doorman Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 What is the protocol on holding the door for a woman?? i know that it a sign of chivalry and respect, but for some women it can be condescending, like they are unable to fend for themselves. So where does this leave a guy who doesnt know? My last GF wanted me to open the car door for her, and would go to the car and just stand there and wait. I really didnt mind, but this started to chap me somewhat because she felt she was ENTITLED or something. i started to resent it after a while, and felt that she was capable of doing it when we went to home depot or the grocer or something. Its more appropriate when you go out to dinner. When i ended it i really just chalked it up to her being a controlling, selfish, self-centered bit.., which showed in other areas. I think its different when entering a building---i always open for the lady and let them in, or hold it and let them go first. But i do that for men also, especially if they are older. whats the prorocol here?
doogl Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Well i think there really isnt a set way to go about this. Its called being a gentleman. They are polite, well spoken, suave, and open doors. I can understand how some girls would see it as sexist (wait, no i cant), but just say your trying to be polite if they ask. i hope that answers it somewhat.
seahorse Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Ok, yes, this is a minefield. Along with the "Do I look fat in this honey?" question - hats off to any guy who gets these right! For myself, up until about a year ago, I'd NEVER gone on a date with anyone who got to doors first, opened doors and stood back to let me enter. Then I went out with this guy, just a one off, but he insisted on opening his car door for me, and when we got to our destination, I had to sit in the passenger seat and wait for him to get out and open the door again, so that I could get out! I have to admit, I loved it. He pulled out my chair for me to sit down, helped me to everything I needed. Wow, I was blown away. It was really nice, and I felt he was being very attentive to me. Saying all of that however, maybe if we'd kept going out, I'd have got fed up with it. I'm a fairly independent person, and I reckon I'm just as able to open my own doors as anyone. Then again, I might have got used to it, and been quite happy to let him continue. Hard to say. Over all, I'd say I'm happy to have blokes hold doors open for me, but it's not a big issue. I do like to go through the door first is all I can say. I think it's good manners for a bloke to let the lady go through the door first. Whatever.
Moose Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 When to open doors for a woman All the time. I don't care if they get pissed or not.
seahorse Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Thank you Moose. Nice to know there are some gentlemen out there.
Adunaphel Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I think that most ladies like men to open doors for them, at least occasionally. I dare say that the first time you are on a date with someone you can't do wrong opening the car door for her. If she feels embarassed or unconfortable or doesn't really mind she'll let you know (or you'll see it soon enough). If you are worried a girl might be offended if you open the car door for her, you can use the remote door opener while approaching the passenger side of the car and see if she goes for the handle. Originally posted by doorman I think its different when entering a building---i always open for the lady and let them in, or hold it and let them go first. But i do that for men also, especially if they are older. whats the prorocol here? When entering a bar or restaurant it's the man who should enter first (and hold the door open for the woman). Holding doors for older men is very good manners.
morrigan Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I thinks it's nice when either peson on a date opens the door--it's good manners.
mt_joy Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 My boyfriend always opens the door for me. When I'm alone or with female friends, about half the time a male will hold the door for us. I think it's a sign of chilvary and I love it. Anyone woman who doesn't must be one of those very independent types who want to seem equal to me. As for me, I know I'm equal, but different. I will never say no to a man who wants to hold the door for me. True gentleman are an endangered species! Joy MT Student
allina Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 For me it's odd when this is a contraversy. I've always lived in a big, liberal city BUT I have always had guys open doors (car doors included) for me. Even guys in highschool open doors. Now that dosn't mean run for the door and hold it open which feels unatural but come on it's the polite thng to do, just as I would always open the door for my mother or an elderly person.
soccorsilly Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I am kind of with Moose on this one! There are some exceptions in my book though. I do not typically open doors: 1--to allow a woman to exit my car. I will walk around to meet her, but she typically pulls the handle and gets out on her own. Exception to that is a fancy schmancy formal night. 2--sometimes when I am in a tight parking spot--getting in there with two people just does not make any sense Hmmm that's about all I can think of......
doorman Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Well, i agree its good manners and its best to do it and then see how she responds. And it depends on the circumstances.. But i have been on the receiving end of holding ht edoor at a liberal college for a girl i didnt know.....well, she must have been a fema-nazi or something, and pointedly pointed out that she was my equal, and i shouldnt degrade her by patronizingly holding the door, as if to insinuate that she is in some way inferior and couldnt fend for herself. So i told her that since we were equals, that she shouldnt be offended if i told her to kiss my A....Its what i would ay to a man, so i guess true equality has its sucking side. I have experienced this 3 times, once with me and 2 other times with others. It might just be something in the water at this college, or all these women just have no self esteem. I still do it though, and in most cases it's appreciated and seems to be a true surprise in many cases.
liono Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I'm from the South and it's pretty much understood that open the door for anyone especially a lady. It sounds cheesy but thats how it is.
Moose Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 1--to allow a woman to exit my car. I will walk around to meet her, but she typically pulls the handle and gets out on her own. Exception to that is a fancy schmancy formal night. You do close the door though, right? I agree with this one, but I have another exception. Last night brought it to mind just because of this thread. Mrs. Moose and I went to a tsunami benefit concert last night, the entrance was typical where you'll enter the building into the energy saver chamber, then there's the second set of doors. I'd open the first door of course, but by the time she gets through the first set, she's already opening the second set.....happens all the time and it's uncomfortable to ask her to wait.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I love a man who opens doors for me...and I'm a feminist with a Masters degree in women's studies. Opening car doors: that seems a bit much to me, a little awkward..unless we're approaching the side of the car my door is on. I don't really see the point of waiting in the car for him to get out and open my door to let me out. However, if we're approaching a business door...MAJOR points if he takes a few steps forward to grab that door first.
alphamale Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by doorman What is the protocol on holding the door for a woman?? i know that it a sign of chivalry and respect, but for some women it can be condescending, like they are unable to fend for themselves. I have always opened doors for women and don't think I have ever gotten a negative comment from one. The ones who don't like it seem to keep it to themselves. It may be cause I am cute?! Who knows.
tiki Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 If she approves, do it. If not, let her do it her damn self. My husband ALWAYS opens up the door for me. My car door, our home door, any door we come across. And he gets PISSED if I beat him to it. He'll even lock the car doors with the remote so that I can't open the door myself, until he gets right there. I take advantage of it. But sometimes it gets really over the freakin top. For instance, I decide to drive as we walk out of the store, he opens up the *driver* side door for me....CHEESY. He pulls the car up close to pick me up if it's freezing cold....but he wants to get out of the car and open the car door for me....CHEESY. But sweet, nonetheless. If we're taking groceries out to the car in the cold, he says "Get in the car, stay warm, I'll take care of this...go...................GO!" It's so sweet. But I feel bad. Like I'm taking advantage of him, but he loves doing it. He has taught my four year old "Ladies go first". My son doesn't understand why he has to go last all the time... ...but he tells him it's just the way it is. But back to my original statement, if she give you the 'go ahead'...go for it!
Moose Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 He has taught my four year old "Ladies go first". My son doesn't understand why he has to go last all the time... ...but he tells him it's just the way it is. You ought to see my house! If the boys push one of the girls, hit one of the girls, or pinch one of the girls, anything like that, I hold them down and let the girls beat the crap out of em. Even if the girls egged it on. Of course, the girls do get punished for what they've done wrong, but the point of the messages is that boy, men, don't touch a girl with intentions of causing harm. Most of the time, the girls don't beat up the boys, but it depends on the situation. A lot of times it diffuses the anger and we all wind up laughin' our butts off.
bridgetender Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 hey doorman-----you forgot some other times to open the door. With my ex, i gladly opened the door and told her to get out and dont come back. Now sometimes i wish i would have opened the car door for her also--- especially when we were going 80 on the interstate!!!ha
allina Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 Originally posted by bridgetender hey doorman-----you forgot some other times to open the door. With my ex, i gladly opened the door and told her to get out and dont come back. Now sometimes i wish i would have opened the car door for her also--- especially when we were going 80 on the interstate!!!ha haha WOW is that bitter or what
bridgetender Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 hahaha----no, thats not bitter,,,,just blowing off some steam. now scott peterson....THATS BITTER!!!!!!
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