Author abby_tx Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Well, I figured I'd give you all an update since you were all right. He had mentioned previously hanging out today, so I texted him that I couldn't hang out with him today and thought we were on different pages. He texted that he was sorry about last night and that he didn't think our plans were set in stone. I said that while I didn't want to rush into anything serious with him, I also just didn't want to be a fling. He said he wasn't ready to date (he just got out of a relationship). And that was it. We actually ended up pretty good terms. It's nice to clear stuff up and not wonder what's going on. I feel pretty good now. 2
divinegrace Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 You could tell him what my sister told her ex boyfriend: "It seems like a relationship is not really a priority for you, and I'm looking for someone who will make a relationship a priority to him, so maybe we are not a good fit for each other. I think this is fair, forward and honest. Good luck to you!
Author abby_tx Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 If you remember my last thread about having his phone out during our date, this is the same guy. We talked via text for a week before meeting. Exchanged hundreds of texts (he initiated) and communication was so fun. We mainly just joked around. Anyway, our first date went really well. He made loose plans with me for the weekend, but he ended up hanging out with friends both nights and getting drunk. He did text me that I could come over to his place Sat. night after he was drunk, but I said no. The next day, I told him, "I think I misunderstood you. I thought we had plans." But I was INCREDIBLY pleasant and wasn't accusing. I just told him I misunderstood him. So, we have another two dates that go well. On the last date with him, he says, "I have plans Friday, but let's hang out Saturday! And let's go out for lunch Sunday!" Saturday comes and I wait for him to text me the plans. Finally at 4pm I text and say, "Are we still hanging out tonight?" He says, "I have dinner at 8, but I'll text you after and we can hang out. It should be over by 10 at the latest." He never texts or calls that night. I was pretty sad because it showed me I'm low on his priority list. Sunday morning I text him and say, "Hey, I think we're on two different pages. I don't think I can go to lunch with you today." We end on a good note...or so I thought.... but the next day I get an email from him saying that he was so "put off" by me getting irritated at him when plans didn't go as I expected and that "We don't even know eachother!" I feel really confused. I don't care about this guy. It's over. But it makes me question my idea of right/wrong. Am I expecting too much out of guys initially? Was I being too demanding when we were in the initial stages of dating? I was so afraid of being a doormat that I didn't think I might actually be too uptight and that could turn guys off.
theediblewoman Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 No, I don't think you're uptight....what he did was rude! I hate that, someone makes a plan with you, acts flakey then you're the neurotic one for wanting some sort of respect for your time. He sounds pretty lame, don't even worry about it. NEXT!!!!
Leigh 87 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Good on you. Well done for demanding respect from men. It's just plain rude to suggest plans and then not even bother to call you.
Emilia Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I feel really confused. I don't care about this guy. It's over. But it makes me question my idea of right/wrong. Am I expecting too much out of guys initially? Was I being too demanding when we were in the initial stages of dating? I was so afraid of being a doormat that I didn't think I might actually be too uptight and that could turn guys off. You can't question yourself just because a flake tried to turn this back on you after you had called him out on his behaviour. He is trying to make it sounds like you were unreasonable to make himself feel better and make you feel worse, to have the last word. You did the right thing, he is an idiot flake and to be honest he didn't care enough to put the effort in. Or he is just a moron. Good for you to move on OP. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Good on you. Well done for demanding respect from men. It's just plain rude to suggest plans and then not even bother to call you. Exactly. I would respond to his email only with this: "Dafuq?"
ctxinfl Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You did nothing wrong. Personally, if I was dating someone new and they did that to me I may not give them a second chance, much less a third. When you make plans with someone you are obligated to keep them unless an emergency occurs. It's a major pet peeve of mine.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 He's literally just trying to get the last word and soothe his ego, nothing more. I mean, you already told him you weren't interested... so why else would he get back in touch and tell you he's 'put off'? Whether he's put off or not is irrelevant anymore, you shot him down... and quite rightly! Good for you for sticking up for yourself. You deserve more than to be somebody's drunk bootycall. He's probably just pissed that you weren't like so many other girls and didn't show up to his apartment eagerly at 10pm. Those aren't plans to see one another.
Author abby_tx Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I woke up to an apology text on Facebook and on my phone. He wants to be friends now and have me not think he's a bad guy. Weird. 1
Author abby_tx Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 This is pathetic, but I can't stop thinking about this guy. He's the first person who made me excited in ages and I almost wish I would have let him be a flake and just gone with the flow. I know that's stupid to admit!
Emilia Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 This is pathetic, but I can't stop thinking about this guy. He's the first person who made me excited in ages and I almost wish I would have let him be a flake and just gone with the flow. I know that's stupid to admit! You need to set yourself up with opportunities to meet more men. This guy isn't it. 1
desperategirl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I agree with all of you who think he's seeing more women than me. It hurts so damn much and I barely KNEW the guy. I don't want to sound cocky, but I feel like I have so much to offer a person and guys don't want it. This guy wasn't even a catch. All of my friends told me I coudld do way better. I did listen to them, fell for him, then got duped. I hate this feeling. I really feel for you - this is something i think everyone goes through. Even if you don't know someone well it can hurt pretty bad. There is no answer - you have to try and be thick skinned and it's hard. It's a case of brushing yourself off after every disappointment and trying again. One thing I can say - it hurts, but the hurt wears off.
desperategirl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Also...the other thing that works. Do NOT look at his facebook, his messages, any online stuff. He's out, he's gone, the quickest way to get over it is to not mess around with being facebook friends etc. 1
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