crazyclueless Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I came from a bad, abusive relationship where the guy was addicted to everything but me. Left him for my friend of a couple years that I never saw myself with...well because I was married and so was he. Both of our spouses cheated on us so we decided to ditch them and give it a go. We do amazing together! I love him so much. But I know I carried over a lot of insecurities from a past relationship. A LOT! Specifically when it came to other women. My ex wanted me to lose weight and die my hair blonde, wear pink, blah, blah, blah. And if there was a hot, skinny blonde around he would stare long enough that I could go use the bathroom and come back and he wouldn't notice I was ever gone. Now my boyfriend and I have been together a year now and I feel like what he says and does cuts so much deeper than the last relationship. I don't get it because we are so amazing together except for a few dumb comments that are far between each other. He's a manager and told me he hired a pretty girl that he thought was really cool and he could work well with. My reaction is like "WHat the ****!" Then he suggests I wear these tight black pants that he sees a lot of girls wearing. So I say, "Like your 17-year-old employee?" He says, "Yeah, I guess that's probably what made me think of suggesting it to you." Again I'm like "What the ****?" He can't watch any show, movie, music video without drooling over a chick or saying something like, "If it didn't work out with us, someone lookin' like her could mend my broken heart." Anywho, it's a few too many comments like that that cut me to the bone and come out of left field honestly. I confront him immediately about it. He says sorry but doesn't understand why he's saying sorry. A few months go by then he says something else horrific along those lines. Is it me? Do I need to calm the f down or what?
Frank13 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It's not you, it's him. Those things he says are disrespectful. The fact that you have a lot of insecurities, which I am guessing you have discussed with him, makes it even worse. He may be looking to get out of the relationship so is saying these things to get you to leave.
gabe1231 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 One thing you have to realize, men think about sex, ALOT. When they are out they think about sex with the girls they see on the street or girls at work. It is the sad truth to be honest. The good guys are the ones that keep that buried, and would never act on any of those impulses all the while making you feel wanted at the same time. Its not that he isnt attracted to you, not at all. Please remember that. but it's in our DNA to spread the seed to as many girls as possible. Variety is what he and every man in the world is after. Now, the comments he makes are very much rude and should not be said, I am not defending those. Talking to him about the things he says and how you say it, will help. Something along the lines of "When you make comments of other girls it makes me feel ............" "i would like it if you didn't say things like that anymore" It seems like there is a deeper issue possibly, have you asked him if he is satisfied sexually? as often as he would like? Changing your hair color is a big change and thats completely up to you, but in this day an age with sex EVERYWHERE, men are jumping out of their skin 23 hrs of the day. Anything that you can do to show him that you want to please him should help greatly along with talking to him about fixing his comments. however dont do everything all at once, all the freshness could fade too quickly if its not sustained and it could go right back to the way it was.
chelsea2011 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I came from a bad, abusive relationship where the guy was addicted to everything but me. Left him for my friend of a couple years that I never saw myself with...well because I was married and so was he. Both of our spouses cheated on us so we decided to ditch them and give it a go. We do amazing together! I love him so much. But I know I carried over a lot of insecurities from a past relationship. A LOT! Specifically when it came to other women. My ex wanted me to lose weight and die my hair blonde, wear pink, blah, blah, blah. And if there was a hot, skinny blonde around he would stare long enough that I could go use the bathroom and come back and he wouldn't notice I was ever gone. Now my boyfriend and I have been together a year now and I feel like what he says and does cuts so much deeper than the last relationship. I don't get it because we are so amazing together except for a few dumb comments that are far between each other. He's a manager and told me he hired a pretty girl that he thought was really cool and he could work well with. My reaction is like "WHat the ****!" Then he suggests I wear these tight black pants that he sees a lot of girls wearing. So I say, "Like your 17-year-old employee?" He says, "Yeah, I guess that's probably what made me think of suggesting it to you." Again I'm like "What the ****?" He can't watch any show, movie, music video without drooling over a chick or saying something like, "If it didn't work out with us, someone lookin' like her could mend my broken heart." Anywho, it's a few too many comments like that that cut me to the bone and come out of left field honestly. I confront him immediately about it. He says sorry but doesn't understand why he's saying sorry. A few months go by then he says something else horrific along those lines. Is it me? Do I need to calm the f down or what? Nope. It's not you. He sounds like a passive agressive jerk.
chelsea2011 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 One thing you have to realize, men think about sex, ALOT. When they are out they think about sex with the girls they see on the street or girls at work. It is the sad truth to be honest. The good guys are the ones that keep that buried, and would never act on any of those impulses all the while making you feel wanted at the same time. Its not that he isnt attracted to you, not at all. Please remember that. but it's in our DNA to spread the seed to as many girls as possible. Variety is what he and every man in the world is after. Now, the comments he makes are very much rude and should not be said, I am not defending those. Talking to him about the things he says and how you say it, will help. Something along the lines of "When you make comments of other girls it makes me feel ............" "i would like it if you didn't say things like that anymore" It seems like there is a deeper issue possibly, have you asked him if he is satisfied sexually? as often as he would like? Changing your hair color is a big change and thats completely up to you, but in this day an age with sex EVERYWHERE, men are jumping out of their skin 23 hrs of the day. Anything that you can do to show him that you want to please him should help greatly along with talking to him about fixing his comments. however dont do everything all at once, all the freshness could fade too quickly if its not sustained and it could go right back to the way it was. Wow. Are you serious? This guy is downright clueless and disrespectful.
gabe1231 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Wow. Are you serious? This guy is downright clueless and disrespectful. Disrespectful? towards who? nothing he is doing is right, thats not what im saying. im saying if talking to him doesn't help, it sounds like there is a deeper issue, sounds alot like he doesnt seem satisfied. This could be what drove is former partner to cheating. but if he's apologizing and doesnt know what for then he is clueless that what he is saying is hurtful towards you. she needs to communicate that to him as best she can in a way that hasnt been before, because it hasnt worked up until now. EDIT: looks like i read her post wrong originally, her ex wanted her to change, not her new bf, i thought it was the new bf that was communicating that to her, that, as well as the comments sounds like he is unsatisfied somewhere along the line
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