Why does a single person knowingly get involved with a married one?

February 22, 2014

My daughter and I have been deep in discussion surrounding something I am currently involved in, and the question arose, ' why would a single woman/man knowingly get into an affair with a married man/woman?

What benefits or rewards are there?

February 22, 2014

instant gratification.

Long-term varied 'happy memories'.

However, unless both affair-partners are of one mind, the negatives will eventually outweigh the positives.

There are no ultimate outright winners.

February 22, 2014

ive always wondered this also,interested in reading the responses

February 22, 2014

Read the question:

The OP asked -

What benefits or rewards are there?

February 22, 2014

It's because they have no morals, self respect, or respect for the sanctity of marriage.

Also it's possible they do it because they know it won't end well. So they always have an out. But I'd say it's mostly due to no morals or respect. You want to screw someone so badly there are plenty of single people in this world. Especially if it's a woman getting with a married man? Women can get sex WAY easier then men can, she doesn't need to do it with a married man.

this sounds a little harsh,im not a cheater im a BS,and I know that for most not all,who get them selves involved with married people,and im not saying cheating is right,its 100 % wrong,but good people also make mistakes,we are all human no one is perfect,and the OW,in my situation doesn't have morals,and shes plain evil

February 22, 2014

Why? Here's some possibilities:

1.Everything in life is transitory, except death. None of us knows what's in another's mind nor what tomorrow may bring. If we're fortunate, we'll be alive to find out.

2. Observation. Experiencing, repeatedly, affairs turning into divorces turning into relationships turning into new marriages. At first, it seems repulsive, then, over time, curious, then over time, 'what am I doing wrong?' relevant to the prevailing dynamic. Over enough time, pragmatism overcomes inhibition.

3. 'You must've misunderstood'. This is the most famous line I've heard from MW's who've 'changed their mind' regarding their 'separated' or 'husband is an azzhole' line of patter. After awhile, it became 'bla, bla, bla'.

I still see opportunities today, everywhere. One more reason to exit this demographic. Over and done.

February 22, 2014

Read the question:

The OP asked -

Actually that wasn't the whole question was it?

February 22, 2014

I'll answer it from a man's perspective but you aren't going to like to hear the answer.

In my single 20s I was with a few handfuls of married and a few cohabitating women.

Now that I look back on it, the reason 'why?' is that it was easier and simpler to hook up for sex than with single women.

That may seem a little counterintuitive but it's really not, it makes perfect sense.

Single women in their 20s have tons of opportunities and tons of options. Most are looking for love and marriage and family etc are interested in dating the best men they can get that will commit and settle down with them.

As such they tend to want to be wined and dined and courted.

I wasn't interested in much wining and dining and proper courting and I certainly wasn't interested in commitment/marriage/exclusivity.

Yes, there are times that single women just want an NSA hook up from time to time. When they are wanting a hook up they are going to call up the tallest, buffest, best looking guy they know that will be ok with just a hook up or they will go to a bar to look for the hottest hunk that seems like he'd be OK with just a hook up without any strings.

I was ok with just a hook up but I was of average ht, average build, average looks and didn't do the bar scene.

So how it worked out in my case is usually all it took was just a few little flirts, a few little innuendos and a little nudge-nudge-wink-wink to married woman who had become bored and frustrated at home and it was off to the races.

They weren't expecting or even wanting a relationship. They weren't looking for a replacement for their husbands (some have since divorced (not because of me) but some are still married to the same guy now 20-some years later)

I was available, I was willing and I wasn't asking for anything in return. Single women have endless opportunities for that, married women not as much.

And as has been discussed a lot here in the infidelity forum, the sex wasn't cuddly, warm, gentle love making. It was hot, nasty, porno sex complete with multiple orgasms from every position and technique known to man, cumshots, facials etc.

GF sex was usually a lot more reserved and, shall we say, 'polite.'

Now I need to point out, I was not targeting or looking specifically for married women nor did I ever proposition one. I may have made some flirts and winks but the pursuit and propositions always came from them. They were the ones on the prowl, I just happened to take the bait and stumble into the trap.

I never looked for a relationship with one nor did I ever once even imply that someone should leave her husband for me. Quite the opposite in fact. One woman asked if I would have her if she were to leave and I quite frankly and matter of factly said no. She continued to call me and to see me for a couple more years after that.

None of these were even weekly events either. There were only a couple one-nighters but most would be weeks or even multiple months between booty calls. a couple gals even had a year or more between hook ups.

So the why is it was much easier, way less complicated, hotter sex, and no extra baggage or requirements for relationships or commitments.

From a single guy that just wants to have sex, the benefits and rewards are hot, nasty, porno sex without having to wine and dine and without having to have any kind of relationship or commitment.

If a guy is wanting to settle down with a nice gal and have traditional committed monogamous relationship, that is obviously not the way to go.

February 22, 2014

... and just an FYI, even though some of these encounters played out over a period of several years, I never once considered any of them an "affair" in my mind.

In my mind an affair with a married person is where you are having this deep forbidden romance and are in love with and pining for each other and counting the minutes until you can have your forbidden meeting.

I had none of that. 80% of the trysts were quick hook ups while the WW swung by my house on their way home from school or work.

That's not an affair. That's just get'n ass.

February 22, 2014

13 years ago, I met a man. He was the CEO of a company with whom my company does business. He was attractive, charismatic, genuinely nice and caring of both his customer and his employees. I was smitten.

He was also married and took no notice of me. I stayed away, because he was married. Time went on, we worked on more sales engagements together... I grew more and more smitten. He was really something.

I got to know some of his employees, they mentioned that all the years they worked for him that they had never met his wife, not at the company christmas party, not at the occasions where the company (He) won national awards.. never. They knew all about his kids, but nothing about his spouse. Odd.

After carefully weighing the risk vs reward, (and assuaging my own guilt with the knowledge that no one at his company had never met her so there MUST be problems in the marriage, right?) I decided this was something I wanted to pursue.

I am certainly not proud of it, but there it is...

February 22, 2014

A lot of people experience "chemistry" I think. To think it will never happen just because someone is married is naive. It can. But most of us usually when we learn ofthe status turn it down and some people don't. Or they deny the chemistry and form a friendship and because of poor boundaries things progress.

Oh there are the people who actively seek married people. The conquest or the better sex they claim. But I do believe tjat a lot of people stumble in when they never thought they would.

February 22, 2014

A lot of people experience "chemistry" I think. To think it will never happen just because someone is married is naive. It can. But most of us usually when we learn ofthe status turn it down and some people don't. Or they deny the chemistry and form a friendship and because of poor boundaries things progress.

Oh there are the people who actively seek married people. The conquest or the better sex they claim. But I do believe tjat a lot of people stumble in when they never thought they would.

I agree with this, I don't think that MOST people are actively seeking married people, and that they do just kind of stumble in when they never thought when would.

But, that stumbling is done with 100% awareness of what you are doing. Just because you are going somewhere you never thought you would (I sure did) it did not mean that i did not know that what I was doing was wrong. I knew full well. (I still chose to do it, but that's another story).

February 22, 2014

I agree with this, I don't think that MOST people are actively seeking married people, and that they do just kind of stumble in when they never thought when would.

But, that stumbling is done with 100% awareness of what you are doing. Just because you are going somewhere you never thought you would (I sure did) it did not mean that i did not know that what I was doing was wrong. I knew full well. (I still chose to do it, but that's another story).

Well I don't know about MOSt. I may have thought that before but then there is AM and CL and so forth and I think ugg! Thats a lot of creepers in the world.

February 22, 2014

... and just an FYI, even though some of these encounters played out over a period of several years, I never once considered any of them an "affair" in my mind.

In my mind an affair with a married person is where you are having this deep forbidden romance and are in love with and pining for each other and counting the minutes until you can have your forbidden meeting.

I had none of that. 80% of the trysts were quick hook ups while the WW swung by my house on their way home from school or work.

That's not an affair. That's just get'n ass.

This is why I get so brutal with these guys here on the forums that know something is seriously wrong but refuse to believe that she may be doinking on the side because, "she doesn't have enough time for an affair."

If she's not expected home from the store for another 15 minutes, she has time.

candlelight dinners, moonlight strolls on the beach, hours of heart-to-heart talks, terms of endearment and vows of devotion and commitment are the arena of single women. Married women have already got that covered and are often just looking for some extra d!ck and getting extra d!ck can literally take minutes.

My record was one of my FWBs called me when she was getting off the night shift and was dropping the kids off at school and was going to swing by my house on her way home and that her husband was home. As she walked in the door she literally said, "we have 5 minutes!" and she walked into the bedroom taking off her clothes. I think it was actually closer to 10 minutes but she was home without any suspicion.

That was 22 years ago. She's on my Facebook friends list. they are still married to this day.

February 22, 2014

Sme single women do seem to prefer A as opposed to being with single people. I don't really know why. I have seen some actively perusing mm, and as far as I can tell, it's either an ego boost or they are using it for some sort of bennfit, be it emotional or career.

Some simple people, do seem to fall for a mm/mw. Some are outright lied to about the marital status.

February 22, 2014

This is why I get so brutal with these guys here on the forums that know something is seriously wrong but refuse to believe that she may be doinking on the side because, "she doesn't have enough time for an affair."

If she's not expected home from the store for another 15 minutes, she has time.

candlelight dinners, moonlight strolls on the beach, hours of heart-to-heart talks, terms of endearment and vows of devotion and commitment are the arena of single women. Married women have already got that covered and are often just looking for some extra d!ck and getting extra d!ck can literally take minutes.
My record was one of my FWBs called me when she was getting off the night shift and was dropping the kids off at school and was going to swing by my house on her way home and that her husband was home. As she walked in the door she literally said, "we have 5 minutes!" and she walked into the bedroom taking off her clothes. I think it was actually closer to 10 minutes but she was home without any suspicion.
That was 22 years ago. She's on my Facebook friends list. they are still married to this day.

UGH, well one size does not fit all.

I stumbled (as said earlier) and fell into a big hole.......

February 22, 2014

Well I don't know about MOSt. I may have thought that before but then there is AM and CL and so forth and I think ugg! Thats a lot of creepers in the world.

Good point, maybe not MOST. I truly think that people who prefer to date married people definitely have a different definition of reward than I do. I was playing for keeps.

February 22, 2014

We came into contact and the chemistry was amazing.....always at social functions we got together like magnets, lot of eye contact and laughing. I did not think it was wrong as it was in front of his BS. But now looking back, she turned hers. I did not realise what I was doing. I was just happy to be his friend, he was funny. Then, something I have never experienced in my life, i fell big time, and that was before anything happened. I went on holiday with my boyfriend and could not stop missing him... crying even. It was the same for him (i found out years later) he thought about me all the time too. If it never happened to you, you would never understand.

February 22, 2014

My daughter and I have been deep in discussion surrounding something I am currently involved in, and the question arose, ' why would a single woman/man knowingly get into an affair with a married man/woman?

What benefits or rewards are there?

Most single men don't pledge undying love and propose on bended knee within weeks or months in a new relationship. A single man usually takes it slow in getting to know a woman and see where the relationship may go. A single man will not future fake and has no real excuse or reason to prevent the relationship to progress into something more serious.

Married men come on strong, they profess undying love and if only....but....

Married men love bomb the single woman...they will promise them the world if only....and the single woman wants to believe it...she wants to be supportive and she understands it will take time...she understands he needs to get his finances in order before he divorces....and of course she understands he loves his kids and that also makes her love and respect him even more because he's such a good man....

Single and vulnerable woman experience a high dose of drama and intense emotions that is usually no comparison to dating single men. Married men work harder at promising everything they can't give. Single men don't play that game.

Many ex-OW have a hard time dating single men after an affair. The intensity is no where near and as dramatic as it is with a married man who sweeps them off their feet.

Just my guess:

February 22, 2014

Most single men don't pledge undying love and propose on bended knee within weeks or months in a new relationship. A single man usually takes it slow in getting to know a woman and see where the relationship may go. A single man will not future fake and has no real excuse or reason to prevent the relationship to progress into something more serious.

Married men come on strong, they profess undying love and if only....but....

Married men love bomb the single woman...they will promise them the world if only....and the single woman wants to believe it...she wants to be supportive and she understands it will take time...she understands he needs to get his finances in order before he divorces....and of course she understands he loves his kids and that also makes her love and respect him even more because he's such a good man....

Single and vulnerable woman experience a high dose of drama and intense emotions that is usually no comparison to dating single men. Married men work harder at promising everything they can't give. Single men don't play that game.

Many ex-OW have a hard time dating single men after an affair. The intensity is no where near and as dramatic as it is with a married man who sweeps them off their feet.

Just my guess:

I agree that this is the appeal for some women. They think that it must be "real love" because everything happens so quickly. Some of the OW have posted that ILY has been said in a matter of days. Personally, I am creeped out by someone who thinks they "love" me when only knowing me for a short time and only in a limited capacity, but some women really buy it.

February 22, 2014

My sister has only been an OW once, but she always goes for the unavailable man. I think a real relationship scares her, and unavailable guys mean that she always has an excuse not to get into a messy relationship. That said, if a MM showed her attention, she is probably very vulnerable because she's not used to the attention. I think that's actually where her ex-H comes in. He showed her attention and he was "separated." Of course he left her for the next woman.

February 23, 2014

Married men come on strong, they profess undying love and if only....but....

Married men love bomb the single woman...they will promise them the world if only....

and contrast that with married women who promise they won't ask for anything and that they don't want anything but some fun on the side.

Ah the difference between the girls and the boys. Married men promise the world, married women promise you won't have to give them anything but attention, orgasms and to keep their dirty little secrets.

February 23, 2014

I don't know. I wouldn't touch a married woman with a ten foot pole. I straight walked out on a date once when I found out she was married. Married women are very easy to get which is why some men like them but where is the ego boost in that. If you see some of the men women cheat with you would not feel good about being an OM.

February 23, 2014

We came into contact and the chemistry was amazing.....always at social functions we got together like magnets, lot of eye contact and laughing. I did not think it was wrong as it was in front of his BS. But now looking back, she turned hers. I did not realise what I was doing. I was just happy to be his friend, he was funny. Then, something I have never experienced in my life, i fell big time, and that was before anything happened. I went on holiday with my boyfriend and could not stop missing him... crying even. It was the same for him (i found out years later) he thought about me all the time too. If it never happened to you, you would never understand.

Did he leave his wife for you and are you two now together?

February 23, 2014

For my wife's single OM = sex with hot co-worker

Sounds like a good deal for a 20-something guy (excluding the beat down if I had caught him)

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Why does a single person knowingly get involved with a married one?

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