This is still a "No" right?

[Cam7]

So I met this girl online last year around August. When we first started sending messages she was giving me essays of information and was genuinely interested. It sorta felt like she was rushing into this (even on the phone she complained that her work "wasnt making having a boyfriend easy"). All of this before we even met. Even after calls she would tell me how nervous she was and how confident I sounded and say stuff like "way to make a girl blush and smile".

 

I think about a week later we met up for coffee and lunch (cant get afternoons or nights because of her work). It went well for the most part, we had great conversation and it didn't feel awkward at any point. It was fun and she smiled and laughed a lot. However, nothing went physical other than a hug at the first meet and a hug after saying goodbye, no light brushes etc. At the time I didn't have a car and somewhat embarassingly she gave me a lift back to my place. She said she would definatelly want to do this again.

 

This is where everything sorta went down hill. I did not set up any physical contact so I think I planted the seeds for a friends only situation. The text I sent her about 1min after she drove off was "i miss you already!" probably didn't help.

 

The following weeks I acted like a needy tard, constantly texting crap like "how was your day?", "hey whats doin?" or sometimes just "hey". This went on for a bit until I sent the mega needy text "where are we going with this"? Her response was as you expect. Was something like "I only see this as a friendship, why are you trying to make it more than that?". I replied saying that I didn't want a relationship either then accused her of jumping to conclusions.

 

So after that I just left her alone, I have her on facebook but we didnt interact for quite some months. I decided I didn't want to date for a while so instead I focused on myself, lost weight, focused on my career and finally bought a car.

 

At this stage I pretty much forgot about her, but just a month ago she started to notice my positive changes. She started liking and commenting on posts, I didn't actively respond to them and treated her like anyone else for a few weeks.

 

I decided to break contact and sent her a message, this time I'm playfully teasing her while she asks me questions that I vaugely answer. Completely different to the overcomplimentry guy I was before, I suggested a meetup with no date and she agreed.

 

We have been playfully texting ever since, just a little bit flirty too, also have nicknames for eachother (although i pretend that i hate the one she gave me, but she still uses it). Everything seems positive, she suggests that we need to meet up although not directly, she also suggests that she will get back to me with her schedule. Problem is however her work hours are way different to mine. I have now asked her out twice, first time I got a response like "sorry I'm stuck at work all night, if I wasn't I guess it would be okay".

 

Today I tried one last time (I'm not going to try again), her response was "Would if I could but I have to *friends thing* that night...sorry *nickname*" I responded with, "all good, shoot me a text if something opens up :)". She responded with "yeah, I will let you know :)". I am going to stop from this point, I know that she has 4 days off in a row this week and she has booked it out.

 

So I'm trying to understand the intentions of this girl, I'm feeling like I'm making the right moves but it seems like I'm back to where I was post date. I don't really feel the same for her now either, I'm indifferent and she is probably either the same or not interested.

 

Logically I've nexted her, but why would a girl like this respond so positively to someone who is complete outside her friend circles and only seen each other in person once? Honestly she is a fantastic girl but it it just kinda ticks me off when someone shows a good amount of interest but never commits to a date. Unless her "i'll get back to you's" are genuine, which I doubt they are. I'm not willing to put the effort into figuring out what the deal is.

 

Sorry for the long post.

Probably should mention she came out of a 5 year engagement with some dude a couple of months before we met, that might be important.

[morrowrd]

You did seem to do the right thing after coming across so needy and clingy. However, the response to the <"I only see this as a friendship, why are you trying to make it more than that?"> probably should have been different than what you did. Basically denying romantic interest when we all know you're dating her not to be her f'n friend.

 

 

She's playing mind games, YOUR'RE doing the same thing...what I think is she isn't really interested in anything serious, she likes her online flirting relationship with you, probably stroking her ego with it because she knows you like her, so that's your value.

 

 

My advice is to stop wasting your time.

[ja123]

You've worked on yourself, and learned not to be so clingy: this will fare well with new conquests.

 

 

As for this girl: she's a flake and is using you for an ego-boost.

 

 

I'd move on.

[Cam7]

Yeah you're probably right, I'm probably gaming her a bit.

 

Also, even though I hate facebook for this sort of crap, I notice a lot of posts from her that are either "forever alone", "loving the single life", "maybe I'll just get a cat" themed. Clear red flags for attention seeking imo.

 

I have other girls on my radar anyway, I'll keep working on myself too. Maybe she will try to get my attention, maybe not. Non-issue.

 

The only reason I bought this whole thing up is because I always seem to be thinking about her again after going on a date with someone else. I don't think a lot of these girls are challenging me on an intellectual level, she did.

[Syconort]

Yeah you're probably right, I'm probably gaming her a bit.

 

Also, even though I hate facebook for this sort of crap, I notice a lot of posts from her that are either "forever alone", "loving the single life", "maybe I'll just get a cat" themed. Clear red flags for attention seeking imo.

 

I have other girls on my radar anyway, I'll keep working on myself too. Maybe she will try to get my attention, maybe not. Non-issue.

 

The only reason I bought this whole thing up is because I always seem to be thinking about her again after going on a date with someone else. I don't think a lot of these girls are challenging me on an intellectual level, she did.

 

You're going to game her a bit? You're not getting this at all, are you? Let it go. Move on. Otherwise you'll just become another ******* with a head full of negative memories.

[Cam7]

You're going to game her a bit? You're not getting this at all, are you? Let it go. Move on. Otherwise you'll just become another ******* with a head full of negative memories.

 

When did I say I was going to continue to game her? I said I was moving on, that was quite clear in my original post.

[Versacehottie]

I actually think it's not necessarily a NO but a NOT NOW. 5 years in a serious relationship is a long time and people seem to genuinely need to heal and time to do it afterward. It's doesn't matter how right or awesome you could be; sometimes they just can't see it in this phase of recovering from what they've just been through. Frankly, you may not want her truly at this point when she is still dealing with stuff from that and hurt. I think her FB posts say a lot and would not yet want a relationship with someone who was in this frame of mind. It doesn't mean never.

 

She came back to you SO i'm guessing you are both interested but the timing is not good now. Keep the friendship & flirting up at somewhat of a distance while you go on with your life (date others etc) and see what happens with her. I hate to say it but if you're not as much of a sure thing to her, I think she will start to pursue you. I'm not saying to play games. But the ball is in her court in a couple of ways. Both for the next time you hang out. And progressing things in this initial stage. What you are doing as far as not going overboard or being as accessible (like the 1st time) is good! Make her come to you in a sense. People move on (her) when they have a new longing for something/someone else. Create the longing by not being as accessible and being non-threatening. She will become the chaser. Et voila. She has essentially already shown that she will do this.

 

Relatively speaking and as a generalization, I think girls have the ability to "move-on" into another relationship quicker than guys after traumatic break-up. They may take a break where they are not dating at all though whereas guys will still date with no intentions deep down of becoming serious with anyone (even though on the surface they may exhibit behavior that seems like serious commitment territory). Make sure that "forever alone" and "cat lady" stuff is gone from her head and she has got a more positive outlook on relationships before YOU go full on with her. Good luck.

[Cam7]

Wanting to provide an update on this one, things actually haven't been going well. I stayed in contact but only a couple of texts a week. Dates with other women have now become non existent and because of that I became so damn infactuated again. I never lead her to believe this however but she started to affect me mentally. I think I just went crazy. I never got ignored by her but she does absolutely nothing to reach out to me anymore. I need to get over this, as of 5mins ago I have deleted our FB and text convos, deleted her number from my phone and deleted her from Facebook. I know that last one is a clear indicator to her but she has to disappear from my life because I stalk her page way too much.

 

I just have no idea what happened, I was just so in control then everything just went wacko. Hopefully after some time I can recompose and get back to it.

[Cam7]

So I decribed and issue I'm having in http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/462513-still-no-right

 

Basically this girl and me have been texting back and forth (although I'm initiating in some form every time). Mainly just teasing, she compliments me sometimes saying that I'm "Doing really well for yourself, probably doing better than me". I don't really compliment her, mainly I just give her crap and she eats it up. She is always happy in her responses and they are pretty quick and lengthy.

 

I don't really know what she is up to other than work, but there was a thing that happened when she posted something on facebook about her feeling down. I posted a joke about how she basically needs to get angry and man up. She texted me after and said "thank you that made me smile". We texted for a bit and she said some weird stuff like "i wish i can burn down the house of the person that hurt me" (it related to the joke and was said in a funny way) and also something like "I make poor decisions, hurt people and overthink, lucky me! lol". I did not ask about it, seems like she was only giving a hint about something being wrong but wanted to change the subject. No idea if this is someone she dated or her ex fiancee. I didn't want to actively comfort her as I didn't want to come of as some guy she can come crying to.

 

Now we are texting a little bit more often, but I am still making fun of her. (I'm honestly **** at flirting, but I did win my first girlfriend over by making fun of her constantly for 6 months). I really want to try and ask her out again but her work is crazy and we never have matching time off, but she usually texts me what days she has off without me asking. Could that be a sign she wants me to ask her out on one of those days or is it just a natural part conversation? She also went on a holiday with some friends and she asked me if I was jealous because she knew I really liked this particular destination. Not sure if she was getting at the idea of us doing it together.

 

One other thing is I have been seeing this other girl that I know for a fact is really into me. But I just for whatever don't feel it. She is really cool and I do find her attractive but for whatever reason I find the fact that she so openly wants me a turn off. It's like there is no challenge. Logically I should be having a go at this one but when it came to K closing I just left her hanging. I did ping her afterwards and agreed to her offer of doing it again sometime but I havn't contacted her in a week now and probably won't again. I don't feel good about it. I got numbers from 2 other really sweet girls but couldn't be stuffed contacting them either.

 

Sorry for long post.