SadSmiley Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Please do not be too hard on me. I have punished myself enough and have agonized heavily. I am young, I am human, and I make mistakes. My boyfriend of four years and I were going steady when I decided to reach out to a guy from the past. The intentions were friendship but it became something more. I fell easily into the Grass is Greener trap because it sounded so alluring to rekindle a first love. That combined with the perpetual inner feeling of there could be a love more deeper and meaningful out there for me led me to stray. I broke it off with the boyfriend for a shot with the other guy. I managed to **** up somewhere in that where the guy chose not to forgive me. I wanted so badly to work it out and redeem myself. I was such a hellish mess (back then and in the aftermath). He caved in, but forced upon an "agreement" where the seeing each other would stop but the communication could ensue. His reasoning was that the now-ex was still living under the roof. Before all the **** went through the roof, he KNEW that the ex hadn't the means to move out. To force him into homelessness was a cruel thing to do. It needed time. I felt so horribly punished now that that was being used against me. I have expressed how agonized I felt that there was nothing I could do to change the living situation. I wanted so badly to escape. Flee. There was already enough of a wedge driven between me and the ex, but that made it worse. It has made me into SUCH an ugly person to this poor guy. But he remained so unrelenting. No matter how hard I cried or tried to better things as best I thought I could, it was never good enough. He got even further upset that I would be spending time with the ex. It was such a convoluted mess. I felt SO ****ing helpless because not hanging out with him felt like something I could not get out of doing because he lives with me. I tried to reason that if he were to be spending that time with me, I could. But he would not have any of that. Staunch refusal to see each other. That extremely distressed me, which led to the ex taking pity on me and taking me out to take my mind off things. I tried to make this guy understand that that was what it was, but NO. He was expecting what I felt to be the impossible and in failing to meet that, it was a breakup against my will. I was in such pain (lost weight, lost interest, suicidal, etc) and tossed out, "I hope you find your love and happiness. Maybe you can get back with [insert ex's name]." Hurt after hurt to top it off. I threw and lashed out every thought at him. I asked him if I wasn't good enough or worth it. I accused him of not caring and as hurt as I was. My calls immediately went to voicemail and he eventually came to threatening to changing his number. I was so desolate at the time, wanting to make it better. Instead, everything made it worse. Everything just hurt. I expressed how I felt he wasn't there for me, etc. As you can see, I did pay the price. I lost myself. My self-esteem, my self-worth. So my question is, do you think it was a valid reason that he chose not to further things with me? The fact that the ex still lived with me? Before **** went down, that didn't stop him from going out on dates with me. Or do you think he truly gave up after I allegedly ****ed up and was trying to get rid of me in this manner? I held on so tightly. I was so blind to fantasy. After recalling this tale, I never want to forgive him. It was hard to forgive myself. But it was he who had the final say and threw me in the gutter. Thank you for listening. Everything I perceived felt so real to me. Please understand that. What do you think of what happened?
somecamel Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Please do not be too hard on me. I have punished myself enough and have agonized heavily. I am young, I am human, and I make mistakes. My boyfriend of four years and I were going steady when I decided to reach out to a guy from the past. The intentions were friendship but it became something more. I fell easily into the Grass is Greener trap because it sounded so alluring to rekindle a first love. That combined with the perpetual inner feeling of there could be a love more deeper and meaningful out there for me led me to stray. I broke it off with the boyfriend for a shot with the other guy. I managed to **** up somewhere in that where the guy chose not to forgive me. I wanted so badly to work it out and redeem myself. I was such a hellish mess (back then and in the aftermath). He caved in, but forced upon an "agreement" where the seeing each other would stop but the communication could ensue. His reasoning was that the now-ex was still living under the roof. Before all the **** went through the roof, he KNEW that the ex hadn't the means to move out. To force him into homelessness was a cruel thing to do. It needed time. I felt so horribly punished now that that was being used against me. I have expressed how agonized I felt that there was nothing I could do to change the living situation. I wanted so badly to escape. Flee. There was already enough of a wedge driven between me and the ex, but that made it worse. It has made me into SUCH an ugly person to this poor guy. But he remained so unrelenting. No matter how hard I cried or tried to better things as best I thought I could, it was never good enough. He got even further upset that I would be spending time with the ex. It was such a convoluted mess. I felt SO ****ing helpless because not hanging out with him felt like something I could not get out of doing because he lives with me. I tried to reason that if he were to be spending that time with me, I could. But he would not have any of that. Staunch refusal to see each other. That extremely distressed me, which led to the ex taking pity on me and taking me out to take my mind off things. I tried to make this guy understand that that was what it was, but NO. He was expecting what I felt to be the impossible and in failing to meet that, it was a breakup against my will. I was in such pain (lost weight, lost interest, suicidal, etc) and tossed out, "I hope you find your love and happiness. Maybe you can get back with [insert ex's name]." Hurt after hurt to top it off. I threw and lashed out every thought at him. I asked him if I wasn't good enough or worth it. I accused him of not caring and as hurt as I was. My calls immediately went to voicemail and he eventually came to threatening to changing his number. I was so desolate at the time, wanting to make it better. Instead, everything made it worse. Everything just hurt. I expressed how I felt he wasn't there for me, etc. As you can see, I did pay the price. I lost myself. My self-esteem, my self-worth. So my question is, do you think it was a valid reason that he chose not to further things with me? The fact that the ex still lived with me? Before **** went down, that didn't stop him from going out on dates with me. Or do you think he truly gave up after I allegedly ****ed up and was trying to get rid of me in this manner? I held on so tightly. I was so blind to fantasy. After recalling this tale, I never want to forgive him. It was hard to forgive myself. But it was he who had the final say and threw me in the gutter. Thank you for listening. Everything I perceived felt so real to me. Please understand that. What do you think of what happened? Hi Sadsmiley, Can you clear up a few things? You were with your boyfriend for 4 years, I assume you guys didn't live together? Were you still living with your ex from when you two were an item and neither of you had moved out? You do have a right to be sad that your relationship ended this way and I hope you can see how much you influenced it, it looks like you really hurt your most recent ex. You don't make it clear how far the relation with the first ex actually went, was it an emotional affair or did it move onto sex? Either way, it would take a much stronger person than me to be able to forget everything when you were still in what could be daily contact with the guy you were cheating with. Take stock of what has happened in your life, there is no coming back from this now, you need to take responsibility that you caused this and learn from it, make sure it never happens again in your future relationships. Do this guy a favour and leave him alone to rebuild his life, do yourself a favour and move out of wherever you're living now away from this previous ex, your not responsible for him, you need to take responsibility for your own life now. 1
Author SadSmiley Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 I have been doing that. Leaving him alone. I do not have a choice. It was pure emotional. He has been living with me under my family's roof.
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 SadSmiley, Many if not most would not have taken you back at all. Not even communicated. Your ex should have simply walked away from you as you have much to repair within yourself and not a healthy candidate for a lasting, faithful relationship right now. You absolutely need to get out of your live-in ex's life ASAP and let your recent ex go to find someone more stable and more prepared to have a happy, healthy relationship. 1
somecamel Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I have been doing that. Leaving him alone. I do not have a choice. It was pure emotional. He has been living with me under my family's roof. Why? How long for? Does he have his own room?
Author SadSmiley Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) I don't think it matters anymore, but the arrangement came about when his mother kicked him out and we took him in out of hospitality. He always felt like a burden (supposedly), but we made a life out of it. He slept in my room and I would sleep with my mother. In times that I missed my bed, he would take the floor. Given the choice, he would have rather had his own place and I would rather remain where I live. This living together was NEVER really a willful next step into the relationship. It happened based on unfortunate circumstances. We got used to it and never thought much about it. Edited March 29, 2014 by SadSmiley
Author SadSmiley Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Happy to say I got the ex I wanted back. We are starting over (something which I am definitely not taking for granted). I do not know how it will end up, but I am happy with where I am at and he is happy to have me too.
Strength in Healing Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Crazy situation, and trust me when I say you aren't starting over. You're going to catch up real quick to the problems. 1
Author SadSmiley Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 The other one did move out and the one I'm with knows he is history.
Strength in Healing Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 That's not what I mean. You don't just "start over" with someone. You'll see what I mean here in time. Get ready for the pain.
Elle1975 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Please do not be too hard on me. I have punished myself enough and have agonized heavily. I am young, I am human, and I make mistakes. My boyfriend of four years and I were going steady when I decided to reach out to a guy from the past. The intentions were friendship but it became something more. I fell easily into the Grass is Greener trap because it sounded so alluring to rekindle a first love. That combined with the perpetual inner feeling of there could be a love more deeper and meaningful out there for me led me to stray. I broke it off with the boyfriend for a shot with the other guy. I managed to **** up somewhere in that where the guy chose not to forgive me. I wanted so badly to work it out and redeem myself. I was such a hellish mess (back then and in the aftermath). He caved in, but forced upon an "agreement" where the seeing each other would stop but the communication could ensue. His reasoning was that the now-ex was still living under the roof. Before all the **** went through the roof, he KNEW that the ex hadn't the means to move out. To force him into homelessness was a cruel thing to do. It needed time. I felt so horribly punished now that that was being used against me. I have expressed how agonized I felt that there was nothing I could do to change the living situation. I wanted so badly to escape. Flee. There was already enough of a wedge driven between me and the ex, but that made it worse. It has made me into SUCH an ugly person to this poor guy. But he remained so unrelenting. No matter how hard I cried or tried to better things as best I thought I could, it was never good enough. He got even further upset that I would be spending time with the ex. It was such a convoluted mess. I felt SO ****ing helpless because not hanging out with him felt like something I could not get out of doing because he lives with me. I tried to reason that if he were to be spending that time with me, I could. But he would not have any of that. Staunch refusal to see each other. That extremely distressed me, which led to the ex taking pity on me and taking me out to take my mind off things. I tried to make this guy understand that that was what it was, but NO. He was expecting what I felt to be the impossible and in failing to meet that, it was a breakup against my will. I was in such pain (lost weight, lost interest, suicidal, etc) and tossed out, "I hope you find your love and happiness. Maybe you can get back with [insert ex's name]." Hurt after hurt to top it off. I threw and lashed out every thought at him. I asked him if I wasn't good enough or worth it. I accused him of not caring and as hurt as I was. My calls immediately went to voicemail and he eventually came to threatening to changing his number. I was so desolate at the time, wanting to make it better. Instead, everything made it worse. Everything just hurt. I expressed how I felt he wasn't there for me, etc. As you can see, I did pay the price. I lost myself. My self-esteem, my self-worth. So my question is, do you think it was a valid reason that he chose not to further things with me? The fact that the ex still lived with me? Before **** went down, that didn't stop him from going out on dates with me. Or do you think he truly gave up after I allegedly ****ed up and was trying to get rid of me in this manner? I held on so tightly. I was so blind to fantasy. After recalling this tale, I never want to forgive him. It was hard to forgive myself. But it was he who had the final say and threw me in the gutter. Thank you for listening. Everything I perceived felt so real to me. Please understand that. What do you think of what happened? That would make me run for the hills too if someone decided to break a 4 years relationship, still live with the "ex", and wanted me as his new gf. No way. The "honeymoon" period probably wore off for him and he opened his eyes, and ran. I'm not sure why you're blaming the guy here.
KaliLove Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hehe, Elle..you should read the rest of the thread..
Elle1975 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hehe, Elle..you should read the rest of the thread.. I did, did I miss something? It's kind of hard to read in some places. I'll read again. Edit: What am I looking for? I am talking about the "ex-ex", not the 4 years ex.
KaliLove Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) But I don't think she cares all that much about that first post now that she's got him back.. Sorry..I figured you'd just read the first post and replied..my bad! I do that sometimes so I guess I assume others do too..hehe. Edited May 12, 2014 by KaliLove
Elle1975 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 But I don't think she cares all that much about that first post now that she's got him back.. Sorry..I figured you'd just read the first post and replied..my bad! I do that sometimes so I guess I assume others do too..hehe. No, you're right, that's what I did. I really think it was a fresh post, my bad. I do agree with Strengh Btw.
todreaminblue Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 (edited) glad to hear things worked out for you, i can understand why your boyfriend ended the situation you were in my ex is staying with me at the moment and has on and off since i first met him and i have had dates and relationships while he has stayed with me, in fact in my fifteen year relationship that ended, my previous ex stayed with us on and off as well.......he sleeps on my couch.....i have not however had any type of affair with him since we broke up.........over twenty years ago....he has had other relationships.....this ex that stays with me has no one else.......i have children to him who are adults now....... we are his only family.......he was a ward of the state, taken from wandering parents who was beaten and sexually abused by christian brothers at an orphanage......he has no birth certificate, if he hadnt have don crim ehe would nto even be on the system.....the courts have his finger prints..... and portions of his life have been black marked by the state.......he was illiterate when i met him...he is no longer illiterate he was never taught how to manage money or how to live....he learned only how to survive...... and of course turned to crime and got sucked in at an early age into the gutter life of drugs and no hope then he met me...... its been a painful and long drawn out battle with this guy, he is quite an abnomaly, bought about by societal ignorance, government disregard,education complete failure and the abuse of religion and true charity from a tender age of five or so which now he doesn't even trust god is there for him ...well god is with him ...because i am still here............unfortunately for me....i see that five year old......that everyone threw in a corner and forgot and kicked and anally abused...... and i get told all the time not your problem ....well whose problem is it.......the stuffed up people who made him the way he is....where are they now i wonder...hiding out apparently in rome.....or the ones that are left are facing court in this country......many of the orphans who were with my ex didn't make it......drug overdose , suicide.......in jail...does anyone care...no not really....discard people in a discard when finished with fueled world......i have never been able to discard people...people are not newspapers with stories in them to discard when you finish using them....not even ones that have abused me there is normally an outside influence be it drugs alcohol or whatever.....more worldly pursuits that destroy people so I take those ones that are discarded and kicked out left with nothing and i try and help....hard for any guy to be with me........has to be someone special...... i tend to meet those kind of guys who understand.......they mainly believe in god....because they help others too..... in saying all this.......if i were to have a serious relationship i would leave this house i have to my ex......and i would still pay his bills make sure he had a roof and food to eat, and the lights to come on at night,my oldest son would probably stay with him i would still manage his money too, i would still be there for him and my son in any way that was right and true to the way god touches my heart to do for others, like i would treat a brother or a sister......its a sacrifice and its complex and time consuming.......but i have done it all my life...dont intend on stopping......i can have a relationship and i wont kick anyone out to do that ...but myself........i would choose to move out and be with the guy i loved.......but only a guy who knew me well enough would trust me, i dont have affairs when i am with a guy......all thy would have to do is talk to my exes........and see what they think of me......being trusted is not something i have really ever had a problem with...... i wanted to share my story with you......i am glad you got your guy you love back, dont have an affair of any type including emotional this time.....hugs....deb Edited May 13, 2014 by todreaminblue
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