plutonium Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I was in a Long Distance Relationship, where I was hoping to move closer to the guy and was in the process of doing so. Then he seemed to disapear for a week and was always busy when I finally got to talk to him he said he wasn't sure this was going to work out. I was shocked and he decided we shouldn't speak for a week and then we'd speak and figure it out. A week went by, I tried contacting him - but was probably too jumpy. He was rude and busy and dismissive and said he was thinking it was over. I felt like I'd been strung along and treated badly so I said it was over. I was so hurt I didn't contact him for a week. (Not knowing about NC) I then got frustrated/crazy this week and first emailed him to explain why I'd said what I'd said (the talking had just been IM messages). Also said I understood what he told me and I let him go. I then tried to call him later on in the week- he didn't answer, and IM messaged him telling him some important news and saying I would like to speak to him. Did this again and then went full crazy and messaged him again to say I loved and missed him but had removed him from Skype and facebook. This whole time he hasn't responded to me at all. And now of course I've limited how he could. But I was thinking he's not going to contact me at all and I'll just drive myself crazy looking at facebook and Skype. Am I in the wrong? Do I need to apologize? Or do I just need to NC and see what happens? I'd like to talk to him but I'm also not sure if this could work out which is why we should have talked. But in my stupid email I said I'd let him go...
Author plutonium Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 It just hurts a lot and I'm so confused, I had plans to move and now those seem silly and pointless, and I wonder what I was thinking. It felt like he was pulling away beforehand and I should have acted on it but I thought he needed space. I just really wish we hadn't 'finished' it online. I really miss his voice and I would like to be his friend, I would like to know what's going on in his life, we shared so much and now he's just completely gone from my life. Disappeared. I know I need to move on and accept it. Just has kind of thrown all my plans and everything out the window. So not only am I heartbroken (but feeling guilty because I feel like I overreacted and ended it.) but now my future seems uncertain. - it's not terrible it's just seemed exciting and now it seems overwhelming and difficult.
lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Why would you want to be his friend? What about when he starts seeing other people. That will tear you up. I know your situation as I am going through the same thing. Matter of fact she sent me breadcrumbs last night. Anyway, your future is not uncertain its just changed. You will learn to live without him. Live your life to the fullest. Someone will come along and give you everything you want. But right now you have to refocus on you. Take him off the pedastil and put him away. Bring YOU out and live for you. You have the support of all of us. 1
Author plutonium Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Thank you. I guess I just want him in my life. So I don't lose him entirely. But yes seeing him with someone else would hurt. I was going to move overseas and I don't know if that's a good idea anymore. I'm having to re-evaluate it and put it on pause to think it through. Which is maybe a good thing, just means I lose out on an apartment I had lined up. I just wish he'd tell me it's over. He just ceased all contact and then that leaves me thinking he might come back. I'd prefer an argument to the silent treatment.
lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 And if he does come back, why would you take him back? He is coward for not talking to you!! And being a man and telling you what is going on... He is a partner who will not communicate... Do you really want that... The time you utilize to think about moving you may meet someone, you never know what will happen. Right now the best thing to do is live for YOU, I can not stress that enough... I can tell right now you are very hurt, and lost, and scared, and that is ok let those feelings come in do not disregard them!! Feel all the emotions, and feelings...Cry, and cry out loud!! Let yourself greive that is the only way you will get through this... AND ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 The silent treatment - is telling you it's over. What you want, is closure, and sadly, he can never give it to you, because every 'closure' is actually yet another 'opener'. It keeps things simmering. Go no contact. STAY no Contact. He will return eventually, when he realises you're no longer paying attention. It could be 6 weeks, it could be less, it could be more. But when he does - it will be your turn to ignore the breadcrumbs. I seriously suggest you do that. With bells on.
Author plutonium Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 lvroflife - thanks - I guess I just needed someone else to say these things. That's the reason I said it was over because he hadn't been communicating with me. I guess one part of you knows what's good for you but the other part misses what you had. TaraMaiden - Isn't NC the silent treatment too though? I know it's over. I guess I knew already when he wasn't speaking to me and was telling me always that we'd talk later. I just didn't want it to be. Thanks guys I just need someone reiterating these things so I don't go crazy.
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 TaraMaiden - Isn't NC the silent treatment too though? Damn right it is....
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