How important is communication via social media in dating/ relationships?

[Guitarisgood]

I am of the younger generation and it seems every man and their dog is on facebook, instagram or snapchat etc these days. Forget checking ones phone every minute. Obviously woman live on their phones and if you don't receive a reply to your messages you can almost guarantee she is not interested. Thing is, how important then is keeping in touch and that delicate balance of communicating too much or too little?

 

I remember my last relationship I was on messenger systems replying within the hour to messages from my SO. At times then I almost felt we were over communicating and was being taken for granted once out and socializing with others i.e. being given the complete cold shoulder as if 'oh he'll be home when I feel like seeing him then but now I can go have some fun with other guys'. Obviously that ended.

 

My new girl I have been chasing, I've recently received the 'I don't reply or text enough' speech. Obviously I'd want to but I actually have a life.

 

This also flows into my other relationships with friends etc. How much is too much and how much is not enough? I mean I keep in touch every few days and once a conversation drops I don't try to carry it. We all meet up at least once a week so it's not like it's a long distance thing.

 

SO what do you guys think? What are your communication habits? Are you a serial texter and social media master or do you tend to hold back a bit more?

[Noproblem]

It's really important. I don't get people who don't use social media!?!

[Cam7]

This is the problem with social media communication! The bloody read receipts. Use social media to build a personality, show you are a busy person with an exciting life.

 

Communicate through slightly more traditional means like calling and text.

Maybe I'm old? I'm only 26.

[Els]

If it's a new person you're chasing, social media and the internet can certainly help. It's just another form of communication, IMO, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. If done well, it doesn't hurt any more than phones would hurt RL interaction (which, btw, was a common complaint a few generations ago).

 

Once you have established an R, it really just depends on personal preference. My SO barely uses it; I use it a bit, but since he doesn't, I communicate with him via phone instead when he is away from home. We're in our 20s, so there are definitely some 20-somethings out there who don't do social media.

[Versacehottie]

Social media: i am attracted to guys who either aren't into it or do it very little. Like 2 to 4 posts max a day on instagram or twitter. That show they are busy with life. Not really into guys that would be on FB more than a few times a month. Sorry.

 

Texting: well that's a form of communication that's between US so i'm into it. I guess it's a fine line like all things dating. If he's too available, it makes it less interesting and if I like him, I THINK i want more. Truth is if anyone texts too much it has the potential to lose it's impact. Plus I'd rather do real activities with the guy and see him for real or phone calls are nice these days. And I will also say that even though I don't really like it in small picture when my guy doesn't go for marathon texting session or disappears onto his next activity; in reality BIG picture, of course, i appreciate the fact that he's a REAL guy and has better things to do. I realize that these areas (texting for-ever and social media overload) have a feminine quality to them are more a girls realm. I like mas macho and guys who don't have time for the BS.

 

All that said, it sounds like i agree with you. But I have no idea what you should say to your girl--sounds like she's disgruntled. LOL, well she wants more. Make a little effort?

[Versacehottie]

Also when did these "good morning" "good night" texts become required items??? Is this a product of the OLD world? I don't know, I like it when guys contact me because i'm on their mind not when they are following some required formula that they most likely don't even believe in but are doing to keep up with some silly norm.

 

Somewhere in dating world, a prissy girl has got her chart out, checking off good morning texts and good night texts. So. NOT. for. Me.

[soccerrprp]

Guitarisgood,

 

She's telling you what she needs. Work on it. I text my gf every day, but not excessively. We talk a couple of times per week too. But daily communication is important. People who say it's not, well, I just don't agree...when she texts, respond.

[ASG]

Also when did these "good morning" "good night" texts become required items??? Is this a product of the OLD world? I don't know, I like it when guys contact me because i'm on their mind not when they are following some required formula that they most likely don't even believe in but are doing to keep up with some silly norm.

 

Somewhere in dating world, a prissy girl has got her chart out, checking off good morning texts and good night texts. So. NOT. for. Me.

 

Over 10 years ago (so before the surge of social media) me and my ex always talked to each other before bed. If one was out, the agreement was that we'd text when we got home, saying we were fine, saying goodnight.

If we were both home, we'd call and chat for a few minutes. So it's not exactly a *new* thing.

 

I abhor good morning texts though... And wouldn't do it unless there was a specific purpose.

 

As for the OP, I use social media a lot! And have, since the chatroom times, back in the 90's. So yeah, I expect some communication via social media if the other person also uses it.

 

That said, there is a fine line and sometimes people may try too hard... I've had guys come talk to me every day on FB, for instance, when they had nothing more than "hi" to say. That gets really annoying, really fast.

[soccerrprp]

That said, there is a fine line and sometimes people may try too hard... I've had guys come talk to me every day on FB, for instance, when they had nothing more than "hi" to say. That gets really annoying, really fast.

 

FB for a "hi" is crazy unnecessary and superfluous. Why in the world do I want to login to a social media site to communicate small things in life when I can call or text?

 

That's why I will never and never had used FB for a form of daily communication with the ladies I've dated and my gf.

[NGC1300]

My new girl I have been chasing, I've recently received the 'I don't reply or text enough' speech.

 

Dump her.

 

You claim to be chasing her, and yet apparently she's still not getting enough attention. Massive red flag.

 

I would actually start texting even less. If she's gonna be petty, you do the same. Just remember not to invest anything emotionally.

[Guitarisgood]

Well what do you guys think - is this too little communication for a guy chasing a girl?

-I see her a couple times due to hobbies and things

-As such I only text her every couple of days if I have something to say/ thinking about her.

-When I text, while we could probably talk all day all week, I usually cut it after 30min or so - she almost always replies within the minute.

 

I guess I've been burned pretty bad in the past and these days I'm just finding it hard to commit and persist. Almost as if, if I try anymore I feel like I am impeding on someone's free time.

 

And with friends I have my close circle where we chat all day every day and my extended circle of which I probably get in contact with a couple times a month. Funny thing is when I go to parties, I know everyone and say hi to everyone and it's not like I'm being given the cold shoulder.

 

Am I now from the above normal or do I have problems?

[carhill]

Social media to me is seeing my best friend with two beer bottles in his hand and cracking the joke 'so you're going to drink *both* of those?'

 

Some things just don't translate to electrons and IMO that's a good thing.

 

My exW and I used social media during our M, mainly to keep up with international friends and family where we couldn't easily be with them in person all the time. It was completely unimportant in our own marriage, and our relationship grew along with the baby that would become 'social media'. Back then, it was the forerunner of 'texting' when phones with that capability first came out and computer 'chat' programs like ICQ and YIM. When we were long distance dating and engaged, and before phone calls became essentially 'included' for long distance, we used the internet to keep in touch between visits. We even dabbled in the then new technology of voice chat.

 

Was all that 'important'? To me, no. Being together in person and sharing our lives in person was important. For myself it remains that way.

[Tayken]

It's really important. I don't get people who don't use social media!?!

 

 

Really....I say the same about people that use social media as their way of communication.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Also when did these "good morning" "good night" texts become required items??? Is this a product of the OLD world? I don't know, I like it when guys contact me because i'm on their mind not when they are following some required formula that they most likely don't even believe in but are doing to keep up with some silly norm.

 

I don't really get this either. I wake up, and get on with my day, as does whoever I'm dating, eventually one of us will shoot a text across, maybe mid morning or mid afternoon, having something to say. Goodnight texts happen every now and then but usually one of us falls asleep before it happens! Every relationship is so different though. With some men I've texted back and forth all day every day. With others, maybe five or six longish texts during the day. I'd definitely lose interest if we weren't texting several times a day each day, though.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I guess I've been burned pretty bad in the past and these days I'm just finding it hard to commit and persist. Almost as if, if I try anymore I feel like I am impeding on someone's free time.

 

I would try not to see it this way. I NEVER get a text and feel my free time is being impinged upon. A) how are you supposed to know what you're interrupting and whether she's busy or not? B) if you own a mobile phone you're well aware that you're opening yourself up to essentially constant communication from anybody who has your number. You can choose to ignore it or choose to reply. Excessive to me would be a guy texting me repeatedly before I've answered. But batting texts back and forth casually throughout the day is lovely when you're trying to get to know one another. I would lose interest if someone wasn't in touch at least a few times a day, after all you're trying to get to know one another and become a part of each other's lives aren't you?

 

The guys I've ended up with have always been the ones that have been the most persistent with communication. Obviously texts should only supplement other forms of communication. But hey, I've had lots of friendships start online via nothing but texts and grow into something very meaningful across the years, ended up meeting in person and everything. Maybe it's a generational thing? I'm 26.

[ponchsox]

It's really important. I don't get people who don't use social media!?!

 

Times have changed, for the worst I'm afraid

[Tayken]

Times have changed, for the worst I'm afraid

 

You can say that again

[MissBee]

I don't really think social media and relationships should go hand in hand.

 

What does FB have to do with my relationship or Twitter or Instagram? While I have all 3, I don't use them to conduct my private relationship business. I use them for casual purposes/business purposes and mostly to talk to people I rarely hang out with or see offline. If I want to talk to my significant other I speak to them on the phone via a call, text message or whatsapp them, all done privately, not post on their FB wall or comment on their Instagram or tweet them, that's so odd and I hate when people do that.

 

If we're in a relationship then I usually expect you to at least check in once a day, if we've just started to get to know each other, ever other day is fine and you can give me a call or text me. I don't mind if you FB message me but I feel like you have my number for a reason, so don't use social media to communicate with me if you need to....call/text/whatsapp me privately. Leave FB, Twitter, Instagram etc for people who don't have direct access to my cell.

[Raena]

I don't really think social media and relationships should go hand in hand.

 

What does FB have to do with my relationship or Twitter or Instagram? While I have all 3, I don't use them to conduct my private relationship business. I use them for casual purposes/business purposes and mostly to talk to people I rarely hang out with or see offline. If I want to talk to my significant other I speak to them on the phone via a call, text message or whatsapp them, all done privately, not post on their FB wall or comment on their Instagram or tweet them, that's so odd and I hate when people do that.

 

If we're in a relationship then I usually expect you to at least check in once a day, if we've just started to get to know each other, ever other day is fine and you can give me a call or text me. I don't mind if you FB message me but I feel like you have my number for a reason, so don't use social media to communicate with me if you need to....call/text/whatsapp me privately. Leave FB, Twitter, Instagram etc for people who don't have direct access to my cell.

 

But... you can chat privately on FB. I use it all the time. I actually prefer it over texting directly to my cell. I just use FB messenger. I do text too but I prefer FB just because I can type if I happen to be at home. I can't stand the swype system on my texting. I end up correcting every other word.

[crederer]

Not at all to me. I'm in my mid 20's so it's not a foreign concept to me by any means. But I'd rather speak in person/on the phone than on facebook or twitter to my significant other.