JohnWalker77 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I had been dating my now-ex for a year and a month before she decided we had to break-up. Everything between us was fine and the decision was extremely sudden. Our break-up is rather unique, she dealt with bad depression and has since she was in high school. She decided that she couldn't take on the responsibility of being in a relationship and get better at the same time, so she broke up with me. She still wants to be friends, but I can't view her as anything but the person I am in love with. I also don't want to have to cut her out of my life because I truly care about her and want to do how she is doing. I always wind up sending her messages about how much I miss her, though. She still will tell me that she loves me, and hints at the possibility of getting back together in the future (she says it will take months to get better). She only talks to me at certain times and I know I am being counterproductive by texting her all of the time. Do I wait for her? How do I stop sharing with her that she is my world? Should I engage in NC now if I ever want to be with her again?
Strength in Healing Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 You should go full NC. I hate to say this because I know how bad it kills you (Believe me I KNOW) but she probably found another guy and is talking with him. That, in my strongest opinion, is the REAL reason behind the MASS majority of breakups. I would go full NC dude.
Author JohnWalker77 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 How do I go about that? I'm honestly still all in on my relationship with her. It's like the break-up doesn't even seem real. My longest relationship prior to this was in the four month range. I know her depression is real, so I doubt it's another man. I had to drive her to an emergency room on two occasions because of cutting and wanting to take her life.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 How do I go about that? I'm honestly still all in on my relationship with her. It's like the break-up doesn't even seem real. My longest relationship prior to this was in the four month range. I know her depression is real, so I doubt it's another man. I had to drive her to an emergency room on two occasions because of cutting and wanting to take her life. Ohh you have so much to learn my man. Look, the truth of the matter is if she really wanted to be with you, she would. Doesnt matter the reason. She could be depressed, mad, sad...whatever. ALL you are doing is pushing he away the more you text. You already know you are being counterproductive, so why do it? When she says "I want to be friends" this is a large indication that she wants to see what else is out there. If there already is someone is another question...but that isnt your concern. Your concern is to do what Healing said. Go no contact. There is nothing but negative results if you keep talking to her. Telling her you love her and miss her is making you look incredibly weak...no matter if she is "depressed" any what not. I'm going to tell you that I think she is using you as a backup plan. What she is telling you is pretty common actually. I've seen it a lot on here. In fact, I had an ex tell me she was depressed and thought about taking her life and how she had to go to counseling. Said it wasnt me and she was coming back and that she loved me so much. Again...excuse. She was seeing/talking to someone on the side. When it became real, she left. No matter the reason, the thing to do now is focus on you. NO CONTACT
Strength in Healing Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Man, cutting? Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. I can relate once again. Anyways, dude, just run and don't look back I'm telling you. I feel you though, I want to text my ex SO BAD today and tell her we spent 4 years together, lets work it out. But we can't dude...
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I agree with strength. You have to go NC I was so reluctant to do so thinking that I would miss the opportunity to be with her when she's ready. In the long run I'd be sitting and waiting thinking she's with other guys and driving myself nuts not moving on. I'd go NC and keep posting here. It's the hardest thing ever to think she might do something to herself and reach out to you for help, but it's time to focus on you. You can't spend your time worrying about her and her needs all the time. I'm a caregiver and it's even hard for me to say to walk away, but you have to. If down the line things work out she needs to be the one to initiate and you need to evaluate what's best for you.
flightplan Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Sorry for your situation but please wake up. She is stringing you along is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. In the meantime, you throw your emotions into her and it's not attractive to her. She knows she can have you anytime she wants. As others have said, this is a very common behavior to avoid a relationship. If she wanted to be with you, she would. She has found another guy or is focused on someone else that has her interest. You are, at most, the backup plan...
Author JohnWalker77 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I agree with strength. You have to go NC I was so reluctant to do so thinking that I would miss the opportunity to be with her when she's ready. In the long run I'd be sitting and waiting thinking she's with other guys and driving myself nuts not moving on. I'd go NC and keep posting here. It's the hardest thing ever to think she might do something to herself and reach out to you for help, but it's time to focus on you. You can't spend your time worrying about her and her needs all the time. I'm a caregiver and it's even hard for me to say to walk away, but you have to. If down the line things work out she needs to be the one to initiate and you need to evaluate what's best for you. Thank you so much for this. It sounds like you have been in the same situation. I'm honestly not even worried about the other guy aspect, it's bad enough that she had to leave college and live at home. If she had cheated on me this would be a lot easier. I'm the caregiver type as well and it hurts to know that I was a factor in her not being able to get better. I have never invested anything into a relationship before this and I feel like I don't know how to be independent. It's rough.
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 See in my last long term relationship, a girl I was living with, I got comfortable and lost track of making her feel special still taking her on dates, flowers, etc. I think I was so focused on not letting that happen again that I got manipulated to feel guilty and like I had done something wrong. I don't know, there's too many would of could of should of to think about, but in the long run I live in a relatively smaller town and all our friends know how well I treated her and every person has said she's bad news and I deserve better. All of us deserve better than to be here. Just brings me one step closer to the next woman who I will be better prepared for. She can go do drugs with her new bf who is my age working minimum wage job with no education. Basically going nowhere in life. I got dumped for a scumbag haha it shouldn't hurt this much.
lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I got dumped (I think ) for a dude 14years older than my ex, who is a CEO and has walked out on her twice. Needless to say he reached out to her 3 months ago. She deaded the conversation when he said he was thinking about her. Made me feel good to know that she was with me 100% I've now learned since breaking up she reached out to him. Don't know what's going on other and frankly don't care. So guess she want 100% but if that's what she wants then they deserve each other
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I honestly just don't understand why people string others along in a relationship. If you're having feelings for someone else or if you're even entertaining the idea of being with someone else break up with me. If I matter that little to you just kick rocks and get out of my life.
lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Or talk to me about how your feeling. Maybe things can be worked out. But this the thing. I know he won't be there for her and she will feel something is missing. She already tried with the breadcrumbs last night.
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) I blocked my exs number so she can't get into my head. Don't really know where her head is at I think she's a liar no matter what so the faster she looks like a hood rat going on to another dude the better. He will not be as smart as me when it's over to go through the necessary steps and cut her off. All of her exs pine over her. I will not be that guy. If she did reach out because of same major event, she'd get a kind text, but not extensive conversation. She has insulted my intelligence and sullied our time together. Screw breadcrumbs they made their bed they can lie in it. She tried to tell me how much I mean to her and she's lost without me HA oh is that why your drug addict boyfriend answered your phone. Edited February 23, 2014 by Caliguy30
lvroflife Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Wow. All my peoples telling me. I'm too good for her. And she is going to regret leaving me. Right now I can't see it because I'm still hurt, but when that day comes when I can wake up and nothave a rough morning thinking about hher... I will be ecstatic.
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Same here it will be a glorious day. I think that while the beginning has been rough, in the long term I'll get over this faster than my last relationship that actually meant something to me. Once I get over a hump it is very easy for me to cut people out of my life for good.
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