alazlam Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Um, so I tried breaking up with him the other day, but it's almost like he just won't let me go. He has this way of talking me out of it by like...making me feel like the worst person, like all our problems are my fault because I'm not honest enough. So I go back and try to fix it. The problem is every time I'm honest, he gets vicious, saying I'm not trusting him enough. So I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to communicate with him anymore. And the thing is I'm so unhappy. And I told him this. He just told me I'm taking everything for granted and being unreasonable because all he's asking for is honesty. But it's not that simple. He said if I break up with him it'll destroy him. How do I deal with that? How do I not let him manipulate me back into the relationship? I've been on both sides before, and always try to give the other person their complete say...but I'm starting to wonder if that's what's getting me in trouble with him. He's like...saying anything and everything to get me to stay and it's working. It's like...in the heat of the moment I can't reason through it because what he's saying makes me feel so ashamed of myself or like I'm being unreasonable...you know..? Has anyone else had anything like this? Or like..had to break up with someone who was really manipulative? Anyway, please be kind...I feel really stupid saying all of this, but this is hard.
No Limit Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 The title itself has that fault in it. There is no "won't let you break up". You say it and then leave. And there's no manipulating either unless you let him. Just walk away afterwards if that's the only way he'll get it into his head. Egoistic head also, there's always two people doing mistakes in a relationship, you know. Half of the deal was done by him, and even if not, you have your reasons to break up. Go for it.
soccerrprp Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Alazlam, You are allowing yourself to be manipulated. He has NO say in whether you want to break up or not. Just tell him and leave him in your rear-view mirror. Your description of him clearly indicates a man who is unhealthy for you. YOU are not letting you break up, not him.
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Um, so I tried breaking up with him.... In the words of the Great Green Yoda, 'Do' or 'Do not'; there Is no "try". You either break up, or you stay in this toxic cesspit of a dysfunctional mess. I won't dignify it by calling it 'a relationship'. but it's almost like he just won't let me go. The key word here, is 'almost'. That's because you 'almost' don't want to go. If he REALLY didn't want to let you go at all, he would brick you up in a back room. no, he won't let you go - because you WON'T go. He has this way of talking me out of it by like...making me feel like the worst person, like all our problems are my fault because I'm not honest enough. So I go back and try to fix it. The problem is every time I'm honest, he gets vicious, saying I'm not trusting him enough. So I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to communicate with him anymore. Actions speak louder than words. Reasoning with this jerk, trying to please him, fix it and putting things right is impossible, one, because there's nothing wrong about you in the first place, and two, because he won't let you fix/remedy put things 'right'. He's not interested in bringing this to equal balance. he wants to dominate and pulverise you until you no longer function. Act, don't speak. Walk. ...... He said if I break up with him it'll destroy him. How do I deal with that? How do I not let him manipulate me back into the relationship? It WON'T destroy him. That's just more manipulation and frankly, if it will, I'd let it. he doesn't deserve you. It won't destroy him at all, but he's sapping your energy by eroding your self-worth. .... Anyway, please be kind...I feel really stupid saying all of this, but this is hard. You're not stupid. But you feel stupid, and that's a good sign. It's a sign that you recognise your behaviour is irrational and you're being gas-lighted. Please - just pick up your skirts, and run from this guy, fast. delete him from your 'phone, block his number, download a text-blocker app too, they're brilliant - and just deny him access to every quarter of your life. Call on a friend, or Member of your family for help, and get going!
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