Mycatsnuggles Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 We've been together quite awhile we share many things about our selves families even relationships. We both love our spouses yet are not sexually attacted to them. No one has ever denied having marital sex but we both report that it is unfilling We lay in bed and talk a lot about politics the world our hopes for our personal futures. Ther has never been future facking. Maybe future fantasy if you could.... It's how I feel with him I love. He tells me he loves me and I am his friend. He kisses me, if I want more we move on. He full fills me sexually taking the time to kiss hold Nd caress that doesn't happen with.my husband any more. Never did So ultimately is this why I am with him amazing sex! And yes I want as much as he does,yet he never pushes. He reads me and follows th temple I set. Until him I never knew what making love felt like. Only sex a procedure to procreate and relieve male stress. I have tried to teach h take him to a class he even Had a girlfriend when we brook up. But he has no skills. Ok love h we have a good time together and enjoy his company I just don't want to have sex with him. Barring that I will have sex with H and maybe keep OM for me to experience sexually joy. I grew up during a prudice area OM makes me feel comfortable with him... Any one else both married and it works but know it's wrong but don't want to stop because I will never have an orgasim again,w/o you other special person,
glow worm Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Any one else both married and it works but know it's wrong but don't want to stop because I will never have an orgasim again You can't give yourself orgasms?
Dog Woman Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Any one else both married and it works but know it's wrong but don't want to stop because I will never have an orgasim again,w/o you other special person, I started an affair whilst I was still married and thought it would work just for sex. As time went on and exMM and I wanted more from the relationship/different things, I realised it would never work and that there is more to life that sex and orgasims. I'm now single, my husband and I decided it would be best to end our marriage because things were not working out and could not be repaired. The marriage didn't end because of the affair and my exMM, my ex husband and I had been experiencing marital problems for years. As a single person there is no man in my life at the moment, (though my exMM is trying to rekindle the A that I don't want to restart), I am managing quite well without sex from a man and achieving lots of pleasure (if you know what I mean) on my own.
Artie Lang Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) really "good" sex? hmmm... well, you have to take into account 1) the nature of you relationship- the illicitness of the affair itself dials up the intense sexual feelings; 2) you also have the "newness" of the relationship as well- a new person who rekindles the lost passion that you may have lost in your marriage; and 3) your sexual experience- if you've only been with 1-2 people, you really lack the experience to make such a call. don't get me wrong, he may very well be more sexually compatible with you than your husband is, but there are many factors that make you feel the way you do. not just because it's "good." i think the word you're looking for is better than what you've been getting from your husband. Edited February 23, 2014 by Artie Lang 3
Lady2163 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I think the actual sex has much to do with it, BUT... Months ago, someone talked about the hidden competition in sex and affairs. As the Other person, we know we are in competition with the spouse and we have a tendency to pull out all the stops. Whereas the BS doesn't know they are being compared to someone else and is just going through the motions. I'm not sure if you are going to hotels or are having sex in your homes. But, if you are going to a hotel, then you both know what is going to happen for the next X number of hours. If you are in the type of relationship where you can't be seen much out in public, then what else are you expected to do with each other? You're allotting specific time to be alone, to be intimate, to have sex. I've often wondered if marriages would be better if people did that. But, let's face it...20 minutes after having sex with a spouse, you're back to thinking about laundry, mowing the yard, etc. 1
jellybean89 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 so if you never had a good sexual relationship with your husband, why did you marry him?
krazikat Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I think the actual sex has much to do with it, BUT... Months ago, someone talked about the hidden competition in sex and affairs. As the Other person, we know we are in competition with the spouse and we have a tendency to pull out all the stops. Whereas the BS doesn't know they are being compared to someone else and is just going through the motions. I'm not sure if you are going to hotels or are having sex in your homes. But, if you are going to a hotel, then you both know what is going to happen for the next X number of hours. If you are in the type of relationship where you can't be seen much out in public, then what else are you expected to do with each other? You're allotting specific time to be alone, to be intimate, to have sex. I've often wondered if marriages would be better if people did that. But, let's face it...20 minutes after having sex with a spouse, you're back to thinking about laundry, mowing the yard, etc. That is a good point. It is so easy to leave romance at the sort in marriage....kids, bills, family member issues, house work, etc. etc. it is alot! My h and I recently stayed at a hotel in town for a date night and had a lovely time...and decided that we will start doing this for 1-2 nights a month, like an all night date night. :-P
jwi71 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 It's how I feel with him I love. This. No one likes feeling "Taken for granted" or "not appreciated". The kicker is...its something YOU can influence at home. I would encourage positive steps to IMPROVING the M versus these negative steps you are currently engaged in. Its hard to invest at home when you are invested in another. He tells me he loves me and I am his friend. He kisses me, if I want more we move on. He full fills me sexually taking the time to kiss hold Nd caress that doesn't happen with.my husband any more. Never did If you never felt the "good parts of sex or a relationship with your H"...then in Sam hell did you marry him? Ok love h we have a good time together and enjoy his company I just don't want to have sex with him. Barring that I will have sex with H and maybe keep OM for me to experience sexually joy. I grew up during a prudice area OM makes me feel comfortable with him... Perhaps consider an open M...you can have your OM and your H can other women? Let's at least make this fair to both of you.... Any one else both married and it works but know it's wrong but don't want to stop because I will never have an orgasim again,w/o you other special person, Not being female, I can only go by what I've been told or read...namely, that orgasms are a state of mind with your partner... Your post seems to support that. Point being...maybe changing some "YOU" things can improve at home...making an OM unnecessary? And failing that...at least allow your H the same pleasure you do...namely other lovers. Or, at least the opportunity to have others. Going a step further...why not get D?
heyjesse84 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Well..... ive been in an A for a year and a half, we are both married. We both want to remain married and keep this on the side. He as well provides me with some intense sexual feeling ive never had. What gets really really hard is the emotions involved. The cravings of needing what he provides me more and more. The loving feeling i have with him. It sucks, and its hard. In a way its ruined sex with my H, as it feels more like a chore. I go crazy, and show my crszy from time to time, as im terrified this will end..ive never had it this good. Unfortunatly my anxiety is so high, im constantly questioning when he doesnt text me that maybe he doesnt like me anymore...its pathetic. Im trying really really really hard to keep my emotions out of this. All i can suggest is that you do the same, or youll drive yourself crazy.
Author Mycatsnuggles Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 First: I'm surprised on the self master bastion comments. Yes I , I ican when I do, cannot compair to being w another person. It's not just grabbing a manipulating sex organs. It th slow caress down my arm, he leans in to adjust my talks close yo me while touching me until he leans in for th kiss, a vibrator can't do this for me. I need his scent, th feel of his skin, and his unfettered un directed touch which is amazing
herself Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 If A's were all only about sex, emotional affairs wouldnt exist. Either way, for those engaged in steamy affairs just like in regular marital sex, it can lose its luster too, it can get stale. So without there being more, what you have is a tcking time clock where it was fun while it lasted but no use risking evetything for something that just ran its course. That may be when its just easy to let go for some.
Recommended Posts