Be patient and continue with girl or just move on?

[BeachBoy1]

Should I pursue this girl?

 

Hi all, I'll be as brief as possible.

 

Met this girl a couple months ago. There was immediate interest on both sides and we went on a date and it was really good. We kept trying to plan another but holidays and some family stuff intervened. Seems like this family stuff is part of this whole thing.

 

I gave up on the thing. Then she texts me after three weeks that she's back in town and wants to get together. So we go out, its awesome.

 

She is really bad about keeping in touch. Texting for her is like going to the dentist plus she's crazy busy. I'm busy too but we are talking 70 hour work weeks here. She's always been enthusiastic about getting together but just really bad about staying in touch in a timely way.

 

So our next date I feel like she's going to stand me up because I haven't heard from her. But then pretty late on the planned day, she's like sorry I haven't been in touch, just got home from work, let's go out.

 

So we go out, third date, its incredible. Really fun. Next morning everything seems good except it seems like shes worried about what she's got to do that day. Like she's only half there with me but focusing on her work stuff already.

 

In person, when she's set time aside for me, everything is good. She was expecting a hello kiss when we met on our third date. She's really into me physically. Conversations are good. There's a lot to like there. The kissing and sex is A+. I haven't had any expectations and stayed pretty chill about the whole thing but we both good feel the chemistry.

 

So everything seems very good in person, but yet again I haven't heard back from her for nearly a week. Sent her a couple texts. She told me before she doesn't mind if I text her frequently but I don't see how that's comes off in any way except needy.

 

Its really frustrating, as you can imagine. I wrote her off before and I may well have to do it again. We already had a conversation about her communication habits but that's not going to change I don't think.

 

Should I keep this going? Or should I just let it go?

 

She just seems too busy to stay in contact with me. Plus there's obviously other things going on taking her attention and I'm nowhere near the top of her priority list. Id hate to drop her just because she's going through a rough\busy time because she is gf material but this thing is not good for me.

 

I don't want to have some talk about this with her because its new. So I think I just need to decide if this is normal, acceptable behavior or not. It seems really bizarre to me but maybe its not. What do you think?

[Tayken]

Its really frustrating, as you can imagine. I wrote her off before and I may well have to do it again. We already had a conversation about her communication habits but that's not going to change I don't think.

From everything you said, if you focus on the piece from your post, then you have your answer. I mean try to perceive for a second that you two are married.....and THIS piece isn't happen, what do you think is going to end up happening to you two?

 

There is more to a relationship than just SEX / infatuation. Personally, the communication piece is a red flag for me. A girl/woman that can't be bothered to communicate, is not all of a sudden going to change once you are in a relationship.

 

I really wish more men will focus on this as opposed to the ass-et / cleavage, which after a while you are going to get bored of anyway. I guess it's easy for me to say as am not in my 20s or 30s, and already have a child.

[BeachBoy1]

From everything you said, if you focus on the piece from your post, then you have your answer. I mean try to perceive for a second that you two are married.....and THIS piece isn't happen, what do you think is going to end up happening to you two?

 

There is more to a relationship than just SEX / infatuation. Personally, the communication piece is a red flag for me. A girl/woman that can't be bothered to communicate, is not all of a sudden going to change once you are in a relationship.

 

I really wish more men will focus on this as opposed to the ass-et / cleavage, which after a while you are going to get bored of anyway. I guess it's easy for me to say as am not in my 20s or 30s, and already have a child.

 

Thanks for your thoughts. You are right, communication is key in a relationship, but then again, I'm okay with keeping this as a casual thing too. I'm not trying to evaluate her for marriage.

 

I'm of the opinion that its common courtesy to acknowledge the other person.

 

Here's the main thing for me. I guess I don't even mind that much, but I can't tell the difference beteeen her lack of communication and a girl that just isn't interested. Hey that's fine, don't text or call back if you're not interested but she obviously is so its just confusing. Already let her go because of this but gave her the benefit of the doubt and maybe I shouldn't have lol.

[Frank2thepoint]

This is a pre-existing problem since you have talked to her about it. The fact that you are still concerned about it, even after giving her the benefit of the doubt, means it will not change. You can continue seeing this girl whenever she feels like contacting you or responding to your messages, but don't fool yourself for a second that this girl will change. You have to accept it. But if its bothering you too much, then it's best to just let her go and move on.

[BeachBoy1]

This is a pre-existing problem since you have talked to her about it. The fact that you are still concerned about it, even after giving her the benefit of the doubt, means it will not change. You can continue seeing this girl whenever she feels like contacting you or responding to your messages, but don't fool yourself for a second that this girl will change. You have to accept it. But if its bothering you too much, then it's best to just let her go and move on.

 

 

 

Great point. This is a preexisting thing and isn't limited to me.

 

I suppose my question to that is, is it possible for me to ask a girl I've been on three dates with and had sex with to clarify what she wants out of this without sounding insecure?

 

I can live with her communication issues but I would like to know the difference between she's being bad about getting in touch or she just doesn't want to keep this going.

[deathandtaxes]

It sounds like you're her booty call, OP. Nobody is so terribly busy that they cannot communicate or text (there are exceptions, I realize this).

[BeachBoy1]

It sounds like you're her booty call, OP. Nobody is so terribly busy that they cannot communicate or text (there are exceptions, I realize this).

 

 

Well I'm not sure about that. But I'm okay with that if that's the case.

 

I would just like to know where we stand and what she wants. I mean, she really is a bad communicator via text. Her texting is forced and awkward, she's not comfortable with the medium but talking she's a great communicator.

 

Plus, there's something else going on that she has referred to but hasn't explained.

 

If I didn't like her a lot I'd loose her number in a second but she's one of those handful of girls you meet where there's this undeniable connection.

[BeachBoy1]

Hi,

 

My question is, should I make any further effort with a girl I really like. I asked a question about her a week ago but this is a far more detailed picture.

 

Here's the situation:

 

We met, hit it off. We went on a date (although it was difficult to schedule because she does not like to text and is extremely busy) and it was great. She was very interested and we made general plans to see each other soon.

 

Post date, I sent a text and she did not respond. Three or four days later, we ran into each other at the same place we met. She had puppy dog eyes, her face lit up, and even though it went unspoken, it was clear that we would spend the next few hours together. We did, it was great. No question we would go out again.

 

I sent her a text asking to plan something. No response. I sent another text a week later saying I wanted to see her before Christmas break. Three days later she responds she is already home at her parents, there was some kind of big family thing and she had to go home early.

 

I wrote her off, as much as I could.

 

I sent her a text over Christmas just to say happy holidays and she responded and then apologized for not communicating well. Too much stuff going on.

 

Fast forward three weeks, she texts me saying she's back in town and let's get together. I accepted but had doubts about her because of her communication habits and these major things going on for her.

 

We go out, in fact she goes out of her way to make a lot of effort. She makes three things clear, again, that she is really bad about texting and calling back and that goes for everyone, there is some sort of big thing going on at home and that she is really busy and very focused on making ends meet plus her art.

We have a really amazing time. She is clearly very into me.

 

I text her midweek and ask if we can make plans. She is enthusiastic in her response, but then doesn't respond to subsequent texts about the details.

 

Date night comes, she still hasn't responded. I'm kind of preparing for a flake out. Around six she texts a vague message about being sorry for not getting back, she's tired from work. I ask what she wants to do, and an hour or two later she texts that she's coming to meet me.

 

We go out. We have an amazing time. Incredibly romantic. Lots of fun. We sleep together for the first time and its amazing. She enjoys it immensely. We part with no question that there will be future contact.

 

I text that evening. No response. I call, leave a message, no response.

 

As of today its nearly two weeks.

 

Now, normally I would walk away. But the lack of communication fits well within her pattern. And every time we are together, she is giving the type of signals of interest that make eliminate confusion. She was very clear that she wasn't going to have casual sex with me.

 

I really like this girl and its obvious that it could be something more.

 

But its clear that she has a lot going on, family issues, making ends meet (probably 50-60 hours a week in this town), plus all her free time spent on training and working on her career.

 

I'm ok with that, ok with being a second place to her family and paying the rent and working on starting her career.

 

I just need to decide whether or not its appropriate to keep going after her (she's said she likes if I contact her even if she doesn't respond). It really seems like its just bad timing and not a lack of interest. But its just so dang strange that she hasn't responded post sex.

[eleve82]

Are you 100% sure she isn't married/attached?

[BDL]

You never know all the reasons she doesn't reply back right away... could be the reasons she stated, could be another guy in the picture, an ex, etc... you never know! She could also be testing to see if you are needy and have no other options. Girls are attracted to guys who remain a bit of a mystery and who aren't always available to them. You can begin by stop texting her all the time and wait for her to make contact with you. Then plan a definite date when she does. By all accounts, she is interested in you, but your constant texting after dates is turning her off.

 

Take it slow and be patient! You always have to be patient and in self control when trying to win the heart of a high quality girl.

[TheyCallMeOx]

You want a woman that you can depend on. I understand that people live busy lives, but if we really analyzed how much time we have available during the day, I'm fairly certain they could squeeze in a text message or two. A woman sits on the toilet. She can't text message on the toilet? What about before she goes to bed? If she doesn't have time to text before bed, does that mean she doesn't sleep? There's so many opportunities to text, and even more time to make a phone call. She works...she can afford a Bluetooth headset -- she can respond to a text through calling you and leaving a voice-mail if you don't pick up.

 

The lack of communication for not texting back is inexcusable -- especially when you don't respond within several days. Under no circumstances does a busy lifestyle justify lack of communication. If there's a lack of communication now, there's going to be a lack of communication when you get into a relationship. In fact, it may even be worse.

 

You want a woman who is dependable because you never know when something serious comes up and you'll need to contact her. At some point, you may have something serious to tell her and what's gonna happen when you don't get in touch with her? She might say "I'm sorry" and justify her lack of action, and you might end up forgiving her because "that's just what she does." It's not something you should be willing to tolerate. Some people are cool with that, but if that's how you feel...then either she's gotta step it up, or you gotta kick her to the curb.

 

Your time is valuable too. If you take time out of your schedule to contact her for any reason and she's not doing the same, there's an incompatibility issue. A big one. It's got red flag written all over it. Consider this a test for her on whether she's willing to make sacrifices. You don't have to ask her to respond instantly or answer every phone call, but you gotta have a response soon enough so that you'll know that she would message you back any chance she got.

 

You really don't want a woman who knows you rang or texted, says "ah...he can wait," and then forgets doing it. Quite frankly, that's being unreliable. It's bad on resumes, and it's bad for relationships. Nothin' "high quality" about it.

Edited February 22, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx

[BeachBoy1]

Thanks for your responses.

 

I am not sure that she is not in a relationship, no. But an ex back home seems more likely.

 

She's very, very focused on her future career. So she's working like 60 hour weeks to be here and spend as much time as possible on her craft. Pretty common here.

 

I get the feeling that she is completely focused on making it happen, so even 'the morning after' I could sense her urgency to get up and start taking care of business.

 

Add to that potential family issues and maybe an ex back home, and the fact that she can't text at work, etc, well its all kind of understandable. Everything except a polite response and acknowledgment.

 

So yes, comparability is a question but I've only met one other girl in my life where there was a similar spark, and I've been around the block a few times. So I'm willing to accept some lifestyle differences.

 

Anyone have any other insights?

[deathandtaxes]

Either she has a bf already and you're the fling/back-up or she likes playing the field. Who knows!

 

 

You have sex two weeks ago and she hasn't contacted you? Write her off now! Don't be her ego boost. Don't be her backup plan! Her actions speak clearly in this. You don't matter enough to text or even call. How many seconds does it take to text? How much effort does it take to call?

[HappyLove]

Nobody is THAT busy. I call BS. You two don't sound like a good match at all. You want someone who communicates with you, she's not it. And she had excuses for days. We all work & study & do 1000 other things daily, why is her situation so much harder? She's not being fully honest I think.

[Mo_Do]

Write her off, no more texts, forget about her. I am betting she has a boyfriend that she's playing you against, and he's winning. (women won't let go of one branch until they have their hand on another, she's dangling between both).

 

Forget her and grab another one, in 2 weeks you'll be in a better situation with a better girl and you can laugh about this other one.

[Versacehottie]

ugh, she's annoying. don't be a sucker.

[bubbaganoosh]

Everything except a polite response and acknowledgment.

 

^^^^^^^^^

This say's it right there. A polite response. I don't care how busy a person is, you can take a minuet and respond to a text or phone call.

 

Seems like she thinks that she can up and disappear when she wants and expect all to be fine. All in all it's called manners and maybe you should fill her in on the definition of manners and let her know that she lacks them. There's no excuse of it.

[nomadic_butterfly]

women won't let go of one branch until they have their hand on another, she's dangling between both).

 

Funny....cause it's usually men I've evidenced with that kind of mentality.