spoonman Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Are there any tips or tricks? Have you ever gotten out of NC and had a wonderful relationship? I ask this because I was asked to give space. I don't want this relationship to end, so I am trying my best to be NC. I have failed miserably. I guess I'm just looking for advice and support to get through this and try to get back on track. So many questions without any answers. What a tangled web we weave. It's harder to give it up than convince yourself it will all work out. So I chose the easy way. No matter how much pain and heartache it brings. Woe is me.
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. What you want and what she wants may be 2 completely different things. When all is said and done, strictly speaking, you shouldn't even have her in your life IF YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!! If she wants space - let her have it - and if anything more happens between you guys, it will have to be because she wants it, not because you do. Is your marriage well and truly over? Then file for divorce and cut the ties. if it isn't - focus! 1
herself Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Its going to be ok. When yoi have fallen hard for someone and they become a big part of your life and daily communication its brutal when you feel them pull away. Are you both married? How long were you together?
Author spoonman Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 About 6 months. There were always some issues on her part. I know I came across as clingy. It never really got the chance to take off but it was awesome when we were together. Yes, both married. My marriage will be over sooner than hers, maybe that's part of it. Of course I sent three messages today. I figure I'll keep pushing until she snaps at me and makes it officially over. Or leads me on long enough to find what she really wants. I hate this! Quitting smoking was way easier. I wish there was a patch or gum!! Hard habit to break.
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 'No reply' - is still a reply. You cannot, fortheluvofmike, keep pestering her like this. Do you want to make her hate you? Do you want her to slap a Restriction Order on you? Please - 3 attempts today and nothing back?? Take it as read. She intends to never reply... That said, it's highly likely she has blocked your number and cannot receive anything from you. If I were her, I would have done that ages ago....
txgrl Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I remember doing that ,bombard OM with txts till he cracked. My reasoning was if he really wanted to not talk he'd tell me to f'ck off or something . I think they're just being polite and yeah, in all probability , she's blocked you . Your feelings for her might change once you're divorced .
Author spoonman Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 No, there were replies. Quick little replies. I felt they were forced. I also feel like she hates me. I do want her back and I know I'm shooting myself in the foot. Did I mention the long email pledging my undying love and promising to stop bothering her before I sent those texts? Ummm, yeah. And then I see people on here that would love that kind of attention. I fell in love with the wrong personality type. The problem is I have a boring job and I'm bored at home. We used to text throughout the day and at night. This sucks!!!
TaraMaiden Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 "There is no such thing as boredom. There are only boring people." F. Scott Fitzgerald. “I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.” ― Louis C.K. “Boredom comes from a boring mind.” ― Metallica “Only boring people get bored.” ― Ruth Burke ....Getting the picture....? 2
Author spoonman Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 ....Getting the picture....? Loud and clear. I wish she would just tell me to eff off. Or that she's blocked me. I'm a need to know person. Although she did say "space and time", I couldn't do it. Yeah, I probably blew it. Thanks for the dose of reality.
sunburned Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 About 6 months. There were always some issues on her part. I know I came across as clingy. It never really got the chance to take off but it was awesome when we were together. Yes, both married. My marriage will be over sooner than hers, maybe that's part of it. Of course I sent three messages today. I figure I'll keep pushing until she snaps at me and makes it officially over. Or leads me on long enough to find what she really wants. I hate this! Quitting smoking was way easier. I wish there was a patch or gum!! Hard habit to break. You should focus your time and energy on this ^^^ instead. Please advise when prototype is ready. Count me in for the trial. No compensation necessary. 1
Nattie Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Loud and clear. I wish she would just tell me to eff off. Or that she's blocked me. I'm a need to know person. Although she did say "space and time", I couldn't do it. Yeah, I probably blew it. Thanks for the dose of reality. I briefly tried NC over the summer (at my request, not his) and failed miserably. But now I know I didn't really want it. Don't beat yourself up. These situations are tough, and I guess there's no rule book since we're all being deceitful wrongdoers in the first place. I asked for NC, but was thrilled when he found a way to break it. So lame it's not even funny. 1
Lady2163 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Gently...oh...so gently...I say to you... If you really love her...if you really care about her. Give her what she wants, not what you want. Put her wants before your own. Trust me....if 6 months, 6 years down the road she still wants you...she will find you. Women will move heaven and earth if they think a man is their happily ever after. Would it work for you to set a reasonable goal for yourself? You know what one might be better than me guessing. I'm having to ease out of my relationship. This week, for the first time, I casually said, "call when you get a chance." Normally I would know his schedule for not every minute, but enough detail when I couldn't call him. I predict I will hear from him not tomorrow, but Wednesday. Then, probably not until next Monday. Those four plus days will be brutal. I'm setting a few goals and making some plans for during that time. Good luck to you. 1
txgrl Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Every once on a whole, a post here would make me LOL! Yr post did that . It's the way you worded it.. Haha
Nattie Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Every once on a whole, a post here would make me LOL! Yr post did that . It's the way you worded it.. Haha LOL! Sometimes I pop off on a tangent and the words just flow...
hippetyhop Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I'm 6 weeks NC. Is it hard- yes. I know its needed for us both. xMM gave me the "I need space" speech as well. Invading in the space does not give anyone time to think and sort things out. It just pushes people further away.
Owl Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Loud and clear. I wish she would just tell me to eff off. Or that she's blocked me. I'm a need to know person. Although she did say "space and time", I couldn't do it. Yeah, I probably blew it. Thanks for the dose of reality. Women don't communicate like men. She HAS told you to 'eff off', in the only fashion she's likely to do so. Why does she have to tell you to, in order for you to do so? You're a big boy...do what you need to do.
Author spoonman Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Why does she have to tell you to, in order for you to do so? Why? She really doesn't and I'm sure she did in her own way. There's lots of people like myself that will dwell and hang on hoping there's a chance. It's called hope. It's a terrible disease. If I could flip a switch and turn it off, I would. Her telling me is that switch. To me, it's very simple. It's either black or white. Anything else is just a mind game. And it's a game I'll play and lose at every time.
Owl Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Why? She really doesn't and I'm sure she did in her own way. There's lots of people like myself that will dwell and hang on hoping there's a chance. It's called hope. It's a terrible disease. If I could flip a switch and turn it off, I would. Her telling me is that switch. To me, it's very simple. It's either black or white. Anything else is just a mind game. And it's a game I'll play and lose at every time. Then you'll stay where you're at until YOU do something differently. This has nothing to do with HER choices, HER actions...it has everything to do with YOUR choices, YOUR actions. If you insist on seeing hope where it doesn't exist...then you'll continue making bad decisions based off that false situation. You're right...it's a game that you are choosing to play...and will continue to play until you choose to stop.
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