How do you maintain dignity after a hurtful breakup? Depressed and desperate..

February 23, 2014

He broke up with me over a text..not giving a reason,, I was devastated and tried to reach him several times to find out what happened and why he did this to me.. he simply ignored all my messages, calls, emails,texts, etc.

I got frustrated with his behavior and send him a text that he's being immature..he responded right away that we can't be together anymore because I'm way too emotional and that I should stop messaging him and if questioning his genuineness helps me to get over it the be his guest. I felt so insulted and hurt by the way he ended things but since I'm not that type person to seek revenge or play it immature I sent him my last text as a response to his text and left it at that. here is what i sent him:

"I'm sorry that you got that impression. There is a reason that I was being such an emotional wreck. You don't know and you wont understand. I've been working on myself to get through this depression and I know that it will be okay in the end. It's just a matter of time. I wish u could give me another chance to make things right. But I understand your frustration and I'm very sorry for that. I wont bother you again."

I'm so angry at myself for being so emotional and needy due to a depression that i was suffering from and he knew about it...I loved this man so much and I always had respect for him that's why it hurts me so much..I cried myself to sleep last night not just because he treated me unfair but also to make myself look like a fool begging him to tell me why he is being the way he is. I made myself look desperate. He's been active on facebook posting and sharing stuff like nothing has happened..I am trying to move on because i don't think that I would ever want to go back to him again even though I still have strong feelings for him. I just want to know how i can maintain my dignity and respect after him treating me like garbage.

February 23, 2014

Hey Sheila.

I know what you are going through and I want you to just breathe and know that everything will be okay.

I am going through my own set of depression and anxiety at the moments, and have also had not-so-pretty breakups in my past. One time, a guy dumped me over text telling me how great the girl he cheated on me with was and how boring I was. I lost my virginity to him. Totally rocked my world, left me feeling embarrassed, used and violated at the time. This happened to me back about 6 years ago, and believe it or not I forgave him (I still think he is a loser though lol) and moved on unscathed.

This last break up, I dated someone who took me for granted and seems to have moved on without so much as blinking an eye.

Less about me though, just wanting to help relate.

It is very hard...but I feel where you are coming from. Your ex did a cowardice thing texting you like he did. Do you want to put energy into someone who does that to you, and is that callous? I know you regret begging him but if you look around these forums, it is VERY common. But time heals everything...I promise! After dust and high emotions settle, people tend to gloss over those actions when looking at the past.

It'll be a struggle at first, but you need to cut every form of communication you have with this guy including facebook (and looking at his).

Why? Because no contact (NC) is a protective shield you provide for yourself. It is a warm blanket to keep you safe. You do not know what he is doing or how he is feeling, and you are able to heal in serenity and privacy. He won't be able to hurt you in any way, shape, or form.

Because you are going through stuff internally, I urge you to do some self reflection and learn from this experience. Learn from the relationship, from the break up, and from your healing. You will feel a lot of emotions at various points but all are very normal and will benefit you later.

I know you're thinking, "benefit? I feel awful though!" You know how intense exercise is exhausting, and sometimes painful on your body? Well that is what this breakup is to your (metaphorical) heart. The struggle you are going through will infact make you strong and able to avoid dating this guy, or anyone like him, again.

Plus, people find out most about themselves in times of struggle and heartbreak.

Now, onto your question - how do you handle this with dignity? Very simple. As I stated earlier, all you have to do is cut this one out of your life. Do not snoop around his, and do not allow him to snoop around yours.

Build yourself into the person you've always dreamed of being.

Heal yourself from your depression (easier said than done, I know)

Talk to friends, family, therapists or counselors. Come on here and vent. Eat good foods, or new foods you've wanted to try but never got around to.

Exercise. Do yoga, jog, take a walk in a nice area..maybe hiking trails.

Get your hair done, get a makeover, get a new wardrobe.

Maybe travel if you are able to afford it. Go on vacation.

Take up new skills and hobbies.

Most important...love yourself and give yourself the respect that your ex couldn't.

The best revenge is a life well lived. In the end, you'll make a lot of new and positive experiences without this guy, you'll build yourself up and love yourself more, and won't even matter how you are viewed by him...he'll mean nothing to you because you'll mean everything to yourself.

February 23, 2014

Hey Sheila.
I know what you are going through and I want you to just breathe and know that everything will be okay.

I am going through my own set of depression and anxiety at the moments, and have also had not-so-pretty breakups in my past. One time, a guy dumped me over text telling me how great the girl he cheated on me with was and how boring I was. I lost my virginity to him. Totally rocked my world, left me feeling embarrassed, used and violated at the time. This happened to me back about 6 years ago, and believe it or not I forgave him (I still think he is a loser though lol) and moved on unscathed.
This last break up, I dated someone who took me for granted and seems to have moved on without so much as blinking an eye.
Less about me though, just wanting to help relate.

It is very hard...but I feel where you are coming from. Your ex did a cowardice thing texting you like he did. Do you want to put energy into someone who does that to you, and is that callous? I know you regret begging him but if you look around these forums, it is VERY common. But time heals everything...I promise! After dust and high emotions settle, people tend to gloss over those actions when looking at the past.
It'll be a struggle at first, but you need to cut every form of communication you have with this guy including facebook (and looking at his).

Why? Because no contact (NC) is a protective shield you provide for yourself. It is a warm blanket to keep you safe. You do not know what he is doing or how he is feeling, and you are able to heal in serenity and privacy. He won't be able to hurt you in any way, shape, or form.

Because you are going through stuff internally, I urge you to do some self reflection and learn from this experience. Learn from the relationship, from the break up, and from your healing. You will feel a lot of emotions at various points but all are very normal and will benefit you later.

I know you're thinking, "benefit? I feel awful though!" You know how intense exercise is exhausting, and sometimes painful on your body? Well that is what this breakup is to your (metaphorical) heart. The struggle you are going through will infact make you strong and able to avoid dating this guy, or anyone like him, again.
Plus, people find out most about themselves in times of struggle and heartbreak.

Now, onto your question - how do you handle this with dignity? Very simple. As I stated earlier, all you have to do is cut this one out of your life. Do not snoop around his, and do not allow him to snoop around yours.
Build yourself into the person you've always dreamed of being.
Heal yourself from your depression (easier said than done, I know)
Talk to friends, family, therapists or counselors. Come on here and vent. Eat good foods, or new foods you've wanted to try but never got around to.
Exercise. Do yoga, jog, take a walk in a nice area..maybe hiking trails.
Get your hair done, get a makeover, get a new wardrobe.
Maybe travel if you are able to afford it. Go on vacation.
Take up new skills and hobbies.
Most important...love yourself and give yourself the respect that your ex couldn't.

The best revenge is a life well lived. In the end, you'll make a lot of new and positive experiences without this guy, you'll build yourself up and love yourself more, and won't even matter how you are viewed by him...he'll mean nothing to you because you'll mean everything to yourself.

Do you think one day they will look back and wonder/ regret taking us for granted? All I did in my situation was be nice and caring. And she shoved me down 6 feet below ground.. and even after the BU i tried NC for awhile and then gave in, she shoved me 10 more feet below ground while I was trying to be nice.. instead she said "did i ever tell you that is kind of creepy?" she said she had a headache and all I did was say *gives you meds* I've been doing texts occasionally like that for 6 months and all the sudden it's creepy and reminds her of her ex? Doesn't make any sense.. I meant no harm but it hurts so much that she told me that.. makes me feel like i'm creepy.. and i'm not :'(

February 23, 2014

Do you think one day they will look back and wonder/ regret taking us for granted? All I did in my situation was be nice and caring. And she shoved me down 6 feet below ground.. and even after the BU i tried NC for awhile and then gave in, she shoved me 10 more feet below ground while I was trying to be nice.. instead she said "did i ever tell you that is kind of creepy?" she said she had a headache and all I did was say *gives you meds* I've been doing texts occasionally like that for 6 months and all the sudden it's creepy and reminds her of her ex? Doesn't make any sense.. I meant no harm but it hurts so much that she told me that.. makes me feel like i'm creepy.. and i'm not :'(

Hey Jack -

People with empathy will always look back and feel sadness for hurting those who tried, unless it turns into harassment. I'll tell you where I stand with this on a past account:

-I had an ex, we dated for two years, he was a sweetheart but I wasn't feeling it anymore and his closeness was crowding me. When I broke it off, he smothered me with emotional messages..begging, pleading, to insulting me and trying to make me jealous. At the time I felt annoyed by him. I was relieved he was gone, for a good half a year.

But months after he stopped messaging me I forgot about those and remembered the fondness of the relationship. We'd talked but recently fell out of touch as he got married. I tried to reach out last year - nearly seven years after the split - to tell him how great of a guy he was. But never got anything back.

Truth is though, if they do feel regret they usually will not tell us. Maybe they won't regret leaving but they will have a new appreciation, especially if the same thing happens to them and they are on the receiving end. They will look back and say "Wow, I did this to someone else" But even if that doesn't happen people will still silently look back and smile on how great of a person you were to them and possibly feel a little sadness that they did not reciprocate at the time.

As for your post, your ex probably said that because she was trying to justify to herself why she was breaking up with you. People don't simply emotionally detatch from people, they get very cold and almost resentful towards the ones they are dumping - because the "dumpees" are a physicaly manifestation of the dumper's guilt. When dumpees beg and plead or do nice things, it makes the dumper feel like they are a bad person for wanting to leave so they might lash out or flip the blame to the dumpee. Don't worry, as time goes on these fade away and both people (and their ideas about each other) settle down.

February 23, 2014

Hey Jack -

People with empathy will always look back and feel sadness for hurting those who tried, unless it turns into harassment. I'll tell you where I stand with this on a past account:
-I had an ex, we dated for two years, he was a sweetheart but I wasn't feeling it anymore and his closeness was crowding me. When I broke it off, he smothered me with emotional messages..begging, pleading, to insulting me and trying to make me jealous. At the time I felt annoyed by him. I was relieved he was gone, for a good half a year.
But months after he stopped messaging me I forgot about those and remembered the fondness of the relationship. We'd talked but recently fell out of touch as he got married. I tried to reach out last year - nearly seven years after the split - to tell him how great of a guy he was. But never got anything back.

Truth is though, if they do feel regret they usually will not tell us. Maybe they won't regret leaving but they will have a new appreciation, especially if the same thing happens to them and they are on the receiving end. They will look back and say "Wow, I did this to someone else" But even if that doesn't happen people will still silently look back and smile on how great of a person you were to them and possibly feel a little sadness that they did not reciprocate at the time.

As for your post, your ex probably said that because she was trying to justify to herself why she was breaking up with you. People don't simply emotionally detatch from people, they get very cold and almost resentful towards the ones they are dumping - because the "dumpees" are a physicaly manifestation of the dumper's guilt. When dumpees beg and plead or do nice things, it makes the dumper feel like they are a bad person for wanting to leave so they might lash out or flip the blame to the dumpee. Don't worry, as time goes on these fade away and both people (and their ideas about each other) settle down.

Thanks for your insight.. it sucks that they lash out and be mean.. I just don't see how people can do that to someone else and be mean when they know the other person isn't.. I'm feeling so crushed.. I removed myself from all social media and i'm going to go NC for a very long time..

February 23, 2014

He broke up with me over a text..not giving a reason,, I was devastated and tried to reach him several times to find out what happened and why he did this to me.. he simply ignored all my messages, calls, emails,texts, etc.
I got frustrated with his behavior and send him a text that he's being immature..he responded right away that we can't be together anymore because I'm way too emotional and that I should stop messaging him and if questioning his genuineness helps me to get over it the be his guest. I felt so insulted and hurt by the way he ended things but since I'm not that type person to seek revenge or play it immature I sent him my last text as a response to his text and left it at that. here is what i sent him:

"I'm sorry that you got that impression. There is a reason that I was being such an emotional wreck. You don't know and you wont understand. I've been working on myself to get through this depression and I know that it will be okay in the end. It's just a matter of time. I wish u could give me another chance to make things right. But I understand your frustration and I'm very sorry for that. I wont bother you again."

I'm so angry at myself for being so emotional and needy due to a depression that i was suffering from and he knew about it...I loved this man so much and I always had respect for him that's why it hurts me so much..I cried myself to sleep last night not just because he treated me unfair but also to make myself look like a fool begging him to tell me why he is being the way he is. I made myself look desperate. He's been active on facebook posting and sharing stuff like nothing has happened..I am trying to move on because i don't think that I would ever want to go back to him again even though I still have strong feelings for him. I just want to know how i can maintain my dignity and respect after him treating me like garbage.

Don't you wish they understand that sometimes it's okay to be emotional and needy? Instead of being turned off by it, I wish they would just understand and be supportive instead of breaking it off etc. and treating us like crap..

February 24, 2014

Don't you wish they understand that sometimes it's okay to be emotional and needy? Instead of being turned off by it, I wish they would just understand and be supportive instead of breaking it off etc. and treating us like crap..

Amen to that! You just summed up my situation in a nutshell. The flip side to this is not showing enough emotion where you seem disinterested. I tried to show how interested I was but she bailed on me anyways after sending multiple mixed messages which only served to confuse me even more.

February 24, 2014

the only way you get your dignity back is by moving on from the person. you don't contact them anymore for answers, closure, etc. you stop all contact. the more you reach out and text and call and visit or whatever the more pathetic you become and the more you look back (when you're finally past it) and realize you were a real fool. there is a lot to be embarrassed about when you grovel and beg and try to get someone to want you back or talk to you, etc., and it definitely hurts your dignity and self-worth. you just have to stop all contact.

you can be as needy and emotional as you want with the right guy. a guy who doesn't like that aspect of you doesn't like you.

February 24, 2014

Thank you all for the support.. I've been on NC for a week now.. deleted him from my FB, Viber, Phone, instagram etc. So i won't get tempted to contact him. I am still very angry at him but im more angry at myself to let him treat me like crap. But speaking to friends and family has been helping me a lot to get through this..I'm pretty sure he doesnt even give a damn how i feel right now and he would never bother to appologize for what he has done to me but I forgive him. I;m mad but i forgave him..and from now on i want to focus only on myself.. to better myself..I signed up for Golds Gym today..deactivated my FB, looking for another job and going to get ready for a mini getaway for couple of days..nothing fancy but a break from all this.. I also have been checking out the meetup website for any kind of group activities that's is going on around the town..That's my goal..I hope it all help me to get my self steem back..and start over..

Edited February 24, 2014 by sheilaxy

February 24, 2014

You don't speak with him. No matter how much pain you feel or how angry you are, the best way to maintain your dignity is to never let them see you crumble.

February 24, 2014

Thank you all for the support.. I've been on NC for a week now.. deleted him from my FB, Viber, Phone, instagram etc. So i won't get tempted to contact him. I am still very angry at him but im more angry at myself to let him treat me like crap. But speaking to friends and family has been helping me a lot to get through this..I'm pretty sure he doesnt even give a damn how i feel right now and he would never bother to appologize for what he has done to me but I forgive him. I;m mad but i forgave him..and from now on i want to focus only on myself.. to better myself..I signed up for Golds Gym today..deactivated my FB, looking for another job and going to get ready for a mini getaway for couple of days..nothing fancy but a break from all this.. I also have been checking out the meetup website for any kind of group activities that's is going on around the town..That's my goal..I hope it all help me to get my self steem back..and start over..

Wow i just did that today, i deactivated my fb and shut off instagram and viber was my main method of contact with her.. I'm glad you forgave him, i'm mad at my ex now. I just wish i could give her a piece of my mind because i'm a really nice guy and i don't deserve to be treated like that and she was being cold and mean about it. No more mr. nice guy!!! But I know saying insults won't help me at all... I've been exercising at gym as well.. your doing great, keep it up.

February 24, 2014

Thank you all for the support.. I've been on NC for a week now.. deleted him from my FB, Viber, Phone, instagram etc. So i won't get tempted to contact him. I am still very angry at him but im more angry at myself to let him treat me like crap. But speaking to friends and family has been helping me a lot to get through this..I'm pretty sure he doesnt even give a damn how i feel right now and he would never bother to appologize for what he has done to me but I forgive him. I;m mad but i forgave him..and from now on i want to focus only on myself.. to better myself..I signed up for Golds Gym today..deactivated my FB, looking for another job and going to get ready for a mini getaway for couple of days..nothing fancy but a break from all this.. I also have been checking out the meetup website for any kind of group activities that's is going on around the town..That's my goal..I hope it all help me to get my self steem back..and start over..

This is exactly perfect. Go NC and start planning and looking ahead for yourself...keep busy, spend time with people you love and who love you, do stuff that makes you feel good and pushes you farther away from him. I also try to do things for others. It makes me feel better to focus on other people a little bit, and also turns the big karmic wheel, bringing good back to you in the long run. YOu're on the right track.

Truth is, we often never really get the acknowledgement that we want from those who dump us. If they were of a mind to give it to us, they wouldn't have dumped us in the first place. Especially someone who does it by text. Not the bravest or most empathetic person obviously, so I wouldn't expect much in the way of sensitivity now that he's cut the cord to you. Hang in there, day by day it will get better.

February 24, 2014

Don't you wish they understand that sometimes it's okay to be emotional and needy? Instead of being turned off by it, I wish they would just understand and be supportive instead of breaking it off etc. and treating us like crap..

Yeah i know but the thing is some people simply are not capable of understanding other people's feelings. Your ex and my ex are one of them. Right now i'm feeling very hurt, betrayed, angry sad, etc. etc and I'm allowing myself to grieve. I know that it all will be ok in the end. It's just a matter of time...

February 26, 2014

Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really wan t to call him and lash out on him.. I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesnt seem to work. I can'r believe i jogged for an hour today none stop...The way he ended things was so unfair and the fact that he trashed me afterwards made everything so much worst.. send me your support. I don't want to call him.. I have to fight this feeling. It's just so hard today to get him out of my mind.

February 27, 2014

Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really want to call him and lash out on him and tell him how much of a coward he is..what pisses me off is that After he broke up with me over a text (not giving a reason just the cliche its not you its me) I accepted it and left the relationship like a lady even though i was devastated... I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesn't seem to work. I can't believe i jogged for an hour today none stop...The way he ended things was so unfair and the fact that he trashed me afterwards made everything so much worst and harder for me to move on.... send me your support. I don't want to call him.. I have to fight this feeling. It's just so hard today to get him out of my mind.. ;/

February 27, 2014

I know how you feel, week 3 i felt exactly like you felt, NC is so hard, it makes ya overthink sometimes but it does save you more heartache and reopening the wound, if you need to reopen the wound post here or contact a friend instead of contacting him.

February 27, 2014

Keep it up. You have gotten this far, don't cave now. Watch a movie, go out with a friend, ANYTHING to get your mind off of it. This feeling is temporary and will go away. Just stay strong!

February 28, 2014

I hate to admit that I broke NC after two weeks last night by sending an apology text and I don't know if it was a good move or not. Even though he broke up with me so unfair and I am still very hurt but I was holding on to this bad feeling for what I said to him in my mad texts when he broke up with me..So lats night I decided to apologize for what i said and sent him this text.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize for those mad msges. That was out of my character and it was a raw feeling coming out the way i regret doing."

And I left it at that. He obviously read it and didn't respond but i kind of felt better for getting that guilty feeling out of my chest. I actually slept pretty good too after a while. It still hurts that he doen'st have enough decency to get back and say "It's ok" but You know I think that it doesn't matter anymore. I did it for ME and not for him to respond to me. I hope I didn't damage my pride and dignity by sending him that text though.

February 28, 2014

You apologized for emotionally reacting to him breaking up with you over text, not giving you reasons as to why he broke up with you and then not even giving you the decency of a response.

He wasn't sorry for how he treated you. Yet you were sorry for reacting the way you did when any other person with emotions, would have reacted the same way if they had been treated so shabbily.

He's sitting there going, "Boy I treated her badly and here she is apologizing." Don't do that again.

February 28, 2014

You apologized for emotionally reacting to him breaking up with you over text, not giving you reasons as to why he broke up with you and then not even giving you the decency of a response.

He wasn't sorry for how he treated you. Yet you were sorry for reacting the way you did when any other person with emotions, would have reacted the same way if they had been treated so shabbily.

He's sitting there going, "Boy I treated her badly and here she is apologizing." Don't do that again.

You are right and I shouldn't have done it but at this point I really don't care what he is thinking. I'm pretty much in that "Numb-Phase" right now and I know in my heart that I don't want to get back to this person or have anything to do with him. I always feel bad about lashing out on people who even hurt me. I know I have self steem issues big time. Working on it.

February 28, 2014

OP, if you want to maintain dignity after your hurtful breakup then you need to delete/block your ex-boyfriend's phone number from your cellphone.

There are countless threads on LS that advise the "no contact" action after a break-up for a reason: because it helps the dumpee to heal from being dumped.

Your ex-boyfriend didn't even bother to tell you why he dumped you AND he did it over text, which is very shallow and thoughtless. He doesn't care about your feelings. He doesn't care about you anymore.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to delete his phone number and stop thinking about him. Time heals all wounds, but it won't if you don't let it.

February 28, 2014

I always feel bad about lashing out on people who even hurt me. I know I have self steem issues big time. Working on it.

Yes, this certainly has to do with how you feel about yourself. You'd rather hurt yourself than live with knowing that you dinged him when he broke you to pieces.

March 6, 2014

His birthday is coming up and I'm still on NC. I feel a littel better but still hurt..For the first week of NC I was pretty sure that I don't want to talk to him ever again..But it's been afew days that i feel I miss him.. I hate this feeling of being left in a limbo. Why do i feel like this? Now his BD is cming up and I'm not sure what to do..should I text him a simple HB text or just save my dignity and move on? I know it's sound childish but at this point I don't know what to do.

March 9, 2014

Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really want to call him and lash out on him and tell him how much of a coward he is. I have never been this bitter in my life but my emotions are getting best of me making me wanna get revenge...what pisses me off is that after he broke up with me over a text (not giving a reason just the cliche its not you its me) I accepted it and left the relationship like a lady even though i was devastated but he was acting on FB and other pages like nothing has happened(posting funny vines!) I blocked him on all my social networks... I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesn't seem to work. I can't believe i jogged for an hour today none stop. The worst part is that I still have strong feelings for ths person, there are times that I miss him a lot..and it hurts..I really loved this man..I'm trying to stick to NC and I hope things will change for good for me wether it's getting back together or moving on. I'm really hurting at this point

(Excuse my typing errors, not feeling well )

March 9, 2014

Today has been very tough for me. I've been on NC for almost two weeks now and I've been keeping myself pretty busy but today all those negative feelings are back. I feel so angry. I feel like I really want to call him and lash out on him and tell him how much of a coward he is. I have never been this bitter in my life but my emotions are getting best of me making me wanna get revenge...what pisses me off is that after he broke up with me over a text (not giving a reason just the cliche its not you its me) I accepted it and left the relationship like a lady even though i was devastated but he was acting on FB and other pages like nothing has happened(posting funny vines!) I blocked him on all my social networks... I've been trying so hard to distract myself from thinking about him but It doesn't seem to work. I can't believe i jogged for an hour today none stop. The worst part is that I still have strong feelings for ths person, there are times that I miss him a lot..and it hurts..I really loved this man..I'm trying to stick to NC and I hope things will change for good for me wether it's getting back together or moving on. I'm really hurting at this point

(Excuse my typing errors, not feeling well )

it will pass. it will. we have all been there and that is why we are giving you the advice to stay strong. we know from experience that you set yourself back each time you make contact.

what you can do for yourself today, right after you read this is: delete his phone number from your phone. unfriend him on FB and any other social media.

he does not want you, ok? he doesn't want to hear from you. he doesn't want your happy birthday messages. he is moving on and you need to do that to. prove to yourself that you have inner strength. you will be fine. but start by deleting the number so the temptation isn't there. then go out and have some ice cream or something similar, and call a girlfriend to cry/chat.

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How do you maintain dignity after a hurtful breakup? Depressed and desperate..

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