GG3 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I'm sure some of you can relate and I could really use some words of encouragement or listen to some of your own rants and feelings. I'm in a very light affair FWB with someone at work. We have only had sex maybe 5 times over the several months we have been hanging out. It started out as lunches and him trying to act like he didn't want to cheat but couldn't help himself. But I felt like that was an act and cheating is probably just what he does. I have to tried to undramatically break it off many times by avoiding him and not speaking to him. Basically because he would cancel on me sometimes in ways that I felt were him just building his ego and not necessarily being unavailable. I had been avoiding him lately again. His girlfriend moved in with him sometime last year and they have only been together a year and a half. He has only been divorced for two years, maybe 2.5. He has three kids and together there are 5 in the house now. I know some cheaters just cheat because they can, but I keep wondering if he is cheating because their sex life isn't very active and how could it have dwindled already after being together such a short time. He actually tried to have sex with me ON VALENTINE'S DAY after work. And he can't last very long...I mean VERY VERY SHORT in the bedroom if you know what I mean. I can't picture him being able to go home and perform afterwards, so are they really not even having sex on valentine's day??? And he has spent quite a few evenings texting me like that, making me wonder why they aren't romping during that time instead. I can't imagine being with someone only a year and a half and they aren't hot for each anymore already. I did not sleep with him on Valentine's day btw. I was trying to stay away from him, again. Anyway, after another month of avoiding him yet again, he texted me all evening friday evening talking to me and sort of talking things out. He ate dinner with his "family" at one point and then came back and texted me until midnight. He had tried to initiate meeting Saturday morning but then texted he couldn't make it. (Please don't attack me, I know this is wrong. ) I don't know why I am doing this to myself, but I actually felt more connected to him after talking to him so much. I just wonder, do they really not spend any time together around the house either? There have been many an evening where he is texting me for 2-3 hours in the evenings. Surely they don't always sleep apart or whatever is going on. Then I look on a social networking site and she's posted a picture of them smiling with his arms wrapped around here. I've kept my emotional distance from him and tried to stay away a lot, but this finally just got to me and made me sick in my stomach. And why do I care? The man is a liar. Even if I could have him, you couldn't trust him. I would be at home taking care of his kids while he is out who knows where doing who knows what. Why are players and liars so easy to like sometimes?? Ugh.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I think your focus on the why's and how's about his partner is pointless as you know he is a good liar and manipulator - You also only know what he tells you and you have NO idea if that's true or not, the status of his R at home. He lies to her daily so don't put so much faith into what he tells you is going on between them, their sex life and at home. Focus more on why you're settling for table scraps with some guy who IS scummy and what you're getting out of it. Is it worth it? 1
Author GG3 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 No it's not. I really need to "find someone." I go online to the dating sites and it just seems like needle in a haystack to find that person you have some chemistry with that you would really look forward to going out again on a second date or anything further. I know if I could just do that I wouldn't give the slightest crap.
gettingstronger Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Wait, in real life you can find someone to have sex with but have to go online to find a date? Maybe if you open your eyes in real life and get away from your ap you will find someone available. Sounds like you are limiting yourself by being involved with this guy. Break away and do something that's good for you.
jellybean89 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Before you start deciding what their home life is like and what they are or aren't doing...maybe he is having sex in between texts to you...have you ever been in a relationship with someone? Lived with someone? With kids? Not all couples have sex on Valentines day...most married couples don't have to have a day set aside to say "I love you" or have sex. Sex on Valentines Day is more of a 'dating' thing -- and by that I mean the holiday is more geared towards dating people. So before thinking things about the girlfriend, who has 5 kids in the house and since you are spending hours each night texting her boyfriend, she is probably busy with homework, laundry, household chores, paying bills, etc...so that boyfriend can spend hours texting you or meeting up with you for quick sex. Sex isn't what most mature, loving relationships revolve around. It is a lot more - more emotional, more spiritual and more loving than just having sex. Why he chooses to cheat is on him....it has nothing to do with her. He is just a disrespectful jerk face who is all about self satisfaction. he's really not worth your time.
jwi71 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm in a very light affair FWB with someone at work. We have only had sex maybe 5 times over the several months we have been hanging out. I think he is loving this FWB and you not so much - having begun to develop an emotional tie to him. Witness all the questions about HIS life at home. Seen this story a 1000 times. Step one...its time to consider (admit?) this is moving beyond FWB for YOU. It started out as lunches and him trying to act like he didn't want to cheat but couldn't help himself. But I felt like that was an act and cheating is probably just what he does. I have to tried to undramatically break it off many times by avoiding him and not speaking to him. Basically because he would cancel on me sometimes in ways that I felt were him just building his ego and not necessarily being unavailable. I had been avoiding him lately again. Why say "No, its over, go back to your GF" when you can play cat and mouse? His girlfriend moved in with him sometime last year and they have only been together a year and a half. He has only been divorced for two years, maybe 2.5. He has three kids and together there are 5 in the house now. I know some cheaters just cheat because they can, but I keep wondering if he is cheating because their sex life isn't very active and how could it have dwindled already after being together such a short time. He actually tried to have sex with me ON VALENTINE'S DAY after work. And he can't last very long...I mean VERY VERY SHORT in the bedroom if you know what I mean. I can't picture him being able to go home and perform afterwards, so are they really not even having sex on valentine's day??? And he has spent quite a few evenings texting me like that, making me wonder why they aren't romping during that time instead. I can't imagine being with someone only a year and a half and they aren't hot for each anymore already. I did not sleep with him on Valentine's day btw. I was trying to stay away from him, again. I wonder if his GF has a different version of events? Anyway, after another month of avoiding him yet again, he texted me all evening friday evening talking to me and sort of talking things out. He ate dinner with his "family" at one point and then came back and texted me until midnight. He had tried to initiate meeting Saturday morning but then texted he couldn't make it. (Please don't attack me, I know this is wrong. ) I don't know why I am doing this to myself, but I actually felt more connected to him after talking to him so much. ...and down the rabbit hole we go. I just wonder, do they really not spend any time together around the house either? There have been many an evening where he is texting me for 2-3 hours in the evenings. Surely they don't always sleep apart or whatever is going on. You could call his GF and find out. Or ask him. Or keep making yourself crazy with this....wondering what is or isn't happening in their bedroom...on their V-day together and etc... Then I look on a social networking site and she's posted a picture of them smiling with his arms wrapped around here. I've kept my emotional distance from him and tried to stay away a lot, but this finally just got to me and made me sick in my stomach. What is specifially making you sick here. I get the feeling that is the sudden realization that you are, as you opened this post with, a piece of azz on the side. Which was all well and fine in the beginning...but, as you have bonded to him over time...its less so attractive. And yes, I deliberately choose the phrase "azz on the side" as it is wholly accurate - and the very definition of FWB. Is this all you want from him and all you expect of yourself? And why do I care? The man is a liar. Even if I could have him, you couldn't trust him. I would be at home taking care of his kids while he is out who knows where doing who knows what. Why are players and liars so easy to like sometimes?? Ugh. If you could have him? Huh? You already have feelings for him and he says he does for you...so, uhm, what is he waiting for? HE doesn't NEED to get D...he just needs to send her, his GF, packing? Why isn't he CHOOSING that? Answer: why should he? its FWB and he gets his "family" (and I promise sexual) needs met at home... Better question is why YOU let him (or anyone) treat you like this? FWB is just that...but it doesn't EXCUSE him treating you like crap. He CAN be respectful and nice and thoughtful and considerate of YOU...you, the "F" in FWB...a FRIEND. He isn't treating you like that. IMO. Next step...tell him thanks for the "benefits" but you're done. Then go find a man who will treat you right. He isn't treating anyone but himself right.
Lady2163 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Possibly you thrive on the drama of it all Possibly you have commitment issues Possibly you think you are the one woman who can change him Find someone else. It is much easier the younger you are.
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