Need help fast!!! Yikes

[Mr. Hustle]

Well here is the title of my own post, in the break-ups section SHE WALKED ALL OVER ME AND I STILL LOVE HER, WHAT NOW???:

 

Any way Ive been in no contact for about a month. ( Ie. I have not contacted her and answerd one of her text minimally, meaning very short and up front.) She text me today and wants to know if I want to go see a movie. But she says she'll understand if I dont want to and that there is no pressure. I said what the hell. I'll go as a friend and not try anything and just leave a good impression of me in her head.. right? Well I just want some feed back is this a good idea or not? I love her and wish things were good again.. but they're not. If we never get back together I dont want to feel uncomfortable when around mutual friends at the same time. So is this hit or miss guy? I do feel I have more control; over my emotions now. and I owe that to NC.

 

Do you think I should go or tell her I have to cancel? Thanks in advance guys. Let er rip!

[upsetnhurt]

How do you love someone when they walk all over you? Where is your self-respect? I understand the pain that you are going through yet you know the answer to this already.........if the NC has made you a stronger person, continue it! She had her chance to be with you. Find someone better to be friends with.

[Universe]

I haven't read you backstory. But if you feel that you have your emotions under control, then I say go to the movie with her. But under no circumstances should you pour your heart out or tell her you still love her.

 

VERY IMPORTANT: Keep it light, friendly, and comfortable. Don't try to talk about anything serious. Don't attack her verbally or ask her questions about the past. Don't bring up the past at all. Just try to remain cool and confident. Adopt a positive attitude. You want to her to see you at your best and this is a good opportunity to do that. Don't bring any expectations. Just relax. Try to enjoy yourself. Have a good time. It will be contagious. She will have a good time and that will give her a positive impression of you.

 

If you can handle that, you'll be fine. If you avoid her and cancel, that will send the signal that you are still feeling hurt and can't handle being with her. And that will make you look weak. Very unsexy.

It's ok if you're still hurt. But as long as you maintain your self-respect, then you don't have to worry about the hurt. Your hurt is your business, not hers.

 

To continue NC would be the easy way out. And maybe that's for you. How strong are you?

 

But I say go for it. Live and learn. And don't let anyone take you for granted.

 

whatever you do, keep it real and BE COOL.

 

Good Luck

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

She text me today and wants to know if I want to go see a movie. But she says she'll understand if I dont want to and that there is no pressure. I said what the hell. I'll go as a friend and not try anything and just leave a good impression of me in her head.. right?

 

i tried this once with an ex, remained cool etc. when i got home i completely broke down again, i poured salt and vinegar into my broken heart and paid the price

 

one day i woke up and said to myself no more, i won't let this person ruin me anymore

 

the next few months she tried to contact me as if we were friends, i decided to blank her forever and i haven't looked back again

 

apparently she was devasted over this but she deserved any pain she got

 

i would never want to see her again

[GreenCap]

I read somewhere that to heal, you really have to get it in your head that the relationship is over and there is no chance of getting her back.

 

Then if you are strong enough, do whatever you feel like doing. I know I am not strong enough at this juncture to be with my ex - plus she is engaged to her boss' boss already. But honestly, you shouldn't go at all. She is a part of your past life, not your future.

[Universe]

ok - I just read your backstory a bit. Allow me to ammend my previous statement.

 

This girl is trouble.

 

So your GF is 18 and has a child. Goes to school full time, and spends her free time partying. Let's enter that into the translator.....

 

She is an easy access nitwit who has no clue about "birth control" and still isn't taking the responsibility for the choices and mistakes she made in her life. Someone else must be raising her child if she is a full time student and full time party girl looking to get knocked up again.

 

She knows you are a schmuck who is going to be there to pick her up every time she makes a huge mistake.

 

This is very well put. I think I'd stear clear of this girl if I were you. She's irresponsible. She's not in love with you. I don't think she'd be able to show you her love adequately even if she were in love with you.

 

It's rare that I recommend NC. But I this story is one where I recommend getting as far away from this girl as possible.

 

You will appear weak if you cancel at this point. But who cares what she thinks anymore. You're not her doormat. You're too young to be dealing with this kind of non-sense.

 

when i got home i completely broke down again, i poured salt and vinegar into my broken heart and paid the price

This will happen. It's worth it if you really love her and you think there's a chance. But in this case, I don't think she's worth it.

 

Sorry I didn't read your backstory prior to giving my earlier advice. I'll be sure not to make that mistake again. Continue NC and find someone new! Make a promise to yourself to at least talk to 3 new girls this week. Eventually one will bite and help you forget all about this wreck of a person.

[Mr. Hustle]

Well universe. I left at about 7:30pm right after I read your first post. I ended up going and it went well. I did have the confidence and the stregth that I needed to go. She said things like "Your Different" and "we should have never broke up." I guess It kind of made me be ok with the fact that we are only friends. She did try to kiss me and I turned her down!!! I dont know where this power came from but I think she feels less of it now and I feel more. I dont want to be back with her and actually was turned off a lil' by some of her actions. I still think that it was a positive experience though. I don't know what the future holds but It looks like she'd have to give it a smack in the ass to ever be with me. I still love her but she would just have to prove this crap without me telling her to. She finnaly got a job... Maybe some responsebility comes after that? Who knows.. I've came a long way to this very moment and I dont think I would be even close with out you guys here on LS! Eventhough most of my responces were "tough love" but I needed it!

 

What do you guys think of me only speaking to her when she contacts me??? I've been good at not contacting her first for the last month and a half.

 

Thanks in advance guys![color=blue][/color]

[Universe]

Phew - I was worried you would go with her after my first post. But luckily it sounds like you passed the test with flying colors. I'm glad it was a positive experience. Now you have even more tools to move on.

 

Should you speak to her when she contacts you? I don't know. Normally I'd say of course. But you definitely seem to have a soft spot for this girl and I still think she's trouble. She tried to kiss you, so she's obviously trying to swing something with you. I mean - not letting her kiss you? That is awesome! That's strength. I mean - I don't know if I could be that strong in the moment.

So it's up to you and how you're feeling at the time if you want to speak to her when she contacts you. But definitely do not talk to her unless it is convenient for you to do so and you really feel like it. Otherwise, she can wait. You need to keep focussing on getting over her. I know as well as anyone how easy it is to fall back into someone when they want you back and you know in your heart that you still love them. Don't fall so easily. This girl needs to earn your respect, not to mention show you some respect, if you are to have a future. But don't think about a future with her. Just think about your future alone. Try to date other girls and move on.

 

All the best.

[Mr. Hustle]

Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. I guess im just gonna play the field. If something happens in the future then it will be because I know she wont hurt me again and that would have to happen through her actions when she doesnt think im testing.... Thanks universe i'll have to update this if anything else "jucey" happens!!!!