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How do you maintain dignity after a hurtful breakup? Depressed and desperate..

sheilaxy

By sheilaxy
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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faithfully Established Member

faithfully

Posted
Posted
Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really want to call him and lash out on him and tell him how much of a coward he is. I have never been this bitter in my life but my emotions are getting best of me making me wanna get revenge...what pisses me off is that after he broke up with me over a text (not giving a reason just the cliche its not you its me) I accepted it and left the relationship like a lady even though i was devastated but he was acting on FB and other pages like nothing has happened(posting funny vines!) I blocked him on all my social networks... I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesn't seem to work. I can't believe i jogged for an hour today none stop. The worst part is that I still have strong feelings for ths person, there are times that I miss him a lot..and it hurts..I really loved this man..I'm trying to stick to NC and I hope things will change for good for me wether it's getting back together or moving on. I'm really hurting at this point

 

(Excuse my typing errors, not feeling well )

 

 

 

NO NO NO DO NOT BREAK NC

 

Trust me it gets better and better. Delete his msg, number, the lot!!

 

I read your thread and you came across as a very strong person till i read you brok nc. BIG MISTAKE.

 

He prob read your text and laughed at you.

 

You will be fine. Just start all over again. We have all been there. I know i have untill i said enough is enough.

 

Its been 3months of NC for me and i am happy. I am moving on with my life. I nooo longer think of him as much. Got no urge to break it.

 

Just keep busy like you said you have. Do not message him on his birthday. Nothing!!

  • Like 1
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really want to call him and lash out on him and tell him how much of a coward he is. I have never been this bitter in my life but my emotions are getting best of me making me wanna get revenge...what pisses me off is that after he broke up with me over a text (not giving a reason just the cliche its not you its me) I accepted it and left the relationship like a lady even though i was devastated but he was acting on FB and other pages like nothing has happened(posting funny vines!) I blocked him on all my social networks... I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesn't seem to work. I can't believe i jogged for an hour today none stop. The worst part is that I still have strong feelings for ths person, there are times that I miss him a lot..and it hurts..I really loved this man..I'm trying to stick to NC and I hope things will change for good for me wether it's getting back together or moving on. I'm really hurting at this point

 

(Excuse my typing errors, not feeling well )

 

Do you see why it was a bad move to text the apology? It's like a hit of crack. You come up with reasons to break NC like apologizing, lashing out at him, it will be something else next week. I did all of this too until I finally realized that I was looking to him to fix me. I'm apologizing to HIM, lashing out at HIM, wanting HIM back, and it never ends.

 

He can't help you now. Only you can help yourself. Any attempt to contact him pulls you back into the black hole after the momentary high you will get. Really, contacting him is a way for you to get validation from him, a reaction, anything, even if it's a negative reaction.

 

You no longer need to be concerned with him in any form because I can promise you that he isn't very concerned about you.

  • Like 2
iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
Truth is though, if they do feel regret they usually will not tell us.

 

So what do you do when you know that your ex (dumper) might be regretting their decision, but are too afraid to reach out to you?

 

 

The reason why I ask is I know my ex GF very well. She's extremely timid, shy, and most likely has this notion that I "hate" her for breaking up with me. All of that together would keep her away.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not holding onto this idea as hope, but if she truly was sincere about working things out, I would consider it. I'm currently 1.5 months in NC, and there's no way in hell I'd break it just to find out.

 

But I hope you understand my dilemma and can give me some opinions.

  • Like 1
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
So what do you do when you know that your ex (dumper) might be regretting their decision, but are too afraid to reach out to you?

 

 

The reason why I ask is I know my ex GF very well. She's extremely timid, shy, and most likely has this notion that I "hate" her for breaking up with me. All of that together would keep her away.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not holding onto this idea as hope, but if she truly was sincere about working things out, I would consider it. I'm currently 1.5 months in NC, and there's no way in hell I'd break it just to find out.

 

But I hope you understand my dilemma and can give me some opinions.

 

If she's so timid and shy, how did she work up the courage to break up with you? Surely, she can be brave enough to get you back. My ex was also shy, fifth like to initiate things, just hung back, but I always remind myself that he worked up enough courage to cut me loose. He can come back easily enough if he wishes.

  • Like 1
iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
If she's so timid and shy, how did she work up the courage to break up with you? Surely, she can be brave enough to get you back. My ex was also shy, fifth like to initiate things, just hung back, but I always remind myself that he worked up enough courage to cut me loose. He can come back easily enough if he wishes.

 

You make a very good point. If there's one thing I respect about her is the guts she had to do what she did. But one thing she's always done in any decision involving me or not is that she doesn't think things through. She decides off of impulse. I dated her for 2 years so I hope that holds some credibility to my assumption. I have another set of opinions on how we could've worked things out, but it doesn't matter right now.

 

Like I said, I'm not going to fixate on the idea. It's that that could be a situation she's running into.

  • Like 1
newmoon Established Member

newmoon

Posted
Posted
So what do you do when you know that your ex (dumper) might be regretting their decision, but are too afraid to reach out to you?

 

 

The reason why I ask is I know my ex GF very well. She's extremely timid, shy, and most likely has this notion that I "hate" her for breaking up with me. All of that together would keep her away.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not holding onto this idea as hope, but if she truly was sincere about working things out, I would consider it. I'm currently 1.5 months in NC, and there's no way in hell I'd break it just to find out.

 

But I hope you understand my dilemma and can give me some opinions.

 

 

if you knew your gf really well then why didn't you know enough about what she needed to keep her happy and with you? you cannot ever know another person, at all. you have no idea what she might be feeling, but if regret was one of those things you'd have heard from her and she'd be begging to have you back. has that happened? just keep up with your NC - by month 3 or 4 you'll be doing fine and if she does come back you'll have all the power

iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
if you knew your gf really well then why didn't you know enough about what she needed to keep her happy and with you? you cannot ever know another person, at all. you have no idea what she might be feeling, but if regret was one of those things you'd have heard from her and she'd be begging to have you back. has that happened? just keep up with your NC - by month 3 or 4 you'll be doing fine and if she does come back you'll have all the power

 

No.

 

As far as I knew she was happy. I told her to tell me if there was any problem she was having concerning the relationship or not. If she told me she was happy then I took it as face value. I wouldn't question it after knowing I've extended a helping hand to her.

 

But you're right. A couple of more months will do me well.

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
sheilaxy Member

sheilaxy

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It's been about a month that I have been on strict NC until today that I found out though a friend that my ex is moving out of state. I was crushed because I still had this little hope for us getting back together or at least getting back on a civil terms. I don't know if I should text him saying good bye or just let it go and move on.. The first a few weeks of NC was soo hard for me but I did it and I worked on myself. Things are a lot easier that they used to be. Im not that bitter person anymore, I feel like I don't care much but today all those deep feeling are back. the memories we had together is just torturing me knowing he is not the same person anymore. It's hard to believe that he didin't even bother to say goodbye to me. Or maybe he is waiting for me to do that first? I cant think clearly right now.. Tell me what to do. Should I see/text him for the last time or just move on. I loved this man so deeply and it hurts knowing I tried everything to get him back and now he is leaving.. feeling lost and depressed.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't text a good bye. He didn't tell you he was leaving, so he obviously doesn't care.

  • Like 2
Weallwalkthelongroad Established Member

Weallwalkthelongroad

Posted
Posted
I wouldn't text a good bye. He didn't tell you he was leaving, so he obviously doesn't care.

 

Exactly. If I found out my ex was moving away, I'd actually be relieved knowing the chance to run into her was going to be moving away with her.

  • Like 4
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

I'm with BC. It's obvious that he didn't even care to tell you so it's pretty clear that a goodbye isn't of any significance to him.

  • Like 2
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

I agree. For all he knows you don't know he is leaving for good and he still hasn't shown enough interest to let you know. It is up to him to contact you and let you know he is leaving town for good. If he doesn't it's because you are not a priority. Leave him be.

  • Like 2
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
It's been about a month that I have been on strict NC until today that I found out though a friend that my ex is moving out of state. I was crushed because I still had this little hope for us getting back together or at least getting back on a civil terms. I don't know if I should text him saying good bye or just let it go and move on.. The first a few weeks of NC was soo hard for me but I did it and I worked on myself. Things are a lot easier that they used to be. Im not that bitter person anymore, I feel like I don't care much but today all those deep feeling are back. the memories we had together is just torturing me knowing he is not the same person anymore. It's hard to believe that he didin't even bother to say goodbye to me. Or maybe he is waiting for me to do that first? I cant think clearly right now.. Tell me what to do. Should I see/text him for the last time or just move on. I loved this man so deeply and it hurts knowing I tried everything to get him back and now he is leaving.. feeling lost and depressed.

 

You should leave him alone. He has shown you numerous times that he is not interested, does not care and does not want you. Stop finding any excuse to contact him. He doesn't know that you know he is leaving and obviously doesn't care or he would be the one to call you and tell you he is leaving. He will think you are being a pest and begging for more of his bad behavior. It has only been a month and you are not over him yet. Do not mess up any progress you have gained from NC.

  • Like 1
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
It's been about a month that I have been on strict NC until today that I found out though a friend that my ex is moving out of state. I was crushed because I still had this little hope for us getting back together or at least getting back on a civil terms. I don't know if I should text him saying good bye or just let it go and move on.. The first a few weeks of NC was soo hard for me but I did it and I worked on myself. Things are a lot easier that they used to be. Im not that bitter person anymore, I feel like I don't care much but today all those deep feeling are back. the memories we had together is just torturing me knowing he is not the same person anymore. It's hard to believe that he didin't even bother to say goodbye to me. Or maybe he is waiting for me to do that first? I cant think clearly right now.. Tell me what to do. Should I see/text him for the last time or just move on. I loved this man so deeply and it hurts knowing I tried everything to get him back and now he is leaving.. feeling lost and depressed.

 

Something you said in your thread:

 

"I just want to know how i can maintain my dignity and respect after him treating me like garbage."

 

Keep maintaining your dignity and self-respect by staying NC and moving forward. I really want to shake you.

lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

Posted
Posted

He isn't right for you and you should be happy that he noticed that, although he could break up in a nicer way.

 

I my self - I love emotional girls. I just adore a girl who is brave to express her feelings, and isn't busy watching her ass all the time and not surrounding herself with walls of defence.

I like girls who don't give a damn and letting their personality out loud. I like when my girl wants me freely without any boundries.

 

So you should try finding a guy who will love for what you are and not be for example coward and break up with you by text.

  • Like 2
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

Ooof..your ex was COOOOOLD!!! I am SO sorry Sheila. He sounds like a complete jackass and I think you dodged a massive bullet with this one. UGH..I want to punch this jerk!!! I'm so sorry.

  • Like 1
bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

Posted
Posted

Bastard broke up with you over TEXT write that on your mirror or wall.

In huge letters so you will remember it easier.

 

Sweetie it hurts and burns like poison we know WE all know we been there.

Each one of us was f... over in same or close to same way and you know what?

 

 

At least 30 oldies including me are healed now !!!!!

It took us some half year some year some bit longer but we did it.

 

HUGS now ?

  • Like 1
bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted

There should be a law that states that you have to break up with someone face to face. Text a breakup is chicken ***** at best.

 

In my day before computers and smart phones, it was called a "Dear John letter". Just as bad.

 

But for the sake of the conversation, your at least entitled to an explanation to why he ended it but, I found out the hard way that it still doesn't help.

 

I got knifed in the back by a girl 46 years ago. It took 40 years to finally get the reason and after I heard it, it didn't help because it still wasn't good enough. Like a dog chasing his tail. No worth the time or effort to keep wondering.

 

Do yourself a favor and chalk it up as an experience and file it in the mistake column, move on and save yourself a future wrinkle and grey hair. Trust me.

  • Like 2
  • 5 weeks later...
  • Author
sheilaxy Member

sheilaxy

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi guys,

 

It's been a while I haven't checked here but had some downtime today and wanted to give you all a quick update. I am feeling a lot better like A LOT! I can almost ALMOST say and admit that Im finally over him. It's DONE! His BD was couple of weeks ago and I'm so glad I didn't break NC. That's funny how when you really I mean for real over them, they can sense it and want to get you back! So in my case he actually initiated contact twice once send me a "Nice pic!" message on Viber and once on my cell " wishing me a good day!" Lol. I ignored both of them and he didnt message me again but I can tell he's been stalking me online since then.

 

As far as my personal life goes, let me tell you it couldnt be any better. It was really hard first when i started NC but after a month it got easier. I focused on my OWN LIFE. I deactivated my Facebook (ahh and im so glad i did, it was such a time waster) I gut back to the gym and lost 15 pounds! (that's why he sent that message, telling me looking good! bcuz i had a mini vacation at beach and the photo was in bikinis!! ;)) and it gets better I got promoted at work. There are still times here and then that I get flashbacks of our goodtimes b ut it's like I dont care anymore. Im happy with where I am right now and hopefully moving to SF very soon.

 

This chapter of my life is over and Im looking forward to see whats next. I'll be still checking this forum for the future experiences...:)

  • Like 1
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