changedlife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I broke contact with my ex and she responded today. Pretty much indicating it would never work out between us and she had a lot of hate toward me. It was crushing since I've worked hard over the last several months for her to see me as a changed person and a better person. She isn't dating anybody right now, but she will in the future and it probably won't be me. I know it varies from person to person but how long does it take the normal person in order to heal and lose those feelings from a very hard relationship. I'm completely in love with her right now but I have to accept that it isn't going to happen.. I know that if I jump into a relationship with somebody else right now it would just be due to me being lonely, and I wouldn't treat them well because I'd just be thinking about my ex. It took me about 9 months post separation day from my ex-wife in order to start dating again. But I didn't love her nearly the same as this girl. I honestly don't ever see myself getting over her ever. It's just different. Somebody give me some hope...
ithappenedagain Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Hey man.. First off, I feel your pain. I am very sorry you are going through this. But you have to treat this recent contact with her as the death of your relationship. It is over. 1000000% over. She even told you that she will never get back with you. I know it hurts. Trust me. I know. But what you had with her is done. It's dead. Use that as a tool to heal. Dont contact her anymore. Dont snoop. Dont dig around for information about her. It's dead. Dont worry about figuring out how much time it will take to get over her. Just focus on the now. Dont look down the road. You will heal eventually. Just take things one hour, one minute, one second at a time. The #1 thing you have to realize is that what you guys had is now officially dead. She reiterated that. So close the book on your relationship, and start moving forward.
newmoon Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I am in month (almost) 6. it usually takes me that long. 5-6 months and I could care less. they become a part of my history and the 'love' feelings are way over.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I'm coming up to three months with my ex and I feel that I've barely healed. Maybe the trick is hooking up with a different girl.
WYSWYG Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I know how u feel ChangedLife. It seems like nothing can replace the ex. Hope is knowing that nothing lasts forever....nothing! I had a rough BU 2 years ago. Back then, I thought she was irreplaceable. 'saw that ex ex recently and didn't feel a trace of need.....zero! It's been 4 months since the recent BU and I still miss her sometimes. There's minute moments of denial but I'm mostly angry now. Today has been rough. I was talking to a mutual friend yesterday and along the conversation, got some updates on that F'n cheater! That and I'm an olympic junkie. Tonight is the closing ceremony I can't wait for summer and this to be over with... Hang in there........
Musing Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I've heard several sources say it takes half the time of the relationship to heal. I feel there may be truth to it; the longer a relationship = the longer it takes to heal and process everything. More memories were accrued, and more plans/promises were broken. That said, it varies for everyone. My past relationships were small and only lasted several months so they were more than easy to get over. My last long-termer I checked out from before he did (I was the dumper) so it did not take me long at all to recover emotionally. This is my first somewhat-LTR where I was broken up with. It was a little over a year and right now I am at almost 2 months post split with radio silence. I struggle some nights but others I feel okay. When it was all still fresh though it felt like my new reality and something I'd never get over. Everyone goes through this, but it is all merely an illusion from your current perspective and nothing more. I go in and out of emotions. I've talked and thought in circles and memorized every memory I have with the guy and analyzed them a few times. I've been totally silent and absent from his life since the breakup so I'd have no new material to analyze. That's helped me loads. I'm hoping to be 100% by the time I graduate in 3 months. That'll give me 5 months and then I'll be nice and shiney by summertime and ready to close this chapter of my life. This is my experience. I am sure that when you put your mind to focusing on you and understanding yourself as well as how you heal, things will be more clear to you. But it requires a lot of thought and patience. You will be fine CL, just give yourself a bit of TLC right now. When you look back it'll seem like time just flew by and you ever wondered why you worried so much 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 1 year. Heart break is mostly all gone, but the thoughts (trying to understand, justify, rationalize, etc) still stir somewhat regularly... Sounds like you were in pretty deep, as was I. No shortcuts or easy ways out. The only thing that I have found to work is time, distractions and working through your own issues.
pepperpot2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I would agree that it take 1/2 the relationship to get over. I believe it may be over for you. I was in a relationship for 8 years and I still feel crap 8 months later. Broken promises. He cheated on me 2 months after we got engaged. I dumped him but tried to turn it around on me. Karma please be out there.
kpkballer Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Ive been in the same boat as you. Thinking you are Never going to fall out of love with her is perfectly normal. Especially If you cant force yourself to date or see anyone else. I know you will always love her no matter what. My first relationship i had i was with her for 5 years and When we broke up i thought the same thing u did. Waiting by the phone for her to Call you wanting to get back in a relationship. even tho you you went no contact All she is doing is keeping tabs on you making sure you are not doing anything. If she didnt care and really hated you, she would NOT Call. This sounds mean but it worked for me. I GUARANTEE YOU this works. I have done this. Go on a couple dates and have some way that it gets back to your ex, it is NOT playing games. It is showing her you can move forward. If she wants to get back with you this will be the time jeaously kicks in for her..
kpkballer Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Thats If you want her back. I would say about 4 months of no contact.
ponchsox Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I focus on the positives after getting over a breakup. I learn something valuable that makes me a better person.
mtnbiker3000 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I GUARANTEE YOU this works. I have done this. Go on a couple dates and have some way that it gets back to your ex, it is NOT playing games. It is showing her you can move forward. If she wants to get back with you this will be the time jeaously kicks in for her.. Only problem is, this will be a short-term solution and IT WILL blow up in your face shortly... 1
forgetmenot75 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'd say four months to regain your sanity and then after that it depends on you. If you are proactive on your healing, it'll take less than a person who is sitting by the phone still waiting for a call, or a person who still thinks they'll be back with the ex in a minute. It's all hard work, and no person is equal to another. Four months minimum of no contact. 1
notthathard Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Mine was 6.5 years and I hit a major crossroad at 4 months. Everything started falling into place again. Might depend on how long the relationship was.
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