abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) So, I had a great date Thursday with a guy. He told me then, "What are you doing this weekend? I have something Friday. Maybe we could hang out Saturday? And also Sunday!" Saturday comes along with not a text. I finally text him at 4pm saying, "So, are we still hanging out tonight??" He says he has dinner plans and will call me in 30 minutes. An hour later he tells me his dinner will be over by 10 at the very latest and that he'll call or text me as soon as they are over so we can hang. Well, I am out at a bar grabbing a drink with a friend and tell her that if he doesn't text me by 10:45, I'm going to tell him no to hanging out that night. But I don't get the chance because he NEVER texts me or calls. I feel stood up, but at the same time our plans weren't really 'official.' Her advice for me was that if he tries to make plans today, tell him no. And if he tries in the future, I should tell him loose plans don't work for me because I cleared my schedule for him before. If anything, I feel like this shows he doesn't really care for me. I'd leave a place early if it meant getting to spend a little time with my crush and he didn't do that. Or even text. Do I give him another chance?? Edited February 23, 2014 by abby_tx
regine_phalange Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 He doesn't have a sense of respect, so my answer is "no way".
KathyM Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It sounds like he's giving you pretty mixed messages, and not being very considerate at all. This was the exact reason my sister dumped her boyfriend, even though he had a lot of good characteristics about him. He would give the "let's hang out this weekend" line, and then end up calling really late, or not calling when he said he would. She wanted a guy who was more attentive and made her a priority in his life. Now she is married to someone who is very attentive and knows how to prioritize a relationship. I'd suggest letting this guy go. Either he's playing games, or a relationship with a woman is not that important to him, or he's not that into you, and in either case, those things should be a dealbreaker, IMO.
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Do I just stop talking to him or tell him why I don't want to see him again?
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 You only went on one date, right? I wouldn't bother with an explanation. Nor would I give him another chance. He clearly does not value your time. 3
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I'm so upset that I want to tell him what he did upset me, but I don't want to sound crazy.
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 You only went on one date, right? I wouldn't bother with an explanation. Nor would I give him another chance. He clearly does not value your time. We went on three dates. All three dates were weekday nights. But last weekend he also gave me the "What are you doing this weekend? We should hang out" and never contacted me to do so. So I guess this is his second time being a flake. The dates were great though.
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 We went on three dates. All three dates were weekday nights. But last weekend he also gave me the "What are you doing this weekend? We should hang out" and never contacted me to do so. So I guess this is his second time being a flake. The dates were great though. Meh. I think he is seeing a bunch of women and you are not at the top of the list. Not worth it IMO. 5
MissBee Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 He's rude and not that interested. In my own experience, with all the boyfriends I've had in adulthood they made concrete plans with me and followed through and if plans changed they let me know immediately and also immediately rescheduled. I also don't do well with the wishy-washy loose plans situation and also in my experience when it's like that, you're an option to this person (which is their right, but at least when you know that if you're really focused on them you can decide what to do) and not someone they've prioritized.
KathyM Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I'm so upset that I want to tell him what he did upset me, but I don't want to sound crazy. You could tell him what my sister told her ex boyfriend: "It seems like a relationship is not really a priority for you, and I'm looking for someone who will make a relationship a priority to him, so maybe we are not a good fit for each other. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 We teach people how to treat us and by allowing him to do thid to you twice and not saying anything says you are a pushover. I would wait for him to contact you again and then tell him you deserve better.
soccerrprp Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Meh. I think he is seeing a bunch of women and you are not at the top of the list. Not worth it IMO. This is my thought as well. He is juggling more than you.
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I agree with all of you who think he's seeing more women than me. It hurts so damn much and I barely KNEW the guy. I don't want to sound cocky, but I feel like I have so much to offer a person and guys don't want it. This guy wasn't even a catch. All of my friends told me I coudld do way better. I did listen to them, fell for him, then got duped. I hate this feeling.
MidwestUSA Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Weekends are dating 'prime time'. The fact that he's teasing you with it and not following thru tells you what you need to know. His dinner plans were probably with a girl higher on his priority list.
FitChick Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I don't want to sound cocky, but I feel like I have so much to offer a person and guys don't want it. Worry less about what you have to offer men. What is it THEY can offer YOU? Your decisions should be based on that. Otherwise it's just approval seeking and not productive. I believe there is a Mr. Right but there are an unknown number of men standing between you and him, so the sooner you date those other guys, not hanging onto someone unsuitable, the sooner you'll meet Mr. Right. That should be your philosophy and strategy. So when one guy doesn't work out, believe that you are one man closer to Mr Right. 3
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Weekends are dating 'prime time'. The fact that he's teasing you with it and not following thru tells you what you need to know. His dinner plans were probably with a girl higher on his priority list. Exactly. That's why I'm pissed. He gave me a Thursday and Sunday and kept his options free for the weekend. I know I'm low on the list and it sucks. I won't settle for last, so I'm done with him. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I agree with all of you who think he's seeing more women than me. It hurts so damn much and I barely KNEW the guy. I don't want to sound cocky, but I feel like I have so much to offer a person and guys don't want it. This guy wasn't even a catch. All of my friends told me I coudld do way better. I did listen to them, fell for him, then got duped. I hate this feeling. I know the feeling. Just remember. ... There are a lot of pretty/cute woman out there. Even when you think you're above someones league, there is still a good chance they are dating other people who they think are more desirable than you... Trust me:there is a guy who will think you're just gorgeous. He will be smitten with you. He won't want to date other people once he meets you because you will be the only girl on his mind. Chalk this up to experience. I mean, I thought I was a little better looking than my two disappearing act guys..... turns out, myself along with most woman over estimate their attractiveness. .... I am ashamed to admit that I once did this. I couldn't believe when these chubby, pimply men landed a sexy girl like me and yet let me go so soon... probably preferring other women who they found more desirable than me. You have to get used to this happening. I now realize that I am not tbe pretty girl I thought I was. It's great to be more down to earth about things, as you can move on from rejection more readily if you realise that not many guys that YOU fancy will view you as the most desirable woman on the radar. Like fit chick said... try to learn to shrug guys like this off easily as you are simply one step closer to the right guy who will truly cherish you.
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I know the feeling. Just remember. ... There are a lot of pretty/cute woman out there. Even when you think you're above someones league, there is still a good chance they are dating other people who they think are more desirable than you... Trust me:there is a guy who will think you're just gorgeous. He will be smitten with you. He won't want to date other people once he meets you because you will be the only girl on his mind. Chalk this up to experience. I mean, I thought I was a little better looking than my two disappearing act guys..... turns out, myself along with most woman over estimate their attractiveness. .... I am ashamed to admit that I once did this. I couldn't believe when these chubby, pimply men landed a sexy girl like me and yet let me go so soon... probably preferring other women who they found more desirable than me. You have to get used to this happening. I now realize that I am not tbe pretty girl I thought I was. It's great to be more down to earth about things, as you can move on from rejection more readily if you realise that not many guys that YOU fancy will view you as the most desirable woman on the radar. Like fit chick said... try to learn to shrug guys like this off easily as you are simply one step closer to the right guy who will truly cherish you. Well am I shooting too high then? Do I change what kind of guy I look for? The last guy I dated was 6'2", handsome, educated, etc. This guy who stood me up was only 5'6" Asian, cocky, insecure, etc. He wasn't as attractive as my ex, but I gave him a shot because his personality clicked with mine.
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 IMO it's kind of pointless to analyze the "market values" of yourself, the guys you're dating, and your competition. People like what they like and their choices are not always rational. Focus instead on your connection and how he treats you. This lesson was recently driven home for me when a guy I was seeing chose an overweight, unemployed, compulsive liar with serious health problems over me. I was like wtf? But he likes crazy women and found her more interesting. That says more about him than me IMO. 2
Author abby_tx Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 IMO it's kind of pointless to analyze the "market values" of yourself, the guys you're dating, and your competition. People like what they like and their choices are not always rational. Focus instead on your connection and how he treats you. This lesson was recently driven home for me when a guy I was seeing chose an overweight, unemployed, compulsive liar with serious health problems over me. I was like wtf? But he likes crazy women and found her more interesting. That says more about him than me IMO. hahaha! oh my god! point taken.
deathandtaxes Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I'm so upset that I want to tell him what he did upset me, but I don't want to sound crazy. Three dates? Nah, don't even say a thing. Be the better person and go NC. If he mentions going out again, point blank refuse with a thanks but no thanks kind of response. You don't owe him any more. And you'll feel better about yourself later for not telling him off. 2
snowflakes88 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Any reason you listed "Asian" among his undesirable characteristics? 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I don't do this. I have a busy life, I work, volunteer, study, see friends. If a guy wants to see me he has to give me a date, a time and a place, so I can make sure I'm free. If somebody tries to do the loose plans it just wouldn't work because I'd have filled the time with something else rather than wait around for the guy to get in touch. 1
StanMusial Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Don't mess with these guys with poor follow through. Too shady.
Author abby_tx Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Any reason you listed "Asian" among his undesirable characteristics? oh man!! I did not mean this as an undesirable trait! i liked this about him.
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