IsaacClarke Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) I'm new here and in need of some advice. I have a feeling this is the right place for it. In short i just wanna say i am not a Don Juan kinda guy, not overly confident and can be somewhat shy. Also have the tendency to think i am not worthy when i see a nice girl, but that's BS..nobody is unworthy for anyone. That said...i went to the Optician today, cause for the first time in my life, i need glasses. I was helped by a very nice lady, cute, very friendly and if i have to assume, a sweet person too. While trying on several pairs of glasses she kept saying certain ones looked really good on me, but i probably should not overthink that too much. It's her job after all to be friendly to customers. We did chat about things in a nice jokingly way though. I must say i definitely enjoyed the conversations. I ended up buying the glasses there. While she went over my information, name, address etc...she noticed my email address and asked if i was a big anime/manga fan, cause the title in the email address was also a anime character. I asked if she was a anime fan and she said yes. I like it when a conversation can just completely change into something else. Next saturday i'm picking up the glasses, cause they won't be finished any earlier. I see no harm in letting this lady know i like her, nothing wrong with that. But i guess i need some info on how to proceed. How would YOU proceed if you were in my shoes? I mean we've had a nice chat, i definitely would like to know her better, but in a store full of co-workers, customers, etc...it's not that easy. In the past i have had several opportunities to compliment a lady or ask her out and the majority of those opportunities i either failed, or she didn't work at the store/place anymore or i simply didn't do anything. I want to do something with this, it shouldn't end up on my regrets list. Thanks to anyone reading this and hopefully giving some good advice too Tom Edited February 22, 2014 by IsaacClarke
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 When dealing with people in service industries you rarely have enough info to know if it's OK to make a move. How do you know this woman isn't in a relationship? You have to find that out 1st. You can say something as corny as "does your BF mind that you work on Saturdays?" since you will be picking up your glasses on Saturday. She will then know you like her. If she has a BF she'll tell you straight up. If she's not interested, she will make that clear before you ask an embarrassing question but if she brightens up & makes more eye contact, you have a green light to ask. 1
deathandtaxes Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Can you talk more about anime? That's your in! Just use that to start the conversation. If the convo goes anywhere, you could even suggest meeting up sometime over drinks or whatnot and talking more about it or anything else that comes up in the conversation. Nothing to lose!! 1
Author IsaacClarke Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) When dealing with people in service industries you rarely have enough info to know if it's OK to make a move. How do you know this woman isn't in a relationship? You have to find that out 1st. You can say something as corny as "does your BF mind that you work on Saturdays?" since you will be picking up your glasses on Saturday. She will then know you like her. If she has a BF she'll tell you straight up. If she's not interested, she will make that clear before you ask an embarrassing question but if she brightens up & makes more eye contact, you have a green light to ask. That's true, i have no idea if she's seeing someone. The problem is, it's gonna be a bit tough to find that out now. It's not a big store, but lots of people always there, co workers,customers. There is not much time and room for small talk. I was only able to chat and joke a little with her because we were busy checking out different pairs of glasses and she was helping me, giving her opinion about the glasses. If i make a comment like that...i wonder if that would make her uncomfortable, cause that is not my intention. Maybe what deathandtaxes said is better. Anime is a mutual interest and there should always be something i can say about that or ask her about. It could be as simple as...''what are your favorite Anime shows?'' Or i could joke a little and say..''Ah man i am so glad i will finally be able to truly read those subtitles during anime again with these glasses'' What i also could do i just show up in the store next week out of the blue. Not entirely for no reason, cause the information flyer that she gave me today notifies customers of a special plan when buying glasses. I could go back and ask her to explain that a little to me. Maybe then small talk perhaps or just a friendly compliment, smile etc. Good idea or more like...hell no? Edited February 23, 2014 by IsaacClarke 1
Versacehottie Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 yes, easy talk about anime & then because she is working say something like i have to show you something or send you a link. Maybe pick something obscure so she really won't know it & then exchange email addresses and go from there. The way I look at it is who cares if she has a boyfriend. I know a ton of stories where people were in other relationships beforehand. Then things change. In your situation, since you don't have mutual friends, you need to become on her radar and stay in contact, even if it starts out friendly. You COULD ask about the bf (in the way suggested is fine) but you could also leave it until you are corresponding or in contact in the future and have a bit of a repoire built up. Also it never hurts to have more friends with similar interests. Who knows you could end up hanging out with her and some of her friends and fall in love with one of them (if she has a bf). If you stop cold, because she says she has a bf, you lose all the future opportunities. You just never know. Sometimes it takes a while for a planted seed to come to fruition. If she has a boyfriend and is so opposed she won't give you her email address well then you haven't lost much. If you're gauging during your conversation that she might be a little reluctant to give you her email, suggest she email you. Good luck!
Versacehottie Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 oh i forgot to say, it's not like you're completely throwing yourself in the friend zone. You will feel it out as you know one another a little better. You could easily ask her out after 1 or 2 times contacting her OR depending how open she is or what her current situation is it may be significantly longer. The answer will reveals itself as you know a little more about her. And i agree it's not easy in small place of business (which is quiet!) with her co-workers and other customers around...so give yourself best chance of success taking convo away from her place of work. She will feel more comfortable for sure. By the way, most women know when approached like this what your real intention COULD be. Even if the girl is extremely naive, probably still wondering--does he really want to talk to me about anime or could he be interested or both. That's why it may be fine in first couple of contacts to just go forward and ask her out. Also this faux-softer approach, I think, has better results. A few contacts in and you're no longer a "stranger" and she may feel more comfortable saying yes than if you just go for it and ask her out. With the nerves and environment at her work, that may not go as well as a conversation outside of work where you have had a chance to flirt and build a bit of a connection.
hasaquestion Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares if she has a boyfriend? She might say no for a lot of reasons. Because she has a boyfriend, because she isn't actually interested in you, because she's a North Korean spy..... everyone might say no. If you base your decision to hit on her on whether or not someone "might say no" then you might as well give up now. Ask her when you go to pick them up or forever hold your peace.
Lei Ping Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 That's true, i have no idea if she's seeing someone. The problem is, it's gonna be a bit tough to find that out now. It's not a big store, but lots of people always there, co workers,customers. There is not much time and room for small talk. I was only able to chat and joke a little with her because we were busy checking out different pairs of glasses and she was helping me, giving her opinion about the glasses. If i make a comment like that...i wonder if that would make her uncomfortable, cause that is not my intention. Maybe what deathandtaxes said is better. Anime is a mutual interest and there should always be something i can say about that or ask her about. It could be as simple as...''what are your favorite Anime shows?'' Or i could joke a little and say..''Ah man i am so glad i will finally be able to truly read those subtitles during anime again with these glasses'' What i also could do i just show up in the store next week out of the blue. Not entirely for no reason, cause the information flyer that she gave me today notifies customers of a special plan when buying glasses. I could go back and ask her to explain that a little to me. Maybe then small talk perhaps or just a friendly compliment, smile etc. Good idea or more like...hell no? You're overthinking this. Don't write yourself a script, especially a LAME script. Just be you and let her be her and maybe another conversation will come up and you can then tell her that you'd like to continue the conversation sometime soon away from the office, maybe over a latte. OR You could greet her, try on the glasses, get a good look at her and say "Daam, Baby. I didn't know you were working with al THAT!" and if she laughs you've got date potential. Either way, don't leave there without saying anything and then wonder what to say the next next time you see her. 1
Author IsaacClarke Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) yes, easy talk about anime & then because she is working say something like i have to show you something or send you a link. Maybe pick something obscure so she really won't know it & then exchange email addresses and go from there. The way I look at it is who cares if she has a boyfriend. I know a ton of stories where people were in other relationships beforehand. Then things change. In your situation, since you don't have mutual friends, you need to become on her radar and stay in contact, even if it starts out friendly. You COULD ask about the bf (in the way suggested is fine) but you could also leave it until you are corresponding or in contact in the future and have a bit of a repoire built up. Also it never hurts to have more friends with similar interests. Who knows you could end up hanging out with her and some of her friends and fall in love with one of them (if she has a bf). If you stop cold, because she says she has a bf, you lose all the future opportunities. You just never know. Sometimes it takes a while for a planted seed to come to fruition. If she has a boyfriend and is so opposed she won't give you her email address well then you haven't lost much. If you're gauging during your conversation that she might be a little reluctant to give you her email, suggest she email you. Good luck! You bring some good points there. I think a lot of people would give up, but you are right....people can befriend eachother, hang out and if something grows from it, cool...but if not, cool too. Like you said, she could have interesting female friends etc. It's definitely good advice. Who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares if she has a boyfriend? She might say no for a lot of reasons. Because she has a boyfriend, because she isn't actually interested in you, because she's a North Korean spy..... everyone might say no. If you base your decision to hit on her on whether or not someone "might say no" then you might as well give up now. Ask her when you go to pick them up or forever hold your peace. Haha North Korean spy, that made me laugh. But i agree, sometimes it's best to just straight up ask it. You're overthinking this. Don't write yourself a script, especially a LAME script. Just be you and let her be her and maybe another conversation will come up and you can then tell her that you'd like to continue the conversation sometime soon away from the office, maybe over a latte. OR You could greet her, try on the glasses, get a good look at her and say "Daam, Baby. I didn't know you were working with al THAT!" and if she laughs you've got date potential. Either way, don't leave there without saying anything and then wonder what to say the next next time you see her. I like that one the most, i really dig it, haha. I've actually have gotten a real good look at her already today, at one point i had to put the glasses on and she asked me to look straight into her eyes. It was all meant for the right meassurements for the glasses. We joked and laughed some more, so to me it kinda feels there could be something. In other words, it be a waste to just give up and not do anything. Sooooo i will definitely follow you up on that last piece of advice. Cause that has happened several times to me...that i just thought ''meh, why should i bother.'' And i want to quit with that. I appreciate the advice and help. This could also truly help me in the future with other ladies, not necessarily only this one. This is some good advice in general. I probably am gonna go with the last comment, i'll wait for saturday. If i'm going with the other advice, i'd need to visit the store more often, and i can see why thats not a good idea. Also i was talking to a good friend of mine, and he said he knew very few girls that don't like it when a guy tells them they like her and would like a chance to get to know her better. Whether she's single or not. He has a point there. Edited February 23, 2014 by IsaacClarke 1
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