I feel so destroyed by my ex girlfriend

[keith.1]

Hey, this may take a while so please bear with me. I'm 29 and my ex is 40, she is from Russia. We have been together for almost 8 year's. Just over 2 months ago, she left me. Basically she was always a very money orientated women, she always liked big and expensive things, unfortunately, I couldn't always afford the thing's she wanted and I know it used to upset her, but I always did my best to make her happy, and for the most part of our relationship, we were happy. I would see her every opportunity I got, I'd take her out every weekend to different places, I'd always tell her how special she is, how beautiful she is.

 

I would do silly things for her, like on occasion, if I knew she would be at home in the evening, I would take her a bunch of flowers and leave them on her doorstep with a little note saying they are from me, she would always call me shortly after and tell me how sweet she thinks I am and that nobody has ever treated her as nicely as I do. It always felt like we had that special connection with eachother, it always felt like we were so in love that we were completely untouchable and it would last forever. Sure we had our fair share of arguments, but it was always sorted out quickly.

 

It all went wrong towards the end of last year, she decided she wanted to buy her own house, she had her savings but she was short 5000 for the deposit. Obviously, she asked me if I could give it to her. It broke my heart to say no to her, but I had no choice but to say no, as I simply didn't have that kind of money. I hated saying no to her. I tried to explain myself that I cant afford that. I told her that I will help her with anything, but physically cant give her 5000 because I just didn't have it. I even asked my family if I could borrow it for her, they said no. I went to bank to try and get a loan but they wouldn't give it to me. I tried everything to get her the money but was unsuccessful. She then ended our relationship on Christmas Eve, telling me that she cannot rely on me and I cannot give her the security that a woman needs and that she has completely wasted her time being with me.

 

Hearing these words completely destroyed me. I felt like I was going to die there and then. I was gutted.

A few days had past and I went to our local bar as I had a feeling she might be there and perhaps we could talk. She was there, and she was hand in hand with another man. A man who looked old enough to be her grandfather. I didn't say anything or cause a scene, I just left. Feeling completely broken. I found out later that this 'new guy' has a lot of money. I'm guessing that's why she is with him. Obviously I made the classic mistakes of begging and pleading for her to come back, but she will not.

 

She has turned completly evil towards me. When we do talk, she tells me she wants to be friends, but then tells me never to contact her, she tells me how happy she is with this guy, all the time knowing that im already in pain. It almost feels like she is enjoying making me suffer. I never ask about this guy, so why tell me all the "wonderful" things he does for her??

 

I did everything to make her happy for nearly 8 years. I showed infinite patience and understanding with her. Tried to give her everything I possibly could.

 

I miss her so much and the pain is completely consuming my life. Im a mess. I just want to have her back. Or at least be over her. When will the pain end? It feels like it never will. Any advice would be nice. Thanks

Edited February 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lvroflife]

Dude!!! She is a gold digger!! She uses men for their money and whatever else she can get. She did you a favor!! There was never no love from her end just a give me give me! You need to keep moving and stay away from her. I bet if you had given her 5k she would still be with you. Bro she is nrot worth it!!

[keith.1]

I know. And that's what everyone keeps telling me and I know they are right. It just doesn't stop it hurting any less. It feels like the last 8 year's were completely pointless. I invested everything into her. She was my whole world, and now I feel completely destroyed. I wish I could just hate her. It would make it so much easier. But I can't. Not at the moment. Today is her birthday, so I sent a quick text saying happy birthday. She replied with 'thanks, can't talk now, my boyfriend has many things planned for me' and inserted a smiley face. Was there really any need to tell me this?! It just all seems a little bit deliberate. Her way of telling me that its over between us.

[keith.1]

And yes, if I had given her the 5k she would have stayed with me. She actually told that to my face a few weeks ago

[KevinC]

Keith im sorry for your pain, im with you, everyone here is in some kind of pain or another. For your own sake you need to implement no contact immediatly. I suggest you read caliguy's guide to no contact and start as soon as possible. You are only prolonging your suffering by staying in contact with this woman. Its a long hard road ahead i know im on it too but to sooner you start the sooner you will heal. I read that guide almost everyday it helps me when i think about breaking NC.

 

Good luck

[keith.1]

Thank you. I will check it out. I just want this pain to end. I'm doing everything that most people suggest, I.e going to the gym, throwing myself into work, hanging out with friends and family. But absolutely nothing is working. It's not getting easier and she is constantly in my head. Im physically and emotionally drained. I just want this pain to end

[newmoon]

You're laying a lot of blame on the financials and you not being able to provide everything she wanted, but in an 8-year relationship perhaps you should look at other things that went wrong: 8 years is a long time to not get a marriage proposal from a guy, or to have a kid, etc. and she may just have wanted things you weren't providing, or were too young to provide. At her age it's not unreasonable to want a home, and that might have been an opening for you to suggest buying it together, moving into it together, etc. She's 40, so you've wasted a lot of her years... perhaps the older guy is in a position to provide what she wants (not only financially, but with a greater commitment).

[fancy feast]

You gotta stop contacting her. Only way it's going to get better. You're still young, and you'll have a chance to be with someone who isn't just looking for "financial security" (lol).

[keith.1]

Actually, I did propose. Many times. It was a bit of roll reversal in our relationship, it was me who wanted the marriage, to start a family and I wanted to buy a house with her. I cannot tell you the amount of times I spoke to her about these things. She always told me that she preferred to keep things separate. She said she never wanted to get married or have children. She also told me that she wanted her own house in her own name and did not want to share it with anyone. It was her choice to not have that stuff with me. Ok, so maybe I could not afford the rich lifestyle that she wanted, the huge house, extravagant holidays and expensive jewellery. But on the other hand, we wouldn't have had a bad life. I did offer her security. I don't earn bad money, Infact its well above average but in her words. 'She wants a man who can afford to buy her everything she ever wants' unfortunately, I can't afford the 'high life' all the time. Bills still need to be paid, and for many years now I've been paying hers as well as mine. I'm not tight with my money and I tried my hardest to give her everything. Unfortunately it just wasn't enough

[fancy feast]

Actually, I did propose. Many times. It was a bit of roll reversal in our relationship, it was me who wanted the marriage, to start a family and I wanted to buy a house with her. I cannot tell you the amount of times I spoke to her about these things. She always told me that she preferred to keep things separate. She said she never wanted to get married or have children. She also told me that she wanted her own house in her own name and did not want to share it with anyone. It was her choice to not have that stuff with me. Ok, so maybe I could not afford the rich lifestyle that she wanted, the huge house, extravagant holidays and expensive jewellery. But on the other hand, we wouldn't have had a bad life. I did offer her security. I don't earn bad money, Infact its well above average but in her words. 'She wants a man who can afford to buy her everything she ever wants' unfortunately, I can't afford the 'high life' all the time. Bills still need to be paid, and for many years now I've been paying hers as well as mine. I'm not tight with my money and I tried my hardest to give her everything. Unfortunately it just wasn't enough

 

Sucks for her that she'll have to learn this at 40, but for 99% of the world that just ain't how life works.

 

Seriously man, I know you're hurting and that's perfectly fine, but you gotta hold your head up. This **** isn't your fault.

[somecamel]

Actually, I did propose. Many times. It was a bit of roll reversal in our relationship, it was me who wanted the marriage, to start a family and I wanted to buy a house with her. I cannot tell you the amount of times I spoke to her about these things. She always told me that she preferred to keep things separate. She said she never wanted to get married or have children. She also told me that she wanted her own house in her own name and did not want to share it with anyone. It was her choice to not have that stuff with me. Ok, so maybe I could not afford the rich lifestyle that she wanted, the huge house, extravagant holidays and expensive jewellery. But on the other hand, we wouldn't have had a bad life. I did offer her security. I don't earn bad money, Infact its well above average but in her words. 'She wants a man who can afford to buy her everything she ever wants' unfortunately, I can't afford the 'high life' all the time. Bills still need to be paid, and for many years now I've been paying hers as well as mine. I'm not tight with my money and I tried my hardest to give her everything. Unfortunately it just wasn't enough

 

Hi Keith,

 

You'll always find a lot of support here but as posted above, you really need to draw a line in the sand with this woman.

 

It's pretty obvious she has been using you, I get that you've been together for 8 years but it seems like you were putting more into this relationship than what you were receiving.

 

She sounds quite cold as a woman and I doubt she had any true feelings for you and perhaps just thought you were sweet.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt but she is a Gold Digger, that's not fault that you couldn't provide the kind of life she demanded, I doubt many people could.

 

I hope your not paying her bills anymore?

[keith.1]

I think your right, as much as it hurts me to admit that. But yes, our relationship was always very one sided. But as the old saying goes, love is blind. I just always thought that if I can give her enough, she will someday stop and think, ' hey, this guy actually loves me for who I am' unfortunately, with her it always seemed like, you don't earn her love and respect, you pay for it with cold hard cash. She always used to sing that song 'diamonds are a girls best friend' I used to laugh when she would sing it. But perhaps it was her way of telling me something...

As I said in a previous post, I wish I could hate her, but I just can't. It's just to raw at the moment and I do still love her. I would have done anything for her.

[keith.1]

And to answer your question, no, I'm not paying her bills anymore. I had money automatically transfer into her account from my account each week to help pay her bills, but I've put a stop on that now.

[somecamel]

And to answer your question, no, I'm not paying her bills anymore. I had money automatically transfer into her account from my account each week to help pay her bills, but I've put a stop on that now.

 

Good man:) it will get easier I promise you, stay NC and time will be your healer.

[Own Worst Enemy]

Can I punch her? Please? Why can't she buy her own "nice things" and have some self respect, instead of hiring herself out to men???? The only good thing here is that she didn't want kids. She would probably have sold them for spare parts anyway.

 

You deserve someone who loves you for being YOU, not what you buy them. someone equal, a partnership. At some point, hopefully soon, you will have someone like that. And you will look back at this gold digger and it will seem like a bad dream.

[keith.1]

I will certainly do my best to stay NC. I know it's going to be hard, but I think it's the only way I'm going to heal. I've pretty much given up on the idea that she will return to me, as I seriously doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. Now I just want to make myself feel better. I hope it won't take to long, because it just feels never ending at the moment. I feel completely hollow

[keith.1]

Thank you. I truly hope so. I also hope that one day she realises that money cannot buy you everything. I would have loved her and supported her for as long as my heart beats. I hope one day she realises what she threw away...

[keith.1]

Well it's my 3rd day of NC and it's driving me crazy!!!!

The temptation to call or text my ex girlfriend is so strong. I know I've got to stay strong and ride this out, but I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I'm so tired of loving someone who doesn't want me anymore. I wish I could just turn it all off

[forgetmenot75]

OMG!!!!

 

Just couldn't read until the end. I feel so sorry for you, man. You seem so naive...

 

Please move on, I have nothing more to add, because it's so evident she used you and you can't see it, it makes me sick.

[pickflicker]

And yes, if I had given her the 5k she would have stayed with me. She actually told that to my face a few weeks ago

 

So her love is for sale? For $5K?

 

Think of it this way - you're $5K richer for her having left you. Not emotionally poorer because she did.

[Chi townD]

Really dude....gold digger from HELL!!!!! She wanted 5k ON TOPOF YOU PAYING ALL OF HER BILLS!!!!!

 

 

You don't see that she's going to rip through Mr. Viagra's money and as soon as he can't come up with 5k for something, she's going to skip out to the next guy.

 

 

SO, the money that you were pissing away paying her bills, save it up and go in vacation.

[keith.1]

I am slowly starting to realise that perhaps I've been used for the last nearly 8 year's of my life. It's the thing that's hurting the most. I've invested so much time, effort and above all, LOVE into her, and now it feels like it was all for nothing. There are so many questions I want to ask her, why did she stay with me for so long? Did I ever mean anything to her? Every time she told me she loves me, was it all a lie? There are so many things I want to ask, but I dont think it would do me any good to know the answers. God, I feel so unhappy

[somecamel]

I am slowly starting to realise that perhaps I've been used for the last nearly 8 year's of my life. It's the thing that's hurting the most. I've invested so much time, effort and above all, LOVE into her, and now it feels like it was all for nothing. There are so many questions I want to ask her, why did she stay with me for so long? Did I ever mean anything to her? Every time she told me she loves me, was it all a lie? There are so many things I want to ask, but I dont think it would do me any good to know the answers. God, I feel so unhappy

 

I hate to ask the question but it's a bit of cliche, where did you meet her? Online?

[keith.1]

No, I met her where I used to work.

[denjones]

Hey, this may take a while so please bear with me. I'm 29 and my ex is 40, she is from Russia. We have been together for almost 8 year's. Just over 2 months ago, she left me. Basically she was always a very money orientated women, she always liked big and expensive things, unfortunately, I couldn't always afford the thing's she wanted and I know it used to upset her, but I always did my best to make her happy, and for the most part of our relationship, we were happy. I would see her every opportunity I got, I'd take her out every weekend to different places, I'd always tell her how special she is, how beautiful she is.

 

I would do silly things for her, like on occasion, if I knew she would be at home in the evening, I would take her a bunch of flowers and leave them on her doorstep with a little note saying they are from me, she would always call me shortly after and tell me how sweet she thinks I am and that nobody has ever treated her as nicely as I do. It always felt like we had that special connection with eachother, it always felt like we were so in love that we were completely untouchable and it would last forever. Sure we had our fair share of arguments, but it was always sorted out quickly.

 

It all went wrong towards the end of last year, she decided she wanted to buy her own house, she had her savings but she was short 5000 for the deposit. Obviously, she asked me if I could give it to her. It broke my heart to say no to her, but I had no choice but to say no, as I simply didn't have that kind of money. I hated saying no to her. I tried to explain myself that I cant afford that. I told her that I will help her with anything, but physically cant give her 5000 because I just didn't have it. I even asked my family if I could borrow it for her, they said no. I went to bank to try and get a loan but they wouldn't give it to me. I tried everything to get her the money but was unsuccessful. She then ended our relationship on Christmas Eve, telling me that she cannot rely on me and I cannot give her the security that a woman needs and that she has completely wasted her time being with me.

 

Hearing these words completely destroyed me. I felt like I was going to die there and then. I was gutted.

A few days had past and I went to our local bar as I had a feeling she might be there and perhaps we could talk. She was there, and she was hand in hand with another man. A man who looked old enough to be her grandfather. I didn't say anything or cause a scene, I just left. Feeling completely broken. I found out later that this 'new guy' has a lot of money. I'm guessing that's why she is with him. Obviously I made the classic mistakes of begging and pleading for her to come back, but she will not.

 

She has turned completly evil towards me. When we do talk, she tells me she wants to be friends, but then tells me never to contact her, she tells me how happy she is with this guy, all the time knowing that im already in pain. It almost feels like she is enjoying making me suffer. I never ask about this guy, so why tell me all the "wonderful" things he does for her??

 

I did everything to make her happy for nearly 8 years. I showed infinite patience and understanding with her. Tried to give her everything I possibly could.

 

I miss her so much and the pain is completely consuming my life. Im a mess. I just want to have her back. Or at least be over her. When will the pain end? It feels like it never will. Any advice would be nice. Thanks

 

I can really relate to how you're feeling mate, as I'm in a very similar position. Except by girlfriend of 4yrs ended our relationship on Christmas day! Of 4yrs of home building and financially taking care of her and her 2 children (not mine), I walked out the door with just 1 bin bag of belongings. I was destroyed, and suppose still am.

 

I have recently found out she slept with another guy 3weeks ago, and was more or likely sleeping with him whilst we were together. I can't eat, sleep, and finding it hard to function ''Normally'' on a day to day basis. I keep thinking things like ''Is he better than me in bed, does she kiss him the way she kissed me, does she look at him the way she looked at me'' etc. The pain and hurt is immense as you know. I have now started the No Contact principle (advice from this wonderfull site). It is hard to do, but we must get these women out of our minds. Yet, we can not do this while we are in any form of contact with them. Block her from ALL your social media networks, delete her number and ALL texts from your phone, and DO NOT reply to any form of correspondence from her. If you see her in any social circle, remove yourself from the situation and DO NOT acknowledge her. This is what I am now gonna start doing. But seriously, people here can relate to you because we are all feeling hurt and pain in some shape or form, so advice will be plenty. Take what you can from it.

 

Hopefully one day we'll be able to come back here and offer others in a similar situation some good advice we've learned from this experience mate. My heart goes out to you.........