful. It is a nice distraction, though.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It's a pun. How do you get OVER somebody? You get UNDER someone else! Anyways, I don't think it helps all that much. It can especially compound problems if you're not careful. It is a nice distraction, though. And that joke went over, sorry, under your head Just to make it clear, I'm a guy, and most of the time I have sex, I'm on top. Hence, "get on somebody else."I purposely did not "use under someone else" for that reason. 1
Author battlehard Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Hi guys, I really wish the best for anyone looking at this forum cause I know you must be struggling like me and it's torture. I'm 5 months post break up, 3 months NC. I improved a fair amount, not to the stage where I was normal but I was definitely better. Recently, however, I've plummeted. I haven't changed what I've been doing, I'm going out just as much, I'm socialising just as much, I'm doing everything people tell me to do and more. I really don't know why but suddenly BOOM I'm back to the week after it happened and I'm absolutely clueless and desperate . Any advice for this unexpected fall back down there?
Strength in Healing Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 This topic is realness instead of other topics sometimes where people think they're better way before they are. Like people who have been NC for a week lol. I feel for you. My ex fiance of 4 years broke up with me for another guy this month at the beginning. The nights aren't bad, but the mornings are hell because of dreams. I am thinking your plummet ALL has to do with what you dreamt about that day. I feel bad when I see people making topics saying they feel better after such a short time. It's a roller coaster. You're experiencing the real process. God bless
Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 How long were you with her for? The age old rule is that it's the time together halved is the time it will take you to get over them. If that's true, then I've still got 12 years, 2 months to be fully recovered. I guess I'd better get a larger bottle!
deathandtaxes Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 It really just depends on what you felt and how they impacted you. I dated this lady last summer for about three and a half months. It ended back in September. I was head over heels for her. I am pretty much over her now, but it's taken until now to realize it. And firm NC helped a lot.
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