Strength in Healing Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 My fiance of 4 years broke up with me after we mutually met a very shady dude. They began talking quickly after. Was a huge betrayal. Honestly what keeps flooding my mind is the severity of the betrayal. We fought throughout the relationship, but I suppose that was inevitable when someone is diagnosed borderline personality disorder and bipolar, but I looked past the pain, and thought we had a bond I could have faith in. I didn't see her as having those disorders, per se, but now I see clearly ... though it doesn't alleviate the pain much. I thought she loved me. But I was wrong. Now I am left alone, with scars of her cruelty, both during the relationship, but ESPECIALLY after it. I'm not quite sure how to trust again. I tell myself in my head how I feel when I feel it -- hopefully it will help me heal. But I feel so broken. So truly broken. And lost, confused, and alone. 1
changedlife Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 My fiance of 4 years broke up with me after we mutually met a very shady dude. They began talking quickly after. Was a huge betrayal. Honestly what keeps flooding my mind is the severity of the betrayal. We fought throughout the relationship, but I suppose that was inevitable when someone is diagnosed borderline personality disorder and bipolar, but I looked past the pain, and thought we had a bond I could have faith in. I didn't see her as having those disorders, per se, but now I see clearly ... though it doesn't alleviate the pain much. I thought she loved me. But I was wrong. Now I am left alone, with scars of her cruelty, both during the relationship, but ESPECIALLY after it. I'm not quite sure how to trust again. I tell myself in my head how I feel when I feel it -- hopefully it will help me heal. But I feel so broken. So truly broken. And lost, confused, and alone. Man I am right there with you. All your feelings, of lost, confused and being alone. That has been me every night. You've just been hit hard and it will hurt for quite some time. I get major pains in my chest that come and go unexpectedly and then something will cross my mind that just hurts. Remember who you are, remember you deserve better. Remember that if you can give that much, you can find somebody that gives that much in return. Unfortunately for me -- I can't say that for myself.. I cheated on my now ex. We tried to recover for a year after the betrayal but it was just too much for her. I'm working through my guilt and shame of that. I basically pushed her away. I'm here with you though.. I know your pain is real.
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Man I am right there with you. All your feelings, of lost, confused and being alone. That has been me every night. You've just been hit hard and it will hurt for quite some time. I get major pains in my chest that come and go unexpectedly and then something will cross my mind that just hurts. Remember who you are, remember you deserve better. Remember that if you can give that much, you can find somebody that gives that much in return. Unfortunately for me -- I can't say that for myself.. I cheated on my now ex. We tried to recover for a year after the betrayal but it was just too much for her. I'm working through my guilt and shame of that. I basically pushed her away. I'm here with you though.. I know your pain is real. Thanks brother, I'm here for you too. Let's be real, though... if you cheated, you cheated for a reason. Something was lacking. I understand blaming yourself, but the reality is, the cheating manifested itself for a reason. You wouldn't have cheated had that certain something been present. I'm Thomas, though, nice to meet you. At least neither of us are alone, but I wish we all could meet under better circumstances. I miss her a lot, I miss us a lot. But if she were worth missing, I doubt I'd be missing her right now in the first place... if that makes sense. (I.e., clearly something was broken, or we would've gotten along better, and never broken up).
Sunny_sunshine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm bipolar so I know what she was feeling just based on the disorder. However, it wasn't right. I just lost my boyfriend and my heart has a hole the size of Texas. But bi polar people need to find comfort in themselves before going to the next. She will regret it one day, but her loss. Bcz your heart will heal, she will always have guilt
Allumere Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I know zip about BPD but am very familiar with bi-polar disorder. That one runs on a huge spectrum with many, many folks managing mild to just ridiculusly extreme symptom. What you felt with and for her was indeed real for both of you. The disorder doesn't equal non-feeling...actually I'd say in some instances they feel more. If she was not taking care of herself, not medication compliant or has broken through her meds based on some trigger then her actions may not reflect that she ever gave a damn....but there will come a point when she returns to a good place that she will feel pain and guilt (unless BDP negates it). That does not mean she'll be back (the guilt is something that can tend to keep folks away).
Downtown Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I suppose that was inevitable when someone is diagnosed borderline personality disorder and bipolar.... I thought she loved me. But I was wrong.SIH, perhaps she didn't really love you. Her having BPD, however, does not imply she didn't. Unlike narcissists and sociopaths, BPDers are capable of intensely loving their partners, albeit in the immature way that four year olds are able to love. Yet, because their egos are too fragile to tolerate strong mixed feelings, they split off all of the conflicting feelings -- putting them out of reach of their conscious minds so they only have to deal with one intense feeling at a time. The result is that, while a BPDer is "splitting you black," she is so out of touch of her loving feelings that you will get the impression she has no love for you and never loved you at the beginning. Certainly, that's the way you will be treated while she is perceiving you to be "all bad." Moreover, this splitting results in a BPDer "rewriting history" in her mind, with the result that she may genuinely believe she never loved you -- even while those loving feelings are still there but split off. If you're interested, I discuss this in more detail in Rebel's thread at GreenEyedRebel. 1
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I realize how you feel throughout the day depends on your dreams, at least to some degree. I dreamt ALL night we were back together, in different scenarios. The worst of all was the dream where I told her son that had I not decided to text her, we would never have gotten back together, and we would never be where we are right now today. THAT'S a hard pill to swallow. We were together 4 years. I am so tempted to text her. She is the stubborn type -- she would not text me even if she wanted to. I don't know what to do honestly.
lvroflife Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Hey bro!! I am with you I want to reach out to my ex too! I havent read your original thread but I am going too, to see your story! Stay on her and talk on this thread!! We can work through this together so we do not slip up and text!! GONNA READ YOUR ORIGINAL THREAD RIGHT NOW.
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Thanks brother. I mean what SUCKS BAD is everyone says people fall in and out of love in relationships. She said she wasn't in love with me anymore... we could have fought through it dude, I feel so tempted to contact her and try to convince her of this. I hate this feeling. It sucks man, people fall in and out of love, there wasn't a real need to break up...
lvroflife Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 That is how a relationship works! My parents (48 years ) taught me that! Sounds like your girl is udsing this dude as a rebound... And we know how rebounds go... Kepp building YOU up and she may try and want you back, but if she does come back most likely you won't want her back.. But yes it does suck and I know you want to reach out, but what if she doesn't respond then what?
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Honestly she'd respond but it would probably be cold. She has borderline personality disorder and bipolar. She can be heartless and often times was. She maybe apologized 8 times out of the 4 years we dated. Such a rollercoaster of emotion dude I feel bipolar. One moment I'm like "I gotta try to save it" other times I'm remembering how cruel she has been. Shoot, man. You have skype? We should all meet up on skype. My name on it is fox_thomas_z
lvroflife Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Bro I don't have skype. Don't you wish you can control who you fall for?!! My girl broke up with me 2 weeks ago out the blue!! She moved for work (500 miles away) we were seeing each other every month... One night she went out, was on her way home called me and was saying how much she loved me and missed me and told me to come see her that night, So I started to pack a bag within 10 minutes of me packing and her saying come over she started yelling at me and saying I lied to her and that she wants to end things after 2 years... She then told me she didn't and that she is overwhelemed with he rnew promotion and move and the distance between us was hard for her and she has no friends there... She was crying to me about how she doesnt want to end things but we argued so much... I tried and tried but I have to let her go THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THE STORY BUT..
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 WTF she sounds nuts dude. Some people are just seriously nuts. Go download skype lol everyone should. It's a chat engine now just used for video chats.
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Long story short, the relationship (like all relationships) had problems. She had a son from a previous relationship, and he called me dad. We were together for 4 years. One day, she tells me she isn't in love with me anymore (lost that attraction) and we break up. Few days later I find out she's at her co-workers house (a guy). I'm so conflicted, because during the breakup, she kept saying the feeling would pass, and we will probably just get back together. But when I found out she was at that guys house, I FLIPPED on her, called her a pathological liar, just snapped. Haven't spoken since. Been over a week. The sad part is, I want to work it out, despite her doing that. I want to go to counseling so we can figure it out. But I know I deserve better. But it doesn't matter. I'm so lost. I am not necessarily extremely hurt, just lost and want her back... not sure what to do...
Author Strength in Healing Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Long story short, the relationship (like all relationships) had problems. She had a son from a previous relationship, and he called me dad. We were together for 4 years. One day, she tells me she isn't in love with me anymore (lost that attraction) and we break up. Few days later I find out she's at her co-workers house (a guy). I'm so conflicted, because during the breakup, she kept saying the feeling would pass, and we will probably just get back together. But when I found out she was at that guys house, I FLIPPED on her, called her a pathological liar, just snapped. Haven't spoken since. Been over a week. The sad part is, I want to work it out, despite her doing that. I want to go to counseling so we can figure it out. But I know I deserve better. But it doesn't matter. I'm so lost. I am not necessarily extremely hurt, just lost and want her back... not sure what to do...
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