kaylan Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) Why Your Wife?s Excuses for Not Working Are Lame | A Shrink for Men Read that blog. Then I wanna know when this convo comes up. Because its an important family issue, and Im curious as to how people who really want a family soon tackle it. And how do you feel about the article. I know having a stay at home parent has good pros, but so does 2 working parents. But both have their cons. What would you do as the man or woman whos dealing with a change of heart on how to raise the kids? PS - I ask this because Im currently catching up with a friend going through this very situation. So im wondering how would one tackle this in the early stages of dating. (then again things can always change) Edited February 22, 2014 by kaylan
Janesays Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Well, I'm about to give birth in a couple of weeks and I can honestly say that my husband and I never had this conversation at all. It's a given that I'll go back to work. I WANT to go back to work. Our schedules are flexible enough that one of us will almost be home with the baby, though, so I guess that makes the conversation a bit redundant. I mean, my husband works from home and I own my own company with an office less than a mile from my house. Makes things easier.
BradJacobs Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Why Your Wife?s Excuses for Not Working Are Lame | A Shrink for Men Read that blog. Then I wanna know when this convo comes up. Because its an important family issue, and Im curious as to how people who really want a family soon tackle it. And how do you feel about the article. I know having a stay at home parent has good pros, but so does 2 working parents. But both have their cons. What would you do as the man or woman whos dealing with a change of heart on how to raise the kids? PS - I ask this because Im currently catching up with a friend going through this very situation. So im wondering how would one tackle this in the early stages of dating. (then again things can always change) Couldn't imagine that conversation coming up until it's agreed that you are both trying to conceive. I would expect her to make her own decision. If she wouldn't work then there would need to be cuts to expenses. If she did then we'd figure out who is paying for childcare. That's all a numbers conversation and is less important in my world than the conversation about trying to conceive. 1
FitChick Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 This woman found childcare boring. She hired a nanny but still doesn't work. I found babysitting tedious so vowed never to have kids. Problem sorted!
PogoStick Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 All the real housewives of Beverly Hills are sooo busy managing their shoe collections that they also need a nanny to care for their child. I have friends who do the 2 parents work, alternating schedules to minimize daycare. And the result is they have no time for each other and the marriage suffers. I think those crazy socialist Europeans have it right with generous maternity/paternity work benefits. Children benefit from being raised by their parents. 3
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I think it would be miserable to raise kids in a family where both parents were simultaneously pursuing challenging corporate careers (in the USA). I am a professional woman and I don't even have enough time to have a dog. I leave the house at 7 and am not back till 8:30 - 9 pm. Sure there are weekends... but since I want to progress in my career, I am frequently working, networking, or studying. And I'm not even one of those types who works 80 hour weeks like some of my friends, which I understand is pretty normal for many professions. I can't imagine being married to someone with the same schedule and trying to raise kids together. What's the point? All that double income money is worthless if you miss your children's childhoods and you are racked with guilt or stressed out whenever you spend adult time with your spouse. I'm not saying women should stay home, but something needs to give. 2
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Kaylan, to answer your question, I think the topic can be broached when discussing career/ life goals. In my experience, that comes up naturally within the first few dates. I am pretty straightforward about my opinion that the 2-income corporate career family model seems miserable. My personal intent is to be self-employed by the time I have kids. I definitely don't want to be a professional mom (I would go crazy) but I am not interested in climbing the corporate ladder while another woman raises my kids, either. I have worked very hard since getting out of college to develop a skill set that could allow me to achieve this goal. With a supportive partner, I think it is attainable. 1
Els Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Many people are flexible enough about it, or open to various options later on, that it doesn't need to come up until they are married and trying for kids. If someone has a very strong opinion about it either way, and is unlikely to be flexible, then probably best to talk about it ASAP, within the first month at least. 1
StanMusial Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Why Your Wife?s Excuses for Not Working Are Lame | A Shrink for Men Read that blog. Then I wanna know when this convo comes up. Because its an important family issue, and Im curious as to how people who really want a family soon tackle it. And how do you feel about the article. I know having a stay at home parent has good pros, but so does 2 working parents. But both have their cons. What would you do as the man or woman whos dealing with a change of heart on how to raise the kids? PS - I ask this because Im currently catching up with a friend going through this very situation. So im wondering how would one tackle this in the early stages of dating. (then again things can always change) If someone has a change of heart, any sort of "talk" had before that is pointless anyway, right? Given this, my best advice is REALLY know what you're getting into. Observe, talk, observe, repeat. Don't just base your decisions on discussions.
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